Next Up: Narcissism

By Dr. Jaime ZuckermanHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Next Up: Narcissism episodes

January 10, 2025Episode 37: The Trap of New Year’s Resolutions
“New Year’s resolutions can sometimes send the message that where you’re currently at isn’t good enough. And that’s just not always the case!

Dr. Z invites listeners to rethink the often pressure-filled tradition of New Year’s resolutions by asking a powerful question: What does growth need to be tied to the arbitrary date of January 1st and why does change need to be so extreme? She introduces a practical and compassionate approach with three simple strategies—maintain, modify, and make another date—designed to fit your life, values, and resources. Why overwhelm yourself with unrealistic goals when smaller, sustainable steps can create lasting progress?

In this episode, Dr. Z breaks down how to set clear, actionable goals while avoiding the trap of perfectionism. She reminds us that real growth comes from meeting ourselves where we are. It’s a refreshing take on self-improvement, grounded in empathy and practicality.

Quotes
“Maintain, modify, make another date. These are three things I want you to remember about setting resolutions as you go into 2025.” (08:40 | Dr. Z)
“Make sure what you’re setting is achievable. Don’t try to tackle the world. We have too much on our shoulders. Pick something small. If you’re going to start something new, pick something with a small learning curve. Pick something that you’re already kind of familiar with.” (12:35 | Dr. Z)
“A mood can never be a goal. I repeat, a mood can never be a goal. Happiness can never be a goal.” (19:24 | Dr. Z)
“New Year’s resolutions suggest that where you’re at is bad and wrong and needs to be fixed and changed. It doesn’t.” (26:42 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books
Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
30 min
January 03, 2025Episode 36: When Leaving Isn't an Option with Dr. Kerry McAvoy
Leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship might seem like the obvious choice, but for many, it’s far from simple. Sometimes, people can’t ‘just leave.’ In this episode, Dr. Z sits down with author and mental health clinician, Dr. Kerry McAvoy, to explore why leaving isn’t always an option—and what to do when staying is your current reality.

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse herself, Dr. McAvoy explains the enmeshed dynamics and unique behavior patterns—such as intermittent reinforcement—that keep people emotionally and psychologically tied to their abusers. She points out the importance of self-discovery, the development of internal boundaries, and reclaiming a sense of self as critical steps toward healing. The discussion also addresses the shame often felt by those who return to abusive partners and the practical barriers, such as financial dependence, that can prevent someone from leaving.

Whether you're navigating life within a narcissistic abusive relationship or looking for tools to rebuild after leaving, this episode offers insights and strategies to help you protect your peace and reclaim your identity.

Quotes
"Leaving is really the best way to re-regulate the traumatized nervous system and also for the person to have enough space for them to emotionally detach and start to heal." (03:22| Dr. Kerry McAvoy)
“I heard from Dr. Ramani, and it resonated powerfully with me. And it hit me. It was like a punch. I felt like a punch. She said, to say that somebody should leave is actually a privilege. And not everybody has the privilege of leaving.” (14:54 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy)
"I think the first thing is to recognize that you've lost yourself and it has become submerged and enmeshed with this other person because the other person wants that." (19:05 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy)
"You're going to have to navigate that yourself because it's a fine line. You're going to have to walk between compromising yourself, which is in self-betrayal versus protecting yourself but putting yourself at risk in the relationship for further abuse." (42:47 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy)
“I really like this analogy, it’s that boundaries are a red flag to a bull and the narcissist is going to run at them.” (43:50 | Dr. Kerry McAvoy)

Links
Connect with Dr. Kerry McAvoy:
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kerrymcavoyphd
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kerrymcavoyphd/
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLQyhjWUzWrBfoQlC5ZotQ
TIKTOK: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdjuTrnV/
Group Coaching programs: Healing Strong for surviving healing and recovering from narcissistic abuse https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/healing-strong/

Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books
Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
58 min
December 27, 2024Episode 35: Narcissistic Mothers and Their Adult Daughters - REPLAY
In this episode, Dr. Z delves into the complex dynamics between narcissistic mothers and their adult daughters. She discusses how the behavior patterns of narcissistic mothers challenge societal norms of the mother/daughter relationship and have a profound impact on their daughters’ self-esteem and mental health.

