Men, Sex, and Pleasure with Cam Fraser

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Avalon Lust, the provocative name behind scorching hot erotica that ignites passion and desire. With a focus on short, tantalizing reads, Lust's stories are crafted to arouse and captivate, perfect for those seeking to spice up their intimate moments. But beware, these tales come with a trigger warning, ensuring readers are prepared for the steamy journey ahead. So, whether you're indulging alone or with a partner, dive into Lust's world and let your imagination run wild.

Key points:

Avalon's background and writing journey

Avalon introduces herself as an erotica writer who started writing after the pandemic, shifting from longer romance novels to shorter, more direct erotica. She discusses how her husband's frequent travel led her to seek out erotica over romance novels, as the erotica could be read when he was home. Avalon also shares that she draws inspiration from her own experiences, conversations with friends, and research to craft her stories.

Exploring themes and characters in Avalon's erotica

Avalon explains that her erotica primarily explores women's fantasies, though she has a sizable male readership as well. She covers a range of themes including group dynamics, role play, and elements of dominance. Avalon also discusses how she approaches describing physical attributes and intimate scenes, balancing realism with idealization.

The benefits of reading erotica

Avalon shares how reading and writing erotica has helped reignite the romance and intimacy in her own marriage. She also discusses the positive feedback she has received from readers, including one review where a husband thanked her for a "wonderful night" after his wife read her work.

Avalon's writing process and future plans

Avalon describes her current writing projects, including a holiday-themed anthology she is working on. She discusses the occasional writer's block she faces and how she overcomes it by stepping away from a project for a while. Avalon expresses a desire to be able to support herself financially through her erotica writing, though she sees it primarily as a passion project.

Recap and closing thoughts

Avalon and Cam discuss the benefits of reading erotica together as a couple, using it as a way to open up conversations about desires and fantasies. Avalon shares that her husband does read her completed works, providing support for her writing. Cam emphasizes the value of erotica as a creative outlet, especially for men exploring and expressing their .

Relevant links:

Avalon's latest book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9KRGKW9

From episode #83 with Luna Agneya. More from that episode:

- Luna shares some of her story

- Integrating spirituality and sexuality

- Strategies for beginning shadow work

- Cultural vs personal shadows

- Integrating your shadow

- Generational trauma

- Shadow aspects of pornography

- Advice for people interested in shadow work

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Jenna Switzer. Jenna is a Holistic Sex Coach who helps you rediscover intimacy, playfulness, and sensuality in long-term relationships. With a unique blend of science, energetic practices, and real-life advice, she makes connection more fun and exciting. Jenna’s approach empowers couples to embrace deeper intimacy and rekindle passion in ways that feel authentic and enjoyable, both in and out of the bedroom. When she’s not supporting her clients, you’ll find her cuddling her Frenchie or chasing her next outdoor adventure.

Key points:

Introductions and background

Cam and Jenna introduce themselves and discuss their backgrounds. Jenna shares that she is a holistic coach focused on integrating all aspects of a person's life, not just intimate moments. Cam emphasizes the importance of curiosity as a foundation for his work.

Clients and common themes

Jenna explains that many of her clients struggle with a disconnect or shame around their pelvic/genital area, often stemming from trauma or conservative upbringings. Cam shares his dislike of the term "dysfunction" and preference for more nuanced language around experiences.

Reframing pleasure and intimacy

Cam and Jenna discuss the need to broaden the definition of pleasure beyond just /genital experiences. They emphasize the importance of curiosity, presence, and exploring the whole body rather than just focusing on performance or outcomes.

Practical strategies

Jenna shares a practice of creating a "non-sexual pleasures" list to help clients become more aware of and intentional about experiencing pleasure in daily life. Cam describes a "pleasure mapping" exercise to help clients explore sensations across their entire body.

Closing and resources

Jenna shares information about her online community "Behind Closed Doors" and a free downloadable resource on her website called "Simple Pleasures." Cam and Jenna express their shared passion for helping people live more pleasurable lives.

