On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Do you ever feel like who you are is holding you back?

Can you really change your personality — or are you stuck with it for life?

Today, Jay sits down with award-winning journalist and author Olga Khazan, whose groundbreaking book Me But Better explores the science of personality change. As a staff writer at The Atlantic, Olga has spent years investigating what shapes who we are — and whether it’s possible to become more confident, resilient, and fulfilled by intentionally shifting our traits.

Jay and Olga explore the surprising research showing that personality isn’t fixed — and that with consistent effort, anyone can become a different version of themselves. Olga shares how she transformed traits like anxiety and self-doubt by applying science-backed tools and testing them in her own life.

They dive deep into how habits shape identity, why a strong “why” is essential for lasting change, and how the traits we envy in others might point us toward who we’re meant to become. They also unpack the difference between being “authentic” and being stuck — and why growth often looks like discomfort before it feels natural.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to Change Personality Traits You’ve Had for Years

How to Shift from Anxiety to Emotional Balance

How to Use Habits to Redefine Who You Are

How to Identify the Traits That Align with Your Goals

How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Becoming Cold

How to Make Growth Feel Authentic — Not Fake

True change doesn’t come from pretending to be someone else — it comes from becoming the person you were always capable of being. This episode is a powerful reminder that you’re not stuck. With intention, action, and the right mindset, you can grow into someone new.

With love and gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Introduction

02:08 Key Takeaways From Olga

03:03 Frustration As A Block

05:22 Research Says We Can Change Our Personality Traits

07:30 Why Do We Get So Stuck?

09:46 Is Personality Change Age Exclusive?

11:47 How Can We Change Our Personality?

17:34 Changing Habits Vs Personality Traits

24:31 How Long Does It Take To Change Personality Traits?

35:09 Gender Effects On Personality Traits

37:36 5 Personality Traits That Make Up Personality 

41:35 Feeding Motivation For Change

51:46 How Can We Be More Extroverted?

54:04 Exposure Therapy For Introverts 

56:56 How Personality Changes Affects The People Around Us

01:01:43 The Social Investment Theory

01:03:15 How Does The SIT Affect Relationships?

01:06:45 From Pessimism To Optimism 

01:09:31 How People Pleasers Can Create Healthy Boundaries

01:14:35 Can Introverts Become Extroverts?

01:18:24 Can People With Depression & ADHD Change Their Personality?

01:21:25 Olga On Final Five

Episode Resources

Olga Khazan | Instagram

Olga Khazan | X

Olga Khazan | LinkedIn

Olga Khazan | Facebook

Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change

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Today, Jay dives into a feeling many of us know well: the sense that nothing in life is going the way we hoped. Whether your career feels stuck, your relationships feel off, or you’re just not where you thought you’d be by now. Jay reminds us that feeling stuck doesn't mean you've failed, but could be life giving you a moment to pause and reset. Jay explains that the way we experience reality depends on what we choose to focus on. When we're fixated on what's going wrong, we often miss the small signs that things are already starting to move forward.

Jay also challenges the idea that success is supposed to be linear or perfect. He reminds us that the people who seem ahead aren’t more talented, they just started sooner. Rather tha comparing ourselves to someone else’s timeline, Jay encourages us to focus on our own path and let go of the pressure to have it all figured out. Instead of trying to achieve something massive all at once, Jay encourages us to “shrink the vision, save the dream,” and take small, consistent steps that compound into real transformation. He reminds us that a plateau isn’t a setback, it’s a season of quiet growth that often comes right before a breakthrough.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to Break Mental Overload with Movement

How to Take Action Before You Feel Ready

How to Stop Waiting for the Perfect Time to Start

How to Reframe Feeling Stuck

How to Build Momentum with Tiny Steps

No matter where you are in your journey, remember this: you’re not behind, you’re not broken, and you haven’t missed your chance. Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re in the middle of growth. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:06 Does It Feel Like Nothing's Working?

02:38 What is the Frequency Illusion?

04:39 Step #1: Stop Trying to Feel Motivated

10:04 Step #2: Break the Mental Spiral

12:07 Step #3: There is No ‘Right’ Time to Start

16:14 Step #4: Consistency Outlasts Talent

24:35 Step #5: Shrink the Vision, Save the Dream

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Do you struggle with self-doubt sometimes?

What helped you get through a tough emotional season?

