Conversations About Divorce

Being physically intimate is a normal, even integral component to most romantic partnerships. So if you’re dating, chances are you are going to be talking about sex. What you really need to be talking about is safe sex.

The statistics are startling. Between 2000 and 2010, the overall rates for sexually transmitted infections have doubled in adults over age 50. Chlamydia infections in adults aged 45 to 55 have tripled and the number of women diagnosed with HIV has increased by 40 percent since 2003 and 90 percent of those infected contract HIV through heterosexual activity.

That doesn’t mean you have to become a statistic. There’s plenty you can do to keep yourself safe and that’s what we’re talking about. Listen in to discover:
Is there such a thing as safe sex?What’s the best way to keep yourself self?When do you talk to a new partner about safe sex?Should you get tested for STI’s?How to handle objections from your partner?
… and more.

Today’s guest is Dr. Patricia Weitzman who is a senior research scientist at the Environment and Health Group and a life coach. She’s also a co-founder of DivorceAfter50, a site that is devoted to encouraging more discussions and sharing factual information about sex and dating after divorce especially for mid-life women.

Usually it’s the kids that move between their parents’ homes after divorce. With nesting, the kids stay put and the parents move in and out.

A few celebrity couples have famously tried this. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin of the “Consciously Uncoupling” fame, and Jon and Kate Gosselin from Jon and Kate Plus 8. Now, with eight kids, having the child stay put is clearly much less work but most of us don’t have that challenge.

Still, nesting can mean fewer changes for the children and that can make the transition through divorce much easier. Is nesting something you and your STBX should consider? What does it take to make nesting work and does it really help the kids?

Joining Mandy for this show is writer and child of divorce Alana Romain who wrote about nesting on Romper.com. You can follow Alana on Facebook and Twitter as @AlsoAlanaRomain.

For most of us, there is always less money after divorce and that means having to be more intentional about your spending. Even before you’re actually divorced, knowing where the money goes each month can help you make more informed decisions about your housing and since that’s typically the largest portion of anyone’s spending that decision alone will impact everything else.

If your spouse was the one who handled the household accounts, then learning to do this now, on top of everything else can seem a bit like learning a foreign language. Even if you did handle the bills, it’s still hard because not only is everything in a state of flux, there’s usually a whole of emotions and judgments mixed in with the money.

Joining Mandy is Todd Curtis, Chief Customer Officer at YNAB.com – that’s You Need A Budget which offers software and education around managing your money. Listen in to hear:
The difference between tracking expenses and budgetingWhy people find budgeting scaryHow to make budgeting funWhy downloading isn’t cheating, andHow to handle setbacks
Understanding your financial situation is a big part of preparing to divorce and you can find out more in Mandy’s free audio download, What You Need To Know About Preparing For Divorce.

Nobody ever describes divorce as an easy time in life. Far from it. It’s emotionally traumatic, mentally challenging and there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to deal with everything that needs to be addressed. The one thing that’s easy for people to let slide is taking care of themselves and yet, that’s the very thing that will help you get through this while making the tough decisions you face.

Joining Mandy to talk about what taking care of yourself means, how you can do it and why you might not, is fellow divorce coach Martha Bodyfelt. Martha is no stranger to having to take care of herself: her dream career in the Army ended abruptly with a devastating injury and five years after that, her marriage ended. Despite everything she’d learned recovering from her injury, Martha wasn’t eating or sleeping. She remembers cleaning out her closet in the early morning hours eventually falling asleep on the floor exhausted.

Martha blogs about divorce at her blog at SurvivingYourSplit.com and has a free download: Divorce Warrior Survival Kit.

Father’s Day is coming up and even though it is meant to be the parallel celebration to Mother’s Day, it doesn’t get equal billing. Married dads may find that irritating but for divorced dads it’s much worse. My guest, blogger Kyle Bradford aka, ChopperPapa says single dads need to understand that the deck is stacked against them from the very start.

