The Gaslight Effect Podcast

On this episode Dr. Robin Stern interviews her friend and colleague Dr. Steven Hassan.

Dr. Hassan is a leading expert on cults and has dedicated his life to preventative education and helping people recover from their own experiences.

Dr. Hassan is the author of four books: Combating Cult Mind Control; Releasing The Bonds; Freedom Of Mind; and his most recent book, The Cult Of Trump.

Dr. Hassan describes in great detail how he became part of a cult in college, the techniques that were used on him (and ultimately by him) to exert mind control, and the steps he took to get out.

Dr. Hassan describes mind control as a three step process:

• Unfreezing the person's identity
• Indoctrination
• Refreezing the person's new identity

Robin and Steven discuss the influence of cell phones on the masses and the flood of information from sometimes radical sources.

Dr. Stern and Dr. Hassan also explain that human beings are emotionally driven, rationalize a lot, and are incredibly adaptive to people in their environment as well as to leaders that they think are legitimate.

Dr. Hassan identifies the signs to look for if you think someone you know may be in a cult, and the importance of showing love toward that person to help them break free. As Dr. Hassan says, "Love is stronger than mind control."

To see the full transcript of this episode and to listen to other episodes, head over to robinstern.com, and pelase be sure to leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

WARNING! This episode includes discussions about sensitive topics including rape and violence and is intended for mature audiences.

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with Leslee Udwin.

Leslee is an actor, producer, director and now an education sytem change activist. She directed and produced the documentary film India's Daughter.

Robin and Leslee discuss the process Leslee went through to make this incredibly moving documentary about the brutal rape and death of a woman in India. Leslee conducted 31 hours of interviews with the perpetrators, and what she learned during this process led Leslee to create Think Equal, a non-profit organization dedicated to creating "the world's first holistic comprehensive Social and Emotional learning program."

Leslee also shares her deeply personal account of she herself being raped at the age of 18.

Robin points out that gaslighting often unfolds as part of an unequal social context, and Leslee discovered during the making of the film that her original thought that the rapists actions were the result of lack of education was not accurate. She realized that society had taught these people through social norms.

Robin states that people are not born gaslighters. They learn by observation and social learning, and hate is part of social learning.

Leslee feels that we must learn to be human together and we have to teach children to love before the age of six. The problem is bigger than each of us and we must band together against the "globalization of indifference."

To read the full transcript and to hear other episodes, head over to robinstern.com and please leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern interviews Hannah Husain, a seventeen year old student studying abroad this semester, researching gaslighting interactions in relationships - particularly in teenagers.

Hannah's first encounter with gaslighting occured when her friend had wanted to go to a concert, and was unintentionally gaslighted by her mom into not going.

Robin and Hannah discuss how, with social media causing insecurities to skyrocket, even if you're not intentionally meaning to gaslight, that can be the effect of comments made to friends.

Robin points out how in some cases wanting someone to feel better by having them believe your reality rather than their own, perpetuates a feeling that others know better than them, thus undermining that person's confidence.

Hannah and Robin talk about how social media can influence decisions like what you should eat, and how you should exercise. It is important to have relationships and sources of information offline to keep you grounded.

Developing strong friendships and family relationships will help affirm that you can trust your own thoughts and feelings, and validate your reality.

To read the full transcript of this episode and to hear other episodes, head over to robinstern.com, and be sure to leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talked with her close friend and colleague, Alice Forrester, the CEO of Clifford Beers Community Health Partners.

Alice discussed how growing up as a teenager in the 1970s, she was aware of the culture shift that was occuring at that time in our country, and how her father struggled with this changing dynamic.

Alice recalled often being told she was wrong by her father, about certain opinions she was formulating at that time, and how that did not leave her unscathed.

Alice and Robin unpacked Alice's feelings of being "wrong" and how that has impacted her adult life.

Alice shared a deeply personal account of when her nephew recently passed away at a young age from COVID and how she felt she couldn't say the right words to comfort her sister in her grief, and how this stirred up deeply emotional feelings of not being good enough.

Alice also shared that at the same time, her marriage was going through a difficult time, and how she was being gaslighted by her partner regarding their relationship.