Today, Jay sits down with award-winning rapper, actor, and activist Common for a deeply moving live conversation recorded at the legendary Chicago Theater. Known for his poetic lyrics and conscious artistry, Common opens up about his journey from a young boy on the South Side of Chicago to becoming an Academy Award, Emmy, and three-time Grammy winner. In this intimate conversation they explore the emotional and spiritual work behind his success. From heartbreak and rejection to healing and purpose, Common shares what it really took to become the man he is today.

Common shares personal stories of growth and transformation, starting with his childhood dream of becoming a professional basketball player and how he eventually found his voice through writing and music. He reflects on the moments that shaped his purpose, including the story of Emmett Till, which moved him to live with more intention. Common also opens up about the heartbreak that forced him to confront the ways he was dimming his light, and the daily spiritual practices that help him stay grounded today, like reading scripture, praying, practicing gratitude, and staying active.

Jay and Common also dive into what it means to be vulnerable in hip-hop, why self-love is the foundation for every other kind of love, and how trusting the divine plan can turn disappointment into direction. They explore how trusting a bigger plan can help turn setbacks into clarity, and share personal insights on setting boundaries, building real friendships, and staying connected to your highest energy.

In this interview, you’ll learn:

How to Transform Pain into Purpose

How to Stop Dimming Your Light in Relationships

Why Vulnerability is a Superpower in Creativity

How to Build Daily Practices for Spiritual Alignment

How to Trust God’s Plan, Even When It’s Painful

How to Attract Friendships that Match Your Frequency

Whether you're moving through heartbreak, looking for direction, or trying to reconnect with your purpose, this conversation is a powerful reminder that your story matters and you're right where you need to be.

With love and gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Introduction

01:13 Live In Chicago

02:15 Common Before the Fame

06:11 Jay On His Childhood & Upbringing

06:44 Pain As A Catalyst for Creativity 

09:01 Proximity To Greatness Is A Motivation

10:11 Living Our Dreams To The Fullest

13:49 How to Trust God's Plan 

16:46 Trust That There’s a Bigger Plan

22:19 Transitioning Between Careers

30:15 Attracting & Building New Friendships 

36:18 Everyday Routine For Body & Mind Care 

40:40 A Poem From the Audience 

43:21 My New Favourite Colour

48:49 Pushing Through Fear As A Motivator

53:33 Letting Go and Letting God

55:26 Common On Final Five 

Episode Resources:

Common | Website

Common | YouTube

Common | Instagram

Common | X

Common | Facebook

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Have you ever counted calories before?

What’s one small change you’d like to make in how you eat?

Today, Jay invites geneticist and author Giles Yeo to challenge one of the most persistent beliefs in modern health culture: the idea that all calories are created equal. Giles is a professor at the University of Cambridge, specializing in the study of how genes influence appetite and body weight. He is the author of Gene Eating and Why Calories Don’t Count, both of which challenge conventional diet myths through the lens of cutting-edge science. Giles is also a science communicator and host of the podcast Dr. Giles Yeo Chews the Fat, where he breaks down complex nutritional concepts with clarity and humor.

Jay begins by asking the question on everyone’s mind—do calories really count? Giles, with a calm and science-grounded approach, unpacks why the answer isn’t so simple. While calorie counting has become a cornerstone of dieting, he explains that the way our bodies extract and process calories depends heavily on the quality of the food, not just the number printed on a label. 

Giles shares how our genetic makeup influences hunger, satiety, and fat storage in ways that most diet plans fail to consider. Jay and Giles explore the emotional and social layers of eating, diving into how cultural conditioning, access to healthy food, and even marketing affect our food choices. They also examine why it's harder for some people to lose weight than others—not because of laziness or lack of willpower, but because their biology is wired differently. Giles challenges the shame-based narratives around body weight and reframes the discussion around health, sustainability, and self-awareness. 

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Eat for Quality, Not Just Calories

How to Read Food Labels the Right Way

How to Choose Protein, Fiber, and Sugar Wisely

How to Spot Diet Myths That Don’t Serve You

How to Lose Weight Without Obsessing Over Numbers

How to Understand Your Body’s Unique Metabolism

How to Manage Cravings with a Plan, Not Willpower

You don’t need to follow a strict diet or obsess over every calorie to feel better in your body. Instead, focus on nourishing yourself with real, quality foods, making small sustainable changes, and understanding how your unique biology works.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:54 Do Calories Actually Matter?

03:33 Why Protein Makes Your Body Work Harder

05:12 Are You Eating More Than You Think?

