Every recovering addict has to face their triggers at some point. Triggers that are handled in a healthy way don’t result in regrettable behaviors, while unmanaged triggers can lead to additional pain and loss of trust. Seeking Integrity’s Scott Brassart joins Tami for a conversation about the nature of triggers and the options that addicts have when dealing with them. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on December 20, 2023. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] What are triggers? What happens when they are set off? 

[2:04] Internal triggers relate to feelings such as fear, shame, loneliness, and boredom. 

[4:06] External triggers include arguments, visual stimuli, unstructured free time and more. 

[6:04] Not all triggers are negative, but all triggers elicit a response.

[7:04] Betrayed partners are often dealing with post-traumatic triggers. 

[8:10] Step number one when feeling triggered – pause and figure out what you’re feeling. 

[12:05] Triggers are simply data that you can use intentionally. 

[15:23] Your partner is not always the best support person to turn to. 

[18:13] The importance of gratitude when facing triggers.

[19:00] Being triggered can be considered a gift. 

[24:37] People trigger me – am I even fit to be a partner? 

[27:15] My sleep is affected by my trauma and pain.  What can I do? 

[36:25] Intimacy and anger avoidance both point to trauma and underlying pain. 

[43:06] How can I manage my triggered feelings about the other addicts in my husband’s recovery group? 

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions. 

 

QUOTES

• “Triggers spin us into a cycle of something that we don’t want to be in.” 

• “Triggers are normal for addicts, they’re normal for betrayed partners, they’re normal for people whose lives are perfect!” 

• “All feelings are driven by needs – good feelings are met needs, bad feelings are unmet needs.” 

• “Triggers lose power when they’re not rewarded.”