Permission for Pleasure

You can learn to talk about sex! It is a skill strengthened through practice. In this quickie episode, I’m offering some helpful tips and conversation prompts to get you started. Listen solo or with your partner to learn practical ways to boost your sexual communication. Topics include: sexual frequency, reasons you want to have sex, scheduling sexy dates, being honest about what you no longer enjoy, and trying new things. 

Visit our episode sponsor Sexfirmation Cards and use code CINDY for 15% off

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It is always a delight when a member of our community comes on the show to share their story. Brit "Beans" Barron is a teacher, speaker and author of Worth It.  She joins me for a conversation about her journey evolving out of purity culture. We discuss her work to unpack shame, unravel the purity narrative and embrace her sexuality as a queer woman.

Learn more about Brit's work

Learn more about these topics:
My letter to young women
Less Shame - More Sex Ed
Learning to Listen to Your Body
Reclaim Your Arousal Mindset
Let's Go Girls: Hailey from Pasadena

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You met the delightful Taylor Stonack if you watched episode one of Netflix’s How to Build a Sex Room. Whether you've seen the show or not, you’ll be drawn into her journey which she shares with both laughter and tears. She joins me for a conversation about her experience on the show, how she became interested in kink, and what she learned about herself through the process. She shares a few un-aired moments including a scene that brought back her past experience of sexual trauma. Through the outpouring of care and solid consent language, this resulted in a beautiful healing moment for her during the show’s creation. According to Taylor, “It started out as a room but it turned into more than that.”

Taylor Stonack appeared on the first season of Netflix's How To Build A Sex Room, and her mission is to create a safe space for people to talk about their wants and desires in every aspect of their life. She owns the social media marketing agency Sweet Potato Social.

Visit our episode sponsor  Reclaiming Pleasure with Dr. Holly Richmond

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Sexify Your Bedroom
Pleasure After Trauma Episode
Reclaiming Pleasure Book Review
Supporting Survivors
Arousal, Role Play and Condoms

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
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How in the world can a new mom feel sexy in survival mode? Journalist Simone Boyce flips the script to interview me about life and intimacy after childbirth. I answer her questions about the six-week mark, re-examining pleasure, code switching out of "mommy mode," and the reality of feeling touched out. You’ll learn my tips for intimacy without the pressure and ways to embrace outercourse (or as Simone says, “things you can do on the outside without ever having to go in the house!”). We talk about it all in this episode!

Simone Boyce is a nationally recognized journalist, host and speaker whose work has been featured on MSNBC, the Today Show, Access Hollywood and more.  Sign up for her newsletter Motherload.

Visit our episode sponsor Uberlube use code CINDY 

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Sex After Baby
All About Lube
Your Body After Baby
Sex and Pregnancy
Sex, Postpartum, and Breastfeeding
Myth Busting with UC
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Mental Load
Mindfulness and the Truth About Desire
Better Sex Through Mindfulness book review
The 6 second kiss from the Gottman Institute

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all build ourselves a whole room dedicated to sex and intimacy? For most of us, that’s not a reality. However we can make changes to sexify the space we do have! In this quickie episode, you’ll hear my ten tips to create a more sensual and inviting atmosphere in your bedroom. Research shows that those with the most enjoyable sex life, set up their environment for sex with intention. Choose from - moody lighting, mirrors, props, privacy and more - to level up your bedroom for better sex. 

Learn more about these topics
Foreplay Ideas
Create the mood you enjoy
Sexy playlist
Lube
Blog: Ten tips for a better bedroom

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Alex Liu, a health reporter and director of the documentary; A Sexplanation joins me for a conversation about why we need comprehensive sex ed. We talk about his experience growing up as a young gay man, the sexual silence and shame that almost destroyed him, and how he found freedom and belonging by going on a quest for the sex education he never got. We agree that there are a lot of questions about sex that are “unasked, unspoken and unanswered!” This episode will encourage individuals, partners and parents to ask, speak and answer those questions.

Learn more about Alex and A Sexplanation

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Why Sex Ed Really Matters with guest Kristen Mark
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ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
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Colleen Weeks and I continue our conversation and discuss the challenges and changes in the fourth trimester, the 3-month time period after birthing a baby. Topics include hormone changes, the 6-weeks suggested for healing, why you may need lubrication for sex, and how fatigue affects sexual arousal. We also dive into breastfeeding to answer some common questions, such as does breastfeeding work as birth control, and why milk leaks or spurts with sex. You’ll hear thoughts on parenting roles, the mental load and communication strategies between partners to help you navigate this often-overwhelming season of change.

For more than 40 years, Colleen Weeks has passionately worked with childbearing women and their families as a Certified Childbirth, Lactation and Sex Educator, Certified Perinatal Bereavement Counselor and Maternal Mental Health Specialist. At Kaiser Permanente Orange County’s Anaheim and Irvine Medical Center’s she is the Perinatal Education manager. Colleen serves on the Family Violence Prevention team where she piloted an (ACE’s) Adverse Childhood Experience’s project and coordinates the FVPP Ambassador program.

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Lube. Lube. Lube
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Sex After Baby
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Stretched-out Vaginas and Other Myths
Your Body After Baby
Mental Load
Learning to Listen to Your Body
Reclaim Your Arousal Mindset
Scheduling Sex

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
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My long time colleague and friend Colleen Weeks joins me to talk about all things pregnancy. This episode is your private in-home education class! You'll hear information every person needs to know about hormones, sex in pregnancy, partner concerns, and all the changes a body goes through to grow and birth a whole human. One of the biggest changes Colleen has witnessed over the years, is the increasing lack of trust women have in their bodies and how they function. Our hope is that this conversation will you help you gain confidence to trust your body in pregnancy, and all the seasons of your life.

*Don’t miss our next episode - Part Two: Sex, Postpartum and Breastfeeding

For more than 40 years, Colleen Weeks has passionately worked with childbearing women and their families as a Certified Childbirth, Lactation and Sex Educator, Certified Perinatal Bereavement Counselor and Maternal Mental Health Specialist. At Kaiser Permanente Orange County’s Anaheim and Irvine Medical Center’s she is the Perinatal Education manager. Colleen serves on the Family Violence Prevention team where she piloted an (ACE’s) Adverse Childhood Experience’s project and coordinates the FVPP Ambassador program.

Learn more about these topics

Sex After Baby
Learning to Listen to Your Body
Taking your Body on a Date
Your Body After Baby

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
VISIT my website and blog

Dr. Hillary McBride joins