Dr. Z also addresses the grieving process daughters of narcissistic mothers must go through once they come to accept the relationship will never be what they hoped for. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and offers practical strategies for managing these dynamics.

Tune in to this episode of Next Up: Narcissism for Dr. Z’s compassionate and empowering insights, aimed at helping listeners break free from narcissistic abuse and move towards a healthier, happier life.

Quotes
“With narcissistic moms, they love their children in conditions. They love their children so long as the child is, at any age, doing what is expected of the narrative that has been given to them since birth. So, since birth, you get a narrative. You are to play that role your whole life. That role is meant to put you in a certain pattern that the narcissistic mom is able to control and manipulate. Because remember, with narcissists, the main goal of narcissistic behavior is to gain power and control, to take away your autonomy, to take away your sense of self.” (09:11 | Dr. Z)
“Do narcissistic moms love their kids? They love them when they are performing as the narcissist wants them to perform. They love them so long as the child is doing what is expected of them.” (11:07 | Dr. Z)
“Start to gain objectivity to your narcissistic mom’s behavior and the reality of who you are, because the reality of who you are is not connected to her. She’s just made you think that for so long. Your ability to make decisions independent of her exists. It always existed… Once you realize that you can exist separately from a narcissistic mom, your entire world opens up. You realize that you are capable of doing whatever you want to do, as long as you understand that you will never get the support that you want from your mom, unless it benefits her.” (37:40 | Dr. Z)

Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my on demand virtual courses here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! *Find Your Calm / Find Good Habits* http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books
Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
49 min
December 20, 2024Episode 34: Defining Empathy within Narcissistic Abuse with Wendy Behary, LCSW
Understanding narcissism isn’t about excusing it. It’s about equipping yourself to break free and protect your mental health, especially during times of heightened emotions like the holidays.

In this episode, Dr. Z is joined by Wendy Behary, expert in cognitive and schema therapy and author of “Disarming the Narcissist.” Together, they unpack the complexities involved in managing the dynamics with a narcissist. Wendy defines the role of empathy, not as sympathy or agreement, but as a tool for understanding narcissistic behavior, discerning your place within the dynamic, and strengthening your internal boundaries.

Wendy shares strategies for navigating interactions with narcissists, including maintaining neutral, confident communication and recognizing personal triggers. She also introduces the concept of schemas—deep-rooted emotional beliefs formed in childhood—and explains how identifying these patterns can help mitigate vulnerabilities within a narcissistic relationship.

Join Wendy and Dr. Z as they share actionable strategies to help you protect your peace this holiday season, nurture your well-being, recognize your progress, and stay grounded in challenging moments.

Quotes
“The problem with empathy is the word itself—empathy. Too many people hear ‘empathy’ and think ‘sympathy.’ You hear ‘empathy’ and think ‘compassion.’ It’s neither. Empathy, in really simple language, is ‘understanding.’ So, it’s not about having empathy for the narcissist; it’s about having empathy about narcissism—and your particular brand of narcissist that you may be dealing with.” (12:28 | Wendy Behary)
“Empathy is not agreement. Empathy is not endorsement. Empathy is not support. Empathy can lead to compassion for someone in your life—not necessarily the narcissist, though it can for therapists. It certainly can when we develop a better understanding of what’s happening deep at the core for those narcissists who are actually willing to work on themselves. Some want to work on themselves, or at least have succumbed to the idea that they really need to. I think differentiating empathy—or just calling it a deep, skin-felt understanding of how something works and why it is the way it is—becomes part of your freedom ticket.” (14:44 | Wendy Behary)
“Empathy means to know, to understand, to get, to sense. Know yourself. Where am I the most at risk? When does that level of intensity strike me, where I go into some defensive position when I have nothing to defend, when I start apologizing?” (19:11 | Wendy Behary)