07:05 Why Food Quality Matters More Than Quantity

07:56 How Processing Increases Calorie Absorption

11:04 What Really Makes Food Healthy?

12:00 When Did Obesity Become a Global Crisis?

12:52 How Fast Food Became the Default

15:05 The Real Impact of Unhealthy Weight Gain

17:45 The Macronutrients You’re Missing Out On

20:08 Are You Absorbing the Nutrients You Eat?

22:58 How Cutting Ultra-Processed Foods Affects Weight

24:59 Does Better Flavor Mean More Nutrition?

26:32 Why We Process Calories Differently

29:45 Can You Actually Target Belly Fat?

30:54 How Genetics Influence Your Body Shape

32:06 Are You Limited by Your Genes?

34:55 How to Adjust Your Diet for Real Change

38:14 The Smart Way to Read a Nutrition Label

40:53 Fried vs. Baked: What's the Healthier Option?

41:51 What Is 'Incidental Virtuous Food'?

44:52 Is Orange Juice as Healthy as You Think?

47:32 How Food Labels Can Be Misleading

49:24 The Truth About Protein Bars

51:07 3 Things to Focus on When Reading Labels

52:45 The Hidden Ingredients to Watch For 

55:56 Why Weight Is About Biology, Not Willpower

58:39 Do You Really Lack Willpower?

59:11 How to Outsmart Your Cravings

01:01:29 Why “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” Works

01:04:06 Do Not Neglect Your Health as You Age

01:07:12 What You Need to Know About Appetite-Suppressing Drugs

01:11:02 The Hidden Risks of Weight Loss Medications

01:12:33 2 Truths Everyone Should Know About Healthy Eating

01:13:58 Start With This: Protein, Fiber, and Sugar

01:15:55 Giles on Final Five

Episode Resources:

Dr. Giles Yeo | Instagram

Dr. Giles Yeo | Facebook

Dr. Giles Yeo | LinkedIn

Dr. Giles Yeo | X

Gene Eating: The Story of Human Appetite

Why Calories Don't Count: How We Got the Science of Weight Loss Wrong

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Today, Jay reframes how relationships are built—not through surface-level attraction or blind chemistry, but through clarity, communication, and intentionality. He presents nine transformative questions that often go unasked in modern dating, not because they’re unimportant, but because they’re uncomfortable. Jay explains that avoiding these conversations leads to assumptions, unmet expectations, and unnecessary heartache. He underscores that a healthy relationship isn't defined by constant harmony, but by the courage to ask, listen, and grow together. 

Blending personal stories, practical wisdom, and psychological insight, Jay highlights how asking the right questions early can reveal compatibility, values, and emotional readiness. He breaks down how these conversations create a shared language, prevent miscommunication, and ultimately strengthen the foundation of any relationship. Rather than using questions as ultimatums or pressure points, he encourages approaching them with curiosity and empathy.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to Ask What a Healthy Relationship Means to Your Partner

How to Talk About Fears Around Commitment Without Pressure

How to Discuss Conflict Styles Before an Argument Happens

How to Know If Someone Is Truly Ready for a Relationship

How to Align on Boundaries and Independence in Love

Love doesn’t have to be a guessing game. The more willing we are to ask real questions and embrace honest conversations, the more aligned, peaceful, and fulfilling our relationships can become. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:03 The Conversations We Avoid in Modern Dating

03:36 #1: What Defines a Healthy Relationship?

08:17 #2: What are You Afraid of When It Comes to Commitment?

12:30 #3: How Do You Handle Conflicts?

19:44 #4: What are Your Long-Term Intentions?

22:02 #5: What Does Emotional Availability Mean to You?

25:10 #6: Do You Prefer to Recharge Alone?

27:49 #7: What Does Being Ready Mean to You?

31:30 #8: What Does Independence Look Like to You?

32:52 #9: What Are You Still Healing From?

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Today, Jay sits down with author, artist, and creative mentor Amie McNee for a heartfelt conversation about reconnecting with the artist inside all of us. Known for her honest take on creativity and self-expression, Amie opens up about her journey, from battling self-doubt and shame to finding her voice as a writer and artist. Amie shares real stories of rejection, depression, and learning to embrace imperfection, reminding us that art doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be real.

