Dear Midlife...

Our guest on the show today is Chelli Pumphrey. Chelli is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Therapist, Author and Relationship Coach with almost 30 years of clinical experience. She specializes in working with trauma, adult attachment, narcissistic abuse, and pathological love relationships and is the author of Insight is 20/20: How To Trust Yourself To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse and Toxic Relationships.

This topic is so important. I know because I speak from personal experience.  I was in a relationship with someone who I've come to realize was a covert narcissist and was in this abusive relationship for 16 years. I stayed because for much of the time, I didn't even understand or realize that what I was experiencing was narcissistic abuse. Chelli helped me to understand the Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde behavior I experienced with my ex created cognitive dissonance which made it difficult for me to really grasp the reality I was facing. As the abuse escalated, I adapted my own behavior to accommodate my abuser and in that space, I completely lost myself. You'll also hear Trinity have a personal revelation in this podcast….so we can't wait to dive in with you.

As a Certified Integrated Medicine Mental Health Practitioner and Reiki practitioner, Chelli is passionate about integrative, holistic mental health, believing that mind, body, and spirit should be nurtured throughout the healing journey. Passionate about educating the public about toxic relationships.

In today's episode, Chelli teaches us: 

1. The research shows that narcissism likely genetic and inherited in some way and "hardwired" into our personality. Therefore, it is difficult for a narcissist to change their behavior.
2. Women who are kind, empathetic and agreeable are often drawn into these relationships and narcissists will "prey" on partners with these qualities and characteristics.
3. Conscientiousness and traits like loyalty and being goal driven keep you in the relationship…
4. Cognitive dissonance can be described as the mental conflict that exists when your beliefs are not aligned with your actions.

Chelli founded Trilogy Holistic Mental Health in Denver, CO, and currently serves as Clinical Director of both Trilogy and Strength in Motion Counseling in Boulder, CO. She maintains her own private practice where she offers toxic relationship recovery coaching programs and  serves on the Board of Advisors for the Association for NPD/Psychopathy Survivor Treatment, Research & Education.

You can find Chelli at:

Website | https://www.chellipumphrey.com

Facebook | Chelli Pumphrey Therapy

Instagram | Chelli Pumphrey

LinkedIn | Chelli Pumphrey

Make sure we are connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Our guest today is Helen Ryan.  She has a walking podcast, which is a super interesting concept, she "coaches" you on the podcast as you walk. It's like having your own personal exercise coach with you while you walk telling you to speed your pace, slow down…genius. She has authored 3 book and traveled the world.  And when asked what was the catalyst to all of these endeavors, Helen says simply, "desperation."  You see, like you, Helen hit 51 and felt burned out and exhausted. So what else was there to do but throw caution to the wind and put everything she owned in storage, begin traveling as a digital nomad and re-igniting the passion for life that she had lost.

I hear of soo many women in mid-life feeling like they're stuck. We are talking you you. Raise your hand if you don't know who you are any longer and and can't seem to recall what brings you joy. We were both their ourselves!

What we love about Helen is that she has this affinity to try on new personas and just take a small step figure it out who she is and what she wants to become. She's been a fitness instructor, author and now has tried on this nomad lifestyle…I think she's still figuring it out…but, I think there's a great lesson here that trying something new is a first step in finding yourself.

And ladies...we're putting a challenge out there to you today. If you're listening, we challenge YOU to try something new this week. It doesn't have to be big like selling everything you own and hitting the road….it can be something small.  But take that first step yourself. Leave us a review and tell us what new thing you tried this week!

If you're interested in connecting with Helen, you can contact her through the following channels:

Email | [email protected]

Social media links (if applicable)

https://walkingandtalking.show

IG: @midlifecrisistraveller

Facebook: Imperfectly Healthy is your Superpower

Make sure we are connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Ladies…I don't know how many of you out there are like me…? I pride myself in being able to go harder, faster, longer than anyone else. It started when I was young…I was on the varsity swim team, debate team, theater, had a part time job, got straight A's helped raise my 3 younger siblings. The madness has continued into adulthood…when I became a single mom I was working a full-time job and managing multiple multi-million dollar projects, playing the role of room parent, PTO Secretary, Girl Scout troop leader…and it wasn't until recently when I started to ask myself why. And my answer was that I've formed an identity around my hustle. It is so much a part of me, I don't know how to stop. I believe it started so long ago because maybe it was the only way I garnered attention from my ever-busy executive parents. Now I hustle because I feel it is the only way I'm seen as worthy. But, I tell you girls, the hustle is killing me. I'm tired.  Do you ladies out there feel the same way?

So, today we invite Shonda Moralis onto the show. She is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker and if you're feeling the same way I am…exhausted. Depleted and just like life is one big to-do list, Shonda is here to remind us Don’t Forget to Breathe.  She's been there. She HEARS you.  Ladies, its time to stop running. Shonda's book "Don't Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women-Beat Stress and Find Calm Anytime, Anywhere!" Aims to help women reclaim their peace of mind by centering themselves in the present moment, even while they are being pulled in so many directions. She draws on over 25 years of psychotherapy to provide women the resources they need to take care of themselves through quick, easy meditations that can be done anywhere at anytime.

In today's episode, Shonda teaches us:

1. Mindfulness is paying attention to what's happening in this moment with an attitude of kindness.
2. Meditation is taking time out of the day to practice the skill of mindfulness…anything we want to do well requires practice
3. Mindful breaks are opportunities and reminders in which you can drop in in the middle of the day to just be more aware and pull ourselves out of automatic pilot
4. The framework for mindful breaks includes "breathe, becoming and balance"
5. It is intentional micro actions, such as "unmuting yourself" and making a contribution to the conversation that can be your catalyst forward toward healing and empowerment
6. Use the "triangle of awareness"  or your thoughts, body sensations and emotions to become more mindful
7. Mindfulness puts you in a state where you can exercise choice

You can find Shonda's books wherever books are sold:

Don't Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women-Beat Stress and Find Calm Anytine, Anywhere!

Breathe Mama Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Moms

You can find direct access to Shonda and a variety of resources on her website

If you're enjoying the Dear Midlife podcast please leave us a review or share this podcast with a friend. We appreciate your ongoing support of our show! Make sure we're connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Deanne Rose is  a women's sexuality coach, massage therapist and birth doula She guides women into remembering and reclaiming their power and magic through connecting with their sexuality and pleasure while helping them to release the guilt, shame and old programming about their bodies and sexuality. After her divorce, I was in search of myself. Like so many women, I lost myself in marriage and motherhood. I didn't know that there was any other way. I felt my sacrificing was a sign of love and commitment. She didn't realize she was actually co-dependency and a desparate lack of self love and worth. She reclaimed my sexual essence as a woman during  her year long training in Layla Martin's Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching, now know as VITA coaching. The first 6 months were a deep dive into the shadows and the segmented and unintergrated parts of self. This process, along with plant medicine, helped Deanne heal many layers of trauma and guided her into the truth and acceptance of who she really is. By removing her masks, she is now able to hold a sacred and safe space for her clients to do the same. She understand the benefits of developing radical acceptance of self and strives to be this beacon of light for her clients and people around me. Deanne believes in a world where women are connected to the natural rhythms and cycles of their bodies and of the Earth. This is where women remember their power and reconnect to the highest version of themselves.

In this episode, Deanne teaches us:

1. Connect through our throat/voice, our heart and our womb space in order to reach self-actualization.
2. Use breath work to start the energy moving through your body
3. Move your body to release energy and heal trauma. If possible, get back to your primal self.
4. Use all 5 senses to take in the world around you and as you experience things through your senses ask if these things are life giving or life taking.
5. Use plant-based medicine for unlocking trauma and suggests this method be done with trusted guides

You can find Deanne using the following links:

