Dating Intentionally

Casa Amor has officially arrived, and it exposed exactly why so many dating connections fall apart. I’m watching Love Island USA Season 8 to pull real-life dating lessons from the villa. This week (Week 4, Episodes 16–21), I’m breaking down why scorekeeping is a losing strategy, what having high standards actually looks like, and why asking about someone else's dating life too early can backfire. I also get into the red flag behind "I was just joking," why toxic attachments can feel stronger than healthy connections, and how hope can keep us stuck in relationships that aren't actually right for us. There's a lot to unpack after Casa Amor.

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I'm chatting with Jacob Lucas, a dating coach who went from the boxing world to building a huge online following, helping people date with intention. We're discussing everything from his "love at first sight" story with his wife (and why he didn't act on those intense early feelings) to the difference between your gut instinct and your anxiety, to why some people text constantly but never actually make plans. Jacob also breaks down how to invite physical touch rather than force it, and why the right person never gets scared off by your boundaries. At the end, we tackle four listener dating dilemmas about long-distance dating with a busy partner, shooting your shot a second time, handling a too-touchy first date, and what to do when the conversation never goes below the surface.

CONNECT WITH JACOB

Instagram & TikTok: @jacoblucas101

YouTube: Jacob Lucas Dating Coach

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How much can you really know about someone after three dates? Not enough to know if they're your forever person, but definitely enough to spot signs that they're worth continuing to get to know. In this episode, I'm breaking down 10 green flags to look for on the first few dates that tell you to keep going! We'll talk about the difference between real green flags and behaviors that only look promising, why consistency matters more than chemistry, and how to tell whether someone's actions actually match their words.

You'll learn:

• The #1 green flag that creates connection quickly
• Why initiative and follow-through are different (and why you need both)
• How to tell if someone is rushing the connection
• The role consistency plays in building trust
• What someone's relationship history can reveal about them
• Why feeling calm around someone is often a better sign than feeling a spark
• Green flags submitted by listeners from their own dating experiences
• Behaviors that seem like green flags—but aren't

Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener whose partner struggles with emotional conversations and discuss how couples can navigate different comfort levels around difficult feelings.

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Things are not looking good for the islander's connections, and we can learn a lot about dating just from spotting the early signs things won't work out. I’m watching Love Island USA Season 8 to pull real-life dating lessons from the villa. This week (Week 3, Episodes 10–15), I’m breaking down what happens when you rush physical intimacy too soon, why emotional repair breaks down in early relationships, and how defensiveness can quietly destroy a connection before it ever has a chance. I also get into the importance of multi-dating in early stages, why slow-burn connections built on friendship can actually be stronger than instant chemistry, and how extreme highs and lows are often a huge red flag. So much to unpack here.

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I'm chatting with Amanda McCracken, author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover, about the psychology term taking over dating culture: limerence. We're discussing everything from the difference between a crush and full-blown limerence to how ADHD can fuel the dopamine chase, why distance and uncertainty make feelings burn brighter, and how Amanda finally took her real-life crushes off the pedestal. Amanda also shares how she identified as a late-in-life virgin into her forties, and how she eventually built the secure, "boring," trusting relationship she once avoided. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a casual hookup that turned into real feelings, right before he moved several states away.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Book: When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love

Amanda's work: www.amandajmccracken.com

Instagram: @AmandaJMcCracken

Podcast: The Longing Lab

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We have five new dating dilemmas! I'm answering listener questions about uneven effort, intense early connections, addiction recovery, confusing endings, and relationships that move way too fast.

I get into...

• What it means when you're always the one initiating dates
• How to tell the difference between interest and investment
• Why we ignore red flags when we're excited about someone
• The mistake people make after noticing a shift in someone's behavior
• Whether it's too risky to date someone in addiction recovery
• If sending a "close the loop" text is actually worth it
• What to do when a new relationship is moving at lightning speed
• Why trying to decode someone's feelings often keeps you stuck

If you've ever found yourself wondering, "am I overreacting?" or spending more time analyzing someone's behavior than evaluating whether the relationship is working for you, this episode is for you.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Free dating FAQ guide: datingintentionally.com/gift

Close the loop text templates on IG

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What can we learn about dating from Love Island? Turns out - a lot. I'm watching Love Island USA Season 8 to pull real-life dating takeaways from the villa. This week (episodes 5-9), I'm getting into early dating expectations, knowing your needs, and how important it is to let someone show you who they are. Actions speak louder than words every time. I also talk about how people pleasing can be harmful and why it's GOOD that secure relationships feel boring. So much to unpack here.

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Have you read or heard of the book Attached? I'm chatting with Dr. Amir Levine, psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author of Secure and co-author of Attached, a book that has indefinitely changed my life. In this episode, we break down exactly how to attract and spot a securely attached person in early dating, and how to build more security in your life (whether you're in a relationship or not). At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma from a listener who flew across the country for a guy who then changed his mind.

You'll learn...

• All about Dr. Levine's CARP and SIMI frameworks
• Why CARP should be your new non-negotiable dating standard
• How to do a "CARP intervention" early without it feeling like a big emotional conversation
• Why a secure relationship is supposed to feel boring
• The strategy for distancing yourself from someone who isn't meeting your standards
• Why most of us already have secure people in our lives and keep ignoring them
• How your attachment style can be totally different with different people (yes, even your pet)

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Secure by Dr. Amir Levine

Dr. Levine's website: amirlevinemd.com

Attachment Quiz

Dr. Levine's Masterclass: The Science Of Connection

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In this episode, I'm walking you through everything you need to nail a first date, from confirming the time and getting in the right mindset to navigating the conversation, handling the check, and knowing whether to go in for the kiss. This episode originally aired in January 2024/ At the end, I tackle a new dating dilemma about a woman who's dating a guy who didn't acknowledge her birthday.

You'll learn...

• Six mindset tips for a first date
• My fave low-pressure first date questions
• What to do when your date isn't pulling their weight
• Who pays for the first date?
• Why you should NEVER plan date two on date one

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

90+ questions to ask your date!

My dating "rules" episode

Anti-Ghost text templates

Relationship Needs Masterclass - June 22 & 29

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⁠Slide into my DMs on IG @dating.intentionally

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