Listen in to the conversation as Mandy and Kyle talk about:
Kyle’s first Father’s Day as a single dad and why he felt he’d been replacedthe significance of Father’s Day to single dads, andhow single dads need to step up their parenting game
Kyle Bradford writes about being a father, a husband and an ex at ChopperPapa.com. Kyle also has a podcast on fatherhood, Fatherhood Wide Open.

Few of us like to think about our own demise, however if you’re divorced this truly is something you need to consider. Chances are your spouse was your executor, your trustee, your healthcare power of attorney and your beneficiary and if you don’t do anything, they could still be any or all of these and that could mean trouble.

Join Mandy and Boulder-based estate planning attorney, Martha Hartney from Hartney Law as they discuss:
the five basic documents every person needs even if they have no assets,what changes the law stops you from making while your divorce is pending.the pitfalls of naming your minor child as your beneficiarywho you can ask to serve instead of your spouse
The big takeaway from this is that your divorce is not complete until you have taken care of what will happen if you are incapacitated or die.

Martha has a free download for listeners: 10 Tips When You’re Going Through One of the Worst Times of Life.

Many experts will tell you that you need to approach your divorce as a business transaction. If you can do that then figuring out the impact divorce will have on your finances becomes a mathematical analysis, but it’s rarely that simple or easy to do.

There’s almost always less money after divorce and that creates many fears, such as not wanting to change your lifestyle, having to go back to work, or not being able to afford to stay in your current neighborhood. Sometimes those fears are enough to keep people in deeply troubled marriages.

Fears however, are False Evidence Appearing Real and often the way to combat them is to do more research and gather more information and that’s definitely the strategy when it comes to financial fears.

Joining Mandy for this conversation is Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Russ Luna from Luna Financial Advisors. Listen in to learn what is a lifestyle analysis, how to identify the financial obstacles to divorce, how professionals evaluate the self-employed and what is dissipation and how you can spot it.

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, in today’s episode we’re talking about what it means to be a mother after divorce, how divorce can change your responsibilities as a mother, and of course, celebrating Mother’s Day after divorce.

Joining Mandy for this show is licensed therapist, author and college instructor, Terry Gaspard. Together they discuss:
if there are unique challenges for mothers after divorcehow changing gender roles have changed the role of mothersthe special role mothers play in helping children adapt to two homehow to enjoy Mother’s Day after divorce, even if you can’t be with your children.
Terry is the author of the book, Daughters of Divorce: Overcome The Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship which is available on Amazon. You can follow Terry at her website, Moving Past Divorce.

Even though  parts of the country are still getting snow, it’s not too early too early to be thinking about summer and that’s especially true if you are divorced and have kids. Making plans for your kids over the summer has the potential for many disagreements with your ex and those disagreements can sometimes be serious. They can sometimes mean returning to court and they can sometimes significantly restrict what you’d like to do.

Mandy is joined by family law attorney Valerie Jules McCarthy to discuss:
why communication and flexibility are key to summer planswhen you should be prepared to seek legal helpthe difference that notification and approval can mean for out-of-state travelwhy you can’t just enroll your child in the summer camps you wantwhy making assumptions about your ex could make things more difficult
Valerie Jules McCarthy is an attorney with the New Jersey law firm of Pashman Stein. You can follow their family law blog at NJFamilyLaw4U.com.

We don’t talk much about divorce and suicide but sadly, it’s not uncommon. Whether it’s a child whose parents are getting divorced, the person who wants to end the marriage but can’t or the person whose spouse has said they want a divorce, it’s a sign of a person who is struggling for their life and desperately needs help. So what should you do?

Joining Mandy to discuss what you need to know about suicide and divorce is Samantha Nadler, regional coordinator with the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network. Samantha has made multiple suicide attempts both as the child of divorcing parents and as the person wanting to leave the marriage. She also experienced her husband’s threat of suicide. You can read Samantha’s story here.

Listen in to learn:
the signs that someone you love may be considering suicidewhy you always need to take talk of suicide seriouslywhen a suicide threat becomes domestic violencehow you can help someone who is suicidalwhy a suicide threat doesn’t mean changing the divorce decision
If you or someone you know is considering suicide please contact the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, press 1 if you are a veteran. The text line is 741-741 and the chat line is crisischat.org.