Relevant links:

Jenna's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenna_switzer/

Jenna's website: https://www.jennaswitzer.com/

From episode #82 with Lana Jade. More from that episode:

- Lana shares about her experience in the adult industry

- Integrating other modalities

- Emotional burnout and compassion fatigue

- Mentoring others in the industry

- Stigmatization from the Sacred Sexuality community

- “Real” women vs adult performers

- Only Fans, camming, and authenticity

- Male clients, pleasure, and communication

- Advice for potential clients

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Matt Musgrave. Matt is the Principal Counsellor & Founder of Strong Space Counselling, an online group counselling practice specialising in supporting the mental health of men and fathers. With nearly a decade of experience in community services, including work as a probation and parole officer and facilitating men’s behavior change programs for those who used violence and coercive control in relationships, Matt brings a wealth of expertise and a unique perspective to his clinical practice. He is IFS (Internal Family Systems) Level 1 trained, feminist-informed, and gender-affirming, offering a deeply compassionate and inclusive approach to counselling. Matt empowers men to lead healthier, more authentic lives by fostering self-awareness and self-compassion as the primary foundations of his therapeutic methodology.

Key points:

Matt's background and expertise

Matt introduces himself as a men's mental health counselor running an online private practice in Australia. He has a background in history, domestic family violence, men's behavior change, probation/parole, and criminology. His main passions are working with men on trauma healing and supporting fathers/new dads.

Navigating masculinity in male-dominated environments

Matt reflects on the "hyper-masculine" cultures he experienced growing up and in his previous roles, where there was an "absence of alternative" expressions of masculinity. He describes the challenges of questioning and challenging these norms, and how he was often "bullied or pushed back into the box" of traditional stereotypes.

Anger as a common emotion for men

Matt observes that anger is a very accessible emotion for many of the men he works with, often used as a way to feel "in control" and "empowered" when dealing with hurt or trauma. He emphasizes the importance of creating space for men to fully experience and process their anger, rather than just trying to down-regulate it.

Navigating the landscape of men's mental health support

Matt shares his perspective on the challenges of advocating for more funding and resources for men's mental health, noting the complexities of comparing it to support for women. He expresses concerns about approaches that perpetuate rigid gender norms, and emphasizes the importance of creating spaces that allow men to explore masculinity in a more open and authentic way.

Gendered approaches in therapy

Matt explains that he takes a gender-affirming approach when working with men, drawing on his own experiences and training to better empathize with and support the unique challenges men face. He notes the importance of his team also doing their own personal work to show up in a more connected and compassionate way.

Relevant links:

Matt's Instagram: @strongspacecounselling

From episode #81 with Jazmin Wu.

More from that episode:

- Jazmin shares about her journey with BDSM

- The spectrum of kink

- Holding space for submissives

- The submissive mentality

- Letting go of performance anxiety

- Reframing sexual validation

- Sexual symbols and rituals

- Boundaries, exploration, and safewords

- Sub-space and trance states

On this episode, I chat with Ari Tuckman, PsyD. Ari is a psychologist, international presenter, author, and ADHD thought leader. He has given more than 650 presentations and podcast interviews and routinely earns excellent reviews for his ability to make complicated information understandable and useful. He is the author of four books, including his most recent, “ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship”, "Understand Your Brain, Get More Done”, “More Attention, Less Deficit” and “Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD”. He is a co-chair of CHADD’s conference committee and was awarded the 2023 Hall of Fame award for his significant contributions to the field. He is in private practice in West Chester, PA.

Key points

Ari's background and focus on ADHD in relationships

Ari Tuckman is a psychologist who has specialized in ADHD, particularly in adults, for over 25 years. He has become increasingly interested in the impact of ADHD on relationships and couples, as he felt this was an important but under-discussed aspect of the condition.

Prevalence and diagnosis of ADHD

Ari discusses the prevalence of ADHD, noting that it affects around 4-5% of adults. He explains that ADHD is often underdiagnosed in adults, as clinicians tend to focus more on identifying it in children. Ari also notes that there can be a "two-for-one" diagnosis, where a child's ADHD diagnosis leads a parent to realize they also have the condition.

Differences in ADHD symptoms between genders

Ari explains that the core ADHD symptoms are similar across genders, but the way ADHD manifests can differ due to societal expectations and gender roles. Women and girls may be more inclined to try to hide or compensate for their ADHD symptoms, while boys and men may have more "permission" to be openly disruptive.

