PsycHacks

For some folks, it's harder to accept a compliment than criticism. In this episode, I'll discuss a trick I use to receive compliments without embarrassment or vanity. Basically, I flexibly shift my perspective to join with the complimenter in appreciation of whatever is being complimented. By doing so, I can share in the experience of appreciation without being a passive receptacle for praise. And this is important because receiving a compliment well can be a gift to the complimenter.

#compliments #praise #awkward

In today's foray into pop psychology, I'll be discussing the relationship between James Bond and his gadgets. Though he is plied with fancy watches and flashy cars, Bond is able to utilize status and luxury as a means to an end: the accomplishment of his mission. In this way, he offers us an important lesson on the appropriate relationship to materialism: it's just stuff. It's useful to the extent that it furthers our goals. After which point, it all becomes disposable.

#007 #jamesbond #notimetodie

This is a realization that came to me while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, a nearly 2700-mile long hiking path connecting Mexico to Canada. Despite my lack of ostensible progress from one day to the next, I understood that the path -- the thing literally beneath my feet -- was already at my destination. This realization came with a couple of corollaries, which I will briefly discuss in this episode.

#motivation #hope #growth

To understand that, to be free, we cannot do whatever we want, we need only look to nature. The Earth, for example, has enjoyed free and unobstructed motion around the sun for billions of years, because it has restricted itself to an orbit that allows that motion to continue. A decision that restricts freedom over time is really just destruction in slow motion. So, to preserve our freedom, we are paradoxically not free to make these decisions. I'll discuss more in this episode.

#freedom #choice #desire

This is a topic that has been requested many times by my listeners. It's difficult to love without emotional attachment, but it's extremely important to learn to do so. If you don't, you'll either participate in games of control or resign yourself to the emotional roller coaster. The key to loving without attachment is to treat people like cats. Using this extended metaphor, I'll discuss strategies for loving others that preserve their freedom and autonomy.

#love #attachment #cats

I occasionally work with clients who are distressed over the apparently unfair treatment they have received from their parents relative to their siblings, who they believe have been given everything on a silver platter. A simple tactic I've developed to respond to envy (especially in the context of siblings) is to ask: would you change places with them? In ten years, I've yet to meet someone who would. And if you believe the situation is unfair, but you wouldn't switch places with the other party, then you might be in a more advantageous position than you realize.

#siblings #envy #fairness

This one is for the straight ladies. It's important to understand that men approach dating and relationships differently than you do. As is often the case in life, the direct path isn't always the best way to get what you want. If you appreciate that your dating profile is essentially an advertisement, you can begin to market yourself more strategically to your target audience. In this episode, I'll discuss the worst thing to say in your dating profile, and provide an alternative strategy.

#dating #attraction #relationships

This one is for the workaholics. The delay of gratification is an important skill to cultivate if you want to be successful and high-achieving. However, if you don't also practice enjoying your life along the way, you won't be able to do so once you ultimately attain your goals. This is all the more true if hard work and self-denial come easily to you. I'll discuss more in this episode.

#success #pleasure #practice

If you're unemployed and you want a job, then finding a job is your job. It becomes your full-time occupation. You strategize and implement on a large scale until it works. The same principle holds true in dating. If you're single and you want a certain kind of relationship, then finding that relationship is your job. It becomes your full-time occupation. You strategize and implement on a large scale until it works. If you want better options, you need to put in the effort.

#dating #relationships #single

Revenge can be a very powerful force, if utilized in the service of growth and self-development. Most high-achieving individuals (at least initially) manage to yoke their wills to the force of revenge in order to accelerate their progress. That said, while revenge is a useful first-stage fuel, it becomes increasingly problematic the longer it burns. Consequently, it's essential that you find a more positive force to link with after achieving escape velocity.

#revenge #achievement #motivation