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What gives you the right? What’s your purpose on this planet? Why do you work so hard, why do you fight for the causes you fight for, why do you put up with all the crap you have to put up with in this life?
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You think it’d be pretty non-controversial. Over on the Daily Dad Instagram (you should follow us!) we’ll post something about having fewer opinions and judgements when it comes to your kids. We’ll talk about loving them unconditionally–even when you don’t understand, even when you disagree. We’ll put up a video about letting your kids be who they are, not trying to make them into something you think they should be.
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You give your kids a lot. You pay for everything. You sacrifice so much–parts of your career, your health, your hobbies. You drive them around, you build your schedule around them. And you give them your most precious resource–time, so much time. No one is questioning that. It’s indisputable.
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“I do it all for them,” we say. We tell ourselves that’s why we’re getting on the plane, that’s why we’re spending another long night at the office, why we’re taking that big risk, why we’re starting that next venture.
It’s for them, we’re doing it all for our family…those people we rarely see.
It’s a good motivation to be sure, and it’s also a very flattering one. It’s ironically, a rather self-serving one too. Because by dressing our actions up in selflessness, we don’t actually end up thinking much about anyone but ourselves.
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It sort of sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? For years, you literally fell asleep next to this person. They fell asleep on you. You were the last thing they saw, the last person they talked to, the one they begged for one more story, one more kiss, to do the blankets right one more time. And then suddenly, they’re like “Goodnight, Dad.” “Goodnight mom, close the door on the way out, will you?”
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On this weekend episode of the Daily Dad, Ryan talks with his wife Samantha on the difference between expressing pride and relief, and practicing motivated intrinsically vs extrinsically with our kids.
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Stoicism 101: Philosophy for Your Actual Life
It’s an awesome, accessible, and practical two-week deep dive into philosophy that every parent (and even older kids) can benefit from. We’re teaching the Stoic secrets to success, resilience, and productivity, as well as how a Stoic masters their emotions (something useful for both parents AND kids!).
The course includes 2 live Q&As with Ryan Holiday where you can ask all your Stoicism related questions. And you will have access to a private discussion board to ask questions, share thoughts, and interact with other people taking Stoicism 101.
Why don’t you join us?
This LIVE course begins in just two days on MONDAY, NOVEMBER 6TH. Sign up at dailystoic.com/101.
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On their deathbeds, fathers think about a lot of things. They think about the world they’re leaving to their sons and daughters. They think about how they parented. They think about the mistakes they made. They think about what they did right. They are warmed by the thoughts of their children, and, if they are lucky, they find themselves surrounded by them, the hospital bed serving as the final crowded table we have talked about here.
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We all have some version of this memory: We didn’t feel well. We fell awkwardly on our wrist. We hit our head. We told our parents, but they didn’t believe us…they told us we’d be fine. They told us we’d feel better soon. Then a few days later it turned out that we had scarlet fever or shingles. Our wrist was broken. We’d sustained a concussion.
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Aristotle wrote his famous Nicomachean Ethics for his son, Nicomachus. Seneca was given a philosophy teacher by his father. Cato too, was given the philosophical education his parents felt the promising boy deserved. Marcus Aurelius tried to give Commodus a group of philosophical advisors, and we can imagine that one of his great disappointments in life was that his philosophy and his example didn’t seem to rub off on his son.
Stoicism 101
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