Positive Impact with Andrew Schultz

In this episode, Melissa & I share about the impact conscious conversations have had on our relationship. And what happens when we draw near vs. turn away. And what happens when we don't.  

Melissa outlines the 4 horsemen in conflict discussions - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling - and how to eliminate them and replace them with healthy, productive communication patterns. 

We talk about how to not break trust and be selfless by putting the ego to the side. 

We talk about how to regulate our nervous system so we can lean in with open hearts, truth, and vulnerability to create a bridge for connection. 

And finally we invite you to our in-person workshop next Friday, March 25th at Gather in Encinitas from 6-7:30. 

As coaches, mentors, teachers, therapists, and healers, it's easy to take on other people's energy. It's more important than ever to make sure we're putting up strong and healthy boundaries with those we work with. To make a clear distinction on what is ours, what is being created jointly, and what is theirs. 

I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. 

Please make sure to subscribe, 5-star rate and review, and share this podcast so we can have a positive impact on more people in more communities. 

Here is to leading with truth, vulnerability, and open hearts!

Much love!

The drug dealer, the ducking and diving political leader, the wife beater, the chronically "crabby" boss, the "hot shot" junior executive, the unfaithful husband, the company "yes man", the "holier than thou" minister, the gang member, the father who can never find the time to attend his daughter's school programs, the coach who ridicules his star athletes, the therapist who unconsciously attacks his clients "shining" and seeks a kind of gray normalcy for them, the yuppie....all these men have something in common. They are all boys pretending to be men!

They got that way honestly, because nobody showed them what a mature man is like. Their kind of "manhood" is a pretense to manhood that goes largely undetected as such by most of us. We are continually mistaking this mans controlling, threatening, and hostile behaviors for strength. In reality, he is showing an underlying extreme weakness, the weakness of the wounded boy. 

These boys disguised as men are running families, companies, communities, and countries and completely unequipped. 

The crisis in mature masculinity is very much upon us. Lacking adequate models of mature men, and lacking the societal cohesion and institutional structures for actualizing ritual process, it's "every man for himself." We just know we are anxious, on the verge of feeling impotent, helpless, frustrated, put down, unloved and unappreciated, often ashamed of being masculine. We just know that our creativity was attacked, that our initiative was met with hostility, that we were ignored, belittled, and left holding the empty bag of our lost self-esteem.  

In this episode, I break-down all four archetypes acknowledging why each is important for us men to step into our healthy and mature masculinity. 

This book is a must-have. I highly recommend for all the men out there. A cliff-notes for how to take radical responsibility and create new possibilities in all areas of life. 

"I take slabs of my heart and share them with this world for a living." -Janne Robinson 

Janne Robinson is a 21st-century feminist beat poet. Her voice haunts with the legacy of early feminists and poets such as Gloria Steinem, Charles Bukowski, and Jack Kerouac. Her no sugar shit prose cuts with the honesty and simplicity of Bukowski and the romantic reliability of Kerouac. Her poetry leads like a woman, walking with fire in the footprints of Steinem—breathing sexual liberation, choice, and overall championing women to their birthright of not only equality but leadership.

Janne is the Author of - This Is For The Women Who Don't Give A Fuck - a poetry collection of Robinson’s heart. Her work is a diverse assortment of gut-wrenching stories, powerful anecdotes, whimsical observations, and overall joyful expressions. She relinquishes social constructs with command and grace. Her rare eloquence is mesmerizing and inclusive to all readers. This collection takes you to extraordinary places and doesn’t return you quite the same.

In this episode, Janne & I discuss:

A hell-yes episode that will leave you inspired to take action and find your 2-4 people to build community with. 

You can find Janne www.jannerobinson.com & @jannerobinson

Using pornography is a way to numb!

Numbing is the nervous system's way of coping. We numb not because we are empty, but because we are too full.....Full of shit we haven't dealt with, emotions we don't know how to face, and stress we haven't developed the healthy skillset to release. Numbing also loves company - alcohol, weed, social media, news, and girl scout cookies.

In this episode, I share about my unhealthy relationship with pornography, the negative impact it's had on my life and those around me, and provide tools and resources to help you move away from pornography.

Eliminating pornography from my life two years ago has literally changed my life. I now have a partnership where we both feel safe to ask for what we want and need. Our conscious communication and conversations have opened up new possibilities I never knew were possible. A level of intimacy and deep connection I've never experienced!  

All of which made possible after I made the conscious decision to eliminate pornography from my life.  

I was sick and tired of the selfishness, shame, darkness, resentment, and vicious cycle I kept repeating. Pushing people away. Isolating. Not having healthier tools and skillset to work through my unresolved emotions, trauma, and stress. 

The same tools and resources which helped transform this area of my life, I now get to share with and empower others. It requires courage and willingness to take radical responsibility for showing up in relationship with yourself and those around you. To create new possibilities in your life. And deeper levels of intimacy and connection with yourself and partner. 

Most importantly, if you have an unhealthy relationship with pornography, you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. And there is a better way!

You deserve it. Your partner deserves it. Your family deserves it. 

If you're like me, you might feel burned out and bored of the same morning journaling prompts every single day. That's why I outlined 7 new journaling intentions to spark creativity - one for each day - for the next 7 days.

