PsycHacks

In the Bhagavad Gita, the god Krishna tells the warrior Arjuna that "we have a right to our labor, but not to the fruits of our labor." This can be a bitter pill to swallow. We would like to believe that we live in a universe that rewards effort, and that sufficient sacrifice will guarantee the result we desire. However, that's not the universe we live in. On the other side of this delusion lies a true capacity for process orientation and deliverance from outcome dependency.

As a therapist, I occasionally hear people balk at the cost of therapy. However, the alternative can be significantly more expensive. On average, Americans wait ten years to contact a therapist about an emotional or psychological problem. This is an extraordinarily long time to potentially suffer unnecessarily. How much would you pay to make your problem disappear? That value is actually your budget for solving the problem.

"Why am I here? And what should I do with my life? What's the point of all of this?" These existential questions lie at the heart of the human experience. While I can't offer definitive answers, in this podcast I offer one possible way to approach the meaning of life, namely: life is like Disneyland. The point of Disneyland is to experience Disneyland. Likewise, the point of life is to experience life. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to do it. You get your day in the park, and then you go home with good memories.

Why is that some people seem to have all the luck while others perpetually come up short? While many factors determine success, there are also some underlying principles that predictably influence its attainment. In this episode, I discuss the three keys to getting what you want in life. First: you have to know what you want. Second: you have to be willing to wait. And third: you need to be able to act without hesitation. If you can do all three, you will be well on your way.

We are all subject to thoughts that show up uninvited and that predictably lead to unpreferred emotional states. Serial 7's is an efficient and effective technique capable of disrupting these thoughts before they're able to trigger the corresponding emotion. In this episode, I'll model the use of this technique and discuss the cognitive principles that underlie its effectiveness.

Effective boundary setting is an essential relationship skill. This is because boundaries teach people how to love and respect you. In this episode, I will discuss the three keys to setting effective boundaries with others. First: you need to clearly define the target behavior. Second: you need to set an actionable time line. And third: you need to identify explicit consequences within your domain of control that you're willing to execute. Let's see how this works.

When most of us do something we shouldn't have -- or when we didn't do something we should have -- we generally feel guilty. However, in most cases, guilt is ineffective expiation. That is, we let ourselves off the hook because we beat ourselves up. The issue is that this doesn't prevent the bad behavior from recurring in the future. In this episode, I'll speak briefly on the emotion that -- if sufficiently cultivated -- can lead us in the direction of actual and sustainable behavioral change: contrition.

Other people are frustrating. However, it's often the case that our frustration stems from their unwillingness or inability to live up to our own unconsciously projected values. What if other people never live up to the potential we see in them? As we relinquish the hope that others will be anything other than who they are, we may be able to move in the direction of authentic relating based on acceptance and respect -- or move on from those who will never change.

You've probably heard the saying, "winners never quit, and quitters never win." In point of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Winners almost always quit: they quit everything else except the game they're trying to win. This is because failing to do so makes players uncompetitive at the highest stages of performance -- where they inevitably compete against the players who are willing to do so.

In high school physics class, we were taught to solve problems under unrealistic, ideal conditions by ignoring complexifying forces, like friction and air resistance. Unfortunately, the real world isn't so simple. When we fail to factor resistance into our plans then we generally become frustrated when they inevitably arise, and we misallocate our time and energy. In this episode, I discuss the virtues of incorporating resistance into your calculations.