Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Curious about what it really takes to date in the non-monogamous world? In this episode, I’m joined by Shannon Whaley, an anti-hustle business coach and newly-out polyamorous explorer, as we dive into the challenges and breakthroughs of non-monogamous dating. Together, we break down the nuances of setting clear boundaries, asking the tough but essential questions, and finding self-worth after surviving toxic relationships.

Shannon opens up about her journey and how embracing both non-monogamy and BDSM practices has transformed her approach to building healthy, authentic connections. Whether you’re navigating jealousy, learning to communicate needs, or just starting to explore ethical non-monogamy, Shannon’s insights offer a fresh and empowering take on healing, intimacy, and self-discovery.

Here's what you'll discover in this episode:

• How to set and maintain boundaries in non-monogamous relationships
• The importance of direct communication and asking tough questions
• Navigating the complexities of dating while living abroad
• The role of BDSM checklists in fostering trust and clear boundaries
• Practical tools for reclaiming your power and creating meaningful connections

About Shannon Whaley:

Shannon is an anti-hustle business coach living in Italy with her two bilingual cats. She's been coaching since 2015, helping service providers build sustainable online businesses. Now, she's navigating her own journey in polyamory and non-monogamy, sharing her insights and challenges along the way. www.shannonwhaley.com

Whether you're new to non-monogamous dating or looking to refine your approach, this episode offers a refreshingly honest look at the realities of exploring relationships beyond traditional boundaries. Join us for a conversation that might just change the way you think about connection, communication, and personal growth in the world of ethical non-monogamy.

"Healing and growth are not only possible, they're powerful. Reclaiming your self-worth after toxic experiences is within reach."

Don't forget to rate and review the podcast if you enjoy these conversations. It helps us reach more people and keeps the dialogue open – which is super important in the world of non-monogamous relationships!

00:00:00 Introducing Non-Monogamous Dating and Healing After Toxic Relationships

00:02:27 Shannon's Journey into Non-Monogamy and Self-Discovery

00:06:07 Setting Boundaries and Communicating Effectively

00:23:54Navigating Non-Monogamous Dating and Setting Boundaries

00:28:00 Navigating Non-Monogamy in a Different Culture

00:54:35 BDSM and Trust-Building in Relationships

00:56:43 Reclaiming Self-Worth and Creating Authentic Connections

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📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever wondered what happens when kink and non-monogamy collide with trauma healing? In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Maeve McBride, a kink and ENM educator, erotic coach, and the Executive Director of Kinkfest 2025, to talk about how these worlds intersect—and it’s not just about the fun stuff (though there’s plenty of that too).

Maeve takes us on a journey, from supporting polyamorous families through childbirth to becoming a powerhouse in the kink community. We dig into how kink can actually be a tool for healing trauma and building emotional resilience by providing a structured, consent-driven space for exploration.

Here’s what we get into:

• How kink practices can build trust and create safe spaces for trauma survivors
• The importance of clear communication and consent in both kink and non-monogamous relationships
• Practical tools for managing triggers and building emotional resilience
• The healing power of choosing your own challenges in controlled environments
• How herbal remedies can enhance intimacy and pleasure (yes, herbs have a place in the bedroom!)

And we get into all things Kinkfest, the largest kink convention in the world, and how it creates a judgement-free zone for self-expression and play. Maeve’s ability to mix nurturing mom energy with badass kink educator vibes makes her perspective refreshing and super accessible for those new to the scene.

Meet Maeve McBride:

Maeve is not your average kink educator. She’s a clinical sexological herbalist and trauma-informed coach who blends her deep knowledge of kink, non-monogamy, and plant medicine into her work. Maeve’s personal healing journey from sexual trauma gives her a compassionate, real-world approach to helping others on their path.
www.maevemcbride.com
https://fetlife.com/users/13527208

Whether you’re just dipping your toes into kink, navigating polyamory, or curious about how herbs can spice up your love life, this episode is packed with practical takeaways and new ways to think about consent, communication, and healing. 

Join us for a mind opening chat that pushes the boundaries of what healing, relationships, and self-expression can look like. You'll walk away with fresh tools and a whole new perspective on creating safe, consensual spaces in your life.

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever wondered how sex educators navigate their own intimate encounters? In this candid and eye-opening episode, I sit down with renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for an intimate conversation about the intricacies of communication, consent, and safer sex practices.

As we chat on a hotel bed (where else?), Reid shares his wealth of experience and practical wisdom on navigating hookups, casual encounters, and the complexities of intimacy in non-monogamous relationships. With his trademark humor and openness, Reid offers invaluable insights that will leave you feeling more equipped to have those important conversations, whether you're exploring polyamory or simply looking to make your casual encounters more enjoyable and consensual.

