The Daily Dad

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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad,  Ryan talks with comedian Christina Pazsitzky on balancing work and life, and raising kids while being a good parent.

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You knew it that day in the hospital. You felt it the first time they threw their arms around you. You are reminded of it every time they do something decent and kind and good.

You were given something very special. You have been entrusted with something very special. A bundle of genes and circumstances that will never exist ever again in history, that’s never ever existed before–something, someone totally unique and wonderful. Someone with gifts, someone with something to offer, someone who needs to be protected, taught and helped to become everything they’re meant to be.

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When your teenager sits you down to come clean to you about something…When you’re on vacation and wondering whether you should try to squeeze one more thing in…When your adult kid decides to get divorced…When you’re frustrated and resentful about something with your spouse and decide to have a talk, there is something you should keep in mind.

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“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/dailydad and get on your way to being your best self.”

It’s fitting that one of the most important things you can do as a parent requires you to think about something that’s very nearly impossible for a parent to consider. It comes to us from Marcus Aurelius by way of Epictetus.

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If you want to spend more time with your kids, as we said recently, the important thing is that you don’t drive them away. Yet that’s what so many of us do, isn’t it?

Because we worry, because we care, because we can’t quite strike the right balance, our efforts end up backfiring. Think of John O’Connor’s mom whose smothering tendencies drove her son to move from California to Arizona just to get some distance. There’s no way she wanted that to happen, but she made it happen all the same. Think of Tim Hardaway Sr., whose drive to make his son a great basketball player, nearly made Tim Hardaway Jr. quit the sport altogether. As so many of us do to our kids in our own ways.

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Imagine you’ve come to the end. You’re leaving this world, leaving your kids behind. Or worse, more unthinkably, your kids are leaving you. They’re off to college. They’re moving across the country. Time or distance or conflict separates you. They’ve been in an accident. You’ve both lived to ripe old ages, but they go first.

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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad,  Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on stepping outside of our own upbringing and challenging the conversation more as parents when it comes to the freedom of our children. 

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This change we’ve made, this decision to become dads—it has uprooted everything. It’s like we were hit, suddenly, with a crossfire hurricane. The house is a mess. The schedule is grueling. There is never enough sleep, never enough time in the day.

Even the cool, quiet dark is pierced by the shriek of a man who has stepped on a pile of Legos… and the shriek is coming from your mouth. Yet to be good at our jobs, to be good at this fatherhood thing, we need stillness. We need time to reflect. We need focus. We need calm to restore and reboot us.

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You weren’t wrong. You did have some experience on the matter. You only wanted what was best for them.

You wanted them to stay in school. You didn’t want them messing around with something that could cause them trouble. You wanted them to be safe. You wanted to make sure they stayed the good and innocent and promising kid you used to carry around.

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They see you disheveled and groggy. They see you busy and preoccupied. They see you argue with your spouse. They see you burned out after a long week. They see regular old, normal you.

But what about some of those peak career moments? When you sold your company. When you were invited to that special reception at the fancy place downtown. The first day of shooting for your new screenplay. When you were interviewed for that big morning show. When that raise finally came through.

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