The Daily Dad

You missed them while they were away at school. You want to hang out with them. You want to be an attentive, interested parent. You want to make sure they’re alright–that there isn’t something they need to tell you.

Let them decompress. Give them something to eat. Put on some music. Just be there. If you want to talk, maybe share with them something from your day or your life.

Let them come to you.

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We want such big things for and from our kids. Because we know what they’re capable of. Because we have worked so hard to provide a better childhood for them than we had. Because we know the mistakes we made in our lives and want them to learn from them–to pick up where we left off. We also know what has served us well, what we are capable of.

But the problem with that is this: Our kids are not us. It’s that simple. As much as they are like us in so many ways, they are their own people. They are so different from us.

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Think about the life of Randolph Churchill, who we have talked about. Think about the life of Claudia Williams, the daughter of Ted Williams, who we’ve talked about. Think of Commodus, the son of Marcus Aurelius. These children were privileged in many ways—they had wealthy, powerful parents who gave them access to so many wonderful things.

But surely if you’d have asked them, they’d have told you *just how hard it was* to be the child of someone like their parents.

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Out in the street, the kids are playing and screaming. They’re throwing balls and sharing toys. It’s noisy and insane, sweet and overwhelming. It’s always been crazy and hard and baffling. Yet people have figured it out, they’ve survived.

And so will you.

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On this weekend of episode of the Daily Dad, Ryan shares a compilation of emails that help parents understand the importance of our time with our kids. 

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Douglas MacArthur seemed relatively accepting of his quiet, sensitive boy. It was undoubtedly MacArthur’s dream to see his son graduate from West Point and enter the service. That was never going to happen. So MacArthur had to adjust, like all fathers he had to accept “undeniable reality,”—something that could not have been easy for a man used to getting his way on a global scale.

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Each of us has dreams and demons, goals and baggage. Sometimes in equal measure, sometimes not–and not always in favor of the good stuff. We have trauma from our own childhood, things that we’re hooked on, bad habits, personality flaws. We have issues. At the same time, we have big, new, important things we want to do in this life–which we only have one of by the way.

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We’re always asking our kids questions. How was school? How did baseball practice go? Did you stay out of trouble? What did your teacher say about your math grade? Did you have fun with your friends?

We ask these questions because we want to have something to talk about. We ask these questions because we’re concerned. We ask these questions because the answers matter to us. Our kids realize this.

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We do our best to be good citizens. Good colleagues. Good people. We don’t freak out like some demonic Karen in a viral video when something goes wrong at the supermarket. We follow the law. We help others when they need it. We try to practice the golden rule.

Good. Good. Good.

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It would be nice if the work we did at home was as clear as the work we do at, well, work. At the office, the number of hours matters. At the office, you have metrics to hit. You have a quantifiable output. You have someone who can tell you–the boss, your customers–whether you’re doing a good job or not.

But at home? With our kids? It’s so much trickier.

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