Enough, the Podcast

Where did you learn how to be a woman who worked too much? Who modelled it? And if you don't identify as a woman, stay tuned. The women in your life are likely overwhelmed and constantly doing – this episode will help you to understand why.

Tamu Thomas is a former social worker, and now a coach and author of Women Who Work Too Much.

In this conversation Tamu and Mandy discuss toxic positivity and self-abandonment, and where these can come from (Tamu shares how she learned to overachieve in her Sierra Leonean family). You'll also learn how to reclaim rest and regenerative selfcare, and how Grace Jones championed Tamu through hard times (Grace is available for pep talks, by the way). Mandy gives Tamu three real-life coaching scenarios to unpack. Insightful, powerful and radically practical.

2:06 How Tamu learned to work too much

6:37 Toxic Productivity

10:34 Self-abandonment – "It's not your fault"

11:45 Being "nice" means it's okay to feel bad, but not to look bad

12:46 How we learn to ignore our needs in favour of people pleasing

13:41 Tamu's late diagnosed ADHD

15:28 Women and ambition; bossy leadership

17:46 The antidote to self-abandonment is safe community

19:23 Grace Jones gives Tamu pep talks

21:42 Post-traumatic growth and compassion

23:45 Regenerative selfcare – What is it? Why it matters

26:40 Boundaries

28:04 Regenerative selfcare in action

28:50 Good girl conditioning and stepping into bold womanhood

30:58 Regenerative selfcare is reading about political policies and voting

32:46 Coaching question 1: Corporate Armadillo. Woman in her 50s, has spent her corporate career armoured up. Wants to change

36:40 Coaching question 2: Woman of colour in her 40s who's a people pleaser

40:35 Coaching question 3: I'm a midlife corporate lawyer and I've given myself to my job and my kids. I miss ME.

44:08 Tamu's Brick of Wisdom

44:40 Outro

LINKS:

Tamu Thomas' website and book.

Tamu on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

Episode 74: Overcoming Psychological Exhaustion, with Rosie Nixon

You're not completely burnt out, or incapacitated by work, but you know that something's not quite right. Perhaps you're more tired than usual, or you're having other niggling signs, but you carry on. These things pass; they always do – until they don't. That's what happened to Rosie Nixon, author, coach, and former editor of Hello! magazine, whose career — however covetable and glamorous — was starting to feel too much.

Rosie shares the pivotal moment when she knew something had to change. What followed was her getting signed off work and a diagnosis of Psychological Exhaustion (she takes us into that doctor's appointment and shares what she learned). We get into Rosie's journey of separating her identity from Hello! magazine, and how she's navigating her drive with a desire for a more spacious, values-driven life in her late 40s. Real, raw, and radically practical.

Links:

Rosie Nixon's website.

Guardian article on breaking the burnout cycle.

Telegraph article we refer to (subscription required).

Rosie Nixon on Instagram.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Episode 73: Unlearning Silence with Dr. Elaine Lin Hering

Have you ever received the feedback to "speak up" at work? Say more in meetings. Turn up the volume. It sounds so easy but speaking up isn't always that straightforward – or welcomed.

Today's guest is Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence: How to speak your mind, unleash talent and lead with courage. She's been a lecturer at Harvard Law School, and a Managing Partner at a global leadership development firm. Elaine's clients have included Nike, Google and Pixar.

We deep-dive into silence — how we silence ourselves, how we silence others, and how it's baked into the system. You'll learn that there's often good reason to stay silent in some corporate situations — politics, power dynamics, challenging individuals. Un-silencing yourself can be especially challenging if you're not from the dominant culture...

This conversation feels like master-class--meets mentoring--meets real life coaching session.

We discuss:

1. A scenario where an executive feels publicly undermined by her boss, and his feedback (when she brings it up) is to increase her confidence and toughen up.

2. A scenario where a senior executive has helped a new colleague and shared her client base, and now he's getting all the visibility (she doesn't feel she's one to speak up and address it).

3. A newly promoted Partner feels like the token woman on the senior leadership team…Have they only promoted me because I'm female?

LINKS:

Elaine Lin Hering's website and book

Elaine on LinkedIn

Mandy on LinkedIn

If you've ever achieved a big goal, was it everything you'd hoped? Probably not. Callum Wilson dreamt of representing England's national rugby team since he was a kid, but when it happened, it didn't change his life the way he'd hoped. Sidebar: This is NOT an episode about rugby. It's a powerful, tender conversation about how a tattooed, 113kg overachiever handled "arrival fallacy" – the concept that if we just achieve that big goal, THEN we'll be happy. You'll learn why diversifying your "goal portfolio" can create a positive shift, and how to handle the negative inner chatter when it insists you're not enough.

Links:

Callum Wilson on LinkedIn.