Levels of ADHD severity and associated factors

Ari discusses how ADHD can vary in severity, and how other factors like anxiety, depression, substance use, and personal strengths/protective factors can impact the experience of ADHD. He notes that ADHD is not a one-size-fits-all condition.

ADHD and occupational/recreational interests

Ari shares that while there are some common occupational and recreational interests associated with ADHD (like sales), people with ADHD can thrive in a wide variety of fields if they find work that engages their interests and strengths.

ADHD and intimacy

Ari explains how ADHD can impact intimacy and , such as difficulty transitioning into a mindset or getting distracted during intimate moments. He emphasizes the importance of being intentional, flexible, and focused on the process rather than performance.

Strategies for managing ADHD in relationships

Ari provides several recommendations for partners of those with ADHD, including educating themselves on the condition, being intentional about scheduling and communication, and focusing on the positives and complementary strengths in the relationship rather than just the challenges.

Recap and closing thoughts

Ari and Cam conclude the discussion by emphasizing the importance of flexibility, creativity, and appreciating the unique strengths each partner brings to the relationship, even when there are significant differences like ADHD.

Relevant links:

Ari's website: ⁠https://adultadhdbook.com/speaking/⁠

From episode #80 with Brad Gage.

More from that episode:

- Brad shares about his upbringing

- How do media images of men affect our lives?

- Toxic vs positive masculinity

- Stereotypical portrayals of men

- Representations that challenge stereotypes

- Critically thinking about media

- The importance of diverse representation

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Melissa Hadley Barrett. Melissa is a Nurse Practitioner and Sexologist from Western Australia with over 20 years of experience. She is the Principal, Director and lead clinician of Restoring Men’s Intimate Health (RMIH) Pty and Restorative Sexual Health Clinic (RSHC) Pty Ltd. Melissa is an advocate for sexual health and regularly engages in public speaking and education regarding sexual health, particularly prostate cancer for both health professions and community members. Melissa has co-founded the Penis Project Podcast, which shares real-life stories to support learning and offer support, gaining a worldwide audience.

Key points:

Melissa's background and expertise

Melissa introduced herself as a nurse practitioner and sexologist who runs the Restorative Health Clinic. She specializes in helping couples and men navigate intimacy, relationships, and sexual function, taking a holistic approach that addresses both the physical and psychological aspects.

Treating dysfunction in cancer patients

Melissa explained that about two-thirds of her clients are prostate or bladder cancer patients, as the treatments for these cancers can significantly impact sexual function. She described how the nerves that control erections can be damaged, leading to issues like erectile dysfunction and Peyronie's disease. Melissa emphasized the importance of rehabilitation to maintain penile health and function during this recovery period.

Overcoming stigma and shame around sexual health

Melissa discussed how many cancer patients feel guilty or ashamed about wanting to maintain their sex life, believing they should just be grateful to be alive. She works to reframe this mindset, emphasizing that quality of life and intimacy are important, and that positive outcomes can come from adversity. Melissa also highlighted the need to involve partners in these conversations to address misconceptions and provide support.

Educating healthcare providers

Melissa shared how she works to upskill other healthcare providers, like GPs and urologists, to have open conversations about sexual health with their patients. Even if they don't have the expertise to provide comprehensive treatment, she encourages them to at least ask about it and provide referrals to appropriate specialists.

Melissa's resources and programs

Melissa described the various online programs and resources she offers, including rehabilitation programs for issues like erectile dysfunction, Peyronie's disease, and premature ejaculation. She also highlighted her podcast, The Penis Project, which features real stories from clients about their experiences.

Relevant links:

Melissa's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/

Melissa's website: https://melissahadleybarrett.com/

From episode #79 with Jordan Hackett.

More from that episode:

- Jordan shares some of his story

- There is nothing wrong with male sexuality

- The importance of rites of passage

- Unintentional sexual initiations

- Elements of initiation ceremonies

- Challenges, choice, and agency

- Liberation and shame

- Tantrikas, Dakinis, and Sex Goddesses

- Initiations for young people and societal barriers

- Sexual debuts and ongoing exploration