Next Up: Narcissism

By Dr. Jaime ZuckermanHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Next Up: Narcissism episodes

June 05, 2024Episode 7: 8 Reasons Why Women "Don't Just Leave"
“It’s a big problem in our society that women are just not believed the first time because people think they’re trying to get attention or money,” Dr. Z explains, addressing the pervasive disbelief of women who report abuse. In this episode, she delves into how societal skepticism, particularly through the lens of recent high-profile cases such as P. Diddy and Cassie, can portray women who report abuse as seeking attention or financial gain.

Dr. Z highlights eight multifaceted reasons that keep women stuck in abusive relationships: fear of escalated violence when leaving, financial dependency, lack of alternative shelter, minimal social support, inability to recognize the abuse as “abuse,” erosion of self-identity, unemployment, and concerns over child custody. These factors are compounded by the overall lack of societal support and understanding of domestic abuse. This episode calls for a societal shift to better support and believe abuse survivors the FIRST time.

Quotes
“We should believe women the first time. We’re so caught up as a society in assuming that people are bad and lying. But I want people to understand that why on earth would somebody go through such a traumatic situation? And for what? Why?” (07:37 | Dr. Z)
“You need to understand the absolute identity breakdown that occurs in these types of relationships. You are mentally brainwashed. You are not in a position to just leave. Think about cults for a second… When they leave, they have to be deprogrammed and they have to go through this whole rigorous process to alter their way of thinking that has been implanted in them for so long. So why is it so difficult for people to understand that that same process—maybe varied here and there—is exactly what happens in narcissistic abuse? That’s the whole point. Control and manipulation—that’s it.” (11:04 | Dr. Z)
“This is why women don't come forward… You can tell I'm extremely passionate about this. I have been really angry at the Diddy/Cassie comments that I have been seeing, especially that ‘it takes two to tango.’ That’s one of the most ignorant comments I can think of.” (36:15 | Dr. Z)

Links
Sign Up for my LIVE Summer Support Group here: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
46 min
May 31, 2024Episode 6: Why Narcissists Sabotage Special Occasions
“Once you see these patterns, you are going to see them everywhere,” says Dr. Z as she outlines the distinct playbook of narcissistic abuse. As you become increasingly aware of the narcissist’s patterns, “you’re going to know exactly what's going to happen, when they're going to do it, and how they’re going to do it," she elaborates. In this episode, Dr. Z explores how individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often sabotage significant and meaningful events in the lives of those around them, revealing how this behavior, though common, is often overlooked and affects relationships with partners, friends, coworkers, and family members.

Those with NPD will frequently (and deliberately) ruin special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduations, job promotions, even funerals. Their primary motive? To gain access to your emotions, diminish the importance of the occasion, and to obtain power and control over you and the situation itself. This can look like picking fights for no reason, deliberately giving inappropriate or unwanted gifts, feigning illness, lateness, excessive drinking, giving you the silent treatment, or even ignoring the occasion altogether. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for those entangled within a narcissistic abusive relationship as it allows you to better predict their behavior and form effective responses to protect your peace.

Dr. Z offers actionable tips on setting boundaries and preparing for potential sabotage, including the use of fact-based responses only, maintaining neutral emotional responses, developing a set of alternative backup plans, and documenting any interactions in writing. She discusses in detail how gaining an in-depth understanding of this manipulation tactic can greatly minimize the impact it has on these important occasions. With awareness, preparation, and strategic planning, you can protect your joy, maintain control over important life events, and gain a tremendous sense of empowerment.

