Facing the Fear of Intimacy:

Understanding and Overcoming the Barriers to Connection

In this heartfelt episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and co-host Amy Andrus dive into the common emotions surrounding the fear of intimacy. They explore how past experiences, childhood memories, and critical self-talk can create blind spots that hinder our ability to connect deeply with others.

Throughout the discussion, they provide insights into identifying and addressing these fears, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and vulnerability. Whether you're navigating trust issues in a current relationship or seeking to understand your own reluctance to connect, this episode offers practical advice and emotional support to help you take the first steps toward meaningful human intimacy.

Assignment: After listening to this episode, take some time to reflect on your own experiences with fear of intimacy. Grab a piece of paper and write down the earliest memories you have related to feeling disconnected or fearful in relationships. What thoughts or emotions come up for you when you think about these moments? Consider when you first started feeling this way and how these fears may be impacting your current relationships. This self-reflection exercise can be a powerful first step toward understanding and overcoming the barriers to deeper connections in your life.

The Power of Social Connection: Healing and Thriving Through Support

In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss the vital importance of social connections for our physical and mental well-being. They explore the transformative impact of community, support groups, and trusted relationships, emphasizing that humans are inherently wired for connection. Through research and personal stories, they highlight how social support can help individuals recover from trauma, betrayal, and isolation. The hosts encourage listeners to seek out meaningful connections, whether through groups, past relationships, or safe individuals, as a critical step toward healing and thriving.

Breaking the Cycle:

How to Resolve Relationship Problems and Build Connection

In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Amy Andrus explore how couples can break free from destructive relationship patterns that keep them stuck. They introduce the concept of the Zeigarnik effect—the tendency of the mind to cling to unresolved issues—and how it often plays out in relationships, causing repeated conflicts.

The hosts discuss practical strategies for identifying and disrupting these negative cycles, such as deep listening, self-reflection, and small, consistent changes in behavior. They emphasize the importance of gaining insight into one's own emotions and those of one's partner to foster understanding and compassion. Whether you're feeling hopeless or simply want to improve your relationship, this episode offers valuable tools and perspectives to help you create a healthier, more connected partnership.

The podcast emphasizes that successful relationships require effort, introspection, and a willingness to break old habits and create new, healthier ones.

Empathy in Action: A Path to Deeper Relationship Bonds

with Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis

In this podcast episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the concept of empathy, defining it as the ability to connect with others' emotions and hold space for their experiences. They discuss the challenges of practicing empathy in relationships, particularly during conflicts when emotions run high.

The episode introduces Carol Juergens Sheets’ AVR model—acknowledge, validate, reassure—as a tool to enhance empathy in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, the difficulty of validating others' feelings when emotions are intense, and the need for effective communication during conflicts.

Resources:

https://www.humanintimacy.com/learnmore

What Happened to Us? Unpacking Relationship Challenges and Finding Solutions

1. Introduction and Purpose: The podcast, hosted by Kevin Skinner, focuses on individuals struggling in their relationships, exploring why relationships fail and what can be done to prevent this.

2. Dr. Skinner shares a personal story about his niece's beautiful wedding, contrasting the joy and connection of a new relationship with the fear and challenges many face in relationships today.

3. Statistics on Marriage and Divorce: In 2022, over 2 million couples married, while approximately 750,000 to 800,000 couples divorced in the United States, highlighting a significant societal issue.

4. Common Reasons for Divorce:

5. Dr. Skinner Emphasizes the Importance of Developing Our Relationship Skills: Emphasizes the importance of learning relationship skills, such as communication and problem-solving, to maintain strong relationships.

6. Impact of Stories: Discusses how unresolved issues lead to negative narratives that damage relationships, such as feeling unloved or unsupported by a partner.

7. Infidelity and Turning Outward: Explores how unresolved conflicts can lead to infidelity and turning to external sources for emotional needs.

8. Repairing Relationships: Highlights the importance of addressing core issues and repairing the relationship through effective communication and understanding.

9. Creating Love: Love is described as a renewable, actionable choice rather than a fleeting emotion. Actions, such as being vulnerable and acknowledging mistakes, can foster love.

10. Barbara Fredrickson's Insights: Love is essential for well-being, akin to oxygen and food, influencing our biochemistry and DNA expression.

11. Assignment: Listeners are invited to create a relationship history timeline to identify key events and unresolved issues in their relationships.

12. Commitment and Vulnerability: Emphasizes the importance of showing commitment and being vulnerable to repair and strengthen relationships.

13. Final Thoughts and Resource: Skinner encourages listeners to seek help and use available resources, such as the "Human Intimacy" webinar series and the "Relationship Dilemma" course, to improve their relationship skills.

14. **Quote by Barbara Fredrickson**: "Love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave," emphasizing the fundamental importance of love in our lives.

15. Conclusion: Encourages listeners to actively create and nurture love in their relationships, improving personal and societal well-being.

Resources Discussed:

Barbara Fredrickson’s book: Love 2.0 (Currently Free on Amazon)

The Relationship Dilemma

https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/the-relationship-dilemma-stay-or-leave

The Human Intimacy Webinar Series

https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/human-intimacy-free-webinar-series

Resilient Relationships: Overcoming Adversity Together

On the 25th Episode of the Human Intimacy podcast Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses how individuals and couples can effectively deal with adversity in relationship. Below you will find the key points discussed in the podcast.

