Speech and language therapist Christian Wright talks to Kathryn about what parents can do to stimulate pre-schoolers language development. We'll also look at how to identify when there might be delays in development.

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Are you struggling with your child's tantrums? Michael Hempseed is encouraging parents to rethink tantrums and anger, and instead of punishing a child for lashing out, he says it's vital to understand the root cause of the behaviour. Michael Hempseed is the director of Frontiers of Hope, a specialist mental health service in Christchurch, and has worked with Dame Sue Bagshaw for many years at Te Tahi Youth, the youth health centre that she founded. Together they have written Calming Your Child: De-escalating Tantrums, Anxiety, Aggression and Other Challenging Behaviours. Kathryn talks to Michael about their tips for de-escalating tantrums, as well as exploring the possible causes behind problem-behaviour, such as anxiety, sensory processing issues, ADHD, and autism

Are you struggling with your child's tantrums?

Michael Hempseed is encouraging parents to rethink tantrums and anger, and instead of punishing a child for lashing out, he says it's vital to understand the root cause of the behaviour.

Michael Hempseed is the director of Frontiers of Hope, a specialist mental health service in Christchurch, and has worked with Dame Sue Bagshaw for many years at Te Tahi Youth, the youth health centre that she founded.

Together they have written Calming Your Child: De-escalating Tantrums, Anxiety, Aggression and Other Challenging Behaviours.

Kathryn talks to Michael about their tips for de-escalating tantrums, as well as exploring the possible causes behind problem-behaviour, such as anxiety, sensory processing issues, ADHD, and autism

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Susie discusses the the thorny issue of limiting screentime for children with Dave Atkinson from the Parenting Place, and how do deal with the fallout from that.

Susie discusses the the thorny issue of limiting screentime for children with Dave Atkinson from the Parenting Place, and how do deal with the fallout from that.

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The Japanese bonsai - a "perfect little tree" that thrives only with lots and lots of care - is a good metaphor for children raised to be reliant on high levels of support, says clinical psychologist Judith Locke. Despite their parents' best intentions, 'Bonsai children' learn to expect that it's other people who'll make them happy and successful, she tells Susie Ferguson.

The Japanese bonsai - a "perfect little tree" that thrives only with lots and lots of care - is a good metaphor for children raised to be reliant on high levels of support, says clinical psychologist Judith Locke.

Despite their parents best intentions, 'Bonsai children' learn to expect that it's other people who'll make them happy and successful, she tells Susie Ferguson.

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Judith Locke is the author of The Bonsai Child and The Bonsai Student.

The style of parenting that leads to Bonsai children developed back in the '70s and '80s when research first linked a child's success in life with feeling good, Locke says.

"We started to think that feeling good was the key so we started to really build children's immediate self-esteem with things like excessive praise ... and thinking that that was going to make them feel good in the future."

The urgently-run race to get a child ahead puts a lot of pressure on both them and their parents, she says.

'There's not a lot of kind of 'choose your own adventure' in parenting. Now, it's much more pushed this idea there is this perfect right way. And often that's very effort-intensive. Parents are doing most of the work than encouraging children to slowly take on more responsibility to make themselves happy and make themselves successful.

"All of this stuff is done with incredibly good intentions, it's just in the long term, it produces some really problematic beliefs in children, and also a real lack of essential skills in the child to face the normal challenges of life."

Locke coined the term 'Sherpa parent' after seeing a woman push two children standing on scooters up a hill while wearing both of their school bags on her back.

"I thought 'She's their Sherpa ... she's doing all the grunt work. They're pretending that they're getting up this hill on this scooter themselves but they're not doing anything."

Parents continue trying to do a lot of the work for their child when they're at university and even in the workplace, Locke says.

"Once you start sherpa-ing, it's very hard to stop."…

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Learning to manage difficult feelings is the biggest job of childhood. says psychologist Angela North, and kids need a parent's help to do this. Along with Dr Steven Mackenzie, Angela has written the new book Mindfulness At Play - a guide to help adults be in the moment with a child's emotional experience.

Learning to manage difficult feelings is the biggest job of childhood. says psychologist Angela North, and kids need a parent's help to do this.

Along with Dr Steven Mackenzie, Angela has written the new book Mindfulness At Play - a guide to help adults be in the moment with a child's emotional experience.