Quotes
“Narcissists routinely will do what they can to sabotage an event and a holiday—anything that’s important to you.” (02:36 | Dr. Z)
“If you know that on these important occasions, that something like this is going to happen, you can prepare. What does that look like? You can have a mantra that you’re going to say if they make a comment to you. If they start an argument with you—we talk about gray rock, right?—you’re going to become extremely neutral, fact-based, and boring. You are not going to engage them in their delusions, in their manipulation, in their gaslighting. You are not going to play the game. (28:47 | Dr. Z)
“If you want to win the game, you go totally neutral. You do not allow them access to your emotions, to your thoughts, to the situation, to the behavior. You do not give them that. And you do that by having extremely neutral responses.” (29:31 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
45 min
May 24, 2024Episode 5: Breaking Down Financial Abuse
“Money is just the vehicle in which they do it,” explains Dr. Z, referring to “financial abuse,” a common manipulative tactic used by those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). In this episode, Dr. Z delves into the damaging impact of financial control in narcissistic abusive relationships, especially within marriages. She discusses how narcissists exploit financial dominance to manipulate their partners, emphasizing the need to identify and recognize these often subtle behaviors early in the relationship.

Dr. Z explains how, particularly in the early stages of a relationship, these behaviors are frequently overlooked as being truly genuine. However, she warns that these seemingly generous acts are nothing more than love-bombing behaviors with the goal being to gain control over the other person. Dr. Z also provides examples of financially abusive behaviors including restricting their partner’s access to funds, withholding money, extreme and unnecessary micromanaging of their spending, and running up debt in their partner’s name without their knowledge- all of which create a significant financial dependency, leaving the person with very limited options to be able to exit the relationship.

Dr. Z also offers crucial advice for those affected by financial abuse, suggesting various strategies to regain financial independence within these relationships.

Quotes
“In the beginning of a relationship, financial abuse starts as love bombing, in a sense... In the beginning stages of a relationship, it gives you a sense of comfort. It makes you believe that this other person is invested in you because they’re making these long-term plans with you where your finances are interconnected.” (03:19 | Dr. Z)
“It’s not even about the money. It’s the function of that behavior, withholding money or being in total control over it. That’s what it's about. It’s about control, manipulation, and power. Money is just the vehicle in which they do it.” (12:52 | Dr. Z)
“One of the biggest reasons why people stay in these relationships is that financially, they cannot leave. They feel stuck.” (18:01 | Dr. Z)
“Narcissists do not want you to be independent from them because it’s less control for them, less power.” (19:37 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
31 min
May 17, 2024Episode 4: 5 Myths of Narcissistic Abuse
“The reason why it’s important to know what the myths are about narcissistic abuse and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is so that we can formulate healthy, effective, boundaried responses,” explains Dr. Z as she offers essential insights and debunks five myths about NPD and narcissistic abuse.

Dr. Z breaks down the misconception that narcissists routinely gravitate towards those with low self-esteem, poor self-image, and low self-confidence. She explains how narcissists actually prefer surrounding themselves with confident and successful people because stripping them of their autonomy and sense of self provides them with higher doses of power and control. She also clarifies that narcissists can in fact control their anger and rage and use it to strategically manipulate others. Dr. Z goes on to discuss how those with NDP are resistant to change, often resulting in an unwillingness to seek therapy or maintain any meaningful behavioral changes.

By debunking these five common myths, Dr. Z aims to provide listeners with a clearer understanding of NPD to empower them and help them gain the skills to recognize and protect themselves from this abuse.

Quotes
“The reason why it’s important to know what the myths are about narcissistic abuse and narcissistic personality disorder is so that we can formulate healthy, effective, boundaried responses. Because if we don’t understand what’s accurate or not with narcissistic personality disorder, it doesn’t give us the opportunity to come up with some really effective strategies and ways to respond in these types of situations.” (01:27 | Dr. Z)
“Can narcissists not control their anger? Narcissists are extremely skilled at controlling their anger and controlling their outbursts… A narcissist uses their anger as a manipulative strategy. They are very much aware of when they're angry, how they get angry, and to whom they're going to be angry at.” (14:51 | Dr. Z)
“It’s so important to understand these myths because you can see if you don’t understand them, your responses to narcissistic behavior are really going to continue to just keep you stuck. And it’s so important to be able to separate yourself from the myths and separate yourself from the unhealthy patterns so that you can see objectively what you need to do to remove yourself from the situation.” (41:11 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
43 min
May 10, 2024Episode 3: Boundaries and Narcissistic Parents with Terri Cole
“Expect that you're going to get pushback from them, because you will,” says Terri Cole, about what can happen when establishing boundaries with others. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist and author of “Boundary Boss.” Together with host Dr. Z, they delve into the critical aspects of setting boundaries and managing interactions with a narcissistic parent.