Links
Connect with Wendy Behary, LCSW:
http://www.schematherapytrainingonline.com/p/empathic-confrontation-wendy-behary0
https://disarmingthenarcissist.com/
https://www.facebook.com/wtbehary
linkedin.com/in/wendy-behary-269a8a16
Instagram: @donsanddivas https://www.instagram.com/donsanddivas/

Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Get my Holiday Help Handbook: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/store/p/dr-zs-holiday-help-workshop-l3ss7
Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
47 min
December 13, 2024Episode 33: Breaking the Cycle of Intergenerational Trauma and Abuse with Sasha Joseph Neulinger
“The trauma is always going to be a significant component of who you are,” says Sasha Joseph Neulinger, the founder of Voice For The Kids and co-founder of Step 1 Films. Joining Dr. Z in this episode, Sasha reflects on his journey from surviving years of sexual abuse to reclaiming his life with purpose and self-empowerment.

Sasha shares the pivotal role of his autobiographical documentary “Rewind,” which began as a deeply personal exploration of his childhood but became a beacon of hope for survivors of sexual abuse around the world. He discusses the challenges of breaking free from cycles of intergenerational trauma, the courage it takes to confront family dysfunction, and the sacrifices involved in setting boundaries.

How does one truly heal when the wounds of trauma run deep? Sasha and Dr. Z touch on the ongoing nature of healing, and discuss how intentional choices and consistent effort can lead to transformation. They tackle the complexities of self-love, navigating estrangement, and finding strength in creating a healthier future.

Sasha’s insights remind us that healing isn’t a straight path, but each step forward is a testament to resilience. This episode offers wisdom and inspiration for anyone seeking to heal from trauma and create a life rooted in authenticity and hope.

Quotes
“When we talk about the challenges of multi-generational trauma and multi-generational abuse, and why it’s so hard to break that cycle, it’s because the wound that wasn’t dealt with by the person who received it gets put behind their back.” (14:36 | Sasha Joseph Neulinger)
“The trauma is always going to be a significant component of who you are. But to say, ‘Okay, it’s a part of my story, but it doesn’t define the trajectory of my life’—that’s an important distinction.” (27:00 | Sasha Joseph Neulinger)
“Intention plus effort times consistency equals manifestation.” (35:31 | Sasha Joseph Neulinger)
“Healing is not a destination; it’s a journey. You heal something inside of yourself, and it gives you the opportunity to see something else that you could put love towards.” (47:54 | Sasha Joseph Neulinger)

Links
Connect with Sasha Joseph Neulinger:
https://www.voiceforthekids.com/
https://www.rewinddocumentary.com/
Watch REWIND on Peacock: https://www.peacocktv.com/watch-online/movies/rewind/93564a65-dd03-34e2-a863-2fb0d15bd91b
Watch REWIND on Prime: https://www.amazon.com/Rewind-Sasha-Joseph-Neulinger/dp/B086M33121
https://www.instagram.com/sjneulinger/
https://www.facebook.com/@SashaJNeulinger

Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
57 min
December 06, 2024Episode 32: Navigating the Holidays with a Narcissist
“Narcissists routinely love to ruin meaningful moments,” says Dr. Jaime Zuckerman as she unpacks the challenges of dealing with narcissists during the holidays while offering strategies to help you stay grounded and in control. How do you handle the unsolicited comments, the manipulative behaviors, or even the intentional chaos they bring to gatherings? Dr. Z encourages listeners to prepare for these moments rather than hoping for change, using boundaries and neutral responses as tools to maintain your own sense of peace.

Dr. Z also touches on the difficulties surrounding co-parenting during the holidays, as well as the emotional strings tied to gift-giving. She provides actionable advice to defuse conflict while protecting your mental well-being. Dr. Z explains how seemingly small and neutral actions are most effective in shifting power dynamics, such as a simple “thank you” or having a pre-planned exit strategy.

