The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

The decisions you make in the early stages of separation can shape your family for years to come. And yet, most parents make critical mistakes during this most vulnerable time - often because they're following well-meaning but misguided advice from friends, family, or even professionals who don't understand child development or the realities of post-separation parenting.

In this episode, Danielle walks through the five most damaging mistakes she sees parents make repeatedly in early separation:

• Avoiding conflict at all costs

• Believing "50/50 is best"

• Believing you need the non-primary parent's agreement for everything 

• Making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions 

• Accepting generic advice for your situation

Each mistake comes with its own version of harm. Each is avoidable when you understand what your children actually need from this transition, and how to advocate for it.

This episode was originally recorded as private content for those on the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ waitlist in mid 2025. It is being released publicly because the conversation it opens is one every separating parent deserves to hear early - not after the patterns have set, not after the precedents have been established, but at the moment when getting it right matters most.

If you're navigating the early stages of separation, or supporting someone who is, this is the episode to start with.

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ is the comprehensive course that takes you the rest of the way.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

There is a phrase I have heard, in various forms, from many of my clients over the years:

"If her name was Brian instead of Barb, the recognition and response would have been completely different."

That phrase is the whole problem, distilled into one sentence.

This solo episode is for two audiences at once.

The first is every woman who has experienced family violence or post-separation abuse perpetrated by a female partner - and who has watched as professionals, police, and even community bystanders failed to recognise what was being done to her.  If that is you, I want you to know I see what happened. The pattern is real. The response was inadequate. And it was not because your experience didn't matter - it was because the system we have built to recognise family violence is built on a gendered template, and when neither party fits that template, the template fails.

The second is the post-separation professionals - lawyers, mediators, family report writers, Independent Children's Lawyers, police - who handle these cases without realising how much they are missing. The bias is correctable and this episode is a direct invitation to do better.

In this episode I unpack what the research actually shows about intimate partner violence in lesbian relationships, why minimisation happens so consistently across professional and community contexts, the specific dynamics of stalking and coercive control when both parties are women, and what naming abuse honestly does - and does not - mean for the broader LGBTQIA+ community.

Content note: This episode discusses family violence, post-separation abuse, coercive control, and stalking, including the specific ways these are minimised in lesbian relationships. 

If you need support: 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 (24/7 family violence and sexual assault support, available across Australia) | QLife 1800 184 527 (LGBTQI+ peer support).

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

This Mother's Day episode is for every mother who knows the day might be complicated.

For the mothers without orders, whose former partners simply deny contact on Mother's Day. For the mothers who get a few hours - children dropped in the morning, collected later that same day, no unhurried time for the burnt toast or the homemade card. 

For the mothers whose former partners will withhold the children; yet again prioritising themselves and their own desire for revenge over the needs and rights of their children.

For the mothers whose children are refusing to spend time with them, and who carry that grief privately. 

For every mother who is going to perform "fine" on Sunday because there are children watching.

And we haven't even touched on those of us who have complicated relationships with our own mothers...

I share something I haven't shared publicly on this podcast before, and I talk about the landscape of Mother's Day for separated mothers still navigating post-separation abuse. 

This episode also introduces the four private audio channels available exclusively to Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ members: Blueprint Radio, Calm & Grounded Audio Collection, the Stronger Braver Together album, and the Blueprint Audio Library (rolling out from late May 2026).

Content note: This episode discusses the experience of mothers separated from their children on Mother's Day, including through family court proceedings and post-separation abuse. It contains personal disclosure. Please take care of yourself as you listen.

If you need support: Lifeline 13 11 14 | 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Both available 24/7 across Australia.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

In this episode, Danielle unpacks something that comes up constantly in her work with clients: the tendency to invalidate our own pain by comparing it to someone else's. To stay in situations that are harmful - not because we can't leave, but because leaving feels harder than staying. To choose the familiar difficulty, the 'comfortable discomfort', over the unfamiliar one, without ever consciously naming it as a choice.

Because here is the truth: everything is hard. Staying is hard. Leaving is hard. Fighting for your children is hard. Giving up is hard. The question is never whether something is hard. The question is which hard you are choosing - and whether that choice is actually serving your children.

In this episode Danielle covers:

• Why "someone always has it worse" is both true and completely irrelevant to your situation
• The conflict avoidance trap - why staying stuck can feel safer than moving forward, and what that safety is actually costing you
• The "choose your biggest problem" framework - and why naming your choices changes everything
• The difference between feeling your feelings and living inside them indefinitely

This episode also contains a moment of personal honesty from Danielle about her own experience of suicidal ideation during the hardest period of her post-separation journey - and why she is sharing it.

If you have been feeling like your situation isn't bad enough to justify the way you feel, or if you have been waiting for things to get bad enough before you act, this episode is for you.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please seek support. • Lifeline: 13 11 14 

• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

What if you had access to a specialist coaching resource trained in coercive control, the Australian family law system, attachment science, and nervous system regulation - any time of day or night, at no additional cost?

In this episode, Danielle Black introduces AI Danielle - the digital coaching resource built for the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ - and does something she's never done before on this podcast: has a live, unscripted conversation with her on air.

This is not a demo. This is a real interaction - Danielle asking questions, AI Danielle responding in real time. You'll hear how she handles the question of her own limitations, how she responds to a real scenario a protective parent might bring, and what it actually feels like to interact with a resource that understands your specific context.

In this episode:

• Why Danielle was sceptical about AI - and what changed
• What AI Danielle actually is, and what she isn't
• How she differs from general AI tools like Claude.ai and ChatGPT
• The live conversation: Danielle and AI Danielle in real time
• What AI Danielle can do for you at 3am before a family report interview
• Module 22 of the Blueprint: AI in Your Corner - including the one-of-a-kind affidavit preparation resource

Blueprint members and those working with Danielle Black Coaching via a coaching package have unlimited access to AI Danielle - any time, any question, no additional cost. For everyone else, she's available free on the website with limited messaging.

If you've been curious about AI tools for your post-separation journey - or if you've tried general AI and found it doesn't understand your context - this episode will change how you think about what's possible.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

One hundred episodes.

In this milestone episode, Danielle Black does something she has never quite done before - she tells the full truth about where this work came from, what it has cost, and why she hasn't walked away.

More than seventeen years ago, Danielle was a young mother with a 12-month-old son. She was told by a family lawyer to agree to the 50/50 care arrangements that her abusive ex was demanding. She developed C-PTSD. She kept her phone on silent for a decade because the sound of a message arriving triggered a full panic response. And through all of it, she performed 'reasonableness' - because that was what the professionals, and the system, rewarded.

This episode is honest about what has changed in the Australian family law system since then. And equally honest about what hasn't.

In this episode Danielle covers:

• What the family law system was like 17 years ago - and what it looks like now
• Why legislative change and practice change are not the same thing
• The invisible architecture of what Danielle has built - and why boundaries are not a failure of dedication
• Why she didn't burn it down when she wanted to
• A direct message to the parent who is where she was seventeen years ago

This is not a highlight reel. It is a reckoning - and a declaration.

This episode also marks the debut of Stronger, Braver, Together - the second original anthem created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching. Written for every parent who has carried more than they should, who has learned to move with clarity rather than chaos, and who is choosing to build rather than burn - this song closes Episode 100 as it should be closed. Not with noise, but with quiet strength.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

Your lawyer is not trying to find the truth. And once you understand why - once you really understand how the adversarial legal system is designed and what it is and isn't built to deliver - everything changes.

In this episode, Principal Coach Danielle Black explores one of the most misunderstood dynamics in family law: the gap between what parents expect from their legal team and what lawyers are actually trained and tasked to do. It's not a failing of your lawyer. It's the design of the system. And knowing the difference is one of the most clarifying - and empowering - shifts a protective parent can make.

