Single Minded

I loved to sabotage things during the early stages of dating. I would write people off immediately over tiny little icks. I had walls up. I would pretend I wasn't looking for anything serious. I would try and play the dating "game", but just seemed to always lose.

I really wish I'd met today's guest sooner. Dating coach Jiveny Blair-West is joining me today to discuss how we can overcome the blocks and barriers to forming a healthy and happy relationship.

Jiveny is the author of the book How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life, which you can check out here: https://www.amazon.com.au/Make-Biggest-Decision-Your-Life/dp/0733645011

Jiveny's website: https://datingforlove.com/

Jiveny's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jivenyblairwest/

A big thank you to all the listeners who sent in their voice notes about their experiences with loneliness. I was blown away by their honesty. This is definitely one of my favourite episodes of all time, and I hope you get as much out of it as I did. 

Do you ever feel like your life isn't living up to the lives you see on social media? Or that life hasn't lived up to the grand plans you made for yourself as a teenager? 

For me and my guest today, the answer is yes. I thought I'd be a CEO and married to Leonardo Dicaprio by now. Unfortunately, I'm turning 35 this year, so I am well past Leo's strict 'under-25' girlfriend policy. 

For many of us, life is more mediocre than what we are presented with online. We aren't winning awards for our work, or turning our side hustles into million-dollar businesses, or working 4 hours a week due to our 'multiple income streams'.

So today my sister is joining me to discuss how she found magic in the mediocrity of life. She ditched her social media, went freelance, started investing in her health and became comfortable (dare I say, happy) in being average. 

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

Dr Lurve is back! We luuuurved her last episode so much, we asked her to return to the podcast to answer your most asked questions. She is a love and relationship expert with a treasure trove of practical dating advice. 

Here's what we chat about on today's episode:

• Can I still meet someone if I delete my dating apps? How? 
• I've been single long-term and have given up on meeting someone. What can I do to change my mindset? I don't want to give up hope! 
• I don't seem to have a connection with anyone I go on a date with. Do I need to go on more dates with someone before writing them off? 
• Dating makes me really anxious & I would rather just stay home than put myself through it. What should I do to get myself out there more? 
• The constant rejection on dating apps is hurting my self-esteem. Is there a way I can soften the blow? 
• I always seem to date people who aren't ready for a relationship. What signs can I look out for that someone is ready for a serious relationship?
• Is there a way to start a more meaningful conversation on a dating app that doesn't just fizzle? 

You can find Dr Lurve here: https://www.drlurve.com/
And on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.lurve/

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

After she got divorced, Beth made the decision to stay single forever. But life has a funny way of not working out how you think it will. After her divorce, Beth made the decision to donate her eggs. During her last counselling session with the couple she had chosen (which is required during the process), she signed away her DNA. 

I don't want to give away the whole story, so I'll leave it there!

But truly, it's an incredible story of Beth's unconventional path to motherhood.

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

MAFS: You either love it or hate it. I LOVE IT. My boyfriend hates it. Can our relationship survive another season? Hopefully!

This week, I'm sitting down with Linda (akka mum) to discuss everything I've learnt about dating from Married at First Sight (akka MAFS). It seems that dating icks are really just a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from not getting hurt. Mind. Blown.

So the real question is: are you ready to do your own at-home MAFS experiment? 

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

This sums up the social media dilemma for me...

I met this week's podcast guest on social media, and since forming a friendship online, we now send voice notes (aka mini podcasts) to each other about how much we hate social media. I never would've connected with Melissa if it wasn't for social media, yet a lot of our conversations are about how social media is negatively affecting our mental health. 

In one of our voice note convos, Melissa said she'd had the realisation that her mental health would be better off without social media. And I said, "Me too." But in a world where it's normal to share the minutiae of our lives online (and a world where many of us use social media for work), is there a way for us to co-exist with social media and not be anxious?

CAN COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY SAVE US??

We decided to bring our voice note conversations to an actual podcast episode. We don't solve the world's social media problems, but it was cathartic.  It's nice to know I'm not the only one that compares my life when scrolling through Insta feeds.  And hopefully, any anxious brains listening will get something out of the convo with Melissa, even if it's just to feel less alone.

Melissa's Instagram (lol at the irony... but seriously she's one of my fave people to follow on Insta!): https://www.instagram.com/melissamason_/
Melissa's article on Refinery29: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/is-social-media-ruining-our-holidays-vacations

And the CBT Workbook I mentioned: https://www.amazon.com.au/CBT-Workbook-Mental-Health-Evidence-Based/dp/1647398053

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

Today I'm chatting with my friend Lachlan Beaton, a mental health professional who decided to make a series of radical life changes to live the life he always wanted. The journey to where he is now wasn't linear. It didn't all happen at once. It took years and years. And a lot of hard work. His story is so inspiring, and it shows that it's never too late to take a new path.

He shows us that you can have a radical change in outlook, and step by step, you can move towards a life that feels more aligned with your values. Anything is possible: he changed careers in his 40s, he sold his house and downsized, he works part-time, he stopped drinking and got into fitness, he lives part-time in Thailand AND he's having fun dating. If you feel like the  status quo isn't for you, you NEED to listen to Lachlan's story. 

You can find Lachlan on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/lachlan.beaton/

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

2021 was a bad year. I could blame COVID, but that would be a lie. I had been single for a very long time. It had been fun and fancy-free... Until it wasn't anymore. In 2020, I admitted I wanted something more serious... but ALAS... It seemed that everyone on dating apps wanted ethical non-monogamy. I was not going to be on dating apps FOR A DECADE. No way.

So, what was a monogamous girl to do??

I decided to run away to Thailand. I grieved for the life I'd never have... My frozen eggs would forever stay frozen. It was the loneliest time of my life. I had given up on love (I can't believe I just said that out loud). But what's that saying? It's always the darkest before you delete your dating apps. Or is it the dawn?

Whatever it is, it's true...

Thanks to this week's sponsor Viviology - confusion-free cosmeceuticals by James Vivian at Adore Beauty. Singled Minded listeners can receive a Viviology Vitamin C Serum Deluxe Mini 10ml with every Viviology purchase. Use code SINGLEMINDED. Valid until 4 May 2023. T&Cs apply. https://www.adorebeauty.com.au/viviology.html

A very special episode with one of my good friends, Shanthi. Here are the questions we answer in this episode:

• My sister calls what you did "blowing your life up." You ended your engagement, quit your job & packed up your apartment to go travelling. Why did you decide to make such a drastic life change? 
• What was it like becoming single again after 7 years? How has dating changed? What have been the highs and the lows? 
• I've seen you have a lot of success on dating apps. What do you put that down to? 
• You were at Adore for 10 years, then you decided to quit with no job lined up... what made you decide to do that? Was it something you took a long time to consider, or you just woke up one day? 
• You're taking 5 months off... What's your plan? 
• You're in your mid/late 30s and from what I can see, your life is just beginning. You don't seem to be fazed by the usual 30s pressures. What changed for you? 
• What excites you most about being single & unemployed? Usually, we place negative connotations on both of these things, but you seem so excited by it.