This episode is a guide to navigating the holidays with clarity and confidence. Dr. Z reminds listeners that while you can’t control others, you can control how you respond—and that alone can make all the difference.

Quotes
“Narcissists routinely love to ruin meaningful moments.” (04:49 | Dr. Z)
“You’re not changing their behavior. That’s not what this is about. This is about you gaining control over the situation.” (10:50 | Dr. Z)
“It is necessary for you to set boundaries. It is necessary for you to stay neutral. It is necessary for you to sit with the discomfort and regulate your nervous system. This is essential because we know that birthdays, holidays, major events, promotions, and graduations are the times when narcissists love to perform. Do not give them the platform.” (30:06 | Dr. Z)
“A boundary only doesn’t work if you don’t keep setting it... The purpose of boundaries is for you to walk away feeling empowered and more in control, leaving them standing there with the accountability of the conversation on them. What they choose to do with that accountability is up to them—they’re not going to take it, but at least it’s not yours to carry.” (30:54 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Dr. Z's Holiday Help Handbook: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/store/p/dr-zs-holiday-help-workshop-l3ss7
Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
34 min
November 29, 2024Episode 31: Narcissism, Divorce, and Motherhood with Nicki Marie
“It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be the worst feeling you’ve ever had, but you’ve got to work through it.” The hard truth that, according to Nicki Marie, every single mom navigating divorce needs to hear. In this episode, she joins Dr. Jaime Zuckerman to open up about the emotional rollercoaster of separation, co-parenting and motherhood, offering a glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of her journey.

An “accidental influencer” and mom advocate, Nicki shares how rediscovering her authentic self became her anchor through the chaos of motherhood and divorce. Together, she and Dr. Z discuss how societal expectations and toxic relationships can reshape self-esteem and identity, which leave women questioning their worth. What does it take to rebuild your worth after years of feeling unseen? How do you trust again when past relationships have left you feeling guarded?

This episode is an honest and hopeful conversation for anyone grappling with the complexities of single motherhood and the scars left by difficult relationships. Nicki’s reflections remind us that healing can be messy yet worthwhile, and celebrating small victories along the way is a step toward reclaiming your strength.

Quotes
“I see people going through horrific divorces and family court, and one thing I always tell them is to document those breakdown moments—often, they happen in the car. Documenting these moments creates anchor points to look back on and see how far they’ve come. We’re often the worst reporters of our own behavior. We forget how low we were, how hard we worked to get through something, and how successful we’ve been at overcoming challenges. Capturing those moments can ground you and remind you of your progress. It doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days—let’s be honest, bad days happen. But acknowledging those past struggles and recognizing that you’re further along than you were—that’s all you need to know.” (07:15 | Dr. Z)
“This is a message I need everyone to hear: It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be the worst feeling you’ve ever had, but you’ve got to work through it.” (08:43 | Nicki Marie)
“You know what’s funny? If you Google me, guess what the first thing that comes up that people are searching the most… ‘Nicki Marie, reason for divorce.’ ‘Nicki Marie, ex-husband.’ People are obsessed with wanting to know the deal. And I will never share it because I have children and I want their world to be as offline as possible. That’s for me to work through. That’s for us to work through. So, I want to say that as a reminder to women who think they have to tell their full life story online: It’s there forever. Do the work with Dr. Z behind the scenes.” (56:04 | Nicki Marie)

Links
Connect with Nicki Marie:
@nickimarieinc
@unpluggedwithnicki
https://linktr.ee/Nickimariebrands?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaaaa356ZtcSAo7EmbJGEzJ1n3rO0rvekX8Eahzc73-utvKp900gboHSs8o_aem_KzH1HX-YVvcQr2sedajLQg

Connect with Dr. Z:
BLACK FRIDAY SALE ON NOW!!! USE CODE BF20 FOR 20% OFF ALL WORKSHOPS, COACHING PACKAGES, AND HOODIES AT WWW.DRJAIMEZUCKERMAN.COM
Download my HOLIDAY HELP HANDBOOK for tips on managing holiday stress!
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/store/p/dr-zs-holiday-help-workshop-l3ss7

https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
1 hr 1 min
November 22, 2024Episode 30: Detecting Lies Using Facial Expressions
Your face reveals the truth before your words do—Annie Särnblad unpacks how microexpressions expose deception and hidden emotions. Joining Dr. Z, she discusses the relationship between our facial expressions and emotional states, and offers insights that could change how you perceive everyday interactions.