Terri defines boundaries as personal rules of engagement that communicate to others what behaviors you are willing, and not willing, to tolerate. Alongside Dr. Z, they explore the common challenges of setting boundaries, including the difficulty of maintaining them in the face of pushback. Terri also introduces a unique framework for categorizing what she refers to as "boundary offenders." They are: Boundary First-Timer, Repeat Offender, and Boundary Destroyer.

Terri and Dr. Z also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries with narcissistic parents and the unique approaches required to effectively manage these extremely complex relationships. Red flags and common behavior patterns of narcissistic parenting are explored, including the use of emotional blackmail and competitiveness with their children.

Tune in to this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism” to gain valuable insights into how to identify narcissistic parenting dynamics, strategies to establish and maintain effective boundaries, and how to protect your own mental health while fostering authentic and healthy relationships.

Quotes
“Your boundaries are comprised of your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal-breakers—your non-negotiables. So really think about what that is, preferences, desires, limits, and deal-breakers. It's not enough to know them, which a lot of people don't even know. You have to know them and then have the ability to clearly and concisely communicate them when you so choose.” (02:54 | Terri Cole)
“This is what makes having healthy boundaries so complicated for people because even if you do spend enough time on yourself to know what your preferences are, knowing how to set a limit with someone else can be very challenging, because we're all raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents.” (03:22 | Terri Cole)
“The reason why boundaries are broken up into the categories that they are, according to me, is because they don't all carry the same weight.” (09:00 | Terri Cole)

Links
Connect with Terri Cole:
terricole.com/workshop
terricole.com/fatherwound
https://boundarybossbook.com/
https://www.instagram.com/terricole/

Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
53 min
May 10, 2024Episode 2: Am I Dating a Narcissist or Just a Jerk?
Are you dating a narcissist, or is your partner just a jerk? Find out in this episode of “Next Up: Narcissism,” where Dr. Z, a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic abuse expert, outlines the key, underlying differences between behaviors that may be toxic in nature, versus those that are consistent with narcissistic abuse. Listeners will gain a better understanding of these differences along with practical strategies for how to navigate these behaviors.

Dr. Z stresses the importance of understanding the underlying "why" of people's behaviors. While many unhealthy behaviors may look similar on the surface, she explains that the specific purpose of narcissistic abusive behavior is to obtain power and control over the other person.

To help listeners identify narcissistic abusive behaviors, Dr. Z introduces the "boundary test." She suggests canceling plans, especially with a new dating partner, then observe their reaction. Healthy reactions would include appropriate disappointment or expressing understanding. However, when dating someone with NPD, you may see extreme anger, even more boundary violations such as showing up at your house unannounced, or other manipulative tactics such as ghosting.

Dr. Z points out that the majority of people, when confronted with their mistakes (yes, even a "jerk"), will take accountability or at the very least be empathetic about any harm they may have caused others. A narcissist, however, will not only refuse to take accountability, but they will lack empathy for those they have hurt.

If you're looking to better understand toxic relationship dynamics, or seeking tools to navigate them more effectively, tune in to this episode. Dr. Z offers essential insights and practical strategies that will empower you to make informed decisions about your relationships.

