ADHD Mums

Jane interviews Tamara and Shanelle from Motherhood a Beautiful Nightmare. 

Highlights

- We discuss why women take on the mental load of housework, child care and all household duties even if they have ADHD?

- Should we stage a protest?

 -Tamara wonders whether she should have just let her husband do her daughter's make up for the dance concert?

- Why do we prepare for armageddon if we are going away for the weekend and our husband is taking over?

- Shanelle talks Brene Brown and her speculation that the split will never be 50/50. Each partnership is different.

- Jane recounts how her and her hubby divided up the duties when she went back to work.

- How can we more often ask ourselves questions about why are we feeling frustrated or angry?

- No one talks about self care - that's like giving sip of water to a dehydrated person in the desert. Mum's need way more than a massage one time.

- Jane shares she has previously always felt like she 'fails at therapy' because she couldn't do any of the interventions.

- Tamara and Shanelle don't have ADHD but wonder if we can celebrate the similarities of us all being people and raise awareness of inclusion instead of seeing the differences.

Gottman Method for Couples

https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/

You can check MABN out on:

https://motherhoodabeautifulnightmare.com

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Jane interviews Shantelle Poynter (her most regular guest) on self hatred and ADHD.

Highlights

- Why is there self hatred and shame within so many adults with ADHD, particularly those who were late diagnosed?

- If there is a huge amount of undiagnosed women with ADHD out there, are they all walking around with shame, guilt and self hatred

and if that's the case - that might be related to addiction, eating disorders, depression and anxiety.

- Is the opposite of addiction - connection?

- Self hatred and our kids - how can we teach them to value themselves?

- Friendship pyramid theory for our kids, when to share secrets and private information and when not to share.

- Do we put pressure on ourselves to behave like neurotypical people with neurotypical children - Jane took her kids to Australia Zoo in school hols - why did she do that? She backed it up with an orthodontist appointment after that. Is this lack of compassion we feel for ourselves because of self hatred?

- Shantelle discusses how she is setting up her next weekend away completely differently to what she has ever done before and is hoping she will have cracked

the code on how to holiday with kids.

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Jane interviews Michele Toner who has been supporting people with ADHD since 1995 and she was the first ADHD coach ever in Australia in 2003. Michele has now mentored over 100 ADHD coaches and promotes ADHD Awareness. Michele was awarded an OAM in 2021 for her work in ADHD.

Highlights

- How did Michele begin in this industry?

- What training is involved with ADHD coaching?

- How does it differ from Psychologists?

- How do you pick a good ADHD coach?

- Adult diagnosis and that journey and how it relates to ADHD coaching.

- Can the NDIS fund ADHD coaching?

- Sometimes the smallest achievements for ADHD people are really hard. ie. getting to work on time.

- Self esteem and ADHD - ongoing dialogue about what we aren't good at from ourselves and others.

- The validation that someone needs when they are considering going to get a diagnosis

- How can we make the world more inclusive? Jane shares taking her kids to Australia Zoo which ended in security coming

as her 4 x year melted down in the canteen because the customer service person poured his drink into a cup.

- Does parenting cause ADHD or does ADHD make parenting very difficult?

- Michele shares about how it felt receiving an OAM.

- How can we encourage people to be more inclusive?

- Family coaching with an ADHD coaching

- What would Michele say to someone who has just been diagnosed as an adult?

Directory on how to find a ADHD coach as below:

https://www.adhdcoachesaustralasia.online

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Are my kids the loudest kids in the world? Or can I just not cope with the noise.

Jane interviews Deanna Reynolds, an ADHD Mum with two children on the Sunshine Coast who is studying to

be a teacher. Deanna was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year after advocating for herself for years and battling misdiagnosis that she was NOT just 'anxious'

or a 'tired Mum.'

Highlights

- What is sensory overload?

- How does it impact Mothers?

- How does Deanna cope with burnout/sensory overload in her relationship with her husband.

- How has the awareness of Sensory Overload and ADHD impacted the understanding of herself.

- How does Deanna cope with having a small 18 month old child and the constant whinging/talking and crying.

- What strategies can we use to prevent or reduce the sensory overload as it's happening.

- Deanna's severe and debilitating anxiety attacks and how she can prevent them now knowing her diagnosis.

- Deanna is managing severe anxiety attacks with lifestyle changes and preventative measures - she isn't able to receive

medication yet - Jane plans to follow her back up after she receives medication to see if it helps or not.

- The spoon theory - such a great take on ADHD and sensory overload

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Not sure how people can enjoy school holidays?

- Jane talks on the the hit of depression as she rode her bike to the park with her son after 3 + weeks with kids at home.

- The huge melt down her son had at kindy over a ripped painting

- Jane applies to NDIS for funding and goes through adding ADHD as a secondary diagnosis

- Jane talks on how she sees labelling as positive to get NDIS funding and awareness in your parenting even

if you don't communicate it to children.

- What do you do for Grandparents day with no grandparents for kids?

- Jane's experience of Vyvance and how it helps with her anxiety and rage

- Jane's loved Vyvance then lost it about 2 days in

- Jane's last family holiday Noosa and what a disaster that turned out to be.

- Jane didn't actually ask her husband to help with school holidays then was pissed off when he didn't

help out.

- Influenza hit the house and in the recovery phase the ADHD from not doing anything for weeks hit hard

- Jane reaches out and asks for some help, what do you do in your school holidays? What works?