Key Insights:

• The art of navigating consent in various contexts
• Practical strategies for handling unexpected emotions in casual encounters
• Tips for managing disappointment when things don't go as planned
• The importance of clear communication in safer sex practices
• How to approach intimacy at conferences and events

ABOUT REID MIHALKO: 
As seen on NETFLIX' "Chelsea Does..." alongside Chelsea Handler, Reid Mihalko (he/him) of ReidAboutSex.com is an internationally known sex and relationship geek who threw an orgy for Oprah's OWN Network on Lisa Ling's "Our America." He has led thousands of workshops and play parties, and his work has been covered by media outlets across 7 continents. His charisma and easy to understand, pragmatic advice has helped people at virtual and in-person events. His workshops and college lectures have been attended by over 60,000 people from across the globe. 

Reid would also like you to know that, in early 2018, some very brave people came forward during #MeToo sharing harms that Reid had caused them. Reid stepped down from teaching and initiated a transformative justice-based accountability process to address his misconduct and make amends if and where possible. The formal, year-long process along with Reid’s apology and resources were shared publicly and can be found at TinyURL.com/reidaccountability. Follow @ReidAboutSex on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Navigating the complexities of non-monogamous relationships can be challenging, especially when it comes to dealing with jealousy. In this conversation, I sit down with Ann Russo, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist specializing in non-monogamous relationships, to explore the intricacies of love beyond traditional boundaries.

Ann shares her unique perspective, having grown up in a non-monogamous household, and offers valuable insights into the world of ethical non-monogamy. We discuss the importance of communication, self-awareness, and authenticity in building healthy non-monogamous relationships.

Key Insights You'll Gain:

• Understanding the fluid nature of non-monogamy and how it can evolve over time
• Strategies for addressing jealousy and insecurity in open relationships
• The importance of defining personal boundaries and communicating needs effectively
• How to navigate societal expectations and overcome internalized biases
• The role of self-love and sexual empowerment in non-monogamous relationships

We also touch on the challenges of raising children in non-monogamous households and the importance of fostering open, shame-free conversations about love and relationships.

Whether you're curious about non-monogamy, currently navigating open relationships, or simply interested in expanding your understanding of diverse relationship structures, this episode offers valuable perspectives and practical advice for creating authentic, fulfilling connections.

Ann Russo is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist specializing in non-monogamous relationships. She runs a practice of therapists trained in working with non-monogamous individuals and couples. Ann also provides consulting and training for therapists on non-monogamy, sex-positive approaches, and the intersection of religion and sexuality.

Connect with Ann:
www.annrusso.org
www.linkedin.com/in/annrussolcsw

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Imagine a game that sparks deep conversations, fosters understanding, and strengthens your relationships. That's exactly what the brilliant minds behind The Non Monogamy Card Game have created. This innovative tool is designed to help you explore the complexities of ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships in a fun and approachable way.

In this episode, I sit down with Ayala & Kristen, the creators of this game-changing resource. As professional psychotherapists from Northern California, they've poured their expertise into crafting 150 thought-provoking questions that encourage players to explore their values, desires, and needs within non-monogamous relationships.

Discover how the Non Monogamy Card Game can help you:

• Initiate difficult conversations with ease and curiosity
• Explore your personal values and how they align with non-monogamous relationships
• Create living agreements that evolve with your relationships
• Foster deeper understanding between partners and within polycules
• Navigate the complexities of non-monogamy with more confidence and clarity

Join us for this eye-opening chat and learn how a simple deck of cards can open up a world of possibilities for your relationships. Whether you're looking to enhance your current non-monogamous partnerships or curious about exploring new relationship structures, this episode offers practical guidance and actionable steps.

Get the game www.thenonmonogamycardgame.com

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with the incomparable Susan Bratton, a true pioneer in sexual wellness and non-monogamy. With decades of experience under her belt, Susan shares her wealth of knowledge on everything from STI testing to hormone replacement therapy, offering insights that could revolutionize your sex life.

Susan's candid approach to discussing her personal journey, including her current throuple arrangement and experiences with over a thousand threesomes, creates a safe space for exploring the intricacies of non-monogamous relationships. Her expertise in sexual techniques, communication skills, and intimate health paints a comprehensive picture of what it takes to cultivate a fulfilling sex life at any age.

Key Insights:

• The importance of understanding female arousal and desire
• Strategies for maintaining sexual health and pleasure as we age
• The lowdown on STI testing and safe sex practices in non-monogamous relationships
• How to navigate the emotional aspects of disclosing STI status
• The potential benefits and risks of new sexual health technologies and treatments

Susan's Top Tips for Better Sex:

1. Embrace "non-negotiables" in the bedroom
2. Prioritize relaxation for better arousal
3. Explore regenerative therapies for sexual health
4. Communicate openly about STI status and testing
5. Continuously educate yourself on sexual wellness

16:30 https://arousalsecret.com/

21:45 https://orgasmiccrosstraining.com/

29:30 https://personallifemedia.com/pump-guide/

33:58 https://www.glownaturalwellness.com/products/glow-below

38:30 http://pleasureprotocol.com/

47:49 fullpaneltest.com

https://gainswave.com/susan/

https://betterlover.com/

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

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🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Let’s explore the complexities of living in polyamorous relationships with relationship coach Laura Boyle, author of Monogamy? In this Economy?Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory. We discuss the challenges and triumphs of shared living, finances, and parenting in multi-partner households.

