PsycHacks

The fundamental romantic misunderstanding is the misunderstanding that tends to trip people up most often in the context of their romantic relationships. Very simply: it is the state in which one's attraction due to circumstances has been mistaken for one's attraction to a specific individual. This basically happens when you positively respond to the circumstances around a person, as opposed to the person himself or herself. I'll discuss why this is a problem, and what to do about it in today's episode.

#romance #dating #relationships

It's easier than you think to get people to like you more. Unfortunately, in attempting to do so, most people are actively decreasing attraction. Don't be like most people! In this episode, I'll discuss both what this simple trick is and why it works on others. The magic is that the increase in attraction generally occurs beneath the threshold of awareness -- which means that this trick works, whether they like it or not. Watch the episode to learn more.

#attraction #relationships #dating

This will be my first attempt at Storytime, in which I share a lesson gleaned from my personal life experience. In this episode, I'll relate the story of how I thwarted an attempted mugging while I was walking in the Chinese countryside. The takeaway is the psychological power of "half-ness," which exercises a fascinating influence on men. Hope you enjoy!

#storytime #mugging #half

This is not a very popular view, but danger and uncertainty are essential components of continual self-improvement. In this episode, I'll discuss the concepts of "responsible danger" and "predictable uncertainty" -- both why they are useful and what they might look like. The idea is to use danger and uncertainty with intentionality to expose yourself to the challenge and novelty necessary for constant growth and personal development.

#danger #uncertainty #growth

Epicurus was an ancient Greek philosopher who wrote extensively on the subject of happiness. He was fundamentally a hedonist, who is someone who believes that people are motivated to avoid pain and secure pleasure. However, the ideas of pleasure and hedonism have been largely misunderstood by contemporary audiences. In this episode, I'll discuss some of the things Epicurus actually said on these subjects, and how they can help us all to be happier.

#happiness #pleasure #hedonism

We all know that social media offers a distorted view of reality. In this episode, I'll discuss precisely how it does that using an analogy. The fact of the matter is that people do not indiscriminately share good things with the world, because the world will only ruin them. Therefore, any perceived good on social media is either (a) not actually good, or (b) not actually theirs. Only a fool would intentionally try to provoke the envy of others if he had something worth having.

#instagram #facebook #envy

This is a phrase I picked up from the 12-step community. Basically, it means that there is no absolute limit to suffering, and that each person decides for himself or herself when enough is enough. If you're in a relationship with an addict, this realization is heartbreaking and infuriating -- but it's true. On the other hand, if bottom is subjective, then there's nothing stopping someone from throwing that shovel away today.

#recovery #addiction #suffering

It's important to learn how to cleanly, clearly, and effectively communicate. The ultimate ideal is to achieve impeccability with your word, in which your word is pristine, true, and binding. In this episode, I'll discuss two practices that I took on years ago to move in this direction with my language. If you adopt these practices in your own life, I wager that you will be able to avoid many of the more common pitfalls associated with speech. Let me know how it goes!

#word #communication #integrity

Killing the hope is an emotional survival strategy. If you find yourself ruminating about an ex, or holding on to the dream of reconciliation, it may be necessary to kill the hope inside of you. This is a ruthless procedure, but one that can wrest your heart free of months (or years) of suffering. The way to kill the hope is to practice TRUE no contact, which is no inner contact with the internalized object of your ex. I'll explain more in this episode.

#nocontact #exback #heartbreak

A deal breaker is anything that would motivate your willingness to leave a relationship, even if everything else about that relationship were ideal. In this episode, I'll discuss "organic deal breakers," which are behaviors that are deal breakers by virtue of the fact that they, if left unchecked, will destroy the relationship all by themselves, as well as how to broach a discussion about deal breakers with your partner. I also speak on the importance of not complaining unnecessarily about your partner.

#relationships #dealbreakers #communication