Danielle covers:

• How the adversarial legal system actually works - and why "finding the truth" isn't the point
• What your family lawyer's job is, and what it isn't
• Why the other side's lawyer will never educate their client about what your children need (and why that's not a moral failure)
• Why the family report is not the last word - and what happens at final trial
• What "becoming the expert in your own case" actually looks like in practice
• Why no one else is going to do this work - and why you are the only person in these proceedings specifically motivated to do it

This is not an episode that criticises lawyers. It's an episode that tells you the truth about what the system is designed to do - so you can stop expecting the wrong things from the wrong people, and start directing your energy toward what you can actually build and control.

If you have ever felt bewildered that your lawyer "doesn't get it," frustrated that the other side's legal team isn't advocating for your children, or unsure why the system seems so disconnected from what your kids actually need — this episode will reframe everything.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

Dating after domestic violence, coercive control, or post-separation abuse is one of the most under-discussed topics in the survivor space. Most people are somewhere between terrified and convinced it's simply not possible for them.

In this honest, personal episode, Danielle Black shares what dating after abuse actually looked like from the inside - not a glossy highlight reel, but the real experience of venturing back into connection while still afraid.

This episode explores:

• Why "my picker is broken" is one of the most common fears after abusive relationships - and what to do with it
• The difference between waiting until you're not afraid, and doing it afraid anyway
• Why safety is not the absence of threat - it is the presence of safe connection
• How self-trust, not trust in another person, is the foundation of healthy relationships after abuse
• What Danielle looked for, paid attention to, and would have walked away from
• The role of nervous system capacity in building new relationships after trauma
• Why "not fully healed" is not the same as "not ready"
• What it means to love fully while trusting yourself to have your own back

This episode follows on from Episode 97, in which Danielle's husband Drew joined the podcast for the first time. It does not require you to have listened to that episode first - but listeners who have will find it deepens what was raised there.

If you have wondered whether healthy relationships after abuse are possible for you - or whether you are simply too damaged, too cautious, or too far from ready - this episode is for you.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

Healthy relationships after family violence, and in the midst of post-separation abuse, are possible - but they are rarely talked about honestly in survivor spaces.

In this special anniversary episode, Danielle Black is joined by her husband Drew for a candid conversation about what it actually looks like to build a safe, equal partnership after coercive control, trauma, and years of family court proceedings.

This episode does not offer a fairy tale. It offers something more useful: evidence.

Danielle and Drew explore:

• What it was like for a partner to step into a post-separation abuse situation they didn't fully understand
• The reality of loving someone with C-PTSD and ongoing coercive control
• What helplessness feels like for the supporting partner - and what actually helped
• Why healthy relationships after abuse require both people to do their own work
• What equal, non-performative partnership looks like in daily family life
• Raising sons and daughters while actively dismantling gender stereotypes at home
• Why "not all me" can be said from a place of hope rather than minimisation

This episode also marks the debut of Calm is Credible - the first brand anthem created for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching - releasing today for the first time.

If you have wondered whether safety and love are still possible after surviving family violence, coercive control, or post-separation abuse, this episode is for you.

If you are the partner of a survivor who doesn't know how to help, this episode is also for you.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

Family Reports can be influential pieces of evidence in Australian family court proceedings - but they are widely misunderstood.

In this episode, Danielle Black explains what Family Report Writers are actually assessing, why protective parents can be misread and mischaracterised, and how nervous system responses to trauma can impact presentation in interviews.

Drawing on lived experience and years of supporting parents through the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, Danielle explores:

• What a Family Report is - and what it is not
• The training gaps that can affect coercive-control cases
• The core parenting qualities report writers assess
• How trauma and threat responses affect communication
• Common credibility mistakes parents make without realising
• Why a Family Report is not the final word in court
• How legal professionals may treat reports as a “fait accompli”
• What protective parents can do strategically if recommendations are unfavourable

This episode accompanies the Preparing for Your Family Report Assessment guide inside the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™.

If you are facing a Family Report interview - or have already received a report that does not reflect your lived reality - this episode will help you understand the system, prepare strategically, and make informed decisions about next steps.

As always, this episode is not legal advice and not therapy.

Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching

The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1

AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle

1:1 Coaching
👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching

The music you hear in this outro is 'Stronger, Braver, Together' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.

About Danielle Black Coaching:

Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems.

Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes.

Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au

This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.