"My six-year-old gets stuck when things don't go as planned or the way she wants them to go.  She'll flip her lid and it can take 30 minutes for her to calm down.  Help! What do I do?"

In this Q&A we talk about our x-ray vision goggles, how disappointment can be a tricky feeling, and different ways to help our kids move through distressing moments, like Greg Santucci's "Change the Sensory Channel."

In this episode I mention these previous podcast episodes:

https://robyngobbel.com/notflippingyourlid/

https://robyngobbel.com/againstabehavioralapproach/ with Greg Santucci OTR

Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As!  I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.

Have a question?  Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast

Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"

Hit the button and record your question right on my website.  Easy peasy!

See you next week!

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain
CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

We talk a lot about our kids' owl, watchdog, and possum brain.

But what about ours?

Let's talk about mine. 

How I was almost convinced our moving company was a ponzi scheme plotting to steal all our stuff.

How I grow and strengthen my owl brain.

How my owl brain has been tested in the past couple months as my team and I move The Club. 
The movers did not steal our stuff.  They did do some extremely odd things but that's fine because they moved my stuff across the country.


Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

"How do I help adoptive parents feel more empathy toward their child's parents so that their relationships can improve?"

I love this question.  Thank you for calling it in, and thanks for even having it.

The answer takes a few twists and turns as I talk about grief, all feelings being welcomed, and believing in everyone's infinite worth.

Listen for the full answer as well as questions we can all ask ourselves to really do a self-inventory- have I created a space where all feelings are welcome?

Link to Kent Hoffman's Infinite Worth Ted Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9fHCrP8hZM


Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As!  I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.

Have a question?  Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast
Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"
Hit the button and record your question right on my website.  Easy peasy!
See you next week!


Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

****please don't listen to this episode when your child can overhear****

Most parents I know have had the thought “I do not like my kid.”

Parents of kids with big baffling behaviors, lots of dysregulation, and especially histories of attachment or relationship trauma have had that thought more than once.

Then they become paralyzed by the shame of having that thought. More than once.

They tell no one.  Or if they do, it’s with a tone of both shame and horror at themselves. 

In a way, I have found this self-shaming to be more significant in the parents who are drawn to my work. Y’all are parents who are committed to understanding what behavior really is and how to respond by increasing connection, co-regulation and felt-safety.

You’ll say things to me like “I know why my kid is struggling.  I know why they act this way.  It’s awful for me to feel like I don’t like them.  I’m an awful person.”

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

"I've been listening to you since the beginning but I'm having such a hard doing the things I'm learning.  What am I doing wrong?"

I have a feeling soooo many of you are nodding your head.  Yup, been there.  Yup, asked that question.

Here's the short answer.

You're doing nothing wrong.

Listen for the long answer (you know I have a long answer!) and also for ideas about what to do next.  What are the steps to take to moving from knowing to doing?

Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As!  I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.

Have a question?  Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast

Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"

Hit the button and record your question right on my website.  Easy peasy!

See you next week!


Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Katie Malinski, LCSW is a therapist and parent coach in Austin, TX.  I've been lucky to know Katie for well over a decade.  In the last few years of my life in Austin, Katie and I could wave at each other from our offices because she moved in across the street.

Katie recently published her first book and I was thrilled she accepted the invitation to be on the podcast.  

How to Talk to Your Teen About Anything

Katie organizes her book around 5 Key Skills for parenting teens:

1. Active Listening
2. Authentic Communication
3. Non-verbal Communication
4. Emotional Regulation
5. Boundaries and Emotional Boundaries

Non-Verbal Communication

I enjoyed all of Katie’s book, and I was especially excited to chat with her about her chapter on non-verbal communication.

Katie does a great job verbally explaining non-verbal communication- which is really hard to do!

Get More of Katie

Sign-up for Katie’s email newsletter over on her website and get her 5 Tips for Better Behavior.

Katie has an infographic and video on The Arc of the Tantrum that I know you’ll love.  

Katie is a therapist and parent coach in Austin, TX, offering virtual parent coaching sessions.  

Connect with Katie on Facebook and tell her I sent you!

Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/TalkToYourTeen

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Ah yes.  The dreaded flop.

When our kids are toooooo exhausted to do a request or a chore.

What do we do?!?!

Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As!  I'll be answering one question every Friday in February.

Have a question?  Leave me a voice message over at https://robyngobbel.com/podcast

Look for the box that says "Send me a question!"

Hit the button and record your question right on my website.  Easy peasy!

See you next week!

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Every day, I connect with parents in my inbox, in social media, in The Club who are struggling and confused by conflicting parenting advice.

Parenting kids with big baffling behaviors is nothing if it’s not extremely confusing.

And when experts give conflicting advice, it’s extra confusing.

Parent experts who only teach “what to do” don’t solve the real problem.

I know it might sound exhausting but the only person who can become an expert at your kid is you.

Learn from the experts.  But learn the science of behavior.  Learn the why.  

When you know the why, when you understand what behavior really is and the science of safety, you’ll be able to figure out how to approach any behavior.

Read a long summary of this episode here:  https://robyngobbel.com/nomoreparentexperts

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Sarah Bren, PhD is a clinical psychologist and mom to two little ones in upstate New York where she loves to work with new parents, especially parents who want to parent differently than they were parented.  

Dr. Bren developed an interest in working with parents when she became a parent herself.  She was learning about parenting and parenting models and realized that so much of what she was reading 

This insight sparked Dr. Bren’s interest in working with parents with the goal of helping parents break generational patterns and hopefully reduce the number of adults who have to heal from their childhoods.

In this episode, Dr. Bren and I explore:

• What is secure attachment
• Is there a check-list? What is it?
• How do I work toward secure attachment with my child?
• Can I still do that even if my child is older or an adult?
• The importance of curiosity in secure attachment

Find Dr. Sarah Bren

Follow Dr. Bren on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/

Listen to Dr. Bren’s podcast: https://drsarahbren.com/category/podcast/

Listen to when I was a guest on Dr. Bren’s podcast: https://drsarahbren.com/26-redefining-trauma-informed-parenting-how-parents-can-utilize-this-framework-for-all-children/

Check our Dr. Bren’s parent course: https://drsarahbren.com/tap


Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/BecomingSecurelyAttached

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl Rogers

You know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along. 

Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that people have been brave enough to say and believe without having science to back it up.  

I think both approaches are fine.  I just happen to like the science.  

And yup, the science backs it up.

Acceptance really is needed if we want behavior to change.

I find this truth to both a bummer and also quite liberating.

How do we accept something without sending the message the it’s ok, no big deal, and there’s no need for it to change?

It’s hard, but possible.  You’ll hear my own journey toward this truth and a couple tips on how to do it yourself in this episode.  

Read a long summary of this episode here:  https://robyngobbel.com/howbehaviorchanges

Over on my website you can find:

Masterclass on What Behavior Really Is (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

In depth parent course: Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain

CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith