Dear Midlife...

You probably know by now that Trinity is not a "journaler" so, it won't come as any surprise that she's also not a planner or a scheduler. If you've seen any of her Facebook posts, you know she loves to do fun and unexpected things spur of the moment.

Shelby, on the other hand, is annoyingly scheduled...because, as she says, she just ain't got time for shit unless it's on the calendar. She's continuously distracted by shiny objects (and knows it). So, if she doesn't have her "to do's" right in front of her face reminding her of what needs to get done, she'll be totally distracted. Do either of these approaches resonate with you??

Well, on our show to day, we welcome Natascha Corrigan and Allegre Ramos who are moms, entrepreneurs, educators and friends who share a love of planning and a passion for empowering others moms and caregivers to prioritize themselves and their goals. And to our listener out there who is like Trinity...Natascha and Allegre can help you make new habits "your bitch" so you can conquer them to live the life you want!! #PutOnYourOxygenMaskFirst.

Today we discuss excavating past familial and societal expectations in order to unearth your true goals and live a values-driven life. Something that Trinity and I are sooo passionate about!  If you want to set goals and plan a life that is aligned with your core values, take our Core Values Index. In this episode we learn:

1. A habit is an energy saver for your brain so you can take action without your brain having to think too much about how to do it. Natascha and Alegre have found It takes most people an average of 63 days to form a new habit.
2. To embrace your personal style or "tendency" (From Gretchen Rubin's book "The Four Tendencies") when forming a new habit. Make it part of your identity. "I'm a planner so that I can live the life I want to lead."
3. It starts with excavation, understanding old habits and mindsets to clear the path for execution, forming new habits.
4. How to find a place where your new habit fits into the scope of your already existing daily routine. Use a habit tracker to help you to fully integrate the new habit.
5. To let go of goals that are NOT aligned with your core values.

If you want to learn more about Natascha and Allegre and their programs: 

👉Learn to Harness the Power of Planning at BYWDreams.com

⏰ Could you use a quick win every morning? Sign-up for our FREE mini-course "Create Your Morning Ritual"  SmartURL.it/CYMR

📖 Save time with our bestselling book "3-2-1-Done: Three simple strategies to get your to-do list done!" SmartURL.it/321DoneBook

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Well, last week, Trinity went through a therapeutic conversation with our guest and dug into her relationship with her ex-husband to understand why she felt she was perpetually chasing someone who was emotionally unavailable.

And this week...girl, we go through some deep shit with Shelby as our guest today, Marianne McGuire, takes her on an experiential, healing journey to her inner child who never adequately grieved the loss of her mother at age 7.

Marianne had this profound spiritual experience when she was six years of age, when she received certain fundamental sort of universal truths about reality and who we really are and now helps women on their healing journey through her Let Go and Know program and book "From Longing to Belonging: How You Can Finally Unlock Your Own Peace, Happiness, and Fulfillment " to break free of the box we put ourselves in with the good old support of the patriarchy and society conditioning.

Yeeessss...and holy shit does she help Shelby to bravely examine this childhood trauma and gives her a little nudge to let go of her own anxiety and self-doubt and lean into expansion and really helps you find a place of self-compassion.

And to our listener out there who is equally feeling the pain of some past trauma...We urge you to find a quiet place to play this episode. Go through the experience with Shelby and Marianne...Close your eyes, listen to Marianne's powerful words and learn to let go yourself.

This is a journey we can all go on together! And if you love this episode and are finding value in the Dear Midlife podcast, leave us a review and let us know what you're able to let go of today. We love you and you are NOT alone!

In this episode we learn to:

1. Let go of struggle and know who you are.
2. Experience and nature are the portals to who you really are if you can be present enough to listen.
3. Understand that everything we need is within us.
4. Get outside into nature everyday and "ground yourself" we are electromagnetic beings and this helps us recharge.
5. Give yourself permission to break free of your little box and stop "playing the game". It is time to reclaim our power. 

For more of Marianne:

www.LetGoAndKnow.com to receive a Free Gift

Marianne’s site: www.LetGoAndKnow.com

Marianne’s email: [email protected]

Marianne’s Book: Marianne's Book | From Longing to Belonging: How You Can Finally Unlock Your Own Peace, Happiness and Fulfillment

Audiobook: Marianne's Audiobook Version

Facebook: Marianne's Facebook Page

Facebook Group: Marianne's Facebook Group

YouTube Channel: Marianne's YouTube Channel

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Vickie Lynn is a freedom fighter and overcomer, rising out of the ashes from 25 years of narcissistic abuse. She’s a faith-based, high conflict co-parenting and divorce coach reaching back into the fire to help other single mommas sharing custody with their narcissistic / abusive ex.

For any of you leaving a narcissistic relationship behind and who have kids, you know that the feeling of being lost or diminished doesn't end when the relationship does. The kids are always a tie back to the abuse you've endured. Vickie helps women to find their voice, create strong boundaries, and empower their children to do the same despite ongoing post-separation abuse. Her clients gain confidence, clarity, and tap into their own power to end abuse in their lineage and change the course of their lives!

Vickie Lynn will help you reclaim who you once were and help you learn how to respond to all the illogical and absurd crap that your ex throws your way. It isn't easy, but it is so worth being able to redeem some of the power you lost and each small step creates momentum.

In this episode, Vickie teaches us:

1. Leaving the relationship with an abusive ex is one monumental foot forward, but it is really just ther start of a longer journey when kids are involved.
2. Sometimes, we have to look inward and evaluate what we can control. Start with setting small boundaries, which breeds greater confidence.
3. Once you've reclaimed one small piece of power back, you start from there the next time.
4. Be honest with your children about the ex's behavior and authentic to yourself. Model open communication and do what is right for your child at the right moment. Don't feel like you have to always shield them from the truth.
5. Be a safe place for yourself and kids.
6. Journal to alleviate past anger and find new passions. Try new things.

You can find Vickie at:

Instagram | IG | the_survivor_center

Website: https://thesurvivorcenter.com

We'd love to hear of your triumph's.  Take a moment this week to either think about or establish a purposeful boundary for yourself and let us know what steps you've been able to take to lean into your authentic self.

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FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

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This episode turned into a little mini-therapy session for Trinity! It was fascinating to dig into her personal relationship with her ex as the perfect case study, in this instance, to unpack attachment styles.

Carla Crivaro, is so insightful as a trauma-informed and certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach. Carla works with men and women (and apparently Podcast Hosts) to help them understand themselves and each other, sexually and relationally.

She really helps people connect to their emotions and tune into thier own behaviors and get curious about them...which is how she helps her clients to learn to trust themselves.

Today Carla teaches us:

1. The inevitability that different attachment styles will be attracted to one another and how to navigate these differences.
2. The different attachment styles are: Attachment styles: Secure attachment is characterized by strong relationships, trust, affection, resilience, and self-esteem. Anxious attachment styles crave intimacy but are afraid of getting close to other people. They seem needy and worry that their partner doesn’t really love them. Avoidant attachment styles have a hard time forming close relationships. They are independent and tend to hide their emotions and feel compelled to withdraw when people get too close. Disorganized attachment styles tend to be a mix of anxious and avoidant. While they crave intimacy and connection, they tend to avoid relationships.
3. The fact that individuals will never be 100% secure in their attachment but will just able to manage their own nervous system in a better way. 
4. The importance of being very specific and clear about your intentions with a partner.
5. How women assume the role of caretaker because it helps us feel needed, but this can be disempowering as well and can cause us to lose our own identity.
6. How to listen to your body rather than looking for red flags. When you have a true sense of security and trust yourself, you can stop running and actually get curious about your feelings.

Find more of Carla at:

Website | carlacrivaro.com

IG | the.sexuality.sanctuary

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know what YOUR attachment style is!

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Our guest today, Kim Muench wrote a book titled "Becoming Me While Raising You-A Mother's Journey to Herself" Which exactly describes my relationship with my 2 teenage daughters at the moment. I have wanted to be the perfect mother for my daughters, I mean, that's how I roll. But, you know...its frustrating when you do so much and, yet the struggles still exist.

Kim notes that moms are the emotional barometer for their families. Sometimes it becomes evident that the stress and anxiety moms put into being "perfect" is the very thing that creates the same stress/anxiety in our personal relationships. 

Our conversation with Kim today speaks into the journey that moms are on and the lessons we learn as we mature as parents and as women. The more I have conversations with our guests, the more I realize the ongoing work I need to do on MYSELF and how THAT (in itself) will transform my relationships with those I love the most. I need to stop being what I think other people want me to be and just BE ME. And, while I thought I knew who that was, I'm realizing more and more that I'm still figuring it out!

Today Kim helps us unpack our own limiting beliefs about ourselves so we can live more authentically. A limiting belief I have is that I have to be perfect to be loved. And honey...perfect doesn't exist.

In this episode, Kim teaches us:

1. Acknowledging where we fail as parents, and reminding ourselves not to get stuck in the space where we blame ourselves for our children's behaviors and choices. Staying in that space is not productive.
2. Past trauma (big T or little t) can impact our current behavior tremendously and become our limiting beliefs such as "I don't matter" or "I don't have a voice"
3. The definitions of helping vs. enabling. Helping is giving assistance to someone when they can't do it for themselves. Enabling is doing something for someone else that they can/should do for themselves and then a resentment is formed.
4. Our children come through us and not for us, except for the lessons they reflect to us during their journey in an effort to grow us up along the way.
5. The 4 essential questions to uncover limiting beliefs and shift them into beliefs that better serve your relationship to yourself and to those you love the most. What do I believe about myself? Where did that thought/belief come from? Is it true? If it's not true, what is?

Kim's book (published in 2021, Becoming Me While Raising You) was written on the six limiting beliefs she took on in her childhood that played out over and over again in her marriage and parenting until she discovered the 4 critical questions and peeled back the layers of truth to reveal new, healthier beliefs that she now practices everyday. 

You can find out more about Kim's mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com.

She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, TikTok and on LinkedIn as well. Kim appears regularly on television news, radio, and podcasts on topics related to conscious parenting.

TikTok |@kimmuenchparentcoach

IG | @Kimmuenchreallifeparentguide

LinkedIn | kimmuenchreallifeparentguide

We know you have your own limiting beliefs. We want to hear from you...Leave us a review or join our FB Community and let us know one of YOUR limiting beliefs!

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Lena Papadopoulos is a life purpose and leadership coach and her superpower is digging deep to the root of an issue to help dreamers, idealists, and visionaries embrace their unique gifts, transform their pain into power, and alchemize their magic into medicine so they can lead with love to live a better life

In today's episode, Lena shares the intregal pieces of her unique Purpose Blueprint Framework that combines evolutionary astrology birth charts to help us ladies understand our soul purpose.

This chick has led an extraordinary life with almost 15 years experience in intercultural learning, community-building, and leadership and has been featured by HuffPost, Elite Daily, World Footprints, The Change School, and more.

Lena has a Master's degree in Cultural Anthropology and a graduate certificate in International Development from the University of Colorado, as well as a B.A. in Sociology and Psychology from Clemson University in South Carolina and has shared this wisdom and expertise with us today:

1. Our entire lives, we learn to wear a mask or play a persona and lose our sense of self. In Lena's world view there are 4 purposes we can seek out as we work to reclaim ourselves: core, soul, life, now.
2. The birthchart is the blueprint to the soul and is a true representation of the truth of who you are.
3. The soul is being put into situations in which the power of the individual to recognize their own worth and detach from those negative situations is tested.
4. Healing and finding your power requires acknowledging and moving through difficulty. It requires sitting WITH your pain…not in your pain.
5. What are the 5 life experiences that have shaped you, what are you proud of and what can you share with other people.
6. The conflict between us is a direct reflection of the misconnect within us.

You can find more of Lena at:

IG @Lena_Papadopoulos 

Work with Lena to get YOUR Purpose Blueprint

Also, please stay connected on social media for more fun events like this!

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So...I think by now our listener knows that I was in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist...and a few episodes ago Trinity also had a realization that, perhaps, you had (unknowingly) been in a relationship with a narcissist when our guest shared with us some characteristics of narcissistic behavior and these descriptions resonated in that moment and shined a light on what she had been previously unable to see. Our goal in our conversation with Annette is to do the same for you.  Being in a toxic relationship can rob a woman of her identity when she finds herself always accommodating the manipulative and abusive behavior of her significant other. The difficult thing is that this behavior can sometimes be sooo pervasive, it's difficult to see.

Being able to put names to behaviors, as our guest, Annette Oltmans, does really can be helpful for our listener out there who is questioning her relationship...and maybe her own sanity...The labels and definitions help to expose the patterns of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence.

Our guest Annette is also a victim of covert emotional abuse herself and the Founder and CEO of The M3ND Project, which is a non-profit organization aimed at educating victims, survivors, helpers, and first responders on hidden emotional abuse, domestic violence, and double abuse.

She has conducted years of research - interviewed hundreds of victims, therapists, and faith-based leaders. The results of her research were used in creating the M3ND Project's Responding to Abuse curriculum. She has sooo many valuable resources on the MEND Project's site...so check it out ladies.

And to our listener out there who is starting to have this slow realization that, oh shit, this is MY relationship...know you're not alone. Look and listen for the signs and patterns Annette shared that are summarized below. Get help and get out.

In this episode we learn:

1. Not all abusers are narcissists, but all narcissists are abusers.c
2. Narcissists will often use multiple behaviors at once to "attack" or put down their victims. Recognizable behaviors include (but are not limited to).
3. Blame shifting: In blaming, issues are always one-sided or reversed with the problem being laid at the victim’s feet.
4. Joking: “That was just a joke” can be the first sign of an abusive relationship.
5. Minimizing: Abusive belittling of the victim’s perspective. The intention is to make what the victim values unimportant, and therefore, kill confidence, creativity
6. Countering: Doing the opposite of what the victim requests
7. Deflection: When a concern is raised by the victim and the narcissist changes the topic to avoid responsibility
8. The pillars of abuse are the "ingredients" for narcissism

• A faulty belief system: Deeply rooted belief that you're required to submit to their lead.
• Image Management: A strong awareness of how others perceive them.
• Hierarchical or Preferential Treatment: When societal/social norms or the individual's status in the community or relationship prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their behavior
• Entitlement: They feel they are entitled, regardless of merit, that they deserve preferential treatment.
• Another term for co-dependency is "Self-love deficit disorder" the victim must seek out support through a trained therapist
• Double abuse is when the victim finally finds the courage to speak out against her abuser and then is condemned, criticized, and ignored by her surrounding community, which create additional abuse/harm to the victim
• The marriage recovery center is one of the true trusted resources trained to help couples resolve these situation

To learn more about domestic abuse visit The Mend Project Website.

If this content and messaging is resonating with you, please leave us a review and share the episode with someone you know might benefit from hearing the same message. Make sure we are connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Ok ladies....we're going to play a little game of word association today...raise your hand if you've ever...

...snapped at your kids?

...Felt overwhelmed and exhausted?

...Grabbed a handful of crappy food to snack on at the soccer game or on the road in-between?

...Felt down and depressed?

...Gave everything you had to everyone else and had nothing left for yourself?

Despised being a mom (girl-we have all been there)/

Ok, girl, here's the deal...this is no way to live your...life running on empty all the time. As our guest today, Melissa Rohlfs says, you can't pour from an empty cup. Trust us...we've tried it for YEARS...so, we speak from experience!

We women think this is how we gain street cred, right? It's like we wear our exhaustion like a badge of honor...seeing who can outdo the other with all the damn giving. Ladies....this is NOT a competition....and it's time....oh, yes....it's time! Time to stop thinking self-care is selfISH and start taking care of your health, girl. That's right...you know, we women don't realize there is a TREMENDOUS connection with your mental clarity and overall health...and it all starts in your gut.

