The Daily Dad

Ryan talks to Scott Hershovitz about the Adventures in Philosophy with Kids, the common misconceptions about philosophy,  how to apply philosophy to actual life, and more.

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Do You Really Care?

“A key point to bear in mind…You’re better off not giving the small things more time than they deserve.

-Marcus Aurelius

It seems like it’s really important to you. That the door not be slammed. That the chores be done a certain way. That everything be put away immediately. That feet go on the ground, not the furniture.

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Ryan Holiday’s latest book, The Daily Dad comes out May 2. Preorder your signed and numbered first edition before they sell out!

There are going to be moments where we’re not sure we can keep going. We hit a plateau in our career. We hit a wall on mile 19 of our first marathon. Our marriage is struggling. Our attempt to lose weight has stalled out. Going back to school has turned out to be a lot more than we expected.

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Ryan Holiday’s latest book, The Daily Dad comes out May 2. Preorder your signed and numbered first edition before they sell out!

[COUNTDOWN CLOCK]

None of us come from families that were perfect. None of us got everything we needed. Our parents were not perfect. Indeed, they may have been quite flawed. Perhaps they were not loving enough, understanding enough, accepting enough. Maybe they just weren't there enough.

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Parenting doesn’t have to change a person. As we said recently, plenty of people remain the same selfish, immature, irresponsible people they were before they had kids. Which is why it’s worth making the distinction between having kids and being a parent.

There are lots more of the former in this world than the latter.

People who just have kids are still living the lives they had before. Parents live a different life. They become different people with different priorities, different capacities, different standards for themselves.

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Too many of us have the wrong idea about what happiness is. We confuse it with pleasure or fun. We confuse it with some sort of permanent state or an accomplishment to pursue. But happiness is more subtle and supple than that. It is something that ensues, as the great Viktor Frankl says in Man’s Search for Meaning.

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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad,  Ryan talks to his wife Samantha about what their learning as parents, and the importance of making time for your children.

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You Will Want A Crowded Table

“What a great spectacle it is when a husband or wife with many children are seen with these children crowded around them!”

-Musonius Rufus

It’s helpful to sit back and really think about what parental success looks like.

First, of course, it’s having healthy kids who survive to adulthood—that’s obvious.

But second, when you flash way forward into the future, what is it? It’s that beautiful phrase captured in the title of the Highwomen’s hit “Crowded Table.” At Thanksgiving. On birthdays. At some summer house on the beach you all rent as a family. That is, having kids whom you get to see, whom you have a good relationship with, whom you want to spend time with . . . for the rest of your days.

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Nothing takes up space in a parent’s head (or heart) quite like a kid who is struggling. “You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child,” the expression goes, and it’s true. If one of your kids is struggling–with reading, with adjusting to a new school or city, with becoming a teenager, with the divorce, with some health issue–it’s hard to focus or think about anything else. Even if you’re crushing it at work, even if one of your other kids just made honor roll or the varsity team.

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You’re upset because you just blew it in that meeting. You’re kicking yourself because you meant to get up early and ended up sleeping through your alarm and missing a flight. You’re stressed about the business, you wish your marriage was better, you hate the way your house looks from the street. You can’t watch the news without being disgusted or outraged or worried.

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