Why does shame after infidelity feel so different from other kinds of shame? Why can't you just "be vulnerable" and make it go away? And why does it keep you stuck in relationships, patterns, and silence long after you know you deserve better?

In this episode of The Scarlet Edit, I sit down with Dr. Zoe Shaw — psychotherapist, author, and host of Stronger in the Difficult Places — to talk about what she calls complex shame. This isn't garden-variety guilt. Complex shame is the kind that buries itself so deep it becomes part of your identity, and it shows up everywhere — in affairs, in divorce, in being the other woman, in staying in toxic relationships, and in the secrecy that keeps all of it hidden.

Dr. Zoe opens up about her own experience carrying hidden shame and why she coined the term after seeing the same patterns in hundreds of clients. We break down how shame operates differently in infidelity than in other areas of life, and why it has such a grip on women navigating affairs, divorce, and relationships that feel impossible to leave.

We explore:

• What complex shame is and how it's different from guilt and ordinary shame
• Why shame after affairs, betrayal, and divorce feels so uniquely paralyzing
• How shame fuels codependency, secrecy, and the cycle of staying in toxic relationships
• The "phantom critic" — the voice in your head that reinforces self-doubt and keeps you stuck
• Why so many women confuse unworthiness with love and settle for relationships that don't serve them
• How to begin healing from shame after infidelity and reclaiming your self-worth — even when the shame has been there for years

If you've been the other woman and carried that shame in silence, if you're going through a divorce and feel like it defines you, or if you've ever questioned your value because of a relationship that didn't go the way it was supposed to — this episode will change how you think about what you've been carrying.

Guest: Dr. Zoe Shaw — Psychotherapist, Author, Host of Stronger in the Difficult Places 🌐 drzoeshaw.com

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

I talk with Mike Messeroff, a personal freedom coach who has been married for 16 years and polyamorous with his wife for the last seven. His wife brought up the idea over breakfast one morning, his initial reaction was no, and now he says it's the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.

We get into what polyamory actually is versus what people assume it is — it's not swinging, it's not an excuse to cheat, and for Mike, it's not even primarily about sex. He talks about how he and his wife were codependent for years, how opening their marriage forced him to confront jealousy, insecurity, and self-worth, and how the freedom that came with it required more honesty and discipline than monogamy ever did. We talk about why he believes one person can't fulfill every need in a relationship, why so many monogamous marriages end in infidelity or quiet resentment, and what it looks like to choose your partner every day without a contract holding you there.

We also get into the spiritual side — non-attachment, unconditional love, and Mike's belief that trying to contain love is what leads to repression and misery. Whether you're curious about polyamory, questioning your own marriage, or just wondering why traditional relationships feel like they don't fit anymore, this conversation challenges everything you've been told about how love is supposed to work.Guest Info.

🌐 https://www.mikemesseroff.com/

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

I couldn’t resist dropping a bonus episode today because our community created something amazing. I asked listeners on Instagram for their favorite breakup songs, and the result is The Scarlet Edit Listener’s Breakup Playlist, now live on Spotify and Apple Music.

In this episode, I share my love of lyrics, why music feels like poetry set to sound, and how certain songs transport us back to pivotal moments in our relationships. I talk about building playlists during my own breakup, the songs that carried me through heartbreak, and how music connects us to one another’s stories.

If you’ve ever put a song on repeat after a breakup, this episode is for you.

🎶 Playlist links are linked Spotify and Apple Music!

New episodes every Monday and Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

I sit down with Leah Mazur, founder of Mindfully Ready and The Next Chapter, who has been divorced three times — and instead of hiding from that, she built a community helping women release the guilt and shame around divorce and start rebuilding on their own terms.

We get into why society still treats divorce like a failure, especially for women, and the hidden emotional and financial costs that nobody warns you about. Leah opens up about how childhood abandonment shaped her relationship patterns for years and the turning point after her second divorce that finally made her break the cycle. We talk about boundaries, the shift from people-pleasing to actually valuing yourself, and what dating after divorce looks like when you refuse to settle out of loneliness or desperation.

We also talk about navigating divorce with kids — how to handle the shame and fear that comes with that — and the idea that some relationships are for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. If you're going through a divorce, stuck in a marriage that isn't working, or trying to figure out what love looks like in your next chapter, this one is for you.

Guest Info.

🌐 https://www.mindfullyready.com/

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

In this bonus episode, I talk about courage — not the inspirational poster version, but the kind that doesn't feel brave while you're living it. I share how a coworker told me I was courageous for going through my divorce and how that word caught me off guard because I wasn't feeling courageous. I was just sad and doing what I had to do.

I get into what courage has looked like across my own life — ending my marriage, walking away from a five-year relationship as the other woman, traveling the world solo, and starting this podcast where I told my deepest secret to anyone who would listen. I talk about why I'd never be the other woman again but why I wouldn't change my past, how ending that relationship meant giving up someone who loved and supported me and choosing myself anyway, and the loneliness that hit six weeks after it ended.