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The typical picture of mindfulness - perhaps sitting on a rock and staring out into space - is very different to the process of being actively mindful in response to a child, Angela says.

This kind of mindfulness is therapeutic when theyre feeling happy and playful but even more important when they're not.

The instinct of many parents to problem-solve or reprimand when a child is upset gets in the way of tuning into what the child is feeling, Angela says.

"We might think 'That was partly your fault' or, 'Gosh, I wish you were a bit more resilient'. So judgment creeps into our tone."

More beneficial for a child's emotional development is listening calmly to what they're saying, observing their body language and facial expression, and then attempting to reflect back to them what they are feeling - ie 'It sounds like that really upset you'.

this way of communicating - which Angela calls 'empathic reflection' - helps children learn to tune into and understand themselves and also calm down a lot quicker.

"What we're really doing is helping them learn to regulate their emotions. And as they get older, they'll get better at doing that for themselves."

Small children, who are still learning the words for emotions, especially need this parental attunement to help them build words for their emotions, she says.

"It's teaching them to look inwards, and to kind of trust their gut instinct about what they're feeling."

Validating a child's emotions in the moment isn't the same thing as approving their associated behaviour, Angela says, which can be talked over at a later point.

"They're already overwhelmed by big feelings - something's going on there. And my reaction, chances are, is going to probably tip them over the edge. So now we're kind of both having a meltdown. And, importantly, I don't really know yet why they're grumpy."…

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Kathryn talks with parenting coach and education consultant Joseph Driessen about parents can help their children develop independent learning habits.

Kathryn talks with parenting coach and education consultant Joseph Driessen about parents can help their children develop independent learning habits.

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Declining regular school attendance has been the focus of a lot of political debate here, and in term one last year only 46 percent of students reached the benchmark for regular attendance. It's also a hot topic across the Tasman where a Senate inquiry is looking into the problem in Australian schools. Michael Hawton is an Australian registered psychologist, a former school teacher and the founder of Parentshop which is a resource hub for parents, educators and child family specialists. He says school leaders report that student anxiety is a most significant concern and it is having an impact on them staying away from school.

Declining regular school attendance has been the focus of a lot of political debate here, and in term one last year only 46 percent of students reached the benchmark for regular attendance. It's also a hot topic across the Tasman where a Senate inquiry is looking into the problem in Australian schools.

Michael Hawton is an Australian registered psychologist, a former school teacher and the founder of Parentshop which is a resource hub for parents, educators and child family specialists. He says school leaders report that student anxiety is a most significant concern and it is having an impact on them staying away from school.

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There's nothing wrong with dyslexic people, they just need help to navigate a world wired for language processors rather than visual thinkers, says retired psychologist Laughton King. He says parents and teachers need to focus on helping dyslexic kids rather than sabotaging their learning.

Expecting a dyslexic child to thrive in a neurotypical education system is like filling a diesel engine with petrol, a retired psychologist says.

Laughton King is on a personal crusade to help parents and teachers to understand children with learning difficulties.

King, author of new book Inside the Dyslexic Mind, has spent his 70-plus years navigating education and a professional career as a dyslexic person. He has first-hand experience of the struggles, frustrations, misconceptions and psychological fallout from having a learning difficulty.

He tells Kathryn Ryan that there is "huge confusion" about dyslexia. The word itself is taken from Latin and means 'difficulty with language'. While that's an accurate enough description, our understanding of what it means is way off, he says.

"Dyslexia is a not reading difficulty. It looks like it, but it's not. It's not a writing difficulty (it does look like it, but it's not). It's not a learning difficulty.

"What it is, is a teaching difficulty, because the person who is dyslexic has absolutely, totally an utterly normal brain."

King says there is nothing wrong with a dyslexic brain, it's just slightly different.

"You could liken it to the difference between petrol and diesel. The car looks the same, it runs, it's got a motor, but what you put in the tank is slightly different."

Our reading and writing system was invented about 4000 years ago by the Phoenicians, who understood that about 85 percent of the population were right-handed. This is why, King says, that letters, words and sentences go from left to right.

"When it comes to reading and writing, the poor little dyslexic kid is like a diesel engine somebody's filling full of petrol. We are trying to get this kid to work in a manner that is not natural, and he's having to effectively work backwards.