The Unbridled Woman FB Group

https://www.deannerose.net/

Make sure we are connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Denise Drinkwalter retired after a fulfilling career as an educator and suddenly found that, like many of us, she didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up. In today's podcast, you'll hear Denise's journey to a new career as an Empowerment Life Coach fulfiling extraordinary work with women in the middle. She has an intuitive gift that affords her the ability to assist women in gaining clarity, perspective, and strength from within. Denise’s specialty is supporting women experiencing the complexity, strain and stressors of the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise’s assists women in tapping into aspects of themselves they have never explored and through her genuine approach, helps  women release the burdens, expectations and false beliefs that they have carried around for years.  She consistently employs her elite level coaching skills, leaving a trail of positivity, expansion and soul led growth with whomever she has the privilege to guide. Denise has been featured on a variety of Podcasts sharing her expertise as a Certified Priestess Numerologist, a Parenting Coach for Empty Nesters, and maintains a full-time coaching role in Clutter Boss Academy, and is an Expert Coach in Perimenopause Hub based out of the UK. She is also an Executive Contributor for BrainzMagazine. Denise’s signature 8- week course Cut the Cord-Not the Ties is a complete game changer for all Moms experiencing the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise offers group programs and a variety of one-one coaching opportunities for women who are experiencing challenging situations that are keeping them from experiencing life to its fullest using the following best practices:

1. Think of one experience in which you felt immense joy, sit in that moment and memory and ask yourself, what about that moment can I emulate in my life now?
2. Look within yourself to determine what you need for you, by you and because of you.
3. Get out of your cognitive self and listen to your body and emotions.
4. Go into nature and tune in to what is around you using all of your senses. You can use external nature to help you tap into your inner self.
5. Look at listen for patterns and signs to guide you
6. Use the interrupter question, "How does this serve me?"

If you're enjoying the podcast, please leave us a review!!

Find more of Denise at:

Email address: [email protected]

Website: denisedrinkwalter.com

https://www.instagram.com/denisedrinkwalter/ https://www.facebook.com/DeniseDrinkwalterCoaching https://www.linkedin.com/in/denisedrinkwalter/

Make sure we are connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Today we welcome to the podcast Lucas Lowe who is a partner, dad, boss, Life Coach and CEO of Dorado Consulting Group.

Lucas shares with us his wide range of experiences and expertise that include: Aviation Maintenance, Management, Team Building, Sober Living, Bicycles, Vanlife, Progress and Productivity, Teaching/Training/Coaching, Real Estate Investing, as well as Housing and Community Development, AND at the same time he reminds us that we are so much more than our careers and skill sets.

Lucas has survived drug and alcohol addiction, facing felony drug charges, the loss of a lifetime career in the aviation industry (due to no fault of his own) and nearly losing his marriage. It was a fall to his rock bottom in which Lucas realized that he was in a life or death situation and wanted to choose life. Perhaps you've been there too? Maybe not the proverbial "rock bottom" an addict experiences. But, I guarantee each of you out there in our audience have felt this way at some point in your life. You look at yourself and don't like who you’ve become. You feel stuck and know you need to make a shift..but how?

Lucas is a Certified NLP practitioner and Life Coach who will share with us his journey as he overcame each challenge. He provides critical tools that will help you reevaluate your traumas in a new light so you can overcome them. He'll recommend ways in which you can realign with who you are at your core (not in the way others conveniently categorize you) to find true identity and inner peace.

In this episode, Lucas teaches us:

1. People are so much more complex that what you see at face value.
2. Be open minded to take as much advice and wisdom from others who have walked the path before you as possible.
3. Look to the personas and identity of others you admire to fill the space until you form your own identity of self.
4. Revisit your identity every couple of years and keep it detached from the external ideals that have traditionally defined us (such as jobs or skill sets).
5. Write down your stories and get them out of your head. When you do, you can reframe old narratives and look at them in a new way.
6. Keep a journal focused on ESP…Effort, Success and Progress. Document one thing you put extra effort into, one success and one thing in which you made progress each day. 

You can find Lucas at:

Email: [email protected]

IG | @lowielowe

Lucas Lowe on Facebook

Ready to ditch midlife mediocrity and level up your life? We've got your back with a no-nonsense blueprint and a supportive tribe. Visit our website dearmidlife.com to gain access to:

Accelerated Education: Tap into our toolkits that contain expert interviews, curated resources, and actionable steps that demand growth.

Supportive Problem Solvers: Navigate midlife challenges with the fierce friendships of our community, helping you solve any problem, find your purpose and redefine yourself.