Yes ma'am! So true....so, today we ask YOU...Are you ready to be free & feel at peace with food, your body and your life? Because our guest today, Melissa, offers help and hope to the mama who feels overwhelmed, stuck and wants freedom to enjoy life AND motherhood Happy. Healthy. Free. The woman you desire to be is in there, waiting to come out. Are you ready? 

Melissa is a Board Certified Holistic Health and Life Coach. This woman has so many certificates and degrees, we can't call them all out here. She's here today to help YOU stop putting yourself at the bottom of your priority list.

That's right. No more stressful binge eating escapades because life is stressful and you feel pressed. {Hiding in the bathroom or pantry, anyone?}

You don’t have to live in overwhelm.

You can live without feeling down or depressed. 

You can live without feeling anxious and frustrated. 

You can enjoy life AND motherhood!

No more thinking you aren’t good enough because you aren’t perfect. 

So, HOW you ask? In this episode, Melissa shares with us some seriously insightful tips and techniques to handle your feelings, lose weight, feel good and regain the energy and mental clarity you're looking for!

1. What you put into your body has a tremendous impact on your overall mental health, clarity, vitality and physical health
2. You can not pour from an empty cup. You cannot give all you have to others without replenishing your own energy.
3. There is a huge connection between the gut and the brain and our diet has been linked to ADHD, depression, anxiety and a variety of other mental and physical health disorders.
4. Prepare in advance grab and go snacks made of whole foods, which are those foods that have the least packaging (think the produce section of the grocery store) and fewest ingredients
5. Sugar is 9x more addictive than cocaine. When you have a craving, ask yourself "What am I looking for in this moment?"
6. Use simple swaps when removing sugar. For example, low glycemic coconut sugar vs. cane sugar

Grab Melissa's Ultimate Guide on Body Freedom and Peace here.

Let's Chat - Get the coaching and clarity you need to get unstuck and find your calm, confident self. Schedule a coffee chat with Melissa today.  

Website | Free2BCoaching

Facebook | Melissa Rohlfs Coach

Visit this LINK to sign up to watch 20+ great interviews, receive free gifts, and maybe even win a prize. The motivation is a better life, a strong end to the semester with your teen.  As a busy mom of 2 teen girls who is on the struggle bus on so many days...I'm going to make time to be there.  What will you choose?

Make sure we're connected on Facebook and Instagram.

Oh my goodness, I can't wait to speak to our guest today...I'm already crying (who's surprised?). Our guest Dottie Lawrence has touched my life, personally, by helping my daughter through a particularly difficult time in life and I really owe so much to her. Dottie, herself, experienced tremendous difficulties at a young age and was raised, in part, by a father who struggled with mental illness. It seems unexpected that those with such difficulties are able to heal and move on. However, as she became an educator in adulthood, Dottie found herself in a position where she had tools at her disposal to dig into her own past trauma. She dove deep to understand the the ways in which this trauma was showing up in her life, heal, and mend key personal relationships.  Now, she's even able to forge new relationships in a healthy and meaningful way.

She brought her passion for mindfulness to her role as a school administrator, creating a mindfulness program to enhance the well-being of students and strengthen their social and emotional skills as learners. And now, as a Lead Trainer for FuelEd Schools for 5 years, leads workshops with educators to provide them with the social and emotional skills essential for building relationships in schools with students and faculty.

Maybe you have had a relationship in your life that doesn't feel right or healthy. Have you ever asked yourself why you feel afraid to connect with people and hold friends and romantic or personal relationships at an arms distance, while you remain safe behind an invisible wall? Perhaps, you feel anxious that the party with whom you're in a relationship is about to leave at any moment and that they don't value you in the same way you do them? Have you ever thought about why you feel this way?

I just went out with a guy on probably 8-10 dates. We really connected, he actually knew how to carry on a conversation. However, I realized that each time we were together there was some thing he said or did that was a little triggering for me. The closer he tried to get and the more of my time he wanted, the more inclined I felt to pull away.

