Mama Knows

Did you know you may not remember some of your childhood trauma? It can be really difficult to heal from something we don't remember and how do we know if we are truly healed? We dive into these questions and more on this weeks episode!

1. Our last episode together was the most listened to episode on Mamaknows podcast. We talked about the importance of parenting our inner child and how our inner child wounds affect how we show up in our relationships. But what if we don't remember our childhood traumas? How are we supposed to heal our wounds if we don't know what they are?

2. Once we do identify a childhood trauma we are working on parenting our inner child, but how do I avoid being dismissive versus actually healing the wound. For example, if we identify a moment where we felt unworthy, how do we affirm ourselves that we are worthy without being dismissive of that inner child's feelings?

3. How do we know when a childhood trauma is healed or that we have made peace with it?

4. How can we make sure we nurture our children as they are living their inner child?

Check out Lavina's new signature holistic healing programme: Making Peace With Your Past.

This is a self-led, self-paced, 3-step journey from reactivity, anxiety and rage to becoming the calm, conscious mama and connected partner you want to be. It contains over 6 hours of videos spread over 10 different modules and once purchased, it's available for life (so you can come back to it at any point in the future, either to remind yourself of how to manage a trigger, heal a painful memory or unpack a new layer of the mother imprint that may have surfaced, for example). 

The programme comes with two, live, group coaching support calls with me every month - also for life (so that I am always here for you whatever queries or fears come up and whatever support or insights you might need on your healing journey) as well as a private, members'-only FB group. 

Find Lavinia at https://www.laviniabrown.com/making-peace-with-your-past

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I want to raise my kids to be confident, kind kids. But growing up in today's world, it can be so difficult to help our kids maintain their sense of self esteem. Carol Kim dives into what we can to do raise our kids self esteem and avoid inadvertently negatively impacting their self esteem.

1. What are things I can do daily to help raise my kids self esteem?

2. How can I encourage my child to not get their self esteem from others but from within instead?

3. Can I still give my child compliments without encouraging them to seek for others' approval?

4. What ways can I help reduce any shame they might feel, say after a meltdown, and build them back up?

5. What are common ways we as parents inadvertently negatively impact our kids self esteem or confidence?

Carol Kim is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in child and play therapy. She has over a decade of clinical experience, and has practiced in the San Francisco Bay Area, Boston, and Utah.

Carol is also a popular content creator, whose videos on parenting and mental health have benefited millions across the globe. You can find her content on major social networks under the handle @parenting.resilience. 

Prior to becoming a therapist and content creator, Carol was a broadcast journalist in Missouri and Oakland California, where her favorite part of the job was sharing the stories of underserved communities.

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You have just experienced a loss of a loved on or a family pet. How do you tell your kids about it? What do you tell your kids? Navigating these conversations is difficult, especially when you, yourself, are grieving too. Here from an expert in the area so you feel prepared when you need to have these conversations.

What we cover in this episode:
1. Talking about death is a difficult and hard subject especially with kids. What approach should we take when we talk to our kids about death? 

2. Developmentally, when do children understand the concept of death? How does this affect how I talk to them about death and grief?

3. A loved one or pet just died. Talk me through how you would tell your child and what you avoid in the conversation?

4. How often should I check in with my child about the loss? Do I bring it up or do I let them bring it up?

5. I am mourning the loss of our loved one to

About Sidu:
Sidu Arroyo-Boulter is a family psychotherapist in Texas, specializing in difficult family dynamics and parenting. Sidu is passionate about helping parents deepen their emotional understanding of themselves so that they can welcome their child into rest, acceptance, and belonging.

Find Sidu on Instragram
https://www.instagram.com/conscious.parents/?hl=en

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Guilt and shame are often feelings that come up when parenting. You aren't alone! These aren't feelings you need to be ashamed of or suffer alone in. Michelle helps us learn to shift of our perspective and minimize the shame and guilt that comes up during parenting. 

Questions:

1. What is the difference between guilt and shame when it comes to parenting?

2. What do you often see that parents feel most guilty about?

3. How do we shift our perspective and make the mom guilt productive rather than a negative thing? 

4. How can we minimize the shame we feel as a parent?

Michelle Tangeman Bio:

Before opening Michelle Tangeman Behavioral Health as a child and family therapist, I served as a Clinical Manager for STAR of CA where I oversaw a clinical team providing children’s behavioral treatment programs. I have extensive experience in individualized behavior intervention, Functional Behavior Assessments, school-based services, family-focused intervention, early start services, and social skills training and have provided these services to families across Ventura and Los Angeles counties. I have also completed the training as part of the Postpartum Support International’s Advanced Perinatal Mental Health Psychotherapy Training Program.