Unapologetic Friendship Fuel: Build a strong inner circle that supports, cheers, and holds you accountable every step of the way.

Make sure we’re connected on Facebook and Instagram!

We can't wait to meet you in the middle! xo Trinity and Shelby  

While Heather Wylde Smith is an Ethical Biz Coach with a passion for helping online coaches sell their services without feeling like they are selling their souls, she’s also adept at deep transformational coaching through structured journaling, anger work, and energy healing. In this episode we focus in on how Heather has triumphed over breast cancer and navigated a challenging relationship with a narcissistic father and has been able to reinvent her life at 46. She shares with us her approach to journaling as a tool for healing past traumas and old wounds with a unique stubborness so that you can live a life you love.

In this episode, Heather teaches us:

1. If you believe you are in a narcissistic relationship, evaluate the behaviors.
2. Use structured journaling as a way to heal: Name the person you're upset with. Identify the observable behaviors to which you are having a strong emotional response. Ask yourself what else does this incident remind you of? Name the emotions that are showing up for you. Ask yourself how did you contribute, without taking responsibility to the other person's behavior? What will you do differently and/or what resources do you need to make this change?
3. Be stubborn in your healing…try everything until you find the right fit or solution for you
4. Surround yourself with people who are on a growth path

Mentioned in the podcast:  Dr. Ramani on Healing from narcissism

Find more of Heather at:

Email address: [email protected]

Website | Heather Wylde Smith

Facebook | Heather Wylde Smith

Online Entrepreneur's Survival Guide on Amazon

Ready to ditch midlife mediocrity and level up your life? We've got your back with a no-nonsense blueprint and a supportive tribe. Visit our website dearmidlife.com to gain access to:

Accelerated Education: Tap into our toolkits that contain expert interviews, curated resources, and actionable steps that demand growth.

Supportive Problem Solvers: Navigate midlife challenges with the fierce friendships of our community, helping you solve any problem, find your purpose and redefine yourself.

Unapologetic Friendship Fuel: Build a strong inner circle that supports, cheers, and holds you accountable every step of the way.

Make sure we’re connected on Facebook and Instagram!

We can't wait to meet you in the middle! xo Trinity and Shelby

Trisha Gudka is a Happiness coach….but, she wasn't always happy. No, ladies, when Trisha reached 40, the age where many of us groan feeling that life is half over, Trisha sighed that she was ONLY 40 and couldn't believe how many more years of life she would have to endure. Like many women in midlife, Trisha had suffered her fair share of trauma over the years that included sexual abuse and even assault that sent her into a depression in her late 20’s.  She was 42 when she decided to reclaim her life. The truth is it took many years before she even realized that she needed help. 

You may know what that's like ladies….It's like you're going through the motions of your life and you gradually lose your happiness without even realizing it until one day you can’t find a real smile or a genuine laugh. Trisha came to realize that every day brought with it a growing feeling of emptiness. She was surrounded by people but felt completely alone. She knew she had to find a way out!  Thankfully, Trisha was able to overcome depression one day at a time with guidance from doctors and self-perserverance and now helps women to overcome depression using the system that worked for her. She provides actionable exercises and strategies to fall in love with exactly who you are - mind and body, so that her clients can live happy and fulfilled lives.

In today's episode, Trisha teaches us:

1. Know your "why" healing is a journey and knowing your why will give you the drive to persevere
2. Be responsible for your own happiness. Your significant other, your children and others around you are not.
3. Always look for the other story you can tell about any situation
4. Embrace the small moments…happiness is not a destination. It lives in these small moments accumulated over time.
5. Every day write down one thing you are grateful for about life and one thing you are grateful for about yourself

Find more of Trisha at:

Trisha Gudka_Facebook

IG @trishgudka

Click this link to access Trisha's  5 Steps to Leave Depression Behind course.

Ready to ditch midlife mediocrity and level up your life? We've got your back with a no-nonsense blueprint and a supportive tribe. Visit our website dearmidlife.com to gain access to:

Accelerated Education: Tap into our toolkits that contain expert interviews, curated resources, and actionable steps that demand growth.