1. Introduction to Resiliency in Relationships: Dr. Skinner introduces the topic of how couples handle difficult adversity in their relationships, drawing from his 30 years of experience as a therapist.

2. Dr. Al Siebert's Insights: Skinner shares insights from Dr. Al Siebert, who studied resilient people for 35 years. Siebert's research on individuals who overcame extreme adversity, such as the Holocaust or severe health issues, revealed that resiliency is a learned skill.

3. Adversity's Impact on Relationships: Adversity can either pull couples together or push them apart. Couples who survive difficult times often develop stronger bonds and learn to communicate more effectively.

4. Elizabeth Edwards' Perspective: Resiliency involves accepting a new reality and trying to create something good from it, rather than just lamenting what has been lost.

5. Importance of Flexibility and Adaptability: Resilient individuals and couples are flexible and adaptable. They don't return to old, unhealthy patterns but learn to embrace new ways of dealing with challenges.

6. Role of Curiosity and Open-mindedness: Resilient people remain curious and open to learning. They continuously seek new information and strategies to overcome their difficulties.

7. Dr. Siebert's Findings on Resiliency: Resiliency is not an endpoint but a continuous process. It involves experiencing emotional ups and downs and being adaptable to changing circumstances.

8. Examples of Resiliency: Skinner shares examples of individuals and couples who have shown remarkable resiliency, including those who have dealt with infidelity, addiction, and severe health issues.

9. **James Stockdale's Story**: Skinner recounts the story of James Stockdale, a Vietnam War POW who exemplified mental resilience by refusing to let his captors control his mind, and identified three types of people: optimists, pessimists, and realists, with realists being the most resilient.

10. Support Systems and Community: Resilient people often find support from others and become part of a community or tribe that helps them navigate their challenges.

11. Resiliency as a Collective Effort: For couples, resiliency requires both partners to be committed to learning, adapting, and communicating effectively. It involves mutual effort and openness to change.

12. Conclusion: Skinner emphasizes that resiliency is about not giving up, staying open to learning, and being flexible. He highlights the importance of recognizing the ups and downs of life and adapting accordingly.

Deception, Conflict, and Authenticity: Navigating Relationships with Dr. Jason Whiting

Introduction and Background:

• Dr. Kevin Skinner introduces Dr. Jason Whiting, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and professor at Brigham Young University.

Main Themes:

• Deception in Relationships:

Research and Findings:

• Dr. Whiting shares insights from his research, which includes interviews with individuals involved in domestic violence.

Physiological Responses and Conflict:

• The conversation highlights the concept of "flooding" as described by John Gottman, where high emotional arousal (heart rates over 100 bpm) makes constructive communication difficult.

Negotiated Timeouts:

• Dr. Whiting explains the concept of negotiated timeouts, where couples pre-arrange signals and strategies to pause heated arguments.

Authenticity and Core Values:

• The discussion shifts to becoming more authentic in relationships by aligning actions with core values such as honesty, kindness, and responsibility.

Rebuilding Trust:

• For individuals who have been deceptive, Dr. Whiting advises focusing on consistent honesty and understanding the partner's perspective.

Communication and Kindness:

• Dr. Whiting discusses the balance between honesty and kindness, emphasizing that being "brutally honest" is often just being brutal.

Conclusion:

• Dr. Whiting and Dr. Skinner highlight the significance of developing healthier communication habits, understanding physiological responses during conflicts, and fostering authenticity and kindness in relationships.

Resources Discussed in the Podcast:

1. Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive in Relationship by Dr. Jason Whiting

The Burden of Betrayal

When it comes to relationship challenges, infidelity and sexual betrayal are some of the most challenging issues to resolve. In this week's podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner discusses the Burden of Sexual Betrayal. He explores it from both partners' perspectives and highlights the painful process of rebuilding a relationship after betrayal.

Resources Discussed

Attachment Focused Family Therapy by Daniel Hughes

Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner

Exploring Sexuality:

Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors

We are all sexual beings and have natural desires that guide our behaviors. However, as we develop, our sexuality can cross lines that we regret. In this week’s podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss sexual connection and intimacy, and healthy versus unhealthy sexual behaviors. Join us for this information-filled episode. 

Using the C.A.R.E.S Model to Help Your Loved Ones Dealing with 

Mental Health Challenges (Episode #21)

We live during a time when mental health challenges have significantly increased over the past few decades. Some research suggests that we are ten times more likely to have depression than we were fifty years ago.

Suppose you have a loved one struggling with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues. In that case, we invite you to listen to Dr. Robinson and Skinner as they discuss this important topic. They will be covering the C.A.R.E.S Model in-depth. If you want to help your struggling loved one, this podcast will provide valuable insights.

The C.A.R.E.S. Model

C = Communicate actively

A = Advocate for their needs

R = Respect their journey

E = Educate yourself

S = Support healthy habits

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Resources Mentioned in This Podcast:

National Alliiance on Mental Health (NAMI)

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/