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In this episode of the “Resilient by Design” series, we explore what emotional resilience really is and why it’s essential for overcoming challenges and staying aligned with our personal goals and values. 

We examine research-backed strategies for developing emotional awareness, practicing self-compassion, engaging in mindfulness, and cultivating a supportive community—“emotional spotters”—to help us handle life’s ups and downs.

 We also address how trauma can make it more difficult to trust safe relationships or fully engage with mindfulness, and we look at practical ways to overcome these hurdles in a trauma-informed way. 

Remember, resilience is a learned skill—just like a muscle—and even small increments of growth are worth celebrating.

Key Topics Covered

• Defining emotional resilience and why it matters
• The “Resilient by Design” approach: incremental growth and mindset shifts
• Emotional awareness: recognizing, labeling, and understanding your feelings
• Self-compassion as a cornerstone of resilience
• Mindfulness practices for staying present and reducing emotional reactivity
• The power of supportive networks or “emotional spotters” in times of stress
• Overcoming the extra challenges trauma survivors face when building resilience
• Strategies like safe space visualization, somatic therapy, and breath work for trauma-informed resilience

Timestamped Chapters
00:00 – Welcome & Introduction
00:34 – Overview of the “Resilient by Design” Series
03:45 – Emotional Resilience: Definition & Importance
05:16 – Aligning Emotional Resilience with Personal Goals & Values
07:09 – Why Emotional Resilience ≠ Burying Emotions
08:08 – Embracing Difficult Emotions as Data (Dr. Susan David)
12:41 – Building Emotional Resilience: Evidence-Based Techniques
13:15 – Emotional Awareness & “Permission to Feel” (Dr. Mark Brackett)
16:05 – Cultivating Self-Compassion
19:16 – Treating Yourself as a Friend: The Power of Self-Kindness
21:42 – Mindfulness, Presence, & Living in the Moment
25:39 – Supportive Networks as “Emotional Spotters”
28:04 – Trauma’s Impact on Emotional Regulation & Relationship-Building
30:22 – Overcoming Trauma Challenges with Safe Space & Somatic Work

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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In this episode, we begin an exciting new series titled Resilient by Design. Together, we explore what resilience truly means, how trauma impacts our capacity to be resilient, and practical ways to cultivate resilience in our lives. 

Drawing on research, neuropsychology, and personal insights, we discuss how resilience isn’t about being unshakable but about adapting to life's challenges.

Learn how survival resilience differs from thriving resilience, why self-compassion is crucial in building resilience, and how trauma affects our brains and behaviors. 

Whether you’ve experienced adversity or simply want to strengthen your ability to adapt and thrive, this episode provides a compassionate and informative guide to help you start building resilience today.

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to the Series
03:09 The Cycle of Goals and Shame
04:20 Trauma and Resilience: The Connection
06:29 What is Resilience?
10:03 The Role of Relationships in Resilience
12:28 Addressing Comparison and Self-Judgment
15:01 Survival vs. Thriving Resilience
18:09 Trauma’s Impact on the Brain
22:09 The Path Forward: Building Resilience
25:39 Looking Ahead

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience is not innate; it is a skill we can develop through intentional practices.
• Trauma survivors often excel at survival resilience but may need tools to transition to thriving resilience.
• Self-compassion is vital for building resilience and overcoming self-judgment.
• Connection with others is a cornerstone of resilience.
• The brain’s neuroplasticity allows us to rewire and strengthen resilience through consistent effort and support.

Practical Tools:

• Mindfulness Practices: Learn to calm the fight-or-flight response.
• Supportive Relationships: Build a community to foster connection and growth.
• Self-Compassion: Shift from shame-based self-talk to curious and hopeful language.

For personalized support in building resilience, visit JerryHenderson.org to learn more about Jerry’s coaching program.

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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In this “Best Of” episode, we  revisits one of the community’s favorite conversations, focusing on how to rebuild trust in ourselves—especially after experiences of trauma, shame, or self-doubt. 

