Decoding Attachment Styles

By Annalisa BahadurHealth & Fitness Mental Health Education Self-Improvement

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Typical duration
29 min
per episode

Based on Podcast App listening data

Decoding Attachment Styles episodes

August 20 How to Get Over a Breakup?
In this episode, I’m joined by attachment coaches Marta and Duncan for an open conversation about breakups, attachment, and why knowing you should move on doesn’t necessarily make it easier to do.
We talk about what keeps us emotionally attached, why some breakups are harder to recover from than others, and what may actually be happening underneath the urge to hold on, reach out, or hope they’ll come back.
This isn’t an interview. It’s three attachment coaches having an honest conversation about the psychology of letting go and what it takes to finally begin moving forward.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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58 min
August 12 Why Your Partner Can't Be the Adult You Need
We spend a lot of time asking why our partners behave the way they do.
But how often do we ask ourselves what our own childhood taught us about being an adult?
In this episode, we explore how the lessons we learned growing up shape our relationships today - from anxious and avoidant patterns to what secure attachment actually looks like in everyday life.
We'll talk about responsibility, boundaries, compassion, and why understanding someone's past doesn't mean you have to build your future around it.
If you've ever wondered why the same relationship patterns keep showing up, this conversation is for you.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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45 min
August 03What To Do When Partner Can't Give You What You Need
It is frustrating when a partner can't give you what you need especially after they promised or implied they could.
We try to change them - or their mind.
We hope they can change and become the person we thought they were when we first met.
We struggle with the fear of the relationship ending, lashing out with hurtful words, doing things that causes more damage - and then regretting them all when we are calm.
This episodes walks you through what you can do before the damage is done.
Breathing tips as promised in this episode -
Practice 5 minutes a day and build from there
Focus on your breathing and learn its natural rhythm before you do anything.
Intentionally breathe deeply - in and out.
Ask your doctor about box breathing exercises and if it's right for you. This is great for calming the nervous system and helping us respond with clear intentions instead of reacting.
Please leave a review...
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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21 min
July 28 Why Avoidants Tell You What You Want to Hear
Are the manipulating you by telling you what you want to hear? It's a lot deeper than this and this episode breaks it down.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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17 min
June 29 How to tell the Difference Between Anxiety and Anxious Attachment
Today I'm answering three questions I get asked constantly. And I picked these three on purpose, because they build on each other. The first one is the controversial one: can a fearful-avoidant actually have a successful relationship WITHOUT going to therapy? People want me to say no. I'm not going to say no. But I'm also not going to give you the comfortable answer.
The second question is one almost everyone struggles with: how do I know if what I'm feeling is anxiety, or if it's a real need I should actually honor? Because those two things feel identical in your body, and most of the internet can't tell you the difference.
And the third one is personal, and a lot of you have felt it: "I feel abandoned every single time my partner goes off to a team dinner or out with friends. How do I get over this?" We're going to take that one apart together, because the real answer isn't what you think it is.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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31 min
June 26 What to Expect When Anxious and Fearful Avoidant Start to Heal
If you ever thought healing your attachment was impossible - here are two other people who were able to do it.
Today I did something I never did before - I had a discussion with who I have witnessed working on healing their attachment styles.
This episode gives you three certified coaches walking you through what healing looks like, our experiences in our past and current relationships, how attachment styles shows up and how we all react differently to triggers from a secure space.
We are excited to teach you everything we know.
Leave a review and let us know what you think. Share this with your friends and don't forget to subscribe.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 16 min
June 04 What to Do When Avoidant Pull Away
It’s crushing when your avoidant partner disappears. But why are they doing it...and what can you do.
On of the most disruptive things happening in avoidant- anxious relationships is when the avoidant partner suddenly disappears without an explanation.
We want to understand their motives, explain how this hurts us, try harder but perhaps if we understand why they tend to do this we can rest at ease - or make some hard decisions that will benefit us.
This podcast is meant to guide you if you're going through this or if you've gone through this.
For my book - From Anxious to Secure - https://stan.store/DecodingAttachmentStyles/p/from-anxious-to-secure
For my mini online program - Boundary Bootcamp - https://stan.store/DecodingAttachmentStyles/p/boundary-bootcamp
To book a session with me - https://stan.store/DecodingAttachmentStyles/p/book-a-session-with-me-ui52g6pv
To Subscribe to School of Attachment - https://stan.store/DecodingAttachmentStyles/p/weekly-coaching-tools--strategies

