Focusing on understanding what's driving behavior can sometimes make it feel like we aren't addressing the behavior at all. It can feel as if we are boundaryless and permissive. This episode sheds light on what boundaries really are and how focusing on regulation, connection and felt-safety increases compassionate boundaries in response to behaviors.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What boundaries really are
• How they are different than punishment and rules
• Examples of boundaries
• What to do when your child violates a boundary 

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Previous podcast episode "But What about a Consequence?"

FREE
One-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries1

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

THIS EPISODE IS A REPLAY

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behavior
• Why understanding behavior is important
• What are our fears about understanding behavior
• What leads to behavior change
• The importance of compassionate boundaries

Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/understandingbehavior

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass and eBook on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club

Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?

They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk?

I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room).

This doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for your child. Promise.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• The developmental milestones needed before a child can identify or talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain
• How we can use our kids’ behavior as cues/clues to let us know something about their brain development and what interventions are appropriate (clinical reasoning)
• The role of distress tolerance
• Steps to take to scaffold your child in developing self-reflection and mindsight, as well as decrease shame around their behavior

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Can I Teach My Child About Their Brain? {Ep 114}
• Healing Blocked Care With Melissa Corkum and Lisa Qualls {Ep 123}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwatchdog

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:

Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connection
• To titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wants
• Showing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see them

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child?

In this episode you’ll learn:

• How connection and protection can get tied together
• How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child
• The science behind why YOU need to be receiving connection - and how you can do that even if you don’t have a lot of extra time or supportive people in your life

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
• Match The Energy, NOT The Dysregulation {Ep 155}
• Free Resources - robyngobbel.com/freeresources

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppostitional3

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the parent/child relationship
• How to use our grown-up brains to invite connection and cooperation
• Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's inner world
• Strategies for creating felt safety in the child's environment
• Strategies for creating felt safety in the relationship

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
• Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}
• What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}
• Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}
• Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}
• Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseries

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional2

Follow Me On:

Facebook

Instagram

Over on my website you can find:

Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club

Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their Watchdog and Possum pathways.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• That even oppositional behaviors make total sense
• Spending a lot of time in protection mode is hard on the body
• Changing the behavior is not the goal- regulation, connection, and felt safety is
• The diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder is just a label- we have to stay curious about the causes for treatment

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthere
• When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
• Focus On The Nervous System To Change Behavior {Ep 84}
• Connection or Protection {Ep 7}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional1

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

This latest episode unpacks the advanced parenting strategy of 'Match the Energy, but not the Dysregulation', a technique rooted in insights from polyvagal theory and interpersonal neurobiology. It’s a nuanced approach that requires resilience and patience, but when applied consistently, it can offer a remarkably accurate emotional mirror for your children and pave the way for improved connection.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• The advanced parenting strategy of ‘Matching The Energy, But Not The Dysregulation’
• To better identify how far down the Watchdog or Possum pathway your child is
• Advanced techniques and strategies need practice, you won't be an expert at them immediately

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Lisa Dion Podcast - Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
• The Club - robyngobbel.com/theclub
• Start Here Podcasts - robyngobbel.com/starthere

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/matchtheenergy

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:

Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

If you're thinking about joining The Club (between now and October 3), let me fill you in on some of the details!

In this bonus episode you'll learn:

• The real reason The Club works
• What you get when you join The Club
• Club bonuses
• How The Club could help your family
• How easy it is to leave The Club when you're ready

Check out all the details and register to join at https://RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Marshall Lyles is here with me today to help me reflect on the journey of bringing Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors into the world.

I knew Marshall was just the person to ask to help me with this. He asked questions I was so grateful to reflect on.

Thank you for witnessing this experience for me and allowing me to accompany your journey.

Book!!!-
Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to order now!

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwriting

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith