Dating Intentionally

I'm covering everything you need to know about the slow burn, from why it feels so uncomfortable when you've only known whirlwind romances, to how to know if you're actually ready for it, to the signs you need to pump the brakes early on. I also get into where physical intimacy fits in, how to tell the difference between a slow burn and just not vibing with someone, and tips for enjoying the process. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about whether to keep the door fully closed on a connection that had potential.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Episode 111 — How to stay grounded in dating
• Episode 146 — Slow burn vs. dead end
• Episode 172 — When you want a slow burn but they're rushing it
• Episode 160 — We're attracted to the wrong people
• Study on friendship formation
• Instagram post on chemistry-boosting date ideas

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In this bonus episode, I'm sitting down with Jordan Dann, a couples therapist and psychoanalyst who, like me, loves to watch Love Is Blind on Netflix. This episode contains spoilers! We're talking about the moments from Season 10 (Ohio) living rent-free in our minds, including Alex & Ashley's dynamic that stays on the surface/never gets deep, Brittney and Devonta's pursuer/withdrawer dynamic, and how Bri just isn't ready for a guy like Connor. We touch on the insanity of Chris's behavior throughout the show at the end as well. Who will say yes at the altar this Wednesday? We share our predictions at the end.

Check out Jordan's Substack!

And here's my first ep with Jordan - all about the honeymoon stage in relationships.

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I'm chatting with Marina Iakovleva, creator of Dating Beyond Borders, who's spent 12 years exploring how people date around the world. We're discussing everything from why Scandinavians have sex before they even go for coffee to why Eastern Europeans and Dutch couples clash over gift-giving, to how "the talk" looks completely different depending on where you're from. Marina shares which cultures tend to be most compatible (and which ones really struggle together), the truth about paying for dates globally, and the unique challenges of dating as a digital nomad, like dodging passport bros in Mexico. At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about navigating different cultural expectations.

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What happens when you have an amazing connection, but the relationship itself is kind of a bust? In this episode, I'm answering four dating dilemmas that all highlight the common dating mistake of confusing connection with compatibility. The truth is, connection is important, but it can't get you anywhere with someone you're incompatible with! Featured dilemmas:

1. A woman who's not sure if she should wait for a great guy she met in person

2. Someone three months into a relationship, wondering if she's asking for too much or just asking the wrong person.

3. Someone who can't tell if the guy she's been dating for three months is a slow burn or not.

4. A woman who's been with someone for over a year and still hasn't heard "I love you" back.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

My take on age gap dating

January's Dating Dilemma episode

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Alli Goldberg (back for round 2!) is the creator and host of Love Isn't Blind, the live dating show where the men can't speak, and she's now hosted nearly 100 shows across 10 cities. That means she's interviewed over 800 men, and she has thoughts. Alli shares what patterns she's noticed from all those interviews, including the surprisingly beautiful things men say about what they're looking for. We talk about why couples need to be better wingpeople, why women need to get over being scared of men if they want to date them, and what positive masculinity actually looks like. Alli also shares her own setup success story. Plus, we answer a dating dilemma from a guy who keeps having great first dates but can't seem to get to date two.

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I'm sharing my experiences with saying "I love you" for the first time, from awkwardly blurting it out in a noisy subway station to intentionally saying it over the phone. I'm covering the signs you're actually in love, when to say those three little words, and my advice for being the person who says it first, which, yes, I've done in almost every relationship. I also get into what to do if they're not ready to say it back, how often to say it after the first time, and why both saying and showing love matter equally. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma: a woman who put real effort into romancing her partner, only to be told at the 3-month mark that she didn't do enough.

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I'm chatting with Rory Uphold, a writer and the author of The Final Girl's Guide to the Horrors of Dating, a book that uses the horror movie framework to help people navigate modern dating. We're discussing everything from how rom-coms groomed us for romantic disappointment and taught women to be chosen instead of the chooser, to the devastating breakup that turned Rory into a final girl, to what she did to rebuild her life after (spoiler: it wasn't therapy). Rory also shares three powerful pieces of advice from her book, including the truth about the walls we build when we're younger, and the walls we have to tear down when we're older. At the end, we tackle two listener questions about grief in relationships and whether to give a former situationship another chance.

Get Rory's book: A Final Girl's Guide To The Horrors Of Dating

Connect with Rory on IG

THANKS TO OUR PARTNERS

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You know you want to be with your partner for a long time, but how do you know when to move in? Today I'm sharing everything I've learned about moving in with a partner, from knowing when you're ready to navigating daily life together. I cover the emotional and practical signs you're ready to cohabitate, the red flags that you're not, and why you need to talk about your relationship timeline first. Then I answer your Instagram questions about handling habit differences, avoiding getting on each other's nerves, managing income disparities, keeping romance alive, and so much more. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma: should you start dating again while unemployed?

Episodes & Resources Mentioned:

• Ep 20: Questions to discuss before moving in together
• Ep 213: Tara Laferrara on keeping romance alive
• Low-budget date ideas post

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Author and educator Laura Danger (@thatdarnchat) brought weaponized incompetence and the nag paradox into the mainstream, and today she's here to talk about how these dynamics can show up way before you're married with kids. We get into the early warning signs of domestic inequity you can spot while dating, the green flags that actually matter for a long-term partnership, and what a truly collaborative relationship looks like day to day. Plus, Laura shares her unexpectedly romantic love story, we unpack why "happy wife, happy life" makes me cringe, and we tackle a dating dilemma from someone who started dating their roommate.

Check out Laura's amazing book, No More Mediocre: A Call To Reimagine Our Relationships And Demand More

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Feeling uneasy about your partner's friendship with someone of the opposite sex? You're not alone. In this episode, I'm breaking down what that jealousy actually means, when it's a you problem vs. a real red flag, and how to navigate it without sabotaging your relationship. I'm sharing my own experience working through this with Johnny and the one boundary we set that made all the difference. Plus: why your partner having women friends is actually a green flag, how to bring this up without it turning into a fight, and what to do if the conversation goes badly. Then, in this week's dating dilemma, a guy who had a "Hallmark movie moment" with someone who's already in a relationship wants to know if he should pursue it.

Instagram post I'm referring to!

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Meundies: Get up to 50% off on underwear with code DATING! meundies.com/dating

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Pique Life: Unlock 20% off your first order! piquelife.com/dating

Rocket Money: Cancel unwanted subscriptions easily and manage your finances with Rocket Money! Go to rocketmoney.com/dating to get started.

AG1: Go to drinkag1.com/dating and get a FREE Welcome Kit with an AG1 Flavor Sampler and a bottle of Vitamin D3 plus K2 when you first subscribe!

Olive & June: DIY salon-level nails! Get 20% off your first mani system at oliveandjune.com/dating20

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

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CONNECT WITH ME:

⁠Ask a question for me to answer on the pod⁠

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