"Backwards through writing each word, backwards through writing each sentence, backwards through reading each word and each sentence. Do we wonder that these kids get tired start yawning as soon as they see print? I still have that same physical reaction. I yawn as soon as I see something to read."

While neurotypical people process language as their thinking tool, a dyslexic person does most of their thinking in a pictorial form…

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Watching your teenager get behind the wheel can be nerve-wracking for any parent, but neuroplasticity educator and parenting expert Nathan Wallis has some suggestions to make it slightly less scary for all concerned.

Watching your teenager get behind the wheel can be nerve-wracking for any parent, but it doesn't have to be scary, says neuroplasticity educator and parenting expert Nathan Wallis.

Wallis has recently teamed up with professional driver Greg Murphy and the vehicle safety and training provider AutoSense to run a series of road safety talks for young drivers and their parents.

He told Kathryn Ryan that the teenage brain is "primed for risk-taking" and that teenagers don't have the same access to the part of the brain that you really need for responsible driving.

"They get an endorphin buzz from risk-taking so it is a dangerous period."

The teenage brain is naturally primed to believe that 'I'm bulletproof', so teenagers have a naive optimism that they'll be fine - even when their anxious parents believe otherwise.

Wallis shared the following tips for parents wanting to minimise the risks for their teenage drivers.

Discourage passengers

Limits on when young drivers can take passengers, such as when they have learner and restricted licenses, are grounded in science, Wallis said.

"As soon as another teenager gets in the car, the teenage brain automatically shuts down to the limbic emotional brain. So you've got way more chance of having an accident.

"I don't think parents realise it. I think they just think it's about them needing a bit of practice by themselves first, but it's actually one of the most dangerous times."

Teenagers' brains are connected to their social interactions so their brain's priority shifts from driving to their passengers - even if they've got those extra passengers when they are under adult supervision.

Don't bother with defensive driving courses

"I think they're completely useless," Wallis said.

"Waka Kotahi did their own research to show that people who do the defensive driving course are absolutely no safer than people who didn't do the defensive driving course."

Talk to your teenager about the science behind the rules

Explain the science as well as come from the angle of 'I'm not trying to break your fun. I'm trying to keep you safe'," Wallis said.

"As far as communicating with teens, so much of it's about the emotional brain... You've got to make them feel competent, and then not being overly critical and constantly criticising."…

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Māori academic Linda Tuhiwai Smith tells Kathryn Ryan she often cried while writing her new series of therapeutic storybooks for kids.

Māori academic Linda Tuhiwai Smith says she often cried while writing her new series of therapeutic storybooks for kids.

"Some of the biggest witnesses and victims of violence are children and yet we don't speak to them directly about these matters and we don't let them speak to us in a sense," she tells Kathryn Ryan.

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The books, which are based in kaupapa Māori, are a resource for people working with children who've experienced trauma, including caregivers, social workers, psychologists and doctors.

Tuhiwai Smith, who has spent decades researching the impacts of trauma on Māori communities, was driving around the North Island when she started thinking about how children can get left out of the conversation when there is family trauma.

She looked around for books that centre on childhood trauma and found very few so decided to write some herself - to be released in both English and te reo Māori.

Riwia and The Stargazer (Riwia Me Te Mātai Arorangi) is about a little girl whose baby sibling dies.

"This story is about the grief of a family. It's about the resilience and resourcefulness and creativity of the parents who have to grieve for their baby but also care for this curious girl.

"It was really important to me to show that Māori fathers can be present... any dad or mum who is present for their child can be doing things to help them process grief."

I Am a Little Voice (He Reo Iti Noa Ahau), which is about a child who's been abused and needs professional help, was the book Tuhiwai Smith cried the most while writing.

" it's also about the lots of little ways extended members of whanau can help children through with kindness.... Sometimes it's not the spectacular things that heal people, it's the everyday acts of kindness, love, relationships and recognition of what a child may be going through."

Tuhiwai Smith designed the books to help adults open up conversations with tamariki.

From her research, she knows that if a child experiences something traumatic and no one talks to them about it, they'll often create their own narrative in which they blame themselves.

"Children have far more insight and wisdom than we often give them credit for ... I have this belief that children can process grief and trauma if adults help them process it. And that means adults have to process their own emotions and be able to think outside what's going on for them…

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