Quotes
“When I say function of behavior, what I mean is the underlying ‘why.’ Why did that person do X behavior? Why, at this very moment, did the person do what they did? Because we know with narcissistic personality disorder—the behaviors that they engage in—the underlying reason behind them is for power and control.” (01:47 | Dr. Z)
“You don’t need to have a reason. And that reason does not need to be narcissistic abuse to leave the relationship.” (04:19 | Dr. Z)
“The function of a narcissist’s behavior is always going to have to do with power, control, manipulation, right? We talk about all those three things—getting supply, getting attention, having the focus be back on them, having them be relevant, or having them feel big and powerful. That’s the function of their behavior.” (16:40 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
40 min
May 10, 2024Episode 1: The ABCs of NPD
“It is such a buzzword right now, which is good and bad,” says Dr. Z of the word narcissism. “We hear the terms narcissism and narcissistic abuse everywhere.” In this debut episode of “Next Up: Narcissism,” Dr. Z, a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic abuse expert, reconnects with her listeners to establish her mission: to provide accurate information for understanding narcissism and its impact on relationships, untangling the complexities of narcissistic abuse.

Delving into the ABCs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Dr. Z gives an overview of key concepts and behaviors linked to narcissism and narcissistic abuse. She discusses the narcissist's routine avoidance of accountability as well as their attempts to socially isolate their partner. She also explains concepts like gaslighting and DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), a common strategy used to confuse and manipulate people into doubting their own reality.

Dr. Z also discusses the absence of empathy within NPD and how this absence manifests into early relationship behaviors such as future faking and love bombing. Additional relational behaviors common to NPD such as hoovering and boundary violations disguised as "you’re my soulmate" are also explained.

This episode also touches on the harsh realization one faces as they come to truly understand the full extent of the abuse they have endured along with the often quiet suffering secondary to fear, shame, and isolation.

Dr. Z aims to educate and empower her listeners with accurate knowledge, skills, and strategies to not only recognize the red flags of narcissistic abuse early on, but to also begin their healing process.

Quotes
“There are so many TikTok and Instagram therapists out there that aren’t really therapists and giving inaccurate information. What I do think is essential to treatment when I'm working with somebody who is a survivor of narcissistic abuse are survivor stories. They are so unbelievably important in the journey of healing. In addition to survivor stories, you must make sure that the information you're getting, the treatment that you're getting, the suggestions that you're getting, and the strategies that you're getting are from a qualified mental health professional who is a specialist in this field.” (03:27 | Dr. Z)
“We know narcissists are routinely avoiding accountability. They will not take accountability for any of their behaviors or the hurtful consequences of their behaviors. They just won't do it.” (07:04 | Dr. Z)
“We care about other people. We care about their emotions. We want other people to be well. Narcissists don't—only if it benefits them. But again, it's fake empathy. Narcissists are amazing at faking empathy.” (13:41 | Dr. Z)
“Hoovering is a calculated move in which the narcissist does something to suck you back into the abuse cycle.” (23:40 | Dr. Z)
“Being in a relationship with somebody who has a narcissistic personality disorder, whether it's a parent, a friend, a colleague, your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, it doesn't matter. It's going to constantly feel like a yo-yo. It's a constant push and pull.” (54:50 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
58 min
March 20, 2024 Next Up: Narcissism - Trailer
With a real, raw, and relatable approach, clinical psychologist and narcissism expert, Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, takes a hard look at narcissistic abuse and its devastating effects across relationships of all types. Next Up: Narcissism explores all things narcissism and mental health; educating listeners on the patterns of narcissistic abuse, including gaslighting, love bombing, and coercive control. Listen in each week as we breakdown these toxic behaviors, and offer concrete strategies and actionable steps to help you navigate these toxic relationships. Through in-depth discussions, Q&A’s and expert guests, you will learn the skills and tactics to unravel this web of chaos, helping you to move forward into a healthier, happier and healed life.
3 min

About Next Up: Narcissism

From the publisher's feed

With a real, raw, and relatable approach, clinical psychologist and narcissism expert, Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, takes a hard look at narcissistic abuse and its devastating effects across relationships of…