Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert

After a week or two of being engrossed in my work projects my partner asked me how I had been feeling about our relationship. This lead to a discussion about our different "appetites" for relationship and we both sought to understand one another more instead of argue over who was right / wrong / who needed to change, etc. 

We distilled the 3 things that we think worked well in our conversation, and recorded this episode to share them with you! 

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

I have struggled to know how to best guide myself to sexual well-being. Indulgence, or self restraint in the name of being "good". That false dichotomy split when I realized there was no top-down rule that I could apply to know how I should behave, instead, drawing much inspiration from mindfulness practices, I have learened to simply check-in with my body to see if my desire is even legitamite or just the consumption tapeworm that lives inside my brain and can't stand to suffer a minute of boring, bland, challenging reality! (this is the case 99%) of the time. 

My line in the sand: no disembodied consumption!

I hope this helps you! 

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Here's what AI said this episode is about: 

Can the way we consume sexual content be as mindful as the way we approach eating? Join me as I unravel the duality of sexual messaging in modern culture, where sex is both sensationalized and repressed. I open up about my personal journey through sexual repression and the subsequent obsession it triggered, swinging between strict control and unchecked indulgence. By introducing the concept of disembodied consumption, I invite you to consider the importance of mindful engagement with our sexual desires, much like we do with our nutritional needs.

By differentiating between embodied and disembodied desires, I highlight the pitfalls of mindless consumption and explore alternative ways to satisfy our needs. This episode promises to enhance your understanding of how to cultivate a healthier, more embodied relationship with your sexuality, ultimately enriching your meaningful experiences.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

In many episodes I have shared information on the mechanisms of addiction  - so you're better equipped to face it. We have spent time looking closely at things like dopamine, habituation, and self-discipline.  (Dr. Anna Lembke & Dr. Daniel Lieberman)  

I have for a long time pointed to these topics when sharing about my journey with sex/pornography addiction. But here recently I've started to realize the credit might need to be shared with a simple breathing exercise I started doing about a year and a half ago. 

(Looking back now I think it's actually made all the difference.)

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Here is what AI said my episode / video is about: 

What happens when you transform sexual obsession into a grounded, self-aware experience? Join me, Braxton, as I share my raw and honest journey from the depths of sexual addiction to a state of more harmonious sensuality. Hear firsthand accounts from my personal struggles and triumphs, fueled by insights from renowned experts like Anna Lemke and Daniel Z Lieberman. Discover how a simple breath exercise became the cornerstone of my transformation and gain a deeper understanding of the brain's reward system and the concept of anhedonia, which marked my turning point.

Together, we'll explore how shifting our consciousness can radically change our relationship with sexuality and enhance our overall well-being. Through practical techniques such as breathwork, mental reminders, and grounding exercises, we can shift from a mindset of scarcity and frustration to one of abundance and pleasure. Using examples from my own life, including a revealing comparison of experiences at a music festival over two years, we'll highlight how these internal shifts can transform external stimuli from sources of suffering into enriching gifts. Tune in to learn tools that can help you reconnect with your sensual self and foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with your own sexuality.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

5 reasons I don't watch porn (even when I want to)

1. It makes sex about dopamine chasing 
2. Real sex is better and it kills that 
3. Habituation is dog shit 
4. It reinforces a style of sex that I am trying to unlearn
5. It's mostly disembodied consumption for me, and I'm asking what purpose I want sex to serve in my life? 


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Here is what AI says this episode is about: 
Ever wondered why giving up porn could transform your life in ways you never imagined? Join us as we unpack the deeply personal motivations behind choosing real-life intimacy over the fleeting thrill of pornography. Discover how shifting your focus from the pursuit of novelty to genuine, meaningful connection can make your sexual experiences far more fulfilling. By sharing our own journeys, we aim to provide you with insightful reminders to stay on course, highlighting the pitfalls of habituation and the chase for more extreme content that never truly satisfies.

We'll also explore the concept of "disembodied consumption" and how it can lead to a cycle of unfulfilling behaviors. Learn how to distinguish genuine needs from mere boredom and make more conscious decisions about your sexual energy. By redirecting this energy towards real-life experiences and genuine connection, you can foster deeper love and mutual enjoyment with your partner. Don’t miss out on these enlightening reflections and practical tips that lay the groundwork for choosing meaningful intimacy over the empty allure of porn.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

This is one of the most important distinctions I have found on my way out of darkness of sex addiction. Even when I felt NOTHING during sex.. I constantly chased it down and organized my life around it. Why? 


Here's an AI summary of my episode: 

Ever wondered why some addictions feel impossible to break? Join me, Braxton Gilbert, as I uncover the surprising truth behind sex addiction: it’s not about the act itself, but the anticipation leading up to it. Sharing my personal journey, I reveal how the dopamine rush from anticipating sexual activities fueled my addiction, drawing parallels to the thrill-seeking behaviors seen in gambling and shopping addictions. This episode promises to shed light on how understanding this distinction became a liberating force in my recovery, helping me see through misleading behaviors and grasp the true essence of my addiction.

Facing the monotony of daily life often drives us toward compulsive behaviors for a spark of excitement. In the second part of this episode, I recount how recognizing the choice between engaging in these behaviors and succumbing to addiction was pivotal for me. Through a personal anecdote, I highlight how boredom can tempt us, but by focusing on healthier decisions and understanding that addiction was overshadowing the positive aspects of sex, I found the strength to make better choices. This episode aims to provide valuable insights, encouraging a balanced approach to being pro-sexual while firmly opposing addiction.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

I am practicing approaching sex from a totally different intention. In the past, sex has been all about entertainment, and chasing down an orgasm. However, a few episodes ago Alexey Walsh shared with me a different model for engaging with sex, one that aims at saturation instead of "completion". I am learning to saturate in the of emotional substances that make up the flow of sexual energy (mainly love and connection) instead of just quickly reaching for sex as a cure for boredom. In this episode I tell the story of the two most recent sexual experiences I have had and what they have taught me about this. 