In this episode we discuss the common reasons we feel unable to trust our own decisions, from survival-mode thinking to a fractured sense of self. 

We also look at  practical steps for repairing self-trust, including self-compassion, reframing decision-making, and embracing mistakes as part of growth. 

Key Topics Covered

•Why trauma damages our ability to trust ourselves

•The role of shame, self-criticism, and negative past experiences

•Practical ways to mend your relationship with yourself

•Allowing mistakes and learning self-compassion

•Methods to connect with your authentic desires (meditation, experimentation, journaling)

•Truth-telling, authenticity, and reframing decision-making

•Taking accountability instead of seeking external validation

•Recognizing your resilience and survival skills

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Best Of Series

01:24 – Revisiting “Learning How to Trust Yourself”

03:18 – Defining Self-Trust & Its Link to Success

04:55 – The Role of Trauma in Damaging Self-Trust

07:08 – Trauma, Shame & Trusting Our Decisions

09:47 – Overcoming External Approval-Seeking

10:50 – Mending Your Relationship with Yourself

11:29 – Embracing Mistakes & Releasing Self-Criticism

13:43 – Practicing Self-Compassion & Letting Go of Comparisons

15:14 – Connecting with Yourself: Meditation & Experimentation

20:36 – Truth-Telling & Authenticity in Daily Life

22:13 – Breaking Survival-Mode Habits

23:20 – Stop Playing the “Character” Everyone Likes

24:07 – Reframing Decision-Making with Hope

26:02 – Making Decisions Without Constant Outside Input

27:31 – Recognizing Your Resourcefulness  

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Jerry

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In this “Best Of” series, we revisit the impactful episode "There Is Nothing Wrong With You," originally part of a “Chasing Normal” series. 

Many of us have struggled with the belief that we are inherently flawed or broken, especially those of us on a trauma-healing journey. 

This episode sheds light on how the belief that something is wrong with you is not a truth but a trauma response—a coping mechanism developed to maintain a sense of control and safety in challenging environments. 

This episode provides insights on identifying, understanding, and ultimately letting go of this false belief so listeners can return to their authentic selves. 

This episode also offers journaling prompts, practical exercises, and reframes to help you step out of shame, step into self-acceptance, and experience genuine healing and growth.

Key Topics Covered:

• Understanding that “something is wrong with you” is a trauma-born false belief
• How this limiting belief undermines self-esteem, confidence, and relationships
• The connection between trauma, coping mechanisms, and negative self-perception
• Journaling exercises to uncover the roots of self-doubt and fear
• Strategies to feel safe without relying on self-blame
• Replacing limiting beliefs with affirmations of safety and self-worth

Resources & Mentions:

• Returning: A Collection of Meditations and Reflections on Self-Love and Healing
• Mindset Mastery Coaching Program: jerryhenderson.org
• Free Self-Assessment Guide 

Timestamped Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction & Best Of Series Overview
01:33 – Revisiting “There Is Nothing Wrong With You”
04:41 – Examining the Feeling That Something Is Wrong With You
05:49 – Understanding the Belief as a Trauma Response & Coping Mechanism
07:32 – How Trauma Instills a False Sense of Being Flawed
10:00 – The Destructive Loop of Reinforcing Negative Beliefs
12:38 – How the Belief Influences Relationships, Opportunities & Success
14:33 – Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs and Facing the Fear of Change
19:24 – Strategies for Healing and Shining Light on False Beliefs
20:38 – Recognizing the Voice of Fear & Countering Resistance
21:11 – “Maybe the Only Thing Wrong is the Belief Itself”
22:53 – Journaling Prompts to Identify and Release Core Beliefs
28:01 – Finding Alternatives for Feeling Safe & Creating a New Internal Reality
29:41 – Affirming Safety, Letting Go of Beliefs &

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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In this special series "The Best of the Permission to Love Podcast" we revisit one of the most impactful episodes The Impact of Trauma on Our Ability to Think Positively." 

