The Daily Dad

There seems to be this concern, particularly on the right and from older generations, that kids are just way too soft these days. Everyone is sensitive. Everyone is easily triggered. Everyone seems to have some sort of mental illness or trauma.

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No vacation, no special experience, not even a family outing, just happens on its own. There is planning. There is time off work. There is the expense. There is the intention–to spend *quality* time together.

And this is wonderful and it should be celebrated, soaked in when it happens. Just be sure not to give yourself too much credit because you booked a trip to the beach or got them excited for ice cream or the movies.

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Nobody likes confrontation. Nobody likes having to enforce our boundaries. Nobody likes having to have an awkward conversation with their parents. Or the boss. Or the mechanic who is working on your car.

But you know what we should like even less? Being burned out when we get home. Not having patience or energy left for our kids. Not having a shred of slack left to deal with the inevitable stresses that will occur in the course of picking them up from school, getting them dinner, getting them to bed.


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We talked recently about the fleetingness of happiness. The way that happiness changes and evolves, the way that it tends to ensue rather than exist as something to pursue. A happy family is not one where everyone is happy all the time, Ursula Le Quin said. No, it’s closer to something we cycle through.

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On this episode of The Daily Dad Podcast, Ryan talks in depth about empire, philosophy, and natural feelings when it comes to our kids, as well as the connection we make with them through the opportunities and obstacles of life.

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These kids have changed your life. There are so many things you used to do that you no longer can. Traveling with no notice. Staying out all night. Sleeping on an airplane…sleeping in at all.

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Joan Didion was bored. She was four or five. She was bothering her mother. She was asking for something to do.

Her mother could have sent her away. Told her to stop. Told her to figure it out for herself. Instead, she went over to a drawer and pulled out a notebook. Here, she said, if you’re bored “then write something. Then you can read it.” The little girl was taken aback. “I had just learned to read,” she later explained, “so this was a thrilling kind of moment. The idea that I could write something–and then read it!”

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We parents are like field goal kickers. Just like if a certain shirt or a pair of socks brings a kicker luck, Were always looking for something,  Anything that will give us an edge. Just like a free throw shooter going through a preposterous routine, were religious about ours to.

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Sure, you become a parent when you have a kid. It’s a biological thing. It’s a legal status. It’s codified on a piece of paper. But we all know that being a good parent is something much more than that.

There is no one moment, one benchmark, one thing that makes you a parent–just as there is no single moment that one becomes a writer or an entrepreneur or a wise elder. Even ‘turning pro’ as the great Steven Pressfield has written, is not something that happens with the signing of a contract or being drafted by a team.


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Think of all the things you’ve pretended to be interested in on a date. Think of all the hours you’ve spent at the office, what you’ve committed to and sacrificed to get ahead. Think of the bosses you’ve put up with at that job, the obnoxious colleagues. Think of the hours you’ve spent pouring over your finances, investing and saving and growing. Think of the time you set aside to go to the gym, think about the willpower you summon to slide into the cold plunge.

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