Jay and Amie explore the common myths that hold people back from creating. The idea that creativity has to be profitable, that art must be perfect to be valuable, or that we need permission to begin. They discuss how shame, perfectionism, and fear of judgment often silence our creative instincts, and how practices like journaling, self-mothering, and small daily acts of creativity can help revive them. They also reflect on the emotional vulnerability of sharing your work, the importance of protecting your inner artist, and the delicate balance between wanting to be seen and creating for the pure joy of expression.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Reclaim Your Creativity Without Shame

How to Make Art When You’re Struggling with Self-Doubt

How to Start Creating Even If You Don’t Feel Ready

How to Deal with Fear of Judgment and Being Seen

How to Turn Jealousy into Creative Motivation

How to Promote Your Art Without Selling Out

Whether someone is writing a novel, posting their first poem, or simply daring to call themselves an artist, this conversation is a gentle yet powerful reminder—they are on the path, and their voice matters.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:49 Are We Born Creative or Can It Be Learned?

02:12 Why Everyone Is an Artist in Their Own Way

03:50 What Happens When You Suppress Your Creativity

06:37 How Journaling and Self-Compassion Can Heal You

08:30 You Owe Everything to the Past Version of You

13:03 How to Move Through the Fear of Being Judged

16:07 Why Art Exposes Both Light and Darkness

17:25 Let Go of Needing External Validation 

19:30 Everyone Just Wants to Be Seen and Heard

24:31 Stop Dismissing the Parts of You That Want More

26:28 Stuck in the Wrong Job? Try Small Creative Steps

30:56 How Perfectionism Fuels Procrastination

33:11 Embrace the Beautiful Chaos of Art

34:17 What the 30 Circles Test Reveals About Creativity

36:44 How to Share Your Art Without Losing Yourself

39:07 Real Artists Are Meant to Break the Rules

40:29 What to do When No One Sees Your Art 

41:54 If You Hate It, Stop Doing It

44:19 Don’t Chase Virality, Make Meaningful Art

46:40 Yes, You Can Make Money from Your Art

50:10 Every Creative Act Has Value So Honor It

53:12 Charging for Your Art Is Not Selling Out

57:39 Oversaturation Is a Myth, There’s Room for You

01:00:53 Your Voice Is One of a Kind Use It

01:02:25 Use Jealousy to Guide, Not Derail You

01:03:49 How to Inspire Others by Owning Your Path

01:07:12 Amie on Final Five   

Episode Resources:

Amie Mcnee | Website

Amie Mcnee | Instagram

Amie Mcnee | Facebook

Amie Mcnee | TikTok

Amie Mcnee | Books

We Need Your Art: Stop Messing Around and Make Something

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Today, Jay welcomes back world-renowned neurosurgeon and neuroscientist Dr. Rahul Jandial for a mind-expanding conversation about memory, attention, and the brain’s incredible potential. Dr. Jandial unpacks the different types of memory and explains why we often forget things like where we left our keys or what we had for dinner. He reassures us that not all memory slips are signs of aging or illness, and shows us how understanding memory can help us feel more in control of our minds.

Jay and Dr. Jandial also dive deep into working memory, the kind of memory that helps us juggle tasks, make quick decisions, and stay mentally sharp. They explore how things like stress, distraction, and even poor sleep can weaken our focus, while simple changes like better digital habits, brain-training games, and quality rest can help us stay mentally strong.  

Using relatable examples, from parenting to surgery to driving, Dr. Jandial shares how we can train our brains the same way we train our bodies: with just the right amount of challenge, practice, and consistency.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Strengthen Your Working Memory

How to Train Your Brain Like a Muscle

How to Handle Emotional Memories Without Being Overwhelmed

How to Protect Your Brain as You Age

How to Spot Early Signs of Dementia in Loved Ones

How to Create a Brain-Healthy Daily Routine

How to Stay Mentally Sharp in a Distracting World

If you're looking to improve your memory, support a loved one, or feel more mentally present, this episode offers practical tools and powerful insights to help you live with greater clarity and intention.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:54 Is Your Memory Really Getting Worse?

06:28 What’s Distracting Your Working Memory

10:26 How to Manage Distractions and Stay Focused

13:39 Understanding the 3 Main Types of Memory

19:05 What’s Distracting Your Working Memory

22:43 Why the Right Amount of Stress Helps You Grow

25:22 Yes, Older Adults Can Have Strong Working Memory

29:14 How Memory Is Built Inside the Brain’s Ecosystem

33:16 The Critical Gap Between Thoughts and Actions

35:31 Simple Ways to Train and Improve Your Focus

40:28 Why Negative Memories Stick With Us

48:55 Three Daily Habits That Keep Your Brain Sharp 

51:02 Why Therapy Isn’t One Size Fits All

55:18 Redirecting Your Focus Away From Painful Thoughts

58:30 Debunking the 20 Percent Brain Power Myth

01:00:34 What’s Behind the Rise in Cancer Rates?

