Rob and Tami clear up some myths and misconceptions about Rob’s work, like how to conduct a formal disclosure with your partner. He also shares the difference between an immature man who cheats vs. an addict who cheats out of compulsion. Rob and Tami also answer questions about trauma and how it really does bleed into all areas of our life, whether we want it to or not. 

 

TAKEAWAYS: 

[0:25] My addict tells me I’m not allowed to tell him what I need from him. How do I manage this? 

[7:25] When is it best to conduct a formal disclosure with your partner? 

[10:10] How long should you wait to have sex with the partner that betrayed you? 

[13:20] My addict totally rejects the idea that he’s like ‘other addicts’. 

[18:10] Rob discusses what an immature relationship looks like vs. an addict’s mind. 

[23:15] Rob doesn’t believe that we ever truly 100% heal trauma. 

[24:40] What are the ups and downs of trying to trust an addict again? 

[27:55] What is a difference between a slip up vs. a relapse? 

[31:35] My addict refuses to see me during social distancing because he’s afraid of compromising my immune disorder. I believe he’s relapsed. 

 

RESOURCES: 

Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss

 

QUOTES: 

• “We addicts are on a trajectory of healing and really get in touch with what we’ve done to you and how to make amends. That can take six months or even longer.” 
• “The thinking: What they don’t know about won’t hurt them. To me, that’s really immature.”
• “As addicts, we work very hard to put partners out of mind, out of our feelings and thoughts, so that we can get away with what we want to do.” 
• “Trust your gut!!! You are right most of the time. Trust what you’re feeling.”