When I’m not helping parents and families as a therapist, I’m a mother of two beautiful children. As a parent, I know how challenging it can be. Combining my personal experience as a parent along with my behavioral health background, I launched my online education company, Thriving Toddler. Through Thriving Toddler courses and free resources, I aim to help as many people as possible become the parents they want to be.

I’m also a podcast host and the co-founder of the Parenting Understood podcast. My co-host and I are passionate about teaching parents about evidence-based interventions grounded in science to make a positive impact on the parent-child relationship.

Website: https://michelletangeman.com/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/thriving.toddler/

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I struggle with being productive with my ADHD. Am I alone?
Normal tips to be productive and organized just don't work for me and I am beginning to realize that I need to work with my ADHD instead of against it!
In comes, Brooke Schnittman, who answers all my questions:

1. As someone with adhd I want to better organize my day, but I struggle with traditional to do lists. Why aren’t these traditional ways working for me? What can I do instead to organize my to do list and life?

2. Why are some tasks harder than others for people with adhd? For example: answering emails or texts can be so daunting even though it only takes minutes to answer. How can I make these tasks seem like less of a big deal?

3. What is the ADHD disruption cycle and how can I overcome it?

4. How things can I do routinely to better improve my attention, focus, and momentum?


Brooke's book:  Activate Your ADHD Potential : for adults with ADHD who are looking to build momentum and stop overwhelm and underwhelm.
Instagram
Website


about Brooke:
Brooke Schnittman MA, PCC, BCC is an esteemed expert in the field of ADHD management and support, renowned for her unwavering dedication to empowering individuals with ADHD to overcome challenges and achieve their full potential.

​

Brooke's personal journey, being diagnosed with ADHD later in life and marrying into a family of ADHDers, has provided her with profound insight and empathy for her clients. In 2002, she embarked on her mission to make a positive impact in the lives of individuals with disabilities. She earned her Bachelor's in Elementary Education from Penn State University and her Master's Degree from New York University, specializing in Students With Disabilities.

​

With over two decades of experience, Brooke has worked closely with thousands of individuals with ADHD, utilizing her comprehensive knowledge and expertise to guide them toward success.

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If you haven't heard of attachment theory or don't know which attachment type you are start here:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/attachment-theory-toxic-relationships-w-mac-stanley/id1610026077?i=1000633976705.

This week Dr. Morgan helps us anxious attachment girlies (+ guys) feel more secure in our relationship. We cover:

1. Can you do a quick recap on what the attachment styles are, especially anxious attachment?

2. What does self abandonment look like as someone with anxious attachment?

3. Why might someone with anxious attachment abandon themselves and turn to codependency?

4. Why is codependency a bad thing in relationships?

4. How can someone with anxious attachment prevent self abandonment?

website
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about Dr. Morgan:

Hi, I’m Dr. Morgan

I’m a relationship coach, attachment theory expert, and creator of the E.S.L. Relationship Method. My mission is to help women get off the dating rollercoaster, raise their self-worth, and attract the healthy relationship they’ve always wanted. I created the Empowered.Secure.Loved. Program because I knew women needed a clear path to secure attachment and love that lasts. With the science of attachment theory, data from hundreds of clients, and my own experiences I created a program that transforms you from lonely, to loved.

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I am currently trying to not procrastinate right now so this epiosde is coming at the best time. This week Chelsey Newmeyer helps us best utilize our time so we can feel better and accomplish more.

The questions we answered this week:
 

1. I will admit that I can be a procrastinator, how do I unlearn procrastination habits?

2. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to finish the tasks that need to be completed, let alone, do anything enjoyable/spend time on any hobbies. How can I better organize my day so I don't feel so booked?

3. What is time blocking and how can I implement it in my life?

4. I haven't been feeling very productive lately. What are some tips to being more productive in daily tasks or at work?

5. You helped me have some free time, but now I feel guilty for relaxing and feel like I should be tackling other projects. How do I rest without guilt? 

Chelsey Newmyer is a nerd for all things time management and productivity. After years of reading frustrating productivity advice that didn't match her life, she started her productivity coaching business to help solopreneurs, and 9-5ers maximize their time by getting the personalized productivity systems they need to reach their goals. Chelsey is a Navy spouse and currently lives on Guantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba with her husband, son Nolan, and her dog, Leia. When she's not working, she's hanging out with her new baby, drinking lots of coffee, or listening to podcasts while reorganizing something in her house. 