This is something I did recently, inspired by Brendon Burchard's "High Performance Journal."

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes. Small hinges swing big doors. And taking action every morning putting pen to paper has become a transformational mindfulness practice I do every day. And require all of my coaching clients to do as well. That's how much it's helped me!

Day 1 - The 5 most important events that happened in my life that I am profoundly grateful for include....

Day 2 - If I could describe my ideal future in 2-4 paragraphs, this is how I would describe it....

Day 3 - If I could describe the kind of person I want to be in 3 words, those words would be.... 

Day 4 - If my future self showed up on my doorstep today and looked at my current circumstances, these are the actions my future self would tell me to take right away to change my life for the better....

Day 5 - One person whom I need to reach out to, lead, care for, or word hard for on this day is....And what they need from me, and how I can show up well for them is....

Day 6 - A surprise git, note, or sign of appreciation I could give to someone I love or care for is....

Day 7 - The 3 people I am most grateful for in my life are...

To take off the mask of masculinity and show men what's possible when we lead with vulnerability and an open heart - That was our intention for today's episode. 

And Derek Dawson was the perfect guest to help bring this intention to life!

Eight concussions. Mental Health challenges. Brain injury. All excuses to live a life just surviving. And blaming. And playing the victim. NOT Derek!

This dude is thriving in recovery. A zest for life. Passionate. Out in the community leading by example and Being the Change He Wants to See in the World! 

Winning $22K on Wheel of Fortune and living out a life-long dream. Marrying his best friend. Raising two beautiful kids. Racing in Iron Mans! Going all-in on his physical health including HIIT training, yoga, meditation, breathwork, and mindfulness - All to support his mental health!

And leading with vulnerability and open heart. And taking off the mask of masculinity that is literally killing so many other men struggling with shame, trauma, PTSD, and vicious cycle of addiction. And the importance of asking for help and surrounding yourself with community of like-minded people. 

My life is better with Derek in it! We all need people like Derek in our life. To lean on. To love. To support. To hold space. And to acknowledge one another as men. 

You can find my boy on Instagram @doubled05   

And special shoutout to Love Your Brain - On a mission to improve the quality of life of people affected by TBI through programs that build community and foster resilience. On Instagram @LoveYourBrain and www.loveyourbrain.com

"How I find North County surfers who had an alcohol problem and a prescription opioid problem but are also fathers and coaches who have anxiety disorders? How do I find those folks in my zip code that are there? That's why I started MyLifeLink." - Matt Seefeld  

MyLifeLink is a free and locally-created sober community app that allows folks to engage in virtual connections, meetings, and other tools for those suffering from substance use disorder or behavioral addiction. 

Thousands of San Diegans have joined the app to find human connection during the pandemic over the past two years. The app's users also range from over 70 different countries throughout the world. 

All helping people stay more connected, in community with other like-minded people, with structure, support, and accountability. Something we all need now more than ever. 

You can download the MyLifeLink app for free. And follow on IG: @mylifelink

"Lack of boundaries are a breeding ground for resentments."

"I believe 80% of mental health issues are a result of unresolved trauma trapped in the body. I believe that everyone has the potential to heal."

 -Ilene Smith 

Ilene was the perfect guest to help us kickoff Season #4 of the Positive Impact Podcast! 

She is the author of Moving Beyond Trauma: The Roadmap to Healing from Your Past and Living with Ease and Vitality, an Amazon Bestseller. And her book, work, and teachings could not be more timely and appropriate considering the times we live in. The truth is, we all have experienced trauma. More importantly, what are we doing about it. The trauma is not our responsibility, but our healing is!

In this episode, Ilene talk about:

Ilene's work as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP) helps clients resolve trauma and develop a deeper sense of personal safety and capacity for resilience and joy. Her writing on psychology and wellness has appeared on Spirituality and Health, PsychCentral, and Brooke Burke’s ModernMom. Ilene holds master’s degrees in Mental Health Counseling and Exercise Physiology and completed the three-year training program at the Somatic Experiencing Institute. She offers workshops on trauma healing online and worldwide. Ilene makes her home in Arizona and loves to travel, collect art, cycle, and practice yoga in her spare time.

You can find her website www.ilenesmith.com or IG: @IleneSmithHealing

"Connection is the opposite of addiction. Opening myself up to real connection with men, because as men, we're supposed to appear strong. The strength is in the vulnerability. The most courageous thing we can do is be vulnerable because we don't know what the outcome is going to be." 

"If you can get help and not go through it alone, and you find some level of connection in that, it can be such a beautiful thing. I had to peel away the layers of the onion and look at all that pain." 

"Every career has a sunset. I was desperate for that acknowledgement grasping at straws trying to feel worthy. It wasn't until most of my inter-personal relationships began failing that I had to take a look in the mirror. If you meet 3 a-holes in a day, chances are you're the a-hole. I had to look at myself in the mirror and say, 'hey buddy you're the a-hole.'" -Jamie Thomas 

One of my favorite podcasts to record. Jamie's vulnerability, authenticity, honesty, and willingness to share about his journey from skateboarding icon to the rooms of recovery will no doubt inspire hope for others from all walks of life. Regardless what personal challenge you're going through, Jamie's story gives all of us permission to ask for help and create connection with others. 

You can follow Jamie on IG: @JamieThomas