Is nervous system regulation a natural skill or a conscious effort? In this episode, we delve into the skill of pendulation—the mindful shift between safety and defense—and explore why it appears effortless for some but feels impossible for others.

Discover the "carnival game" analogy for understanding your nervous system's capacity, learn how natural pendulation occurs in processes like grieving, and understand where you might fall on the spectrum of "stuckness." Justin breaks down how anyone, from those just "getting by" to those feeling deeply stuck, can learn to practice pendulation and transform it from a deliberate exercise into an automatic, embodied skill for living with more calm, confidence, and connection.

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Have you ever left a therapy session feeling completely wiped out, as if you've run a marathon you didn't train for? It's a common experience, but it isn't the goal of effective therapy. That feeling of depletion is a critical signal from your body that you've been pushed beyond your nervous system's capacity.

In this episode, we explore a body-centric, Polyvagal-informed approach to therapy that builds resilience instead of burning you out. You'll learn how to work with your therapist to anchor in your safety state, mindfully "tiptoe" to the edge of discomfort, and safely return—a process that empowers you and grows your capacity over time. This is about building internal resources, not just surviving the session.

If you're ready to change your expectation of therapy from draining to empowering, this episode is for you.

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Justin Sunseri challenges the widely accepted (and often ineffective) ways we understand and manage our emotions. He makes a bold claim: the common wisdom you've been taught about your feelings is likely wrong. Drawing from client conversations and his expertise as a therapist and coach, Justin reveals the two core problems with traditional emotional management and the five common avoidance tactics we all use.

Get ready to discover a "weird but effective" body-based approach that offers a sustainable path to emotional regulation, moving beyond just changing thoughts or behaviors. Learn practical steps to connect with your body's safety state and begin transforming your emotional experience today.

Key Takeaways:

• Most conventional approaches to understanding and managing emotions are flawed.
• Identify the five common ways you might be avoiding your emotions (resisting, ignoring, behavioral adaptations, intellectualizing, seeking external validation).
• Understand why changing thoughts or behaviors alone provides only temporary relief.
• Learn that emotions are primarily bodily experiences, not just mental states.
• Discover how to change your emotional state by intentionally connecting with your body.
• Get two actionable steps to start building your body's safety state right now.

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Unlock a deeper understanding of shame, anger, and the polyvagal theory in this episode! Justin Sunseri answers a listener’s question about navigating difficult emotions, pendulation, and the importance of safety in healing. Whether you’re a therapist, student, or someone seeking personal growth, this conversation offers practical insights and guidance.

⏰ CHAPTERS:

00:00 Introduction and Question from Katie

04:10 Therapists' Perspective vs Client Reality

08:27 Understanding Anger, Shame and Pendulation

12:29 Safety First Approach

16:40 The Unstucking Pathway and Academy

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

A viewer asked about TRE exercises that seemed to help with anxiety but left them feeling numb and disconnected. In this episode, I break down what might have gone wrong and why I take a fundamentally different approach to nervous system healing.

🔑 Key Topics Covered:

• Why prescribed movement exercises can backfire

• The difference between fight-or-flight, freeze, and shutdown states

• Why safety must come before any trauma work

• How to work WITH your nervous system instead of against it

• The problem with "hacks" and shortcuts in healing

🎯 My Approach:

Instead of prescribed movements, I focus on:

• Building a strong safety foundation first
• Mindfully connecting with your current state
• Allowing natural self-regulation to unfold
• Following your body's wisdom, not external protocols

📚 Want to Learn More?

Join the Unstucking Academy - a small, intimate community (limited to 150 members) where we practice these principles together. Features the Unstucking Pathway: bite-sized lessons under 10 minutes each, taking you from Polyvagal basics to mastering skills like pendulation and balancing.

👉 Learn more: StuckNotBroken.com/UnstuckingAcademy

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction and Disclaimer

00:28 - Viewer Question About TRE Exercises

01:24 - Perspective on TRE and Trauma Recovery

04:01 - Understanding Fight/Flight and Shutdown States

08:01 - Additional Context About Freeze State

10:32 - Importance of Safety and Mindful Movement

12:18 - Addressing the Original Question

15:01 - Information About the Unstucking Academy

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Feeling overwhelmed by complex breathing techniques and counting methods? In this episode, I share why your body already knows how to breathe—and why trusting that natural process might be more effective than any prescribed breathing "hack."

🎯 What You'll Learn:

• Why I don't recommend counting breaths during self-regulation

• How to use ONE intentional breath as a re-anchoring tool

• The difference between coping skills and true self-regulation

• How to connect with your body's natural breathing rhythm

• When prescribed breathing might actually be helpful (and when it's not)

This approach is part of what we teach in The Unstucking Academy - simple, natural processes without the psychobabble or woo-woo.

⏰ TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 - Introduction and Viewer Question

01:19 - Breath and Self-Regulation

03:06 - Intentional Breathing Techniques

04:49 - Mindfulness and Breath Awareness

06:34 - Unstucking Academy Overview

07:59 - Conclusion and Invitation

🔗 RESOURCES MENTIONED:

The Unstucking Academy: https://StuckNotBroken.com/unstuckingacademy

(Limited to 150 people - simple, step-by-step pathway without the overwhelm)

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list? I share three practical strategies to reduce overwhelm and finally get things done. Learn how to find safety, soften your defensive state, and take small, almost effortless steps forward. This episode is a replay of a free webinar from the Unstucking Academy. Discover actionable tips to improve your daily life and reach your goals without feeling stressed. Tune in and take a step towards living more calmly, confidently, and connected.

00:00 3 Strategies to reduce overwhelm and get stuff done (262)

01:26 intro, about, and goal

01:53 You have things to do

03:34 3 options to get stuff done

04:19 Feel safety and then get stuff done

05:14 Passive safety cues

07:29 Mindfully connect with a passive cue

09:08 Safety cues are everywhere

10:00 Jenny finds safety first

11:30 Soften defense, then get stuff done

12:30 Imagine defensive activation ahead of time

13:21 Mindfully permit defense

14:36 Recovering from overwhelm

15:51 Jenny softens defense

18:55 Bypass overwhelm to get more stuff done

20:53 Kaizen Steps Should be Very Small

22:21 How to make small Kaizen steps

22:54 Kaizen Examples

25:47 Kaizen example: Tatiana

27:15 Kaizen example: James

28:40 Kaizen example: Heather

31:37 Kaizen ecample: you

39:57 Emotional objection to Kaizen

43:43 Softening defense of work overwhelm

47:40 Amanda overwhelm at grocery store

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Learn how the Polyvagal Theory helps explain healthy boundaries through a combination of safety and sympathetic activation.

Episode Introduction and Context — 0:00

Understanding Ventral Vagal Safety State — 0:34

Balancing Safety and Sympathetic Activation — 1:16

Proactive Practice for Boundary Setting — 3:29

Compassionate Boundary Enforcement — 5:16

Realistic Expectations and Self-Connection — 7:20

Conclusion and Invitation to Unstucking Academy — 10:14

Resources:

⬇️ Download the Polyvagal One-Pagers - https://stucknauts.circle.so/c/public_resources/polyvagal-checklist-download-8a9597

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

What’s the real difference between “fawn” and “appease”? Therapist Justice Sunseri breaks down these trauma responses, how they relate to Polyvagal Theory, and what it means for recovery. Download the free Polyvagal One Pagers in the description for more resources!

00:00 – Episode intro

00:51 – Understanding Fawn and Appeasement

02:11 – Behavioral Adaptations in Severe Situations

03:23 – Appeasement and Social Activation

07:53 – Dissociation and Survival Mechanisms

11:50 – Recovery and Self-Regulation out of Severe Dissociation

15:07 – Episode outro and final thoughts

Resources:

⬇️ Download the Polyvagal One-Pagers - https://stucknauts.circle.so/c/public_resources/polyvagal-checklist-download-8a9597

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Discover why trying to force a change in your polyvagal state might be holding you back from true self-regulation. In this episode, therapist and coach Justin Sunseri challenges the common advice around prescriptive breathing techniques and invites you to connect with your body’s natural rhythms instead. Through insights from a live Q&A, learn how mindful awareness and listening to your body can lead to genuine calm, balance, and lasting change—without counting breaths or forcing a state shift.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction to Inner Balance

0:39 – The Power of Natural Breathing

2:02 – Critique of Prescriptive Breathing

3:53 – Connecting with Your Body’s Needs

5:03 – The Body’s Natural Self-Regulation

11:05 – Creating Optimal Conditions for Self-Regulation

15:02 – Final Thoughts and Invitation

Resources:

🔸 Wondering what to do next? https://bit.ly/4ozbppZ

🔸 Stuck Not Broken book series - https://www.justinlmft.com/books

🔸 Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

Crisis resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
• LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
• National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
• Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
• Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy.  Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.  Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms.  Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)