The Daily Dad

On today's episode Ryan talks about a recent winter storm that came through Texas, how him and his family thought about it, how success changes your obligations to the common good, and more.

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Have you ever watched someone sit and play with a little kid for hours? Like totally engrossed, never checking a phone, never rushing, never getting bored or frustrated, never pulling the adult card? Maybe your spouse can do this, maybe you’ve seen a grandparent do it, maybe you’ve pulled up and watched the teachers at a daycare do it (or maybe you’ve watched them calmly, quietly put 10 kids down for a nap at the same time).

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We talked recently about the costs of selfishness. Ego, narcissism, self-centeredness–it’s not only a recipe for inevitably overreaching in the professional world, it is a death sentence to personal relationships.

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Maybe you had a rough day with the kids. Or a tough day at the office. It’s in one of those moments you doubt whether you’re doing enough of this or that, or you’re left feeling jealous or unsatisfied. It’s in these moments you need to remember: “There are people who have seen their children die,” Mary Laura Philpont writes in her book Bomb Shelter.

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Of course, we try to tell our children we love them. Sometimes they receive it. Sometimes they roll their eyes. Sometimes–depending on how we grew up and what we saw from our parents–even just saying ‘I love you’ can be difficult or a stretch for us.

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Parenting and stress seem to just go together. Anxiety, concern, they follow too. There’s always something we are tracking, something we’re worried about. If our son’s grades don’t get better, it could mean he won’t get into college. It could be confirmation of that learning disability we’ve been told about. Your daughter was tired yesterday and now you just heard her sneeze–is she sick? Oh no, we cannot afford to get sick right now.

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On this weekend episode of  the Daily Dad Ryan talks about how as parents we can get so caught up in raising the kids we forget to appreciate the little things. There will be a last time you get a call from the principal, the last time you pack a lunch, or drop them off at school; everything must come to an end. It is important to remain present and make the most of these moments, you never know when it will be the last time.

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You can’t prevent your kids from making mistakes. Nor, honestly, should you really want to. You have to let them learn on their own. And you have to give them the space to do it. Knowing that you’ve instilled the character, the awareness, and the willingness to ask for help that they will need in order to bounce back from the mistakes they will inevitably make.

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We’d love to give our kids everything they want. We’d love to fulfill every wish and eliminate every inadequacy. We can’t. So we must focus on what we control, we must point them to what they control, what they can change, where their effort matters most.

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We can tell them now, we can tell them early, that we’d rather them develop themselves as people, find their project, find their people, than optimize themselves to win such a deranged competition. And we can remind them of that timeless Bible verse–the one that asks what good it is to gain the whole world (or anything)if you lose your soul in the process.

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