Conversations About Divorce

The end of a marriage involves many losses: the loss of your spouse, your marriage, the dreams of growing old together, your idea of family. It could even mean a radical change in lifestyle and the loss of friends.

Even with all these losses, the pain of divorce is often not recognized as grief and as a culture we are not skilled at allowing people going through divorce time to grieve. In the midst of this emotional trauma we expect people to make life-changing decisions, to navigate the brutalities of the legal system and to get over it and move on.

Trauma specialist and grief guide, Georgena Eggleston says that by not allowing ourselves to mindfully grieve we risk far greater harm to our health, both physically and emotionally.

Join Mandy and Georgena to learn what you can to do survive the grief from your divorce and even, how you can discover the gifts in your grief.

Georgena is the author of A New Mourning: Discovering The Gifts in Grief, available on her website, BeyondYourGrief.com. You can also read Georgena’s 10 Tools To Move Beyond Your Grief To Radiant Living here.

Accepting the help and support of others is essential to mindful grieving. One way that helps is hearing how others have coped. Mandy’s blog, Since My Divorce is home to a vast collection of stories of survival, hope and growth.

There’s no escaping them … if you have minor children then you will be attending Parent Teacher conferences. They’re certainly not most parents’ favorite activity and Parent Teacher conferences after divorce are even harder. However, your child will benefit if you can figure out how to keep these meetings focused on your child and their education and not on what’s happening between you and your ex.

Joining Mandy to discuss the ins and outs of these dreaded meetings is psychologist and single parenting expert, Dr. Leah Klungness. Listen in to learn:
When you should attend conferences soloWhy new partners attending makes it to complicated and may not be appropriate or even legalHow to handle disagreements with your ex during a conferenceWhat to do when the teacher makes inappropriate remarks about divorce.
Leah Klungness, more widely known as Dr. Leah is the co-author of The Complete Single Mother. Visit her site DrLeah.com and follow her on Twitter @Dr_Leah.

Looking for more parenting after divorce advice? Start by downloading Mandy’s free audio program, What You Need To Know About Parenting And Divorce. 

 

Feeling that you’ll never trust your ex or another partner again is a common reaction to divorce. Yet trust is a cornerstone of healthy relationships and as such is vital to connecting with others. So can you learn to rebuild trust?

Joining Mandy in this episode is therapist, college instructor and author Terry Gaspard. Listen in to discover:
What is trust and what mistrust looks likeThe root causes of mistrust – they’re not always what you thinkHow learning to trust is similar to getting fit (but without the costly gym membership, andSome exercises you can do to build your trust strength
Terry offers a healing community for adults dealing with divorce, parenting, and blended family issues on her website MovingPastDivorce.com where you can order her book, Daughters of Divorce:Overcome The Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship

It’s that time of year – back-to-school is always a time of transition for families with shifting schedules, changing routines and a faster pace. It also comes with a flood of expenses creating stress on the budget and emotional stress when you have to say no to some of the requests from your child.

While managing back-to-school expenses needs to be part of an overall strategy for living on a limited budget, there’s much you can do to avoid this being a crisis and even turn it into a money management lesson for your child.

Listen to this episode as Mandy discusses this with blogger and author April McCaffrey. You’ll learn:
The first place you should always go to shopWhy involving your child is smartWhy balancing frugality with fun is importantHow to handle back-to-school expenses with your ex
April McCaffery is the single parent of two teenage daughters, a paralegal, blogger at It’s All About Balance, and author of Balancing the Single Mom Budget, available on Amazon.

Divorce may be one of life’s great growth opportunities but nobody embraces it or volunteers for the experience. Even the thought of it fills most people with anxiety and dread. Those feelings often stem from fear and what’s critical to understand is that decisions driven by fear are rarely the healthiest or best decisions.

In this episode, Mandy is joined by author Gerian Rose to talk about some strategies and techniques for identifying and overcoming your fears about divorce. Listen in to learn
How to recognize when fear is driving your decisionsThe key to overcoming your fearsThe two questions to ask yourself to help you face your fears
Gerian Rose is an author, coach and entrepreneur. Gerian decided to help others experiencing divorce after she endured an extremely challenging and prolonged separation and divorce. During the course of her experience, Gerian realized that the key to preserving some consistent happiness in her life was in finding practical, creative and spiritual ways of overcoming the various fear responses that frequently arose. You can learn more about Gerian at her website TheDivorceGuide.net and follow her on twitter @rosehousettr15.

You can get more help from Mandy in her free audio program, What You Need to Know About Preparing For Divorce.

Getting divorced is an expensive business. If you retain a lawyer to represent you, you can expect to spend $10,000 – $15,000 for a fairly basic divorce that settles without going to trial, and that doesn’t include what your spouse is paying is their attorney. It’s money many people don’t have or if they do, they’d rather spend it on other essentials. That’s leading more and more people to try to handle the end of their marriage themselves.

Join Mandy and attorney Jason Levoy for this episode as they discuss:
the situations when doing your own divorce probably won’t workwhy it’s a red flag when your spouse says, “Let’s not use attorneys,” andwhat you can do to make sure you don’t agree to something you’ll regret later.
Jason Levoy now teaches people how to navigate the divorce process and to represent themselves in court. If you’re thinking about divorce, check out his FREE video course on How To Prepare For Divorce Without An  Attorney.

The message we get from societal expectations, from Hollywood and even our families is that love can conquer all.

That’s simply not true especially if you’re married to someone who has a chronic, severe mental illness. Conditions such as a personality disorder, anxiety, bi-polar or PTSD all create barriers to intimacy and those frequently lead to difficulty in being able to actively engage in a way that sustains a marital relationship. Ultimately that can mean a living situation that becomes untenable.

Joining Mandy to discuss this tough topic is coach Sharon Zarozny. Sharon is the founder of BrilliantExits.com and has a number of resources listed on her website for dealing with divorce in difficult situations.

If being with your spouse has become a living hell but divorce isn’t in your vocabulary, then a legal separation may be a viable alternative. It’s essentially the same as a divorce but you remain married. It can be a way of protecting yourself both emotionally and financially while still supporting your spouse.

In this episode Mandy Walker and attorney and mediator Michael Travers discuss:
When a legal separation may be a good optionThe similarities and differences between a legal separation and a divorceUsing a legal separation as a stepping stone to divorce
Michael Travers practices mostly in Colorado focusing on problem-solving, collaborative law, restorative justice, mediation and victim-offender reconciliation. He can be reached at 303-641-4273.

Get more meaningful divorce advice from Mandy with her free audio program 5 Ways To Know If Divorce Is Right For You.

Having to tell your kids that your marriage is over and their lives will be changing is a conversation most of us dread, put off and lose sleep over. Do it well and in years to come they may not remember the details. Do it badly and they’ll likely remember it for the rest of their lives. So how do you tell your children about your divorce?

Psychologist Dr. Azmaira Maker joins Mandy Walker for this episode to discuss:
The best time for this conversationWhat needs to be said and what’s best left unsaidWhy you might consider not using the word “divorce”How to support your child after they knowWhat reactions you can expect from your child
Dr. Azmaira Maker is the author of the newly published children’s book Family Changes: Explaining Divorce To Children. Featuring a colorful cast of fuzzy characters, Family Changes is aimed at children aged four through eight, helping them better identify, process and understand their own feelings, concerns and questions about divorce.

Get more great parenting advice from Mandy with her free audio program What You Need To Know About Parenting And Divorce.

Even though you may not want to get divorced and no matter how much you wish it wasn’t happening to you, the question you need to ask is who is in charge of your divorce.

The answer needs to be “you” because that’s the only way to increase the likelihood of a healthier divorce for you. However, that’s not easy when there are so many issues and concerns to resolve, some of which are interdependent, when every aspect of your life is being disrupted, and you’re experiencing a wild range of emotions that are difficult to manage.

Joining Mandy today is family lawyer Henry Gornbein. Henry is the author of a new book Divorce Demystified. In this episode, Mandy and Henry give you tips and insights into:
The first steps to taking charge of your divorceThe difference between having your attorney advise you and looking to your attorney to make your decisionsWhy going to trial may be good for your attorney but bad for youThe dangers in getting locked into a positionHow feasible it is to handle your own legal process.
Henry S. Gornbein is a partner with the law firm of Lippitt O’Keefe Gorbein PLLC in Birmingham, Michigan. He has been working in family law for over forty years and has several publications: he is the author of the “Spousal Support” chapter of Michigan Family Law; author of the “Case of the Issue” for the Family Law Section Journal, State Bar of Michigan. His latest book, Divorce Demystified, Everything You Need To Know Before Filing for Divorce, is now available on Amazon.