This episode delves into the roots of negative thinking, clarifies the difference between authentic positivity and toxic positivity, and outlines practical steps to retrain the brain toward a healthier, more uplifting mindset. 

We also discuss the importance of acknowledging our emotions, addressing trauma responses, and learning to feel safe in the present moment so that positive thinking can emerge naturally. By the end, listeners gain actionable tools such as writing down three positive things each day and practicing gratitude to reshape their mental patterns.

Key Topics Covered:

• Understanding the impact of trauma on positive thinking
• Differentiating between toxic positivity and genuine positivity
• Overcoming survival-based negative thought patterns
• Using visualization and self-observation to manage intrusive thoughts
• Building new neural pathways toward a positive mindset
• Incorporating daily gratitude and emotional engagement
• Embracing compassion, patience, and self-love on the healing journey

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Overview
01:14 – Defining Positive Thinking: What It Is and What It Isn’t
02:15 – The Power of Positive Thinking & Influence on Well-Being
02:49 – Focus, Attention & Energy: How Thoughts Shape Outcomes
03:28 – Judgment, Manifestation & False Positivity
04:42 – Clarifying Concepts: Authentic Positivity vs. Toxic Positivity
05:11 – Finding Unique Solutions: Tailoring Practices to Your Needs
06:29 – Allowing Emotions & Not Getting Trapped in Negativity
08:32 – Studies on Realism, Optimism & Happiness
09:59 – Honoring Reality While Cultivating Positivity
10:34 – Embracing Gratitude & The Present Moment
12:48 – Trauma’s Impact on Positive Thinking & Survival Mechanisms
13:24 – People-Pleasing, Impostor Feelings & False Positivity
15:19 – Catastrophizing & Survival-Driven Negative Patterns
16:41 – Anticipating the Worst & Struggling to Relax into the Present
18:26 – Negative Self-Perception & Trauma Response
19:37 – Reclaiming Control: You Are Not Your Thoughts
20:58 – Creating Safety & Rewiring the Nervous System
23:19 – Overcoming Red Alert Mode & Allowing Positive Thinking
24:11 – Assigning Your Brain a New Job: Looking for the Positive
25:11 – The “Blue Car” Effect & Redirecting Attention
26:17 – Practical Exercise: Three Positive Things Each Day
28:08 – Rewiring Through Emotion

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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The best of the Permission to Love Podcast playlist.

In this special series, where I am re-releasing some of the top episodes of the Permission to Love Podcast, we are starting with the very first episode, "Healing Our Relationship With Ourselves."

In this episode, we take a look once again at the profound impact that our relationship with ourselves has on every other relationship in our lives. 

By exploring the root causes of our feelings of unworthiness, we can begin healing this critical relationship.

This episode also provides practical exercises to help listeners connect with their inner selves, confront past traumas, and start the process of self-healing.

Key Topics Discussed:

• The importance of healing our relationship with ourselves
• How self-love is foundational to personal transformation
• Jerry's personal journey through trauma, addiction, and recovery
• Understanding why and when we began feeling unworthy of love
• Practical exercises for self-healing and self-love
• The role of self-inquiry in addressing internal pain
• Resources for additional support and healing

Resources Mentioned:

• Coaching Services: jerryhenderson.org
• Book Recommendation: No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz

Call to Action:

Take time this week to practice the self-love exercise discussed in this episode. Find a quiet space to reflect on when you first felt unworthy of love, visualize that version of yourself, and extend unconditional love to them. Remember, you are worthy of your own love.

Connect with Jerry Henderson:

• Website: jerryhenderson.org

Timestamped Chapters

00:00 — Introduction

01:33 — Beginning the Journey to Self-Love

02:36 — The Impact of Our Self-Relationship

04:00 — Barriers to Self-Love

05:44 — Jerry's Personal Story of Trauma and Addiction

09:34 — The Turning Point: Rehabilitation and Self-Discovery

13:27 — Understanding the 'Why' Before the 'How'

16:06 — Self-Love Exercise

19:47 — Becoming Your Own Healer

21:15 — Resources and Support

22:00 — Closing Thoughts

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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In this episode we explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help high achievers heal their inner wounds, live more authentically, and find balance. 

I discuss the IFS concept of parts, such as exiles, managers, and firefighters, and how understanding these roles can lead to profound self-compassion and healing. 

This episode also includes a guided exercise for using IFS to connect with and heal your inner self.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding IFS: Internal Family Systems identifies "parts" within us, our exiles (wounded parts), and our protective parts such as managers and firefighters and how they interact.
• High Achievers and IFS: Perfectionism and overachievement often stem from manager parts protecting exiles wounded by childhood trauma or societal messages.
• Steps to Healing: Recognize exiles, build a relationship with protective parts, and use self-energy to connect with and heal the wounded parts.
• Practical Exercise: A step-by-step IFS practice to help bring compassion and healing to their internal parts.
• The Journey to Wholeness: Healing takes time and patience. It's a non-linear process that requires self-compassion and possibly the help of a professional.

Resources Mentioned:

• IFS Guided Exercise: Practice connecting with your parts through a structured and compassionate approach.
• Free Download: Tools for self-healing available at jerryhenderson.org.
• One-on-One Coaching: Learn more about Jerry’s coaching services at jerryhenderson.org.

Time Stamps:
00:00 - Introduction to the episode and gratitude for listeners
02:20 - What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)? Understanding parts and self-energy
03:27 - Key roles in IFS: exiles, managers, and firefighters
05:38 - Positive intent of protective parts and their impact on high achievers
06:36 - Identifying high-achiever parts and the wounds they protect
08:33 - The wounded exile and its origin in trauma or societal messages
10:04 - Why high achievers develop manager roles
12:06 - Using IFS to heal: Recognizing and building relationships with parts
14:27 - Guided IFS practice for self-healing
16:29 - Offering protector parts new roles as healing progresses
19:52 - Connecting with and unburdening the exile part
21:44 - Providing corrective experiences to the wounded part

Connect with Jerry:

• Website: jerryhenderson.org

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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In this episode we dive into the exhausting trap of image management—a struggle many high achievers face. 

We explores why this behavior develops, its detrimental impact on mental, emotional, and relational health, and how it stems from a need for safety and external validation. 

We also discuss practical steps to release the burden of image management, embrace authenticity, and build healthier relationships with oneself and others.

Key Takeaways:

• Image Management Defined: Efforts to control how others perceive us often create isolation and exhaustion.
• Root Causes: Early childhood experiences, perfectionism, and the desire for external validation fuel the cycle.
• Steps to Overcome: Identify triggers, shift focus from approval to authenticity, practice vulnerability, redefine self-worth beyond accomplishments, and set social media boundaries.
• Benefits of Letting Go: Greater mental freedom, authentic relationships, reduced exhaustion, enhanced self-worth, and inner peace.

Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction and gratitude to listeners
02:00 - Quote from Dr. Brené Brown on authenticity
03:23 - What is image management, and why is it a trap?
05:24 - The emotional toll of image management: anxiety, depression, and burnout
06:52 - Why high achievers are especially prone to image management
07:51 - Client story: Sarah’s journey from burnout to authenticity
11:44 - Practical steps to release image management
12:53 - Identifying triggers and understanding their origins
14:30 - Shifting focus from approval to authenticity
16:16 - Practicing vulnerability with trusted individuals
19:21 - Redefining self-worth beyond accomplishments
20:48 - Setting boundaries with social media
22:07 - Benefits of letting go of image management: mental freedom, authentic relationships, reduced exhaustion, and inner peace
24:40 - Encouragement to embrace the journey of letting go

Connect with Jerry:

• Website: jerryhenderson.org
• Instagram: @jerryahenderson
• Email: [email protected]

Don’t forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who could benefit from learning to let go of image management and live more authentically.