NYT article on Arrival Fallacy, with Dr Ben-Shahar

You've heard of burnout, but ever heard of bore-out? Apparently, it's a leading cause of why people leave their jobs. I'm not talking about things feeling a bit drab. I'm talking about the loss of meaning in your work, and the adverse effects this can have on your mental and physical wellbeing. As you become more senior, maybe your days are full of admin, politics, and none of the juicy stuff that used to light you up. In today's episode you'll meet Kristi Turner, a former tech CMO, whose work stress was mainly due to boredom. Kristi took a pause from work, had a "Soulbbatical" (more on this in the episode), and found a new-found vigour to re-enter the corporate in a way that felt more aligned with her values. You'll also meet Shelley Paxton, former CMO of Harley Davidson and founder of the Soulbbatical, who gives you some techniques to tackle bore-out – no resignation letter required. Pacey and practical, you'll leave this episode tooled up, and (hopefully) enlivened. Join us!

Links:

Kristi Turner's website.

Shelley Paxton's website.

Soulbbatical book.

Brené Brown's list of values.

Forbes article: Why boredom at work is more dangerous than burnout.

BBC article with Dr Lotta Harju's comments.

Mandy Lehto on Instagram.

Do you have BLS? (Beige Leadership Syndrome). I just made that up, but it's a thing. If you work in corporate, you know the meetings that are soda-cracker dry. The BS buzzwords. The slow death by Power Point. The lack of relatable, inspiring leaders at the top. What gives? Enter Erin Hatzikostas, ex-CEO turned author, TEDx speaker, podcaster and coach-sultant. We talk about how to start practicing authentic leadership, and before you roll your eyes, or think you know what that means, strap in for the ride. This is authenticity as you've never experienced it. You'll leave with some radically practical ways to experiment with authentic leadership, and a new, life-changing tool: the 50% rule. I think I can safely say, this episode will rid the corporate world of BLS. Join us. You career will thank you.

Links:

Erin Hatzikostas's website. Please watch her cool 2min video!

Erin on LinkedIn. Mandy on LinkedIn.

Me on Erin's podcast (episode 233).

Dr Jeff Spencer is the man behind more than forty Olympic gold medals, and stellar performances by Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and many other elite performers who are household names. In today's conversation, you'll get a sneak peek at some of the techniques Jeff uses with them. Hint, hint – it's NOT more striving or hyper-focus. You'll learn to do "Chameleon Eyes", a process that opens more opportunities and more of your untapped potential. You'll also learn to shift gears from striving into receivership, and how "resonant recognition" can be a new navigation system in your life. This is especially important as you leave your 30s, the decade of "conquest and acquisition." Wise, experienced, and just the right amount of intense, Jeff will challenge how you go about success.

Links:

Dr Jeff Spencer's website.

Jeff on LinkedIn.

Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn.

Dr David Yudis on LinkedIn.

David Brooks' book, The Second Mountain.

Want to learn the real deal on your inner critic from a Stanford-trained neuroscientist? You're in luck. Today's guest is Dr Irene Salter, whose inner critic (named Draco) was taking too much airtime in Irene's life. You'll hear Irene's hypothesis on where the inner critic comes from. Then she takes us through a real-life scenario of how she turned the volume down on Draco. You'll learn about popcorn brain – and my favourite part of the episode, how to connect with your subconscious brain to find out what the heck is going on with that inner voice and the extreme behaviours it demands of you. Lab coats at the ready.

Links:

Microsoft research on short breaks for your brain

Dr Irene Salter's website

Irene on Instagram

Mandy on Instagram

When work isn't working, it's easy to question yourself, "Why can't I hack it? What's wrong with me?" Maybe you're feeling stagnant, exhausted, or even burnt out. Is it a capacity issue or are you high net growth? (stay tuned for what that means). I'm in conversation with award-winning author and podcaster, Jenny Blake. During her career at Google, she looked at her management and thought, "I don't want that job." If you're languishing, and can't see a way forward, what do you do? Jenny offers a refreshing perspective on our obsession with promotions, and what she calls "the sea of shiny shoulds." You'll learn about project-based purpose, how you can "turn into a goo" after leaving a company that has brand halo, and why an energy audit can be a big reveal. Join us.

Links:

Jenny Blake on Substack

Pivot podcast episode with Mandy Lehto

Article on Languishing

NYT article on Languishing, Adam Grant (subscription required)

If you love an act of kindness, this episode is gonna feel like lowering yourself into a hot mug of chocolate, with itty bitty marshmallows. Acts of kindness have proven health effects, but I've also noticed something else. They are a splendid antidote to feeling self-critical, not enough, and being too zoomed in on your own inner world. This episode originally aired in 2021, and I loved it so much, I wanted to give it a second life. I asked a bunch of guests back to the pod to share a collection of acts of kindness – either given or received – and the impact it had on them. Warm fuzzies guaranteed.

Links:

BBC article with University of British Columbia research.