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 Oh, and here's how AI sums up this episode. lol 
 
 What if redefining the way you approach sex could lead to deeper, more meaningful connections with your partner? On this transformative journey, inspired by holistic sex teacher Alex A Walsh, we uncover how shifting the focus from personal pleasure to fostering a loving, caring bond has revolutionized our intimate moments. Join me, Shekhar Mario, as I open up about my profound experiences that have reshaped sex into an act of love and emotional connection, marking a significant step in my personal growth and healing journey.
 
 Discover how embracing sexual discipline and well-being has led to remarkable changes in my life. By comparing fleeting highs from substances like cocaine and MDMA to the enriching exchange of love and presence during intimate encounters, I'll share the importance of genuine connection in fulfilling emotional needs. Listen as I recount vivid stories of personal transformation that will inspire you to cultivate a nourishing emotional bond with your partner, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling sexual life.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

In this video, I share 4 themes of pornography and sex addiction that upon noticing them have really helped me in my personal growth. I hope that by sharing these discovers they may help you too! 

Four distinct themes of porn and sex addiction: 

1. I can't catch anticipation (they feeling I was after) 
2. After years of misuse, I became reliant on my behaviors for baseline dopamine (addiction) 
3. I learned to objectify people and this really screwed up relationships
4. I learned to see sex as a solo act of consumption instead of fundamentally an act of relationship with someone else (how did I get it so wrong) 

here's what AI said this episode is about..

As I lay bare my struggle with porn and sex addiction, you're invited to witness the raw transformation that reshapes the meaning of pleasure and connection in one's life. This episode is a tapestry of vulnerability and hope, threading my personal narrative with the universal challenge of breaking free from the shackles of compulsive behaviors. We confront the paradox of the never-ending chase for an illusive 'perfect' experience, and how it can consume us, leaving a void where satisfaction should reside. It's a profound examination of the addict's mind, where anticipation's fleeting high supersedes any actual fulfillment, a cycle all too akin to the gambler's plight.

Venture into the heart of addiction and its insidious impact on our capacity to savor life's true joys. We dissect the journey of rekindling a damaged dopamine system and the quest to reclaim the essence of sex as an intimate, relational act, not a solitary conquest. Shining a light on the often-overlooked power of co-regulation exercises, we share how such practices can fortify the bonds of intimacy, fostering a deeper connection that transcends mere physical gratification. Join us as we navigate through the complexities of addiction, and emerge with a newfound understanding of what it means to connect, love, and feel alive again.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

Have you ever stood at the crossroads of temptation and discipline, feeling the magnetic pull of instant gratification? This episode is about conquering that battle, as I share my intimate journey away from the grasp of pornography and towards a more profound understanding of sexual connection. The allure of fantasy had me chasing an unattainable high, but I've discovered that the heart of addiction lies not in the content consumed, but in the pursuit itself. 

TLDR: 

For me, porn was addiction to fantasy. Addiction to the feeling of more and better. It was all about anticipation. I've realized there is no catching that. 

As I have healed from sexual repression, porn is a less reinforcing behavior.

The temptation to live without sexual discipline may never got away. The rabbit trail will always be there. 

Knowing my vice, and waging war against is has been a springboard into a sense of purpose. 

Pleasure is a selfish pursuit. Like "the reason for my existence is to feel as good as I can" is a bad way to think of things. 

The desire for women, sexual desire, is something that I can feel through, instead of allowing to knot up inside. A spiritual perspective. 

Sex can be about love & connection, not just entertainment. 

Love just may be the most crucial part of “making love”.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

In my life, I am learning so much about how honest dialogue involves conflict. I am learning to not run from conflict, but rather use its presence in my life as an indicator that I am doing something right. 

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

Discover the hidden threads connecting pleasure, pain, and our coping strategies as we dissect the pleasure-pain balance in an awesome conversation with Anna Lembke! Anna is Chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic at Stanford University and a New York Times best selling author! (And a super kind and lovely person)

She teaches me why the very things we lean on for comfort, from the instant gratification of adult content to the numbing embrace of drugs, might be steering us deeper into the clutches of depression and anxiety. We take a hard look at the concept of anhedonia and how traditional depression treatments might falter in the face of addiction, offering a fresh perspective on how stepping back from these addictive cycles can lead to ground-breaking realizations about ourselves.

Embark on a journey through the delicate chemical symphony in our brains, where dopamine's role is often misunderstood in the pursuit of happiness. We analyze why embracing 'painful' activities such as exercise and fasting might just be the secret to recalibrating our dopamine levels, striking a contrast with the fleeting highs of pleasure-seeking behaviors. This episode  features insights from "Dopamine Nation," providing a nuanced understanding of the long-term benefits of enduring discomfort over chasing short-lived pleasures.

Furthermore, we unravel how commercialization and the easy availability of sex and pornography have diluted our grasp on the sacred nature of sexual connections, steering us into a dopamine-driven void. The episode culminates with a deep dive into the transformative power of vulnerability in addiction recovery and the profound meaning that can be found in our struggles, drawing inspiration from Viktor Frankl's enduring wisdom in Man's Search for Meaning. 

This discussion isn't simply about finding happiness; it's an invitation to redefine our understanding of pleasure, purpose, and nourishment in our lives.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert