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You hear people talk about “mom guilt”–the feeling that moms get for not being perfect, not measuring up to their own impossible standards, or the impossible standards they think other moms have. Of course, there’s dad guilt too–all good parents feel like they’re falling short, like they’re not doing enough, like they’re not good enough.
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We talked recently about the Spartan who pointed out that it wasn’t right to say that “the better man won” at the Olympic Games. The better wrestler had won, he said. And it’s an important point: there are lots of winners out there who are actually losers. A lot of achievements that turn out to be costly victories because of the means used to achieve them.
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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad, Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on the skill set that comes with exploring curiosity, and teaching our kids how to build courage.
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Sometimes it’s good to acknowledge our biases. And one of the biggest biases in our lives is our kids. Not just a bias in the sense that we prefer them, but a bias like one of those ones that cognitive behavioral scientists point out that prove we’re totally and utterly irrational.
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We all sit up at night and wonder if we’re doing a good job, if we’re failing our kids, if we’re raising them right. We kick ourselves for what we feed them, whether we’re meeting all their needs, whether we’re learning…whether they’re learning.
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It doesn’t matter how many decades old you were. It doesn’t matter what you’d experienced, what you knew, how smart or powerful you were. A turning point was reached when you had kids.
The Parent-To-Be: A Daily Dad Parenting Challenge
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You have a very important job. You have so much going on. That’s the terrible part about having kids, for both men and women–for most of us, it comes right in the prime of our careers, in the prime of our lives. Can we afford to slow down? To stop? Do we want to?
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It was Seneca who said that a wise philosopher doesn’t just study in their particular school of thought, but surveys widely, taking and absorbing ideas from any and all thinkers. He would say he read like a spy in the enemy’s camp, and that he’d quote even a bad author if the line was good.
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On this episode of the Daily Dad Ryan talks on the importance of illustrating different versions of ourselves while away or on vacation, and how you carry those moments back to your actual life.
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You have to give them space. Not just space right after school or soccer practice, as we’ve talked about, but making sure you don’t bombard them with questions or instructions. But your kids need literal space too. A room of their own, literally and figuratively.
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