Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Have you ever tried to brush off jealousy, hoping it would simply fade away? In this eye-opening episode, I uncover the hidden costs of ignoring this powerful emotion in non-monogamous relationships.

Uncover the truth about jealousy:

• Why avoiding jealousy actually intensifies its impact
• How unaddressed jealousy erodes trust and emotional safety
• Practical steps to prevent jealousy from damaging your connections

We'll uncover the subtle ways jealousy can take root, even when you think you're "handling it." Learn how to recognize the early signs and address them before they escalate into relationship-threatening issues.

Discover strategies for healthier relationships:

• Creating emotional safety through open communication
• Transforming jealousy into a tool for self-awareness and growth
• Building resilience and security in your partnerships

Whether you're new to non-monogamy or been at it for years, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate the complexities of jealousy with grace and intention.

Don't miss out on:

• Real-life examples of how ignored jealousy impacts relationships
• Techniques for addressing jealousy before it spirals out of control
• Information on the "Beyond Jealousy" program for deeper healing

Ready to stop letting jealousy control your relationships? Tune in now and take the first step towards creating more authentic, secure connections in your non-monogamous journey.

As a relationship coach specializing in ethical non-monogamy, I bring years of experience and a compassionate approach to help you transform jealousy from a source of conflict into an opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you tired of swiping endlessly on dating apps, feeling like you're getting nowhere? In this episode, I sit down with Julie and Yue, the dynamic duo behind the Dateable podcast and authors of "How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love." These dating experts are here to shake up your approach to modern romance, whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between.

We dive deep into why non-monogamous dating often leads to better sex, the importance of DIY-ing your relationships for ultimate happiness, and strategies to overcome dating app burnout. Plus, Julie and Yue share their game-changing insights on:

• The power of defining your own relationship rules
• Understanding your dating archetype and how it impacts your love life
• The secret behind the 24-hour rule in dating
• How to connect authentically with potential partners

Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. They’re also the hosts and executive producers of the dating experiment show Exit Interview. Julie brings her background in human-centered design and research, while Yue shares her experience as a dating coach. Together you can find them at dateablepodcast.com and @dateablepodcast. 

Ready to revolutionize your love life? Don't miss out on Julie and Yue's book, "How to Be Dateable," and take their dating archetype quiz at howtobedateable.com to uncover your unique approach to love and relationships.

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever found yourself caught in the grip of jealousy, promising that next time will be different, only to find those familiar feelings resurface? If you've been trying to tackle jealousy on your own without success, you're not alone. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on why DIY approaches to managing jealousy often fall short, and why deeper work is crucial for lasting change.

I'll explore the hidden complexities of jealousy, moving beyond surface-level solutions to uncover the root causes that keep us stuck. I'll share insights on why willpower alone isn't enough and how attempting to suppress or avoid jealousy can actually intensify its grip on our relationships and self-esteem.

Key Insights:

• Why jealousy isn't just an emotion, but a signal pointing to deeper issues
• The common pitfalls of DIY jealousy management and how to avoid them
• The importance of structured guidance and professional support in overcoming jealousy
• How to recognize when you're ready for real change in your approach to jealousy

Join me as we challenge the notion that we should handle jealousy alone and explore a path towards more peaceful, confident, and connected relationships. It's time to move beyond DIY solutions and embrace a more effective approach to managing jealousy in non-monogamous contexts.

Ready to take the next step? Visit elleciapaine.com/jealousy to learn more about the Beyond Jealousy program, an 8-week group coaching experience designed to help you find freedom from jealousy and create more fulfilling relationships.

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you ready to challenge everything you thought you knew about relationships? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with Annie Undone, a writer, artist, and relationship anarchist who's been through it all - from monogamy to swinging, polyamory, and now relationship anarchy. Together, we unpack the raw truth about opening up relationships and why it might just lead to the end of your current partnership... but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Opening Up

• Why most people are terrified of opening their relationships (and why they might be right)
• The challenges of taking it slow when you're excited about new possibilities
• How to embrace relationship transitions without letting fear hold you back
• Beyond the Binary: Redefining Love and Connection
• The beauty of tailoring relationships to fit the people in them, not societal expectations
• Why relationship anarchy isn't just for the polyamorous crowd
• How exploring different relationship styles can accelerate personal growth and self-discovery

A Peek into Annie's Upcoming Work

Annie teases her new ebook, "On Polyamory," coming out in February. It's a collection of 11 essays chronicling the emotional peaks and valleys of her journey through polyamory and the end of her marriage. Find her work on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/annie_undone
website - https://ko-fi.com/annieundone/shop
patreon - https://www.patreon.com/annieundone

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when your partner laughs a little too hard with someone new? Or that tightness in your chest when they're excited about a fresh connection? Jealousy can be an unwelcome guest in our emotional landscape, especially in non-monogamous relationships. But what if I told you that this intense feeling isn't your enemy, but potentially one of your most powerful allies?

In this episode, I'm sharing a perspective that completely changed my approach to jealousy. We're looking deep into why jealousy feels so primal, what it's really trying to tell us, and how we can transform it from a source of pain into a tool for growth and deeper connection.

Key Insights:

• Understanding the evolutionary roots of jealousy and why it feels so intense
• Decoding the three core messages jealousy typically carries
• Practical strategies for working with jealousy instead of against it
• How to communicate about jealousy without creating conflict
• Transforming jealousy into an opportunity for personal growth and stronger relationships

Learn how to recognize jealousy as a signal from your nervous system, and discover a three-step process to turn that gut-wrenching feeling into a powerful tool for growth. We'll discuss the importance of curiosity, self-reflection, and open communication in navigating these intense emotions.

"Jealousy isn't about being irrational or dramatic. It shows up because it touches on things that matter to us really, really deeply. Our sense of love, connection, belonging, trust, and safety."

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you tired of jealousy hijacking your relationships? Imagine stepping into 2025 with the power to transform those uncomfortable feelings into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. In this episode, I'm sharing three powerful tools to help you navigate jealousy in non-monogamous relationships with confidence and grace.

What You'll Discover:

• How to identify jealousy in your body before it spirals in your mind
• The art of uncovering hidden triggers that fuel jealous thoughts
• A game-changing approach to reframing jealousy as a helpful signal

Key Insights:

• Why suppressing jealousy only makes it stronger
• The surprising connection between curiosity and relationship growth
• Real-life examples of transforming jealousy into deeper intimacy

Whether you're new to non-monogamy or an old pro, this episode offers practical strategies to help you create lighter, more loving relationships. Learn how to turn jealousy from your enemy into your ally on the path to personal growth.

As a relationship coach with over a decade of experience in non-monogamy, I bring both personal insights and professional expertise to help you navigate the complexities of open relationships. My approach combines practical tools with deep emotional work to foster genuine connection and personal growth.

Ready to make 2025 the year you finally break free from jealousy's grip? Tune in now and take the first step towards more fulfilling, confident non-monogamous relationships.

Get on the waitlist for Beyond Jealousy today. www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy

Send us Fan Mail

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you grappling with jealousy in your non-monogamous relationships? Curious about the differences between solo polyamory and relationship anarchy? In this eye-opening episode, I'm joined by the legendary Kathy Labriola, a counselor, nurse, and author with decades of experience guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous folks.

Mastering Jealousy

• Understanding why jealousy arises and how it differs from envy or coveting
• Practical strategies for addressing the root causes of jealousy

Solo Polyamory vs. Relationship Anarchy

• Exploring the nuances between these relationship styles
• How different approaches impact emotional dynamics

Building Trust and Communication

• Techniques for creating more honest, deep communication in your relationships
• Strategies for emotional growth and embracing openness

Coming Out as Polyamorous

• Kathy's unique "platform release strategy" for navigating this process
• Balancing personal authenticity with potential consequences

About Kathy Labriola:

Kathy Labriola is a counselor, nurse, and author with extensive experience in guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous individuals. Her recently updated book, Love and Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships, offers a wealth of wisdom gained from decades in the field.
www.kathylabriola.com

Whether you're dealing with feelings of insecurity, navigating new relationship dynamics, or simply curious about the intricacies of non-monogamous relationships, this episode provides valuable perspectives to enhance your understanding and practice of ethical non-monogamy.

Join us for this thought-provoking discussion that challenges conventional notions of love and relationships, encouraging listeners to explore what authenticity and connection truly mean to them in the context of non-monogamy.

Don't forget to leave a review if you enjoy this episode – it's the best way to help the podcast grow and reach more people interested in exploring non-monogamous relationships!

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

How do you turn someone down romantically without creating awkwardness or burning bridges? In this episode, my partner, Danny, and I tackle one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: rejection. Inspired by a question from one of our Patreon supporters, we explore how to say "no" in a way that’s respectful, kind, and true to your own boundaries.

Key Topics We Cover:

• Why Over-Explaining Hurts More Than It Helps: Learn how to set boundaries without feeling the need to justify yourself.
• Handling Social Dynamics After a Rejection: Discover strategies for maintaining positive connections in your community.
• Balancing Honesty with Kindness: Find out how to express your needs without hurting others unnecessarily.