01:05:15 A Smarter Way to Take Care of Your Mind and Body

Episode Resources:

Dr. Rahul Jandial | Instagram

Dr. Rahul Jandial | Facebook

This Is Why You Dream: What Your Sleeping Brain Reveals About Your Waking Life

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Is your to-do list stressing you out?

How often do you feel like you’re just trying to catch up?

Today, Jay dives deep into the power of slowing down—not as a luxury, but as a necessary life strategy. He walks us through eight actionable and science-backed steps to feel more present and connected to your day–no yoga mat, silent retreat, or drastic life change required. Whether it’s taking five-minute tech breaks, adding little rituals between tasks, focusing on one thing at a time, or even just adjusting your posture, each practice is a reminder that mindfulness isn’t something we need to schedule, it's something we can embody. 

Jay reminds us that even the tiniest moments—like taking three deep breaths at a red light or saying your actions out loud—can pull us back into the present. Through real-life stories and powerful research, he shows how we can snap out of autopilot and find calm, clarity, and a sense of control, even on the busiest days.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to Slow Down to Speed Up Your Day

How to Use Time Anchoring to Manage Stress and Anxiety

How to Transition Tasks with Micro-Rituals, Not Rush

How to Narrate Your Actions to Stay Present in the Moment

Whether you’re juggling back-to-back meetings, dealing with family chaos, or just craving a little peace, this episode is your gentle reminder to slow down, take a breath, and tap back into the calm that’s always been there—one mindful moment at a time.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:09 How to Reconnect with Your Day and Move with Intention

03:25 Step #1 Take 5 Minute Tech Breaks to Recharge Focus

06:45 Step #2 Pause Emotionally to Regain Clarity

10:47 Step #3 Simplify Your Choices to Avoid Overwhelm

12:47 Step #4 Are You Working on Too Many Things at a Time?

16:01 Step #5 Reset Your Posture to Shift Your Mindset

20:40 Step #6 Time Can Be Your Anchor—Not Your Stressor

24:08 Step #7 Create a Reset Ritual Before Your Next Task

27:56 Step #8 Narrate Your Actions Out Loud to Stay Present

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Have you been pretending to be okay?

Is there something you’ve been keeping inside?

Today, Jay welcomes model, digital creator, and mother of three, Nara Smith, for an intimate conversation that blends vulnerability, wisdom, and humility. Known online for her serene ASMR-style cooking videos and elevated fashion-forward kitchen aesthetic, Nara opens up about the personal journey that shaped her—from her childhood in Germany to signing with IMG Models at just 14. Together, Jay and Nara explore the gap between her curated online image and her lived experience, touching on childhood influences, struggles with body image, and the courage it took to forge a creative career on her own terms. 

Nara candidly opens up about the physical and emotional toll of working in the modeling industry at such a young age, the silent battles with her body through eczema and lupus, and how motherhood reshaped her priorities. She shares how cooking from scratch became a lifeline, first as a necessity to manage her health, then as a passion, and eventually as a business. As she and Jay reflect on marriage, communication, and the complexities of being modern, working mom, Nara’s groundedness and clarity shine through. Nara opens up about her love story with Lucky Blue Smith—their whirlwind but intentional path to marriage—and the beautifully messy reality of raising three kids. It’s a powerful reminder that real joy and purpose come from living true to yourself.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Balance Career, Motherhood, and Marriage

How to Heal Through Food and From-Scratch Cooking

How to Set Healthy Boundaries on Social Media

How to Communicate Better in a Relationship

How to Stay Grounded in a Fast-Paced World

How to Know When You’ve Met the Right Partner

How to Handle Online Criticism with Grace

No matter where you are in your journey, whether you’re building a career, navigating relationships, chasing a dream, or simply trying to keep up with life’s daily demands, remember this: you don’t have to fit into anyone else’s mold to be worthy.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:16 Blending a Love for Fashion and Cooking