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Mom rage is a topic near and dear to my heart and something I am still working on improving. If you are like me and feel like you are quick to anger and have a short fuse but don't know why or how to mitigate it, this episode is for you.

Questions we addressed in today's interview:

1.  I was personally diagnosed with postpartum mood disorder and rage back in 2021 - do you have any stats or data on approximately how common this is?

2. What brings so many of us moms to rage, when we weren't like this before?

3. Is it my fault I have such a quick temper?

4. How can we get a handle on your rage? i.e. what are some long term things I can do and what are some in the heat of the moment things I can do to cope? 

Erica Djossa is the CEO and founder of Momwell, and a registered psychotherapist specializing in maternal mental health with over a decade of experience. As a mother of three rambunctious young boys, Erica understands first-hand the challenges of motherhood. Perfectionism, pressure, and loss of identity fueled her battle with postpartum depression, and she realized how difficult it is to seek care. She founded Momwell to set a standard of care for providers and ensure mom-centred specialized mental health support at any stage of motherhood. Erica has been featured in media publications including Time Magazine, Washington Post, USA Today, The Toronto Star, Breakfast Television, and Scary Mommy.

Contact detail
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About the Book: 

Moms today are drowning under the weight of labor and expectations, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and overburdened. They desperately want to feel like they are succeeding, but the impossible standards placed on them leave them feeling burned out and frustrated. Releasing the Mother Load: How To Carry Less and Enjoy Motherhood More is an empowering guidebook that teaches moms how to unlearn intensive mothering expectations and free themselves from the burdens of mental labor. 

“In our search for perfection, we hold ourselves up to impossible standards,” says Djossa. “And when we inevitably fall short of those, we feel like failures. The key is in letting go of what we think we should be and embracing our value as a mom.” 

Based on the teachings through her maternal mental health platform, Momwell, Erica Djossa unpacks the dimensions of cognitive labor—the invisible care work within tasks like soothing babies, navigating tantrums, keeping track of where everything is in the house, and planning for appointments. In Releasing the Mother Load, Djossa invites readers to break free from societal conditioning that demands mothers do it all, and step into a new way of thinking that relieves the weight of unrealistic motherhood expectations and allows them to say no, take on less, and enjoy life more. 

Unlike other resources on the topic of invisible labor, Releasing the Mother Load takes a hard look at th

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I just learned that often times the beliefs and judgments we have about our partners and their actions is a direct reflection of the belief you have about yourself and your own worth stemming from something that happened to you in childhood.

Here are the questions we covered:
1. Women tell me often that their partner's actions and/or habits are really getting to them to the point where they are starting to label their partner as uncaring/inattentive/condescending. Why do we do this and how can this be detrimental to one's marriage?

2. How can I work through these judgements towards my spouse?

3. How can I have a productive conversation with my spouse about my judgments so we can work together?

 


Here is the link to the Developing Deeper Connection Course. 

The coupon code is MAMAKNOWS

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Am I a bad parent if my child is lying or is this totally normal? This week I sit down with Devon Kuntzman of Tranforming Toddlerhood to tackle the topic of lying. We cover:

1. Am I a bad parent if my child is lying or is it normal?

2. When do toddlers often start lying and why?

3. Should I ignore lies or address them?

4. Walk me through what do I do and say when I catch my toddler in a lie? For example: my toddler says he didn't color on the walls but there are stick drawings that weren't from me or the dog. 

5. How can I encourage telling the truth rather than lies in future scenarios?


More about Devon:
Devon Kuntzman, PCC, is the original toddler parenting coach on Instagram and the founder of Transforming Toddlerhood. As a toddler expert, she is on a mission to transform the myth that toddlerhood is terrible. Devon empowers toddler parents to overcome the challenges of toddlerhood, nurture development and create confidence in their skills by being the Confident Leader & Guide through using positive, respectful, and developmentally appropriate parenting tools. 

As a result, Devon has built a community of nearly 1 million parents and caregivers from across the world who are committed to transforming their parenting, their toddler’s behavior, and their overall experience of toddlerhood while creating a foundation for a relationship with their child that lasts a lifetime.

Devon holds a psychology and child development degree and is an ICF-certified coach. Having lived on three continents, Devon has tirelessly supported parents and children as a coach, former high-profile nanny, and director of an orphanage in Rwanda. When she isn’t working with parents, Devon can be found playing with her kiddo, riding her bicycle, or drinking a green juice (sometimes all at the same time!)

http://transformingtoddlerhood.com/
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