This experience has caused me to dig into my own past traumas and try to figure out why this has always been, frankly. Thank goodness we have Dottie here to help us unpack all of our shit! Dottie is the real deal. She holds a degree in Psychology and a Masters in Education. In our episode today, she will walk us through practicing social and emotional skills like showing empathy to others in difficult situations, Emotional Regulation and will help us to better understand Attachment Theory and how (and why) our attachment styles form.

Dottie has sooo much goodness to share in this episode including:

1. Understand our attachment style as the characteristic way in which you relate to others in your intimate relationships and is heavily influenced by the self-worth and interpersonal trust that was developed with your caregivers as a child. 
2. Move beyond attachment styles and begin to resolve the differences in approach by using empathy. When you change your dance steps, the other person is forced to change theirs and it can change and heal the relationship.
3. Leverage the "perspectrum" to identify the spectrum of things you can consider when you'e taking someone else's perspective and use the tool to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings and ask: What's the problem they're having? What do they need right now?What are they feeling? What's the story they're telling themselves?What do they value?
4. Use the 3-part "genuine statement" when communicating your needs with empathy: 1. identify and state the behaviors (when this happens), 2. call to light the impact of the behaviors (this is the impact on me) 3. State how it makes you feel (and this is how I feel). 
5. Avoid using empathy blockers: "Silver Lining", "Fixer-Upper", "Interrogating", "Discounting" and "Stealing the Thunder"

To find more from Dottie:

It's Not About the Nail Video

Book Recommendations

Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. Van der Kolk

Atlas of the Hear: Mapping Meaningful Connecting and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown

What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry

IG Influencers

@the.holistic.psychologist

http://www.facebook.com/FuelEdSchools 

@fueledschools.org

So many of you reached out saying how much you liked our last guests core self quiz, that today, we're including a quiz for attachment styles. So, find the link in our show notes, take the quiz and leave us a review and let us know what YOUR attachment style is.

We'd love your help on the reviews because positive reviews and your participation are how we can keep this show going! So, if you're loving the Dear Midlife podcast, please let us know. We'd love to hear from you!

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know what YOUR attachment style is!

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1 

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

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Joey Chandler WAS a purpose-based relationship coach and host of the Love Launch Podcast...BUT, then he woke up one day and found that he was facing the similar midlife identity struggles we know you are also facing out there. He didn't know who he was or how he could show up for his clients to coach them to set big goals and pursue their dreams when he, himself, couldn't even get out of bed in the morning...

Joey saved his own life by getting very clear about who he was at his core and being MORE of THAT. In that space, he discovered the answers and next life steps he was looking for. Today, he's evolved his business and has become a Core Growth Coach and the founder of Core Growth Academy. Here he helps others get closer to who they are at their core and lean into their core self to overcome challenges faster and with less stress. Given the chaos, uncertainty, and demands of life these days, nothing is more helpful than knowing who you are at your Core. Trinity and I working to incorporate these principles into our lives and are finding we feel more grounded, confident, and energized.

Social media links (if applicable) @joeychandler70 everywhere

THE CHALLENGE: Go to Www.joeychandler.net to find out who YOU are at your core. Leave us a review and let us know the results!

Shelby is Happiness at her core = Contribution, Appreciation and Song

Trinity is Joy at her core = Connection, Family + Friends, play

Joey has taught us so much about ourselves today and we hope these lessons resonated with you as well...

1. At the end of the day YOU are all you have and you can make a big difference in your life by being more of yourself
2. Finding your Core Self is different than finding your core Values
3. Ask yourself 3 all important questions: 1. Who are you, 2. What's important to you and. 3. How do you bring more of THAT into your life?
4. The more that you can tap into the core of who you are, whether its love, joy, happiness, excitement or freedom, and what they mean to you; the more you can find answers and solutions for how to live your life that work.

Please ensure that we are connected on social media and leave us a review letting us know who you are at your CORE!

FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

FB | Shelby Bybee and IG | ShelbyBybee1 

FB | Trinity Greenfield and IG | Trinsong

Subscribe to the Podcast!