Supportive Problem Solvers: Navigate midlife challenges with the fierce friendships of our community, helping you solve any problem, find your purpose and redefine yourself.

Unapologetic Friendship Fuel: Build a strong inner circle that supports, cheers, and holds you accountable every step of the way.

Make sure we’re connected on Facebook and Instagram!

We can't wait to meet you in the middle! xo Trinity and Shelby

Allyson Roberts knows what it takes to make it in this world. As a young woman, she found herself homeless, pregnant, and forced to live in her car. However, Allyson was able to persevere and harness the power of adversity to overcome her circumstances and thrive. Now she helps others do the same.

Her system of Personalized Science, the combination of brain work and spirituality, combined with her grace and sense of humor has made Allyson a highly sought after coach, speaker, and business collaborator. Recently, Allyson was recognized by Feedspot, a Forbes affiliate, in their designation of Top 100 Coaches in the World. 

Allyson is the founder of Outrageous Freedom and best-selling programs such as Painless Pivots to Power and Unapologetic Power. Her book, The Spiritual Journey: The Part No One Talks About, is available wherever books are sold.

You can find Allyson on her website 

Ready to ditch midlife mediocrity and level up your life? We've got your back with a no-nonsense blueprint and a supportive tribe. Visit our website dearmidlife.com to gain access to:

Accelerated Education: Tap into our toolkits that contain expert interviews, curated resources, and actionable steps that demand growth.

Supportive Problem Solvers: Navigate midlife challenges with the fierce friendships of our community, helping you solve any problem, find your purpose and redefine yourself.

Unapologetic Friendship Fuel: Build a strong inner circle that supports, cheers, and holds you accountable every step of the way.

Make sure we’re connected on Facebook and Instagram!

We can't wait to meet you in the middle! xo Trinity and Shelby

Trinity and I are really focusing our attention on the idea of identity. So many of us in midlife go through the proverbial "Identity Crisis" where we feel lost, stuck and don't know who we are or where we're going.  Our guest today helps us to get beyond feeling stuck and teaches us to re-write our own stories by knowing our strengths and skills and applying them in new ways.

Gloria Coppola has been divorced, widowed, struggled through a narcissistic relationship, built a successful business while raising  2 kids only to be embezzled by a crooked accountant who took advantage of her while she was mourning the death of her husband. She has overcome, grown stronger and risen above it all.  She has healed from emotional and physical trauma and reinvented herself time and time and time again.  Gloria is proof to us women in midlife that the only limits we have are those limits that are self-imposed. She encourages us to own our own power, take control of our lives and get off our asses and make life happen. She reminds us that life, is what we make it and that power comes with inspired action. Ladies, you are in control of your own destinies, so get out there and make it happen.

In today's episode Gloria reminds us to: 

1. Know what you want to align with.
2. Take stock of the skills and capabilities you have.  Open your mind to how you can use these skills in other places and other ways to rise above your circumstances.
3. Focus on moving forward, don't look back
4. Learn to ask for help.
5. Take a true honest look at yourself in the mirror and OWN who you are.
6. Listen to and follow-through with your intuition because it will lead you to and prepare you for things to come.

You can find Gloria at:

Gloria Coppola_Facebook Page

Gloria Coppola Publishing Website or Gloria Coppola Website

Check out her new book called "Too Many Goodbyes" on Amazon

Too Many Goodbyes ON PRE-SALE NOW at BARNES & NOBLE

[email protected]

Gloria offers a free intentional journal writing course

and is taking group on a writing retreat to Italy in August 2023

Ready to ditch midlife mediocrity and level up your life? We've got your back with a no-nonsense blueprint and a supportive tribe. Visit our website dearmidlife.com to gain access to:

Accelerated Education: Tap into our toolkits that contain expert interviews, curated resources, and actionable steps that demand growth.

Supportive Problem Solvers: Navigate midlife challenges with the fierce friendships of our community, helping you solve any problem, find your purpose and redefine yourself.

Unapologetic Friendship Fuel: Build a strong inner circle that supports, cheers, and holds you accountable every step of the way.

Make sure we’re connected on Facebook and Instagram!

We can't wait to meet you in the middle! xo Trinity and Shelby