Forgiveness after betrayal is one of the hardest, most confusing challenges couples face. Everyone agrees it’s important, but what does forgiveness actually mean? And how do you know if what you’ve offered—or received—is real?

In this episode of The Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores three common but unhealthy forms of forgiveness: premature forgiveness, fake forgiveness, and bartered forgiveness. Each of these patterns shows up often in the wake of an affair. They may look like progress on the surface, but they fail to bring the deep healing and freedom true forgiveness can offer.

Through real-life examples, original audio sketches, and insights drawn from years of counseling experience, Tim unpacks:

Why forgiveness offered too quickly (“I forgive you” blurted out before grief has even begun) almost always unravels later.

How “fake forgiveness” covers unresolved pain with a mask of peace, while bitterness seeps out in silence or passive-aggressive behavior.

The way “bartered forgiveness” weaponizes the past, turning forgiveness into a bargaining chip that keeps one partner permanently indebted.

If you’ve ever wondered why forgiveness felt hollow, fragile, or unfair, this conversation will help you name what’s really going on and prepare you for the next step: learning what true forgiveness looks like.

Links & Extras

Episode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/021

Recommended Book: Forgiving What You Can’t Forget (Review)

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In the second episode of a two-part series, Tim talks further with certified sleep coach Yana Vriesinga about post-infidelity insomnia and how to heal your nights.

Tim continues his conversation with Yana Vriesinga, a certified sleep coach trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). In this episode: The List Man spoils Tim’s sleep, how the brain works at night, distractions from intrusive thoughts, the 3-P Model of insomnia (Prone, Push, Prolong), alcohol as a sleep-aid, and bad dreams.

Links & Extras

Episode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/020

Yana’s Offer: Struggling with sleep after infidelity? Yana’s free 12-lesson email course gives you clear, science-based tools to ease nighttime stress and rest better. Sign up at www.resilientdays.com. Participants can also book a free 45-minute Sleep Support Call for tailored guidance.

Yana tells her experience with betrayal.

Podcasts for sleeping: (1) Drift Off - Bedtime Stories for Adults (2) Get Sleepy Sleep Meditation and Stories, (3) It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton

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Infidelity often wrecks sleep. In the first of a two-part series, Tim talks with certified sleep coach Yana Vriesinga about post-infidelity insomnia and how to heal your nights.

EPISODE NOTES

When infidelity shatters trust, one of the first casualties is often sleep. Night after night, betrayed partners describe lying awake with racing hearts, restless minds, and a sense of dread that won’t quiet down. In this two-part conversation, Tim speaks with Yana Vriesinga, a certified sleep coach trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), the gold-standard treatment for sleep struggles. Yana knows firsthand the toll betrayal can take—not only from her professional expertise, but also from her personal story of post-infidelity insomnia.

Together, they explore why disrupted sleep is such a common (yet overlooked) challenge after an affair, how insomnia impacts recovery, and why generic “sleep hygiene” tips often fail when trauma is involved. Yana shares both science-based strategies and practical tools that anyone can begin using tonight. Whether you’re a betrayed partner, unfaithful partner, affair partner, or loved one caught in the fallout, this conversation offers compassionate insight and hope for reclaiming one of the most essential foundations of healing: restful, restorative sleep.

LINKS AND EXTRAS

Episode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/019

Yana’s Offer: Struggling with sleep after infidelity? Yana’s free 12-lesson email course gives you clear, science-based tools to ease nighttime stress and rest better. Sign up at www.resilientdays.com. Participants can also book a free 45-minute Sleep Support Call for tailored guidance.

Yana tells her experience with betrayal.

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Tim Tedder asks the hard question: What is the truth about affair recovery? Too often, people are given unrealistic promises on one end—“your marriage can definitely be saved”—or hopeless predictions on the other—“a satisfying relationship after infidelity is impossible.” Drawing from years of counseling experience, survey results, and conversations with fellow coaches, Tim explores why both extremes miss the mark. Listeners will hear examples of inflated success claims from recovery programs, as well as skeptical voices who dismiss reconciliation as a myth. Tim cuts through both with honest reflection: some marriages do grow stronger, others end, and many land somewhere in between.

The episode highlights why honest expectations matter for individuals, couples, and even their support systems. Tim walks through four reasons we need more truth in the recovery space: so people don’t feel like failures when they struggle, so couples understand recovery isn’t a quick fix, so supporters can be patient, and so caregivers avoid offering false hope. Along the way, he shares client stories, survey results, and personal lessons from times he himself offered premature optimism. Faith also enters the conversation, acknowledging how it can motivate healing but also create harmful pressures when communities demand forgiveness or reconciliation before genuine recovery has occurred.

Ultimately, this episode doesn’t offer guarantees but rather hope grounded in honesty. Recovery, Tim explains, looks less like a fairy tale and more like Amanda Gylord’s inspiring story of resilience after surviving a devastating accident—progress marked by both pain and perseverance.

LINKS & EXTRAS

Guide: Finding an Affair Recovery Specialist

Affair Recovery Tools for Counselors

Interview with Gretchen Baskerville about her survey findings.

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Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Few phrases hit harder than “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” In this episode, Tim Tedder explores what it really means, why it often shows up in the shadow of an affair, and how to respond with steadiness instead of panic. Discover when a relationship can be rebuilt—and when it may be time to let go.

EPISODE NOTES

00:00 Introduction
2:20 The Meaning of ILYBINILW
05:40 In what conditions is this statement made?
11:50 How should you respond?
17:25 Can relationships survive this? Should they?