I also dig into the research — what Brene Brown says about courage being a skill you can practice, why fear is always part of the equation, and the moral dimension of courage that gets complicated when your story doesn't fit into a neat box. This one is for anyone sitting on the edge of a decision that scares them, whether that's leaving a relationship, starting over after divorce, or just choosing to stop being quiet about who you really are.

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

Why do people cheat? And what happens when an entire company is built around making it easier?

In this episode of The Scarlet Edit, I sit down with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer of Ashley Madison — the website known worldwide for its tagline "Life is short. Have an affair." Paul has spent over a decade at Ashley Madison and brings research and real member stories that flip everything you think you know about infidelity on its head.

We talk about:

• Why people have affairs — and how the reasons are different for men and women. Women more often seek affairs because of sexless marriages while men more often seek emotional validation
• The communication breakdowns in marriages and long-term relationships that drive people toward infidelity
• Who actually uses Ashley Madison — it's not just married people. Singles, polyamorous couples, and people in open relationships are all on the platform
• Real member stories — from affairs born of loneliness to "compassionate affairs" during caregiving for a sick spouse
• How secrecy, discretion, and unmet needs fuel modern affairs and why the demand for a platform like Ashley Madison keeps growing
• Why the stereotypes around cheating are wrong and what people actually want when they step outside their relationship

This episode challenges everything you've been told about infidelity and opens up a conversation about why people cheat that goes far beyond the usual moral judgment. Whether you've had an affair, are considering one, or just want to understand why infidelity happens — this is the honest conversation most people are too afraid to have.

Guest: Paul Keable — Chief Strategy Officer, Ashley Madison

🌐 linkedin.com/in/paul-keable-9bb7222/

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

I was 24 years old on 9/11. Like so many Americans, I’ll never forget where I was, what I saw, or how it felt to come together with neighbors and strangers in a moment of shared grief. That unity shaped me — and I’ve carried it with me ever since.

This year, remembrance collided with tragedy as news broke of Charlie Kirk’s murder. I didn’t know him personally, but I followed his work for years, and I broke down in tears at the senselessness of his death.

In this episode, I reflect on both: the unity after 9/11, and the devastating division we face today. I share my heartbreak, my outrage, and my belief that we must return to compassion, conversation, and critical thinking.

Because this isn’t about left vs right. It’s about humanity. It’s about America. And it’s about the future we’re building together.

New episodes every Monday and Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

Friendships evolve, change, and sometimes end — and it can hit harder than we expect. In this bonus episode of The Scarlet Edit, I share my reflections on losing friends, navigating seasonal relationships, and how to honor the value you bring while letting go with grace.

I explore why friendships come and go, the difference between reason, season, and lifetime friends, and what it means to truly understand the ebb and flow of your social connections.

Drawing from my own experiences and insights from friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson, I uncover why we often mislabel friendships, how to reframe endings, and why knowing your worth makes letting go easier.

Whether you’ve been ghosted, phased out, or just feel the shift in your circles, this episode helps you navigate the complexity of female friendships without shame or guilt.

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

In this episode of The Scarlet Edit, I sit down with Jonathon Aslay, a relationship coach who works primarily with women navigating dating after divorce, heartbreak, and long-term relationships. We talk about what it actually takes to build real emotional connection when you're starting over — and why leading with friendship instead of romance might be the move that changes everything.

Jonathon shares how losing his son reshaped his entire approach to relationships and coaching, and how he met his own girlfriend by putting friendship and emotional foundation first. We also get into his girlfriend's "Enchanted Journal" method — a journaling practice she used to get clear on what she actually wanted before they ever met.

We talk about why your dating mindset matters more than your dating profile, what men and women both need to feel in a relationship (safe, seen, heard, accepted, loved, desired), and how to handle rejection and heartbreak without letting it make you bitter. If you're dating again after divorce or after a toxic relationship and you're tired of the apps and the games, this one's for you.

Guest Info.

https://www.jonathonaslay.com/

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]

In this episode of The Scarlet Edit, I sit down with Paul, a relationship expert and author, to uncover the real strategies couples can use to reignite intimacy, maintain attraction, and keep desire alive in long-term relationships.

We talk about why some couples thrive while others struggle, diving into topics like:

• How hormones like testosterone and estrogen influence desire
• The role of physical, mental, and emotional attraction in sustaining connection
• Practical tips for taking responsibility for your own happiness and attractiveness
• Common pitfalls that lead to loss of intimacy and frustration
• Recommended books and resources for improving relationships and sexual connection

Paul shares actionable advice for both men and women to enhance intimacy, strengthen communication, and rekindle romance. Whether you’re married, in a long-term partnership, or navigating modern dating, this episode will give you the tools to create a more connected and passionate relationship.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

• Paul’s books: Get Her to F You Again, B is For…, Keep Your Bitch (upcoming)
• Keys to the Kingdom by Alison Armstrong
• Free resources and consultations at comeonmanpod.com

New episodes every Thursday.

💌 Business inquiries: [email protected]