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Jerry

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In this episode, we look at the often-hidden and misunderstood struggle of imposter syndrome, a common experience among high achievers. 

We look at what imposter syndrome is, why high achievers are prone to it, and practical tools to help overcome it. 

Through compassion, reframing, and celebrating successes, we examine how you can begin shifting away from self-doubt and toward self-acceptance. 

I hope you see in this episode how common imposter syndrome is and how you can  embrace a kinder relationship with yourself as you overcome it.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Imposter Syndrome: Persistent self-doubt and feelings of being a “fraud” can lead to burnout and hinder genuine achievements.
• Root Causes: Perfectionism, comparison, and reliance on external validation often fuel imposter syndrome among high achievers.
• Practical Steps to Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Acknowledge it, reframe self-perceptions, embrace imperfection, seek support, and celebrate achievements.
• Self-Compassion: Meeting oneself with kindness is key to dismantling self-critical thoughts and embracing authentic success.

Chapters: 
00:00 - Introduction and gratitude to listeners
02:04 - Defining imposter syndrome and its impact on high achievers
02:58 - Common thoughts associated with imposter syndrome
03:55 - History of imposter syndrome and its relevance to high achievers
05:11 - Why high achievers are prone to imposter syndrome: perfectionism, comparison, and external validation
08:15 - Consequences of imposter syndrome: burnout, anxiety, strained relationships
11:40 - The importance of achieving from a place of wholeness vs. unworthiness
12:44 - Practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome
13:33 - Reframing self-perceptions and challenging negative thoughts
14:13 - The role of cognitive exercises and keeping a success journal
16:02 - Embracing imperfection and seeking support
17:43 - Celebrating successes with enthusiasm
19:37 - The power of self-compassion and building a kinder relationship with oneself
23:51 - Encouragement to take steps to overcome imposter syndrome

Connect with Jerry:

• Website: jerryhenderson.org
• Instagram: @jerryahenderson
• Email: [email protected]

Be sure to subscribe and share this episode with someone who could benefit from understanding and managing imposter syndrome.

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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In this episode, we continue our series on mindfulness practices to help reduce stress, focusing specifically on the power of mindful breathing. 

We explore how our breath can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us shift from a fight-or-flight state to a state of relaxation. 

We look at the research-backed benefits of mindful breathing, and discuss five effective breathing techniques, and how to incorporate these practices into daily life for a more balanced and peaceful mind.

Key Takeaways:

• Breath as a Bridge: Thich Nhat Hanh, highlighted how breath serves as the bridge between body and mind, connecting life to consciousness.
• Stress Reduction: Mindful breathing reduces cortisol, helping to manage chronic stress and protect long-term health.
• Techniques: Includes diaphragmic breathing, 4-7-8 breathing, box breathing, alternate nostril breathing, and simple breath awareness.
• Practical Integration: A practical way to practice mindful breathing and find consistency for lasting impact on stress and well-being.

Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction and gratitude to listeners
01:01 - Understanding stress and the fight-or-flight response
02:43 - Research on how mindful breathing affects stress and brain function
03:27 - Key benefits of mindful breathing for emotional and physical health
05:20 - Diaphragmic (belly) breathing exercise
06:19 - 4-7-8 breathing technique for anxiety relief
07:07 - Box breathing for focus and calmness
08:12 - Alternate nostril breathing to balance the nervous system
09:07 - Mindful breathing as simple breath awareness
09:36 - Tips for incorporating mindful breathing into daily life
10:52 - Closing thoughts and encouragement to share the episode

Connect with Jerry:

• Website: jerryhenderson.org
• Instagram: @jerryahenderson
• Email: [email protected]

Don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who could benefit from learning mindful breathing techniques to reduce stress.

I am grateful you are here,
Jerry

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