The Daily Dad

Each of us goes into this with opinions–so many opinions. Not just about parenting but about other parents. Parents who let their kids have lots of screentime. Parents of kids with “ADHD.” Divorced parents. Parents who ply their kids with soda and sugary cereals to get them to behave. Because we think we know better, or at least we’re confident that we know “the right way” to do things.

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Ryan talks about a recent chaotic travel week when he was reminded about how easily life can take you away from what actually matters.

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You’re not a babysitter. You’re not some lesser figure in your kids’ lives. When you are with them—and when you are not with them—you’re their father. That matters. It’s an important job, one that you should take seriously and never demean (and not let others demean, either). You’re doing it because you love it, because you get something out of it, and you know what kind of impact it has.

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The famous screenwriter’s maxim is “show don’t tell.” Marcus Aurelius said it’s a waste of time to speculate or argue about what makes a good man, a good athlete, a good teammate, a good parent. Our job, he said, was to be one. We can have great conversations. We can give them a great lecture. But what matters is what we model.

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Not every parent is a public figure, but each of us are constrained by the same amount of finite energy. And it could be argued that in a world of social media, we do have a presence on platforms with the potential to expose us to endless amounts of people who disagree or dislike us.

The question is: Are you going to get bogged down by this or ignore it?

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It’s impossible to do this all, isn’t it? We have all the tasks, responsibilities, and aspirations we’ve always had–eating and sleeping and working and paying our taxes and taking out the trash and following our dreams–but now we have little people to care for on top of all that. Little helpless people with infinite needs. How can we do it all?

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Michael Lewis tells the story of a coach named Jack Kenney who changed his life. One morning at an overnight tennis camp, all the campers stormed the dining hall to try to get their favorite box of cereal. The options ranged from Froot Loops every kid likes to the dark bran stuff no kid likes.

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On this weekend's episode of Daily Dad Ryan chats with his writing partner Nils Parker about different parenting topics and how to respond to outsider opinions and parenting expectations.

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The great physicist Richard Feynman had a father who instilled his brilliant son with an interesting perspective about the world. Sitting down, he would lay the newspaper out on the table and ask his boy questions about what they saw and read. Once, when they came upon a photo of the Pope blessing a group of believers, Richard’s father asked his son if he knew the difference between the Pope and his followers. And then, before Richard could answer, he said, “The difference is the hat. He is wearing a hat.” His dad would repeat the same exercise whether it was a photo of a general with stars on their collar or a wealthy executive with an expensive suit.

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Your job is to be a fan of your kids. We’ve said this before. Your job is to help them become who they are. We’ve said that too. Your job is to help them find “their project,” their “life’s task.” We’ve said all that, and hopefully you’ve gotten the message.

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