Practical Tips and Personal Stories

We both open up about our own experiences with rejection, sharing valuable advice on how to:

• Stand firm in your boundaries and desires.
• Communicate with clarity and confidence.
• Handle rejection with grace when it happens to you.

A Conversation Rooted in Self-Worth

We also discuss how to deal with the sting of being turned down. From navigating feelings of hopelessness to rebuilding self-worth, this episode provides actionable insights for building resilience and honoring your authentic self in all interactions.

"What I want matters more than what others want for me."

Bonus Segment for Patreon Supporters:

Want an extra does of insight? For our dedicated Patreon friends, we've included an exclusive "Just the Tip" segment with additional insights and a spicy tidbit you won't want to miss. Head over to patreon.com/notmonogamous to to unlock ad-free episodes, Q&A calls, and more perks.

Whether you're new to non-monogamy or been on this ride for years, this episode offers tools for navigating rejection with confidence and compassion. Tune in for a conversation that will transform the way you approach saying—and hearing—"no."

🎧 Don’t miss this episode. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are You Ready to Rethink How You Date?

Tired of endlessly swiping on dating apps and feeling like you're spinning your wheels? In this episode, I sit down with Rozie Erlewine, a compassionate matchmaker and polyamorous community organizer who’s been helping people connect in the Seattle polyamory scene since 2017. Rozie, the founder of Seattle Inclusive Matchmaking and host of polyamorous speed dating events, brings fresh ideas to creating real, intentional connections outside the apps.  

Here’s What We Talk About:
✨ How Seattle’s polyamory scene has evolved over the years  
✨ Why polyamorous speed dating is changing the game for non-monogamous folks  
✨ The power of slowing down and dating with purpose  
✨ Honest tips for navigating jealousy and insecurity in non-monogamous relationships  
✨ How to build a solid support network within the polyamorous community  

Why Rozie’s Approach Stands Out:
💡 She takes the time to understand people’s unique relationship goals and styles 
💡 Her events and services focus on shared values and long-term compatibility  
💡 She’s all about fostering community and creating spaces where people can truly connect  

If you’re new to polyamory, curious about alternative ways to meet people, or just looking to refresh your approach to dating, this episode is packed with practical tips and heartfelt insights.  

"Finding that balance between commitment and independence in polyamory can be tricky, but it’s magical when you meet people who align with your values."  

Join me for this fun and thought-provoking conversation, where we explore how to make dating more meaningful in the world of ethical non-monogamy.  

Oh, and don’t forget to check out Rozie’s affordable, inclusive matchmaking services—you might just find your next connection waiting for you! https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61566891230288

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

 Are you ready to get an in-depth look into navigating kink and non-monogamy together? This episode is your ultimate guide to understanding the fascinating intersection of kink, polyamory, and non-monogamous relationships. I’m sitting down with Still, a veteran kink community organizer and co-host of Tasty!—South Seattle's monitored monthly kink night at The Lumber Yard Bar. Together, we unpack what it really takes to create safe, trusting, and authentic experiences in these diverse communities.

What You’ll Learn:

• How Kink, Polyamory, and Swinging Communities Overlap: Discover the surprising similarities and shared practices that bring these communities together.
• The Power of Clear Boundaries and Pre-Negotiation: Why setting expectations before play is key to building trust and avoiding misunderstandings.
• Managing Jealousy and Embracing Compersion: Get practical tips on how to navigate the tricky emotions that can arise in non-monogamous dynamics.
• Safety Tips for Newcomers to Kink Events: From vetting events to understanding the role of dungeon monitors, learn how to make your first kink experience a positive one.
• The Role of Dungeon Monitors in Creating Safe Spaces: Explore how community support and safety protocols help protect everyone involved.

About Our Guest: With over a decade of experience in kink organizing and event production, Still brings a wealth of knowledge to the table. As the co-host of South Seattle’s Tasty! Kink Night at The Lumber Yard Bar, they’re passionate about creating inclusive, educational, and safe spaces for exploring alternative relationship styles. If you’re curious about BDSM or interested in broadening your understanding of non-monogamy, this episode is packed with valuable insights and expert advice. Visit the Lumberyard bar in White Center every first Thursday of the month to attend the public monitored kink night event co-hosted by Still.

Listen Now: This episode is for anyone, whether you’re new to the world of alternative relationship structures or a seasoned participant. Tune in for an honest, insightful, and judgment-free discussion that offers fresh perspectives on trust, communication, and self-discovery.

Tune in now and subscribe to "Nope! We're Not Monogamous" so you never miss an episode!

Send us Fan Mail

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237