Robin and Alice worked through the the idea that these multiple experiences of gaslighting can cause you to think that maybe you are wrong, and to second guess your own reasoning. Often, giving yourself space allows you to gain a better understanding of what is happening and spurs you to change or get out of the gaslighting situation.

Alice shared how understanding what gaslighting means and what to look for, has helped her in raising her daughters in these unsettled times during the pandemic and post pandemic, when we often are told to believe things that are constantly changing and things that we know are not accurate.

To read the full transcript of this episode and to listen to other episodes, please head over to robinstern.com. And don't forget to leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with Ian Nichols, co-host of It's Only A Podcast - a horror movie review show.

Robin has been a guest on several of Ian's podcast episodes that explore gaslighting in horror movies.

Ian shares his personal experience with gaslighting, both within a romantic relationship as well as with his parents.

Ian describes himself as an empath and a very emotional person who often cries during emotional moments in his life.

As a child, Ian's parents instilled the thought in himself that he "cried too much." His childhood was marred by abuse, an alcoholic mother, an often distant father, and parents who continually told him he was too sensitive.

Growing up, Ian felt he had to hide the emotional side of himself in friendships and relationships, and he often used humor to deflect away from getting "too emotional."

This ultimately led to Ian falling into a deep depression.

Ian also shares about a relationship in which his partner was from a different culture that didn't value feminity and vulnerablity. This again made Ian feel that something was wrong with him.

Thankfully, Ian was able to work through these issues with a therapist and discovered that he was involved in gaslighting situations with both his parents and in his relationship.

Robin and Ian discuss the importance of having a strong support network to help you process painful interactions with gaslighters...and the value of "healthy emotion snacks!"

To read the full transcript of this episode and to hear other episodes, head over to robinstern.com. And please leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with real-life sisters, psychotherapist Abby Rodman and former beauty executive now life coach Julie Howard, co-hosts of the popular podcast Sisters Cracking Up.

From their podcast website:

"...we've been through a few things. If nothing else, life has a way of teaching us about balance -- and we've both had our share of blessings and challenges.

We've laughed and cried our way through parenting, empty nests, managing adult children, aging and body image concerns, aging parents, and menopause. We've struggled through divorce and second marriage (Abby), career transition and reinvention (Julie), depression, anxiety, and the frustrations and heartbreak of dealing with family members with mental health and addiction issues.

But, through it all, we've laughed until we've cried many more times than we can count and have held each other up when everything else seemed to be falling down around us.

We feel extraordinarily lucky to have one another. That's why we created Sisters Cracking Up. We believe everyone needs a sister (biological or otherwise) to share in our joys and successes -- and to help right our ships (or, frankly, our shit) when storms hit.

Our podcast is a labor of love, sisterhood, and curiosity. In it, we look for answers to the questions and issues we face in midlife and know you do too. We interview really smart, engaging, and often funny people and we offer our decades of expertise in psychology, relationships, beauty, and well-being to the mix as well. With every episode, our goal is to listen, learn, share, laugh, and connect without judgment or expectation -- as any good sister would."

Abby and Julie open up about a devastating gaslighting incident that occured in their family as young girls and continued over many years. A stunning secret about their father threatend to tear their family apart and forever changed not only their relationship with their father, but also impacted the lives of their other family members as well.

The willingness of Abby and Julie to be vulnerable with Robin about this gaslighting event, and Robin's sensitivity and understanding in handling this very sensitve conversation is a wonderful example of how important it is to find someone to share life's difiicult moments with.

This is an episode you won't want to miss!

To read the full transcript of this episode and to hear other episodes, head over to robinstern.com.

And be sure to leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out, a national bestseller that "ignited a long-overdue conversation about the hidden culture of female bullying."

Rachel is also the author of Odd Girl Speaks Out, The Curse of the Good Girl, and Enough As She Is.

Rachel is a "master facilitator and executive coach, she works for the world's most innovative companies to design and deliver programs for women's leadership development and gender equity. She is renowned for translating social science research into accessible strategies with authenticity and humor, while creating a safe space to explore uncomfortable topics. Rachel serves on the faculty of the Google School for Leaders and is an associate with the firm Cultivating Leadership. After co-founding the national nonprofit Girls Leadership, she led the Phoebe Lewis Leadership Program at Smith College. Her writing has appeared in the The New York Times and Harvard Business Review, among many other publications. An ABC News Contributor for Good Morning America, Rachel is a recognized thought leader in the national media. She is a proud gay parent and lives in Western Massachusetts with her daughter and two rescue dogs."