What are microexpressions, and why do they matter? Annie explains that they are involuntary movements that reveal genuine emotions, often before we’re even aware of them. These universal signals can bridge gaps in understanding, but they also uncover uncomfortable truths, especially when dealing with deception or narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissists often mask their true feelings, yet their microexpressions can betray them. What does it mean when someone’s face shows arousal or excitement at another’s pain? Annie and Dr. Z explore how this subtle behavior reveals deeper emotional truths.

By learning to recognize these cues, you can better navigate challenging relationships and detect dishonesty more effectively. This episode invites you to see the hidden stories written on the faces you encounter.

Quotes
“With a grown-up, you may be asking someone in front of you, ‘How are you feeling today?’ And they go, ‘Great.’ And they pucker their chin. Well, they’re not really feeling great. That’s their body leaking. The microexpression is a leakage of emotion.” (07:04 | Annie Särnblad)
“When I see somebody actually showing arousal, joy, or getting a thrill, getting off on someone else’s suffering, that to me is a red flag that there may be some psychopathy.” (41:43 | Annie Särnblad)
“That intuition that we get, that feeling in our gut, like, ‘I don’t like that person. I don’t know what it is. I can’t figure it out. They just creep me out.’ What we’re picking up on are microexpressions. Yes, and probably other things too, like smell, body language, tone of voice… I’m looking for the disconnect, where the facial expressions and the words aren’t matching. If that’s a consistent thing, this isn’t good. This is a big red flag to stay away. And you’re going to combine that with other pieces that just don’t match.” (48:48 | Dr. Z & Annie Särnblad)

Links
Connect with Annie Särnblad:
https://anniesarnblad.com
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/annie.sarnblad/
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@anniesarnblad
https://anniesarnblad.com/book/
Annie has a new online course, the Reading Humans Masterclass. More information is here: https://anniesarnblad.com/courses/reading-humans-masterclass/

Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
1 hr 3 min
November 15, 2024Episode 29: The Narcissist’s Next “Love”
What manipulative tactics are used to maintain control and power over former partners once the relationship is over? In this episode, Dr. Z unpacks the emotional fallout of a breakup with a narcissist and tackles the fears that arise when they move on to someone new. Why does it feel like their new partner is getting the idealized version of them you tried so hard to keep? And what does this reveal about their behavior patterns?

Dr. Z explains the dynamics at play—from character assassination to love bombing— and how these behavior patterns are part of a cycle, not a transformation. She also covers practical strategies, like going no-contact and setting boundaries, to protect yourself from the emotional chaos narcissists create.

Is it worth you warning the narcissist’s new partner? Dr. Z shares why this often backfires and why the best way to reclaim your peace is by focusing on your own happiness and living your best life. This episode is a reminder that healing starts with understanding the function behind a narcissist’s actions and choosing to prioritize your well-being.