Please if you have some tips send me a VM and I'll play it next episode or send me a DM.

 https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jane-mcfadden/message

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Jane is back with Dr. Jacinta Thomson with Overwhelmed Mum Syndrome and whether it is real or not?

- What are the key areas that create this?

- How does executive function dysfunction impact this?

--> Jacinta gives a great example on just simply buying 3 x things from supermarket and how that can go wrong

- How does sensory overload create the perfect storm?

- What are some of the tips/strategies that we can use to reduce the impact on ourselves.

Check out more about Jacinta Thomson here:

https://timetountangle.com.au

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Jane's back with one of her favourite guests Shantelle to discuss relationships and ADHD.

Shantelle is a neurodiverse Mother of two neurodiverse children who is a nurse in Brisbane.

Highlights include:

-       Knowledge is power – the awareness of diagnosis is so important for ourselves and our children.

-       Shame that we carry in our lives “Stop talking!” “You’re too loud or too much”

-       Why do we people please instead of asking for what we need in relationships.

-       Should we disclose to our children ‘labels’ – does it combat self hatred – is it better for kids to know, would we have preferred to know?

-       Do we people please because we are so grateful to have a friend?

-       Compliance at school = more responsibility at school. But can our girls handle it?

-       If you put extra curricular activites or opportuntiies in front ADHD females/girls we will DO IT but at our own expense. 

-       Are ADHD females so far behind socially that we grow up late, how can we navigate friendship without learning the basics?

-       All the assumed knowledge of social situations that ADHD females are supposed to learn as teenagers but some of us come into marriage or mid 30s still having no idea of how to navigate social situations.

-       Boys get diagnosed more often and earlier so they have more chances to learn to regulate emotions than girls.

-       Do we get so emotional because we can’t regulate our emotions so we cry or yell instead of being assertive?

-       Thrill of new relationships, new jobs – starting again so often! Then we miss the chance to navigate conflict in friendships and partnerships.

-       How do we say no to unreasonable things?

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Jane is joined by Deanna Reynolds, an ADHD Tutor and student teacher. Deanna has ADHD herself, lives on the Sunshine Coast with her husband (teacher) and her two kids. They discuss the difficulties kids face in the classroom when learning the same material as other neurotypical kids.

- The impact the classroom has on self esteem for children.

- The reason people with ADHD share with their own personal stories rather than just listening.

- Irrelevant thoughts in kids, why kids come off as 'unfocused' - when actually their sharing makes complete sense to them and actually shows them

trying to understand.

- How can we create more confidence in our children to ask teachers for help when they don't understand.

- Therapy and ADHD Tutors can be expensive, time consuming and draining. How do we find the best solution for our children?

- What can we do as parents to help our children in the classroom?

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Jane talks about the pressures that parents feel to do many early intervention therapies on their kids, which comes right

at the same time as the diagnosis does. The overwhelm and indecision about what is the best thing to do for your kids

which often comes at the same time as the physical demands on parents are the highest (kids under 7).

- Jane discusses how she spent 50min + with a psychologist to discover she can only see one sibling.

- Jane talks about her experience taking just two kids to the podiatrist and what taking ADHD kids to appointments really looks like.

(Thanks old love in the corner for your judgemental face).

- How can we balance therapies and fun? Our children need and deserve the same opportunity to play sport and relax

- How can we work and drive our children around to these services every day of the week?

- Jane discusses how she engaged a Psychologist to do a parenting plan for each child so she can learn the skills to help her kids

regulate their emotions.

- Jane also talks about getting her 4 year old to sleep in his own bed YES!! Products mentioned are Jett Proof and compression sheets for

sensory regulation.

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Jane is joined by Tania Waring, a lawyer and advocate/care coordinator mum of three neurodiverse boys. Tania is very experienced in advocacy for her children to get what they need at school. Tania has also completed her honours in Psychology and is passionate about inclusive education and improving outcomes for children in the schooling system. Jane and Tania share personal experiences and highlight the need for more understanding and support from educators, as well as emphasising the importance of normalising these experiences and finding hope through the stories of others who have faced similar challenges. Tania also provides us with an insight into her passion of creating change within the school system to create a more inclusive environment and reduce the impact that schools have on children’s self-esteem. 

*This episode specialises more in the externalising presentation of ADHD/ASD - which is seen more in boys than girls, but can occur in both genders. Where these kids are seen as 'disruptive' or 'problems.' *

Episode Highlights:

Þ   Common challenges faced by families with children who have ADHD and autism

Þ   Pushing through the grief and adjustment required when realising that the school experience may be different from what was imagined

Þ   The lack of accommodations and understanding within the Australian school system

Þ   The detrimental effects of segregating children with learning differences and the perpetuation of negative attitudes towards differences

Þ   Highlighting the issue of gatekeeping and suspensions in schools, especially for children with ADHD and autism

Þ   The pressure and lack of resources on teachers, which can lead to reactive responses and neglecting certain students

Þ   A discussion around schools being focused on managing students rather than providing adequate support, and gathering evidence to justify suspensions and expulsions

Þ   Highlighting how change can occur when and where adults reflect on their actions and hold themselves accountable where appropriate within a child’s meltdown 

If you found value in this episode, make sure to leave a review and reach out to Jane with a voice message here: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jane-mcfadden/message

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