PsycHacks

If you've experienced grief, then you know how excruciating a feeling it can be. This begs the question: why is grief so painful? Why does it last as long as it does? If there's a lesson here, can't it be learned faster and with less suffering? I've wrestled with these very questions as I passed through grief at various times in my life. In this episode, I speak about what answers I've found. Grief must be as painful as it is in order to force people to stop, so that they can intentionally re-structure their lives moving forward without the lost loved one.

Within every emotion is a behavioral impulse urging us to a specific action. However wise our emotions might be, it's also the case that it's certainly not always prudent to relent to every impulse they offer for our consideration. So how do we know when to "listen" to our feelings? The answer demands we pay attention to our degree of mastery within a specific domain. As a rule of thumb, the more masterful we are within that domain, the more effective uncritically relenting to your emotional impulses is likely to be.

"Persona 5" is one of the best RPGs of all time. In addition to the normal stats you'd find in a game of this genre, in "Persona 5" your character also possess social stats: measures of his level of mastery within the real world of social relationships. Throughout the game, the protagonist encounters social stat gatekeeping, in which certain jobs, relationships, and opportunities are withheld from him, if his relevant social stat isn't high enough. In this episode, I'll speak a little on how this concept pertains to real life and how to improve your social stats through the intentional allocation of your time.

If you're a young person and you talk with folks of an older generation, it's only a matter of time before one them tells you that your early 20s are "the best years of your life." Believing this to be true can create a lot of pressure in young folks to live life to the fullest before an inevitable decline into the various miseries of adulthood proper. But is this really the case? In today's episode, I'll be debunking the romanticization of this period of one's life, and suggesting why some people might still be hung up on this time even decades later.

When I was back at my theatre conservatory, the entire first year of acting class was devoted to a single exercise: the game of please-no. I've since come to understand that this game is the fundamental game of human interaction. In this episode, I will briefly describe how the game is played and what the game has to teach us about the nature of human relationships. The more masterful you become at this game, the more life begins to open up and share its riches with you.

In the moment before deciding to relapse into a bad habit, most people generally endorse some variant of the belief that "this time it will be different." No it won't. You've been down that road before -- hundreds, if not thousands, of times -- and you know where it takes you. That's because roads only go where they go. It's impossible for a fixed pathway to vary with respect to its destination. Pushing back against this irrational belief will significantly improve your chances of lasting behavioral change.

Behind every feeling is a thought. And the thought that is primarily responsible for the feeling of anxiety generally begins with the words: what if? What if I lose my job? What if I get sick? What if she says 'no'? In this episode, I will discuss the most effective rebuttal to these anxiety-provoking thoughts: a replacement cognition that begins with the words so what? So what if the feared thing happens? I will either find a way or make a way. I'll model how to do this with several concrete examples.

Bad things happen. Rather than abide in meaningless and malevolent universe, people create stories to make sense of what happened to them. However, these stories can either maintain a person in a traumatic posture or facilitate healing and resilience. Victim narratives -- in which the self is the object of another's action -- keep people stuck in the past. Hero narratives -- in which the self is the subject of its own action -- help people move forward.

"Theory of mind" is a clunky term from psychology that basically means that we unconsciously (and inevitably) project the content and structure of our own consciousness into the minds of others. This is because assuming others are like us facilitates cooperation is essential to the survival of a social organism like man. However, this also means that whether we're surrounded by enemies or potential allies is largely a function of our own mind. I'll discuss more in this episode.

While we live in a world of abundance, it is also the fact that the universe lives closed. This means that the default answer to any request is "no." This must obviously be the case, as a default answer of "yes" would imply a perfect world where all needs are satisfied and no action is necessary. That said, we can also become increasingly competent in mastering the strategies and technologies of action required to change an initial "no" into a subsequent "yes."