LINKS & EXTRAS

The BUILDING US Course for Couples: AffairHealing.com/building-us

Discernment Counselor Directory: DiscernmentCounselors.com

Other resources to consider if you feel like you’re not “in love” anymore: The Neuroscience of Affair Fog, Is It Affair Fog or Real Love?

Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.

Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Can a marriage survive not just one affair, but dozens? In this episode, Ryan and Jen share their remarkable story of heartbreak, hard work, and the slow rebuilding of trust after years of betrayal.

EPISODE NOTES

00:00 Introduction
04:45 Conversation with Ryan and Jen
19:00 Closing Remarks

LINKS & EXTRAS

Truth Talk Courses: Truth Talk—Asking Questions and Truth Talk—Giving Answers

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When infidelity happens more than once, recovery gets even harder. Therapists Tim Tedder and Jennifer Gingras unpack the challenges of multiple affairs—the unique characteristics and considerations for each partner. Honest, compassionate conversations for partners, strayers, and the professionals who support them.

Whether you’re a partner trying to understand or the one who strayed, this podcast offers insight, guidance, and hope for navigating this difficult terrain of relational repair.

EPISODE NOTES

00:00 Introduction
03:10 Multiple Affair Measures: Timeline, Frequency, Discoveries, Patterns
09:45 Considering the Betrayed Partner
14:40 Considering the Involved Partner
19:40 The Risk of Ongoing Infidelity
22:05 The Hard Work of Change
28:30 Counselor Perspectives

LINKS & EXTRAS

Course: Truth Talk: Asking Questions - a guide to asking for the truth about your partner’s affair.

Course: Truth Talk: Giving Answers - a guide for answering your partner’s questions about your affair.

Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change.

Tim Tedder: Coaching Information

Jennifer Gingras: Coaching Information and Counseling Website

Not all affairs start for the same reason. Discover the motives that drive infidelity and how each shapes the road to healing.

Why do people have affairs? In this episode of The Recovery Room, Tim Tedder explores six common motives behind infidelity—the Alarm, Exit, Quest, Revenge, Impulse, and Habit affairs. Drawing on illustrations and real-life examples, Tim explains how each motive takes shape, how it can change over time, and why understanding the “why” matters for healing.

You’ll also learn what each motive reveals about the work that needs to be done for recovery and how to protect your relationship from future harm. Whether you’re the betrayed or the unfaithful partner, this conversation offers clarity, direction, and hope.

EPISODE NOTES

00:00 Introduction
02:30 Alarm Affair
04:25 Exit Affair
06:00 Quest Affair
08:00 Revenge Affair
09:15 Impulse Affai
10:30 Habit Affair
11:55 Questions to Ask Yourself

LINKS & EXTRAS

Download: 6 Motives Guide (PDF)

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A song of loss, longing, and lingering hope.

In this episode, Tim Tedder and guest Betsy Prentice discuss The Haunting of My Heart—a song written from the perspective of a woman left behind after betrayal. They explore how music gives voice to heartbreak, memory, and the slow return of light after love is lost.

EPISODE NOTES

00:00 Introduction
03:05 Tim and Betsy talk about the song’s message of abandonment, loneliness, and hope
27:20 The complete song: Haunting of My Heart

LINKS and EXTRAS

Sign up for our Weekly Newsletter for encouragement and information about recommendations and new resources for affair healing, relationship growth, and personal change. https://www.affairhealing.com/newsletter

Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches. https://www.affairhealing.com/infidelity-recovery-coaching

Download an MP3 file of the whole song on the episode page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/013

OUR GUEST: BETSY PRENTICE

After over a decade in public health, Betsy earned a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. Her background gives her a unique lens to view mental health and relationship issues within broader family, community, and policy systems.

Betsy has worked with couples facing infidelity, distress, and other relationship challenges, as well as families, teens, and adults navigating difficult seasons. She brings both professional and personal experience to each session, creating a welcoming space for healing.

LYRICS: HAUNTING OF MY HEART
© 2025 Tim Tedder

A shadow in the moonlight, a spirit in the dawn
The ghost of love still lingers, but all of you is gone

Your footsteps echo softly when I walk up the stairs
I feel the warm beside me when you're not really there
Your touch is just a phantom passing through my skin
Memories of embraces I will never feel again

I call to the quiet, I whisper your name
But silence won't answer, it's always the same

Chorus:
You’re the phantom of my soul, haunting of my heart,
A spirit of the promises that have been torn apart
You were once the angel, embraced me in your wings
Here's how the breakers fall
Here's how the broken sing

Alone at the table, remembering the day
You sat down beside me, asked if I would stay
But now your chair is empty, no questions anymore
I'll put away my dishes
I'll lock up all the doors

(Chorus)

One day the laughter filled up this room
One day the silence seeped through the gloom
One day the love will light up again
The hurt will be over, the haunting will end

(Chorus)

Someday the love will light up again
This hurt will be over, this haunting will end
This haunting will end

An abandoned wife talks about her experience and how she’s grown beyond the betrayal. Tim Tedder and Jennifer Gingras conclude their discussion of the book, Runaway Husbands.

EPISODE NOTES

00:00 Introduction
02:10 Elisa Talks about Her Abandonment
11:10 Tim and Jennifer talk more about the book
19:35 More from Elisa

LINKS

Book Review: Runaway Husbands https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/runaway-husbands

Join Our Newsletter! https://www.affairhealing.com/newsletter

Coaching with Jennifer https://www.affairhealing.com/jennifer-gingras-coaching

Coaching with Tim https://www.affairhealing.com/tim-tedder-coaching