Decoding Attachment Styles

By Annalisa BahadurHealth & Fitness Mental Health Education Self-Improvement

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29 min
per episode

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Decoding Attachment Styles episodes

December 29, 2025 Avoidants Discard People When They Get Too Close
Let's unpack one of social media's most pervasive attachment theory takes: the idea that avoidants coldly "discard" people the moment intimacy develops. But what if this narrative is not only oversimplified - it's actively harmful?
In this episode, we explore how reducing complex human behavior to viral soundbites can pathologize normal relationship struggles, create self-fulfilling prophecies, and prevent the very understanding that leads to secure relationships.
Whether you identify as avoidant, have loved someone who does, or you're just tired of armchair psychology taking over your feed, this episode will challenge what you think you know about attachment styles.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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19 min
December 26, 2025 "Why Was He Chasing Me, Then Suddenly Pulled Away?" - Pre-recorded Session
An avoidant shares her confusion at being heavily pursued by a man she didn't know, only to start appreciating the attention before he started to pull away.
In this episode we discuss why avoidants are careful when entering new relationships, how they process relationships that just ended and what signs they are looking for as they enter into a new relationship.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 11 min
December 22, 2025 Healing and Understanding Avoidant Attachment
One of the most sought after answers in our time right now is how to manage a relationship with an Avoidant Attached person and, what is really going on in their minds.
This episode helps an Avoidant Attached person understand themselves better, as well as starter healing journey. It also helps those who are interested in understanding and appreciating their avoidant attached friends and partner better.
Drop a comment and let me know how this particular episode changed your perspective.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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30 min
December 11, 2025 FA Came In Strong and Started To Back- Peddle - Prerecorded Session
Many anxious and secure attached persons have dated avoidant attached persons who seemed really ready for a long term committed relationships until.... things got heavy. Many were left confused at their behaviours as some avoidant back-peddled, withdrew, seem to gaslight or altogether ghosted.
In this episode, one of my guests shares her distress in trying to navigate her relationships as she tries to learn about her ex's behaviours, and her own.
Give this a listen if you want to feel seen and validated while gaining some insights into the mind (and actions) of an avoidant attached person.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 3 min
December 08, 2025 How To Hold Avoidants Accountable
Many of us believe that holding an avoidant accountable means talking to them like they are an idiot and we are their parent. How many of us liked it when our parents, or anyone in authority held us accountable? No one! We revelled and worse, you ignore and avoided as much as we could. Yes- my anxious attached friends. Even you did that.
Most people are online telling us that we need to hold avoidant attached persons accountable and that is true. However, what we think is "holding them accountable" is actually coming across to them as "control."
Let's sort out this messy issue but highlight what we think is an ultimatum, what the avoidant hears and how we can do "accountability" right.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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24 min
December 04, 2025 Physical Intimacy After Breakup But They Still Work Together- Prerecorded Session
At first, he was open to communicating about their needs. He seemed keen on trying to be better. They were great together - both feeling safe to be vulnerable for the first time, then something changed.
He started to feel pressured and needed space. She gave him that space only to have a conversation later that confused her.
Join me as I discussed with Sarah what are some of the red flags she might be missing right now and how she can navigate working with someone she is no longer in a relationship with but also hopes to get back together with...someday.
What does she need to do differently should they get back together.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 10 min
November 24, 2025 Why Holidays Are Overwhelming for Avoidants and What to Do
Ever feels like your avoidant partner never wants to do anything during the holidays?
Avoidant attached persons can have a love/hate relationship with holidays and it had everything to do with their attachment styles.
As an anxious attached partner, you probably love the holidays - getting the perfect presents, planning get-togethers and meals, involving your partner in everything... While on the other hand, your avoidant partner wants to do anything (crawl on a hole) but be a part of what they see as too much.
This episodes dives into why the avoidant attached partner wants to hide from the holidays, your friends and most of their own people. We share five things avoidant attached persons don't want during the holidays and what you can do to help them feel more relaxed - and get them involved.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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34 min
November 20, 2025Stuck in a Situationship? How Your Attachment Style Makes Breakups So Hard
She thought everything was fine. Then, he dropped a bombshell/ “I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore.”
Trying to be understanding, she gave him an easy out. She said, “It's okay if we need to break up.”
But he wouldn't take it. He was confused. He wanted to keep trying.
And just like that, they were trapped in a exhausting cycle of push-and-pull-a classic anxious-avoidant trap-until he finally ended it for good.
Now, she's left heartbroken and overthinking everything. She's asking all the classic questions:
How do I get over a breakup when I still have feelings?
What does it mean when he says he loves me but isn't in love with me?
Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners?
Is there any chance of getting back together?
If this story hits home, you're not alone. These painful patterns often point directly to our attachment styles.
In this recorded session, we sit down with Sarah to understand her anxious attachment style and how it showed up in her relationship. We'll break down-
The hidden signs of an anxious attachment style.
How fear of abandonment can accidentally sabotage your love life.
Practical steps for healing a broken heart and creating secure attachment.
How to stop the cycle of on-again, off-again relationships and learn how to move forward for good.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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1 hr 1 min
November 17, 20253 Steps to Winning an Avoidant Ex Back
Is your heart aching for an avoidant ex? This episode is your essential guide to navigating this incredibly painful and confusing situation. We cut through the generic advice to give you an attachment-based framework for what to do next.
In this episode, you will learn-
The Avoidant Mindset - What is really going on in their head post-breakup? (It's not what you think).
The Power of Secure Energy - How to become the one thing an avoidant is subconsciously drawn to.
Strategic Communication - What to text (and what NEVER to text) to reopen the door without scaring them off.
The Foundation of All Reconciliation - Why your personal healing is the non-negotiable first step to getting them back.
If you're ready to trade your anxiety for a clear, empowered plan, this episode is for you.

Subscribe and listen now!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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24 min
November 06, 2025 Into the Mind of An Avoidant - Prerecorded Session
Today we dive into the mind of an avoidant-
- what makes them shut down?
- what are the thinking when they shut down?
- what are the feeling when they have the urge to run away or shut down?
- why do they walk away?
And what you and your partner can do to save your relationship.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
Support the show
54 min

About Decoding Attachment Styles

From the publisher's feed

I talk about the push and pull in relationships. The anxious spiraling. The person who needs to talk about everything right now and the person who would rather have the conversation sometime in…

2037.

I've lived some of these relationships myself. I used to be anxiously attached, and understanding my own attachment was part of how I learned to become more secure.

But somewhere along the way, I became just as fascinated by the other side.

Why do people do what they do?

I've been asking that question for as long as I can remember.

As a kid, I used to get into trouble for asking “why?” Apparently repeatedly asking adults for the reasoning behind their decisions wasn't considered charming.

But I genuinely wanted to understand. Why was this expected of me? Why did people behave the way they did? Why could two people experience exactly the same situation and walk away with completely different versions of what happened?

Decades later, I'm still asking those questions.

I've studied psychology and attachment, read the textbooks and research, observed thousands of conversations about relationships, worked with people struggling with these patterns, and lived plenty of them myself.

And one of the ways I came to understand attachment was to imagine that we were each handed a survival script.

There are four broad scripts: anxious, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant and secure.

The script influences what feels safe to us. What feels threatening. How much closeness we want. What we do when we're afraid. How we communicate, fight, pull away, pursue, ask for reassurance, protect our independence, set boundaries and love other people.

It doesn't explain everything about a person, and attachment isn't destiny.

But once you start recognizing these patterns, they're very difficult to unsee.

That's what this podcast is about.

I'm sharing what I've learned from psychology, research, observation, my work, and my own life - not so we can put everyone into four neat little boxes, but so we can understand each other better.

And then do something useful with that understanding.

Sometimes that means communicating differently. Sometimes it means setting a boundary. Sometimes it means working on yourself. Sometimes it means understanding why someone behaves the way they do without continuing to accept the behavior. And sometimes it means letting go of the outcome altogether.

So if you're fascinated by attachment, or you're simply trying to understand why your partner, ex, parent, sibling, friend, or even you keep doing something that makes absolutely no sense to you...

welcome.

This is exactly what we're going to talk about.