Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse who is incredibly hurt to find out her partner still believes his acting out activities were worth it. In cases like these, especially when an addict is new to recovery, you have to communicate your hurt feelings and lack of trust in him. It can be painful for anybody to hear this from their partner and they must know that they’re starting back from zero. More on this in this week’s episode.

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] What is considered “healthy” masturbation?

[3:35] You need other people as guides. Community is the most important part of your recovery.

[6:20] Betrayed spouses, you might unintentionally be de-incentivizing your addict to be honest.

[7:30] Remember, addicts lie. Double confirm what their therapist said.

[7:50] Can my husband really be making amends if he thinks those acting-out activities were “worth it”?

[12:55] How can I help my wife through her triggers when it comes to my infidelity?

[16:45] My wife has decided to come back. She is still hurt and angry. Can I set boundaries on what she’s saying to me?

[20:40] We all need healthy boundaries!

[22:00] My husband refuses to acknowledge my pain and hurt. He gives me the silent treatment instead. Is this abusive?

[26:45] My husband will not provide formal disclosure and his therapist isn’t pushing it either. What should I do?

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss