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Being a parent is terrifying. Joan Didion’s famous line, as we talked about recently, is that once you have kids you are never not afraid. We are hostages to fortunes now, always worried that something could or will happen to our kids.
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You are not perfect. Nobody would argue that–least of all your kids. But are you better? Better than you were when they were younger? Better than you were a couple years ago? Better than yesterday?
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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad, Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on the unexpected things in life we can’t prepare for, the anticipation of things often being worse and solving the problem first.
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Your kids are going to make bad decisions. They are going to do things you disagree with. They may well grow up into someone you don’t understand.
That means calming down. It means trying to see their perspective. It means giving them space. It means asking questions and withholding opinion. It means offering help. It means providing resources. It means acceptance. It means unconditional love.
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It’s a noisy world out there… and most of us add to the din. We chatter on social media. We chatter on the phone. We chatter over email.
Even as parents, we tend to do a lot of talking. There are all the things we tell our kids. The things we remind them about. The lessons we try to teach them. The books we read to them.
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Maybe someday, you’ll get there. It’ll probably be too late–your teenager will be grown up, the phase will be over, things will have calmed down. You know these things you seem to have strong opinions about…the tone of your kid’s voice. Whether the music they listen to is any good. How they want to style their hair. What they want to major in. Who they marry.
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It happens so often that you hardly even notice it anymore. Your kids said they weren’t hungry and now of course they are. You told them to go to the bathroom before you left (they ignored you), and now they want you to pull the car over so they can pee. You knew they’d like this movie, you knew they’d have fun, you knew that other kid was trouble.
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Here’s a test of your own childhood: Imagine you’re sitting on the couch watching TV. You’re in the kitchen making a snack. You and a friend are hanging out upstairs. And then you hear the garage door going up. Or you hear keys in the front door. The car pulling into the driveway.
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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad, Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on starting with the idea that your kids are good inside, what truly is our role in helping our children instead of whats wrong, and more parenting tips from Dr. Becky Kennedy and her book Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
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Family is wonderful. None of us would be here, the writer Aaron Thier once put it, if people hadn’t taken care of us when we were small. Somebody birthed us, raised us, drove us to school, kept us safe.
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