Rachel and Robin discuss the inherrent gaslighting that occurs in bullying situations, in particular with girls ensnared in a dysfunctional friendship in which they are the target of a perpetrator who drags them along in the realtionship by gaslighting them, telling them that "everything is fine," while continuing to bully them.

Rachel also touches on the changing role of women in the workplace, and the institutional and organizational bias that many women continue to face, that often manifests as gaslighting. Often, organizations want to protect the norms while at the same time protecting their reputations as a "meritocratic" workplace.

Rachel and Robin discuss the dynamic of how gaslighters often continue to gaslight becasue it works to control the gaslightee, and the gaslightee can often break free once they are able to objectively look at the situation and trust their own thoughts and actions.

Rachel more recently has begun working with men within organizations to help them identify the hidden biases that affect how they interact with women in the workplace. As Rachel says, "most men want to do the right thing, they just don't know how to do it."

To read the full transcript of this episode and to hear other episodes, head over to robinstern.com.

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with recording artist TUCKER about his career, his family, and the relationship that led him to write his hit song 'Can't Help Myself,'(with a cameo speaking performance by Robin Stern!) that explains the emotions involved in a relationship in which he felt he might be gaslighting himself.

As TUCKER says during the interview, "music is the unversal language," and music can bring people from different backgrounds together through connection.

TUCKER explains that effective pop music can put so much emotion into a catchy tune and can help communicate something that we're feeling.

TUCKER describes the relationship that caused him to write 'Can't Help Myself' as a "situationship" in which one person isn't sure what the other person wants and what they say is often not what they do.

In this type of relationship, a person might start thinking that it might be their fault. It becomes a choice between trusting words and trusting actions.

TUCKER understands firsthand the importance of transferring pain and vulnerability to music and art.

His mission is: "How do we take these experiences and reflect them back in a musical world of 2 minute songs to go a little deeper."

Robin and TUCKER discuss the importance of owning where you are, especially in this social media world of perfect images, and the pressure of being a musician in a streaming world where numbers are the driving metric of "success."

To read the full transcript and to access other episodes, head over to robinstern.com. And don't forget to leave a rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast!

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with Annabelle Stone (real name changed to protect her identity) about an all too common occurence - gaslighting in marriage.

Annabelle shares her story in the hopes that listeners can learn the signs of gaslighting in marriage and relationships.

Annabelle was introduced to her husband by a trusted common friend, and she felt very confident in her attraction to him. He was a very successful surgeon with a wonderful reputation. All seemed perfect - until it wasn't.

As the marriage evolved, Annabelle began to see his "mask fall off."

Her husband became very controlling as the marriage continued, and began to tell common friends unkind things behind her back.

Robin and Annabelle discuss the red flags that anyone in a gaslighting relationship can be on the lookout for - and the importance of not ignoring them!

To read the full transcript of this episode and to hear other episodes, head over to robinstern.com.

On this episode, Dr. Robin Stern talks with Tami Burdick about her journey of self-advocacy in which she worked closely with her doctors to diagnose and cure a rare inflammatory breast disease.

Tami's book, Diagnosis Detective: Curing Granulomatous Mastitus is a:

"memoir is about how one woman was cured of a chronic inflammatory breast disease known as Granulomatous Mastitis, by her own advocacy, independent extensive research, due diligence, and discovering a pathology test which finally led to a cause to her disease. The author shares her private details of her own year-and-a-half journey and obstacles she endured to finally reach remission by curing her disease. Other women also share their unique experiences with battling the various types of the same traumatic disease."

Tami and Robin also discuss Tami's very personal experience of medical gaslighting within her immediate family, and the current struggle to get comprehensive care within the medical industry.

While Tami's experience with the medical community required her to provided self-advocacy and ultimately led to her being directly involved in her own disease diagnosis, her specific situation most likely did not rise to the level of gaslighting.

But her experience showcases the need for patients to do their own research, and be their own advocate, especially when facing difficult diagnoses.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review!

To read the full transcript of this episode and to listen to other episodes, head over to robinstern.com!