04:44 The Grandmother Who Shaped Her Life

07:57 Starting a Modeling Career at 14

09:15 How to Put Confidence Before Comparison

10:02 Protecting Kids from the Dangers of the Online World 

11:59 How Early Parental Trust Can Fuel Success

12:49 Why You Should Never Sacrifice Your Health

14:03 Finding Real Love in the Digital World

17:01 How Modern Dating Has Evolved

18:55 Making Young Marriage Work

21:51 The Power of Knowing What You Want

23:45 Building a Relationship on Shared Values

26:30 Marriage Is Both Collaboration and Compromise

29:45 Why Fast-Paced Dating Doesn’t Work

30:54 Working Together to Strengthen Your Relationship

33:31 Communication Is Key to Connection

35:56 Becoming a Parent on Your Own Timeline 

38:29 Your Life, Your Choices

42:18 Own and Celebrate Your Path

44:05 Don’t Let People’s Projections Define You

47:32 What You See Online Isn’t the Whole Truth

50:02 Facing Online Negativity with Strength

52:05 Other’s Opinions Don’t Determine Your Worth

53:25 Choosing What to Share and What to Keep Private

56:10 How Food and Diet Can Transform Your Health

01:00:29 Finding Joy and Creativity in Cooking

01:01:24 How Her Online Persona Was Born

01:04:05 The Reality Behind the Content

01:06:48 Simple Daily Habits That Strengthen a Relationship

01:09:44 Tackling the Hard Stuff with Joy

01:13:04 Dressing for Confidence and Productivity

01:17:58 Living Life on Your Own Terms

01:20:23 Nara on Final Five

Episode Resources:

Nara Smith | TikTok

Nara Smith | Instagram

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Do you ever feel like you're having the same fight over and over again?

Why is it so hard to be in a relationship with someone who is different from you?

Today, Jay sits down with Dr. Orna Guralnik — the world-renowned clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, and lead therapist on the hit series Couples Therapy. Known for helping couples navigate the complexities of intimacy, conflict, and emotional patterns, Orna shares the real reason relationships break down — and what it actually takes to build something that lasts.

Jay and Orna explore why couples often blame communication as the root of all their problems, when what’s really breaking them down runs much deeper. They explore how differences in values, backgrounds, and even childhood wounds create invisible barriers in love—and how we often try to solve them by changing the other person instead of turning inward. Orna shares how blame, defensiveness, and scorekeeping keep us stuck in toxic patterns, and what it looks like to show up with more honesty, humility, and curiosity.

Together Jay and Orna unpack the rise of therapy language online—terms like “gaslighting” and “narcissist”—and how misusing them can shut down the kind of open dialogue relationships truly need. They also explore how issues around money, time, and intimacy often point to deeper struggles with power, identity, and emotional safety.

In this interview, you’ll learn:

How to Stop Trying to “Fix” Your Partner

How to Recognize the Real Issue Beneath the Argument

How to Make Conflict a Source of Connection

How to Move from Blame to Responsibility

How to Stay Grounded When Your Values Clash

How to Build a Relationship That Grows with You

Real love doesn’t ask us to become someone else — it asks us to grow into our most honest, grounded self. This episode is a reminder that healthy relationships aren’t about avoiding differences, but about learning how to navigate them with compassion.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:06 Why Couples Really Fight: The Common Core Conflicts  

04:02 Facing “Otherness”: What Happens When Your Partner Is Different  

06:07 Embracing Differences Without Losing Yourself  

10:21 Building a Partnership of Equals During Conflict  

16:48 Holding On to Your Value in a Relationship  

19:39 Conflicting Loyalties: When Family and Love Collide  

25:18 The Art of Working Through Relationship Struggles  

30:01 Digging Deeper: Finding the Root of Your Disagreements  

33:26 Escaping the Blame Trap in Your Relationship  

37:24 Self-Centeredness vs. Shared Growth  

43:07 Creating Emotional Safety for Your Partner  

49:57 Letting Love In: Are You Truly Ready for Partnership?  

55:33 How Men and Women Tend to Navigate Relationships Differently  

57:02 Why It’s So Hard for Men to Open Up Emotionally  

01:00:59 Listen Closely—People Reveal More Than You Think  

01:03:20 When Parental Baggage Shapes Your Relationship  

01:06:57 Signs of a Strong and Healthy Relationship  

01:13:35 What Really Makes Someone a Bad Partner?  

01:18:35 Are You in Love with a Narcissist?  

01:22:12 The Money Struggles Behind Relationship Conflict  

01:28:46 Intimacy and Desire: What Keeps Love Alive 

01:33:25 Orna on Final Five 

Episode Resources:

Orna Guralnik | Website

Orna Guralnik | Linkedin

Orna Guralnik | Instagram

Orna Guralnik | Tiktok

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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