Disclaimer: I am a certified coach with a psychology background, not a licensed therapist. The content I share is for educational and informational purposes and is based on Attachment Theory principles. I am currently funding and researching a personal project on attachment behaviors and feelings with 175 individuals. This page is not a substitute for professional therapy, diagnosis, or treatment. Please use discernment and consult a qualified mental health professional for personal advice.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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30 min
May 12 What To Look For When Dating An Anxious Attached
You may have been dating and anxious attached and they seem put together. They are not the needy and clingy ones you heard about. They don't remind you of your ex who was needy and clingy. You might even think you're being tricked. Are they manipulating you?
Chances are you have bummed into a not so rare gem. There are emotionally mature anxious attached gems that can behave in very secure ways and that is healthy for a long- term relationship. However, you don't want to sabotage these relationships by testing them too much because these are the ones that won't stick around and beg like your emotionally immature ex probably did - and you don't want to risk that.
If you're anxiously attached, this may trigger you or help you to grow if you're ready for that.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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32 min
May 06What To Do When Male Partner Has Many Female Followers
This is an episode recorded for my instagram Wednesday live. These are the questions I answered for my followers there👇👇👇

My avoidant treats me like he’s a bf even we are not longer together for months. We have been on and off but he always treats me like his bf when we are together
Does avoidant experiences physical symptoms when their relationships feel too much?
What do you think of the opinion that avoidants generally cheat (emotional/phyical/leave doors open, etc)
Why do DA cheat?
How to deal with silent treatment from a fa partner?
Husband is avoidant, he gets extreme stressed about the future and shuts down for months?
My boyfriend has mostly female followers on instagram. It triggers my anxiety. What should I do?
Are avoidants who don’t do the work usually emotionally immature?
Is it okay to tell an ex you know would need therapy/ counselling to let them know?
I have been in no contact with someone for 10 weeks. He then asked to meet then went missing again. Checking he sill had access.
Can avoidant heal/break patterns without therapy?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 5 min
April 27 Client Shares Healing His Anxious Attachment
Healing an anxious attachment isn't easy but it is possible.
My client agreed to sit down and share his journey - what he went through as an anxious attached person, what he has learned and how he continues to grow and feel empowered in his relationships.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 2 min

About Decoding Attachment Styles

From the publisher's feed

I talk about the push and pull in relationships. The anxious spiraling. The person who needs to talk about everything right now and the person who would rather have the conversation sometime in…

2037.

I've lived some of these relationships myself. I used to be anxiously attached, and understanding my own attachment was part of how I learned to become more secure.

But somewhere along the way, I became just as fascinated by the other side.

Why do people do what they do?

I've been asking that question for as long as I can remember.

As a kid, I used to get into trouble for asking “why?” Apparently repeatedly asking adults for the reasoning behind their decisions wasn't considered charming.

But I genuinely wanted to understand. Why was this expected of me? Why did people behave the way they did? Why could two people experience exactly the same situation and walk away with completely different versions of what happened?

Decades later, I'm still asking those questions.

I've studied psychology and attachment, read the textbooks and research, observed thousands of conversations about relationships, worked with people struggling with these patterns, and lived plenty of them myself.

And one of the ways I came to understand attachment was to imagine that we were each handed a survival script.

There are four broad scripts: anxious, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant and secure.

The script influences what feels safe to us. What feels threatening. How much closeness we want. What we do when we're afraid. How we communicate, fight, pull away, pursue, ask for reassurance, protect our independence, set boundaries and love other people.

It doesn't explain everything about a person, and attachment isn't destiny.

But once you start recognizing these patterns, they're very difficult to unsee.

That's what this podcast is about.

I'm sharing what I've learned from psychology, research, observation, my work, and my own life - not so we can put everyone into four neat little boxes, but so we can understand each other better.

And then do something useful with that understanding.

Sometimes that means communicating differently. Sometimes it means setting a boundary. Sometimes it means working on yourself. Sometimes it means understanding why someone behaves the way they do without continuing to accept the behavior. And sometimes it means letting go of the outcome altogether.

So if you're fascinated by attachment, or you're simply trying to understand why your partner, ex, parent, sibling, friend, or even you keep doing something that makes absolutely no sense to you...

welcome.

This is exactly what we're going to talk about.