Sober Friends

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The show is brought to you by Sally, who bought us 3 cups of coffee at Buymeacoffee.com/Soberfriendspod.  If you, like Sally think it's important to get the message that sobriety is possible for the new guy, consider a donation to Buymeacoffee.com/Soberfriendspod.

When we first get sober, we are flying on a pink cloud.  Everything is new, your method of sobriety is exciting and you are willing to put in every effort.  Then life gets better and we have the tools to get through life without a drink.  We start to think, "Damn, I got this!"  This begins a phase of complacency and it's a dangerous place for us alcoholics.

John, Steve and Matt talk Complacency in recovery.

• What defines complacency?
• How complacency can trip us up
• The battle against getting complacent
• What we do to hold ourselves accountable

We'd love to hear your feedback?  How do you guard against complacency?

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Alcoholic behavior, obviously shows up when you are drinking.  Just because you get sober and don't drink, doesn't mean your alcoholic behavior goes away.  If you don't work on your recovery, this behavior can come back right, quick!  

We can behave alcoholically when the following happens:

• Not going to meetings
• Calling other alcoholics
• Practicing the principals of 12 step programs

You ever get told by your significant other, "Hey, you going to a meeting tonight?"  Those around us know when our behaviors slip.

What is your view of behaving alcoholically?  Join the conversation!  Email the show at [email protected].  Connect on Instagram @soberfriendspod.

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Sober people are on platform at all times.  One slip up and it's easy for those around to point out why you are not walking the walk.  John kicked things off talking about a new sponsee who was going to a sober retreat.  John didn't want to go, but an oldtimer reminded him, that the sponsee can't go to these without the guidance of his sponsor.  There are so many ways sober people have a responsibility to be the change they want the world to be:

• Acting with kindness and being available to new comers at meetings
• Not acting like a jerk on social media to those not in a 12 step program
• Not blowing up on your neighbors and when you do, making amends

Want to help a newcomer stay sober?  Show them that if they want what you have, then they should do what you've done and it's on the level.

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📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.

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Oh boy.  I bet we get everyone upset with this episode.  People who go to AA.  People who don't go to AA.  We go through it all with what we feel are very realistic views on why some people don't go to AA and how 12 step programs are not perfect and how there can be some things that legit turn people off.

Credit where credit is due.  This episode was inspired by Episode 36 of the Sober Powered Podcast, "Your Sober Pal Tells us What AA is Like."

In the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous," Bill W. states that AA does not have a monopoly on sobriety.  Matt, John and Steve got sober in the the 12 step tradition, but we wholeheartedly agree.  There are many paths to get sober.

It's scary to go to the first AA meeting.  Matt's therapist said it would stop being scary after the first nine times.  There are perceptions that keep people away:

• I have to be part of a religion
• I have to say I'm an alcoholic
• It's a bunch of elderly men in a basement
• They will tell me I'm doing it wrong

If you don't go to AA, I think you'll identify with what we discuss.  If you are, I think you've seen some of the behaviors those AA shy are turned off from.

Give us some feedback on this!  What is your story?  Are you a member of AA?  Do you get sober via other means?  We'd love to hear your story too!  

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This week's guest is Matt, who started drinking at 13.  Matt was a high achiever, doing well in college and Grad school.  He had a family and a great job.  And he was an alcoholic.  

A lot of you will see yourself in Matt.  He was socially awkward until he found alcohol.  He had to be careful in public drinking.  Drinking at home, was another story.  He drank like he did in college, even during his 30's.  

He tried AA, had a sponsor and had a relapse.  Driving home with his wife and in laws in the car, drunk, had the wheel taken from him and told to get the hell out when he got home.

This was Matt's bottom and was the impetus to get sober.

There is so much I know you'll identify with in Matt's story.

Cantina Blues - Take the Lead by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100407

Artist: http://incompetech.com/

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📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.

Send us Fan Mail

One of the Sober Instagram accounts we find the most inspiring is @jenmovesforward.  Jen joins us this week to talk about her story, overcoming relapse, making recovery her career and how fitness is part of how she stays sober.

In this Sober Friends Episode Jen tells us:

• How she started using in her teens
• Knowing in her 20's that she had a problem
• Losing relationships over drugs and alcohol
• Almost losing her current husband
• Overcoming relapse and finding a career in the recovery world
• The place fitness plays in her journey
• Her love of archery

This was one of those podcasts we had to stop talking before the tape was rolling because it was so good.  I know you'll love Jen's story.

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📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.

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The root of our alcoholism and our alcoholic thinking is our character defects.  The 12 Steps are instrumental in getting through our character defects, especially with Steps 4 and 5.  Many of our character defects are associated with fear and ego.  Character defects have a root in selfishness and doing for others is a way to bust them.  Here are ways to work on a character defect:

• Acknowledgement of the defect
• Prayer
• Talk to another alcoholic

Join Steve and Matt as we talk about Character Defects, how they impact us and how we address them to live a happy sober life.

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Matt was inspired by Gill Tietz's Sober Powered episode, Staying Sober During the Holidays.  The episode is much less staying sober during the holidays, and more staying sober at events where booze is available.  Practicable advice for those in recovery for anytime.

• BBQs
• Work parties
• Concerts
• Ect

John, Matt and Steve talked about their experience being on guard for the unguarded moment.  In this episode we talk about:

• Keeping your drink in your hand.  If you put it down, get another
• Tell a bartender you are not drinking and stick with that person (thanks Gill)
• Our thoughts on non-alcoholic versions of an alcoholic drink
• How people put booze in food and to watch out.

This is great advice for anyone looking at sobriety, new or old.

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📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.

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The show is brought to you by Sean, who bought us a coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberfriendspod.  Sean thought it was important to put the show in the newcomer's ear.

Recovery is not just for the person getting sober.  Recovery affects the family too.  For us, our family was very happy when we put the bottle down.  But they had a hard time understanding all these meetings we had to go to and all these drunks running through our house.

For Matt, it was a place of friction for his wife over the first 3 years of sobriety.  His wife would talk about running out to be with his friends when his family needed him.  Over time, the family understood that the work with other alcoholics was what made him a better dad and husband.

We thought this might speak to you.  Do you have challenges getting to meetings or however else you choose to get sober, due to family obligations?  What have you experienced?  We are looking for your feedback too!

Support the show

📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.

Send us Fan Mail

Ryan M has made recovery a huge part of his life.  He didn't get sober, he got involved.  Ryan has been part of the service culture of AA from his entire time getting sober (March 2013).  Coming into the program in his early 30's, he was attracted to the younger people in his 12 step group and got involved the the Young People in AA organizations.  If you go to a service group in Ryan's area, chances are you will run into him.

It was not always like that.  During his drinking career, Ryan isolated.  He started out being part of the crowd and as his drinking got worse, he got older and his friends moved on, his only companions were TV shows and movies.  Ryan lived vicariously through the shows he watched, never really engaging with life.  

At Ryan's lowest, he was arrested at his parent's home, while picking up dog poop.  And like many of us who put down the bottle, he was able to change into something beyond his wildest dreams.

Join us for this inspiring story of recovery and service from our friend Ryan M.

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Cantina Blues - Take the Lead by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100407

Support the show

📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.