If making friends feels hard, then this episode is for you.

(Trigger Warning: Talk of EDs & Fatphobia)

Dear Mary,

How do I navigate friendship with a very fatphobic and generally-judgmental friend?

She is someone I met when I had anorexia. A lot of what we bonded over was the understanding of restrictive eating, because she had struggled with that as well. She is former military and has a lot of military influences to the way she views health and fitness, as well as having parents who engrained fatphobia into her. They would literally sit in the car outside grocery stores and make fun of fat people leaving(not to their faces). Her views and the vocalization of them hurt my soul, they are not an outlook on other people I have ever had, nor would want to have. She talks about these things pretty frequently. A lot of the things she says I would never want my younger sister hearing because I don't want those hurtful views in her head.

I know you wonder, this person sounds awful, why do you have this friend? She is in many ways a wonderful person and a good friend. She is thoughtful, she and I just click in many ways, she is giving and loving to the people close to her, I could go on about qualities I love. But lately my feelings toward her are not good. I don't want to be around her because inevitably she will end up saying some things that really bum me out. I want her to be a lifelong friend, I want to be there for her for anything, I want to babysit her kids...but I would never want her views to be shared with mine.

How do I talk to her about this? Though we challenge each other's views pretty often and are used to confrontation, she is not looking to change her mind on this. For months now I have been avoiding spending as much time around her. Neither of us have many other friends...she is a treasured person for me. What's your advice on keeping or losing a friend because of this?

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I went to Cuba knowing it wouldn’t be a typical vacation, but I wasn’t prepared for just how profoundly it would move me.

To every question I asked my tour guide, the answer was almost always, “It’s complicated.” They say you will leave Cuba with less answers and more questions— here are some of mine:

How can something be equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming? Where is the boundary between suffering and resilience? How does history encapsulate both truth and fabrications? Why do we cling to binary thinking when life is a spectrum of endless complexities? How can humans be simultaneously broken and whole, like mosaics made of shattered multitudes?

Cuba was a lesson in coexistence—where beauty and struggle, joy and pain live side by side. It reminded me that we, too, are complex and layered, yet capable of holding contradictions within us. I hope you get to experience this beautiful island one day too.

Mentioned In This Episode...

Chen Lizra’s TEDx talk: “The power of seduction in our everyday lives”

Check out Heart of Travel, an ethical travel company that does tours all over Latin America and use code MARY150 for $150 off your next trip.

Self-criticism is NOT a good long-term motivation strategy. Let’s talk about how to motivate yourself with self-compassion instead.

Tune in to learn...

Remember: You don’t need to wait until you’re perfectly motivated to start taking action. Imperfect, messy, reluctant action will often be enough to prove to yourself that you CAN do it, that you DO have it in you which creates a positive feedback loop. Micro steps matter.

If you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and tag @maryspodcast on social media! And make sure to get Mary's book, The Gift of Self-Love. It’s a self-love workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.

Mentioned In This Episode... 

Self-Compassion Researcher Dr. Kristin Neff on Mary's Cup of Tea  

The Mere Presence of One’s Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity Research Study

“My new years resolution is to get louder, more annoying, bitchier, and overall a bigger problem that previously thought.” ~@julesandthevibe on TikTok

This is not a soft self-love episode. This is an audacious one.

Because 2025 is the year of audacity.

It’s time to stop apologizing for taking up space, to say the weird thing, and to bet on yourself—even when it feels clunky, messy, or downright scary. From trying new things to dressing a little less “perfect” and a lot more “you,” this episode is all about stepping into bold, unapologetic self-expression.

You’ll feel inspired to:

Let’s kick off 2025 with more audacity, more weirdness, and a whole lot more FAFO energy. You in?

Grab my Feeling Lost Guide to turn uncertainty into SELFISH SELF-DISCOVERY.

If you enjoyed this episode, share and tag @maryspodcast on social media!

Buy Mary’s books:

Mentioned In This Episode...

“My New Years resolution is to get louder” Viral TikTok video

Ep. 231 with my bestie DahliArchitectural Digest video with David Netto:

Ep. 201: Tips for Thrifting and Vintage Shopping with Virginia Chamlee

A special in-person recording where Mary has a heart-to-heart with her best friend Dahli! You can watch the video version on Spotify or YouTube.

Tune in to hear…

Remember: live, laugh, love!!!

Connect with Dahli on IG: @imdahlidurley

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