As I've mentioned in previous episodes, values can be expensive. So are they worth it? In today's episode, I discuss the value of values, namely: their unrivaled capacity to serve as decision-making heuristics. By looking through the "lens" of a given value, incongruent pathways at the Crossroads of life are filtered out -- making it much easier to answer the eternal question: "what should I do?"

Have you ever been in a situation where you just can't seem to do anything right by another person? It's possible that you fell into a rather unpleasant relational trap: the no-win conversation. In this episode, I'll help you identify the signs that you've fallen into such a conversation, and discuss the communication skill that you'll need to get yourself out of the predicament: emotional reflection.

The ability to forgive is an absolutely essential life skill, and one that no one really teaches us how to do. Forgiveness is an intrapersonal -- not interpersonal -- behavior that prevents our hearts from becoming embittered after we suffer at the hands of others. In this episode, I'll walk you through a step-by-step process by which -- over time -- you can transform anger and hatred into pity and compassion.

The tale of Bluebeard is an old fairy tale from Western Europe, but its lessons are still applicable today. We all have skeletons in our closet. The question is how these secrets in our hearts ought to impact our relationships. Keep in mind that if you want perfect transparency, then you can't expect perfect goodness. Some doors should just remain closed.

Overcoming emotional manipulation is an important life skill. From a guilt-tripping mother to a fearmongering politician, there are those in the world who would use our emotions to further their own agendas. Breaking the pattern requires us to (a) accept responsibility for our own emotional reactions, and (b) tolerate our distressing emotions without taking action. I'll walk through how to do this in today's episode.

One of the fundamental skills in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the block-and-replace technique. This technique -- which entails blocking negative thoughts and replacing them with more reality-based alternatives -- undergirds the entire process of cognitive restructuring, which is an effective way of sustainably changing thoughts and beliefs. In this video, I'll discuss how this is done with some concrete examples.

The disconfirming emotional experience is the very heart of the therapeutic process. It is the necessary and sufficient condition for significant personal change. In essence, a disconfirming emotional experience is when a person has the experience of passing through a feared situation only to emerge unscathed on the other side. With repetition, this contributes to the development of a felt sense that things will kinda be okay, which will force an update of outdated mental models.

One of the easiest ways to get more from therapy is to rule out confounds before engaging the services of a therapist. Basically, this means that you should first try excluding any other factors that could plausibly influence your situation and observe the effect on your problem. This will help save time (and money), and clarify the objective of the clinical work, which will make your overall experience with therapy more effective and rewarding.

Many young adults arrive in their mid-20s with an expectation that life will continue to be a constant, structured progression (much like it has been up until that point). They have a chronic "fear of missing out," which seducing them into believing that life is somehow happening somewhere where they're not. However, this is not the case. In point of fact: this is it. Life is as full and complete now as it ever will be. Passing through the gateway of disappointment brings peace and acceptance.

Behind most angry emotions are thoughts containing the concept of "should." However, the suffering that results from this connection indicates that we may be using the concept of "should" incorrectly. Indeed, there's a "right way" and a "wrong way" to use this concept. In this video, I will discuss the differences between these two usages, and why the "right way" will help up stay safe and get what we want.