From cohabitation logistics and financial planning to co-parenting strategies and managing breakups, Laura offers practical advice and candid insights. We also dig into the social stigmas and legal challenges faced by polyamorous families.

Discover how real people are navigating the intricacies of polyamory and creating fulfilling lives with multiple partners.

Laura Boyle is a relationship coach, educator, and the voice behind the blog at readyforpolyamory.com and the accompanying podcast. She has been an expert voice on the topics of polyamory and parenting for the Boston Globe, the Economist, Parents Magazine, and Cosmopolitan, as well as being polyamorous herself for nearly 20 years. Her coaching practice is largely focused on helping non-monogamous folks through major life transitions, and she's based in New Haven, CT.

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
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📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

This episode gives you a peek into the remarkable journey of Jamie Love, from a conservative religious background to leading a thriving, international sex-positive community, Sex Positive World. You'll hear how Jamie fosters spaces where people can explore intimacy and sexuality openly and shame-free.

Key Discussion Points:

• The Power of Consent in Everyday Life: We explore the power of small consent practices like cuddle parties and massage nights for fostering healthy connections and healing pleasure disconnects.
• Creating Safe Spaces for Exploration: Discover how Sex Positive World's legendary Hawaiian retreats create environments where people feel truly safe, seen, and free to reach new depths of pleasure and connection.
• Building Healthy Relationships: We delve into Sex Positive World's orientation classes, where participants practice setting boundaries, saying no, and having those crucial (but sometimes awkward) conversations. Learn how Jamie emphasizes real transformation through supportive community.
• Exploring Non-Monogamy: Whether you're curious about ethical non-monogamy or simply looking for a supportive community, this episode is for you!

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• The benefits of joining sex-positive communities.
• How to ethically explore non-monogamy.
• Tips for hosting inclusive massage parties.
• Strategies for building a culture of consent in your relationships.
• About the Polytopia Conference    (where I’ll be a guest speaker)  https://www.sexpositiveportland.org/events/9504 

Meet Our Guest: Jamie Love

Jamie Love is the Executive Director of Sex Positive World (https://www.sexpositiveworld.org/), a global organization dedicated to spreading inclusive radical sex positivity and empowering individuals to build their own sex-positive communities. A self-identified ethical slut and non-monogamous person, Jamie teaches workshops ranging from relationship discussions to cuddle parties, massage-a-trois, and self-pleasure circles.

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Intrigued by polyamory but unsure how it translates to long-term relationships? Especially as we age?

Today, we're venturing into the world of thriving polyamory in your golden years. Joining us is the amazing Kathy Labriola, a therapist, nurse, and author who's been living the poly life for 50 years! Kathy is author of four books on consensual nonmonogamy: Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships, One of my fav's , The Jealousy Workbook, The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival.

Kathy's new book, "Polyamorous Elders," tackles the unique joys and challenges of navigating polyamory as we mature. We'll be diving deep into communication, legal considerations, and even keeping your sex life sizzling!

Whether you're a seasoned polyamorist or curious newcomer, this episode offers invaluable insights for building strong, fulfilling connections as you age.

Get ready to learn about:

The surprising benefits of polyamory for older adults.

Essential communication tools to avoid misunderstandings.

Strategies for navigating jealousy in poly relationships.

Planning for your future, legally and financially.

And fostering new forms of intimacy as your life changes.

Ready to explore the vibrant world of polyamory at any age? Buckle up and join our conversation with Kathy Labriola!

For more from Kathy, visit her website at

www.kathylabriola.com

Let's get started!

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Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Let's be real: navigating ethical non-monogamy (ENM) can be thrilling, confusing, and sometimes downright messy. But no worries! We've got power couple Sasha and Moritz on deck to spill the tea on building a strong ENM connection.

With refreshing candor, they peel back the layers on cultivating extraordinary intimacy. You'll discover practical strategies for courageously expressing desires, setting boundaries, and managing the inevitable ups and downs with grace. Their approach transcends relationship structures, providing a roadmap for deeper vulnerability and growth within yourself and your connections.

Here are just a few of the invaluable gems you'll gain:

• Powerful communication techniques to foster trust and understanding
• Mindset shifts to take full responsibility for your emotions
• Reframing jealousy as a gateway to intimacy instead of a roadblock
• Using sex as a sacred practice to accelerate personal evolution
• Staying true to your authentic self amidst societal pressures

And don't forget to check out Sasha and Moritz's website, Kerkmann Hood Coaching https://www.kerkmannhoodcoaching.com/ to learn more about their work and explore the world of passionate, non-monogamous relationships.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237