Quotes
“One of the things I find with several of my patients is that there’s this fear, as irrational as they may know it is, that this new person is going to get this idealized version of your ex. Meaning, they’re going to get the ex that you spent the entire relationship trying to get back. That was the person who was love bombing you from the beginning of the relationship. That’s really what you were chasing the entire relationship: to get that back—what could you do to get that back? Sometimes it would be dangled in front of you, only to be taken away. You never knew when it was going to show up because there was no rhyme or reason, and that’s one of the things that kept you so locked into this toxic dynamic.” (01:56 | Dr. Z)
“The narcissist can’t afford to have alone time. Why? Because a narcissist basically does not exist unless they have people in their orbit giving them supply. That’s their lifeline. Without that, they don’t exist. So, if they break up with you, or you break up with them, they’re never going to be alone. This is one reason for the high likelihood of infidelity—they need backup. They need someone in the wings should you leave, or they leave you. More likely than not, the narcissist had other people. And I’m talking about both men and women here, as women can be narcissists too. So, in most cases, there will be other people.” (06:10 | Dr. Z)
“Somebody who is a narcissist is a narcissist always in every domain, in every aspect of their world.” (08:51 | Dr. Z)
“The best form of response to a narcissist is to live your absolute best life.” (31:31 | Dr. Z)

Links
Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
34 min
November 08, 2024Episode 28: Portraying Coercive Control in Movies: Purgatory, a Film by Jack Stockley
“The abuser often maintains that facade of having it together and looking after their partner. It’s that image we tried to set up immediately,” says award-winning director Jack Stockley. He opens up about his true purpose behind his short film “Purgatory,” - to reveal the quiet devastation of coercive control in abusive relationships. By portraying the abuser as charming and well-composed, Jack exposes a disturbing duality that keeps the abused partner isolated and questioning their own reality. His film’s nuanced storytelling challenges viewers to see beyond appearances and recognize the silent suffering hidden beneath the surface.

In this episode, Jack joins Dr. Jaime Zuckerman to discuss the behavioral nuances of his film and the often subtle patterns of narcissistic abuse. How do you depict domestic violence without showing physical violence? And what makes coercive control so difficult to recognize, even when it’s happening right in front of us? Jack shares how “Purgatory” uses subtle details, such as visual cues and carefully crafted dialogue, to immerse viewers in the isolating, and often invisible, world of psychological abuse. This episode encourages us to look deeper into the patterns of narcissistic abuse, so that we can recognize red flags sooner. “Purgatory” is not only a compelling film but an essential conversation starter on the realities of narcissistic abuse.

Quotes
“So you start the film questioning, ‘What’s her problem?’ Right from the beginning, it mirrors how many abusive relationships seem from the outside. You think, ‘Well, she’s a bit messy,’ or ‘He’s holding it all together.’ The abuser often maintains that facade of having it together and looking after their partner. It’s that image we try to set up immediately.” (08:44 | Jack Stockley)
“When a woman leaves a narcissistic, abusive, grossly controlling relationship like that, the time she’s most at risk for harm to herself and her children is when she leaves—or if they find out that she’s going to leave, or right after she leaves. That’s the highest time for violence. So it isn’t simply a matter of just leaving; it’s about leaving safely.” (16:00 | Dr. Z)
“As a storyteller, as a filmmaker, to me, those subtle details and nuances that convey coercive control and emotional abuse are the most important. It’s the lifeblood of the film because you have to make it.” (29:33 | Jack Stockley)
“People don’t talk about the fact that rape can exist in a marriage. It can exist in any relationship. It’s not something that happens only between strangers in the park. It’s not a cliché, but people don’t talk about it. People don’t think that it’s a real thing.” (35:19 | Jack Stockley)

Links
Connect with Jack Stockley:
Follow Jack Stockley on Instagram: @thereal_jps
Follow Blue Muse Productions on Instagram: @bluemuseproductions
Visit Blue Muse Productions YouTube channel to watch Purgatory: https://www.youtube.com/@BlueMuseProductions
Jack's newest short film - Flying - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jezw_c9UwQs

Connect with Dr. Z:
https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
https://www.zgrouptherapy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/dr.z_psychologist/
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.z_psychologist
https://www.youtube.com/@DrJaimeZuckerman

Shop my new Mindfully Messy hoodie here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/apparel
Get my FREE breathing exercise here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/newsletter
Register for my virtual workshops here: http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/workshops
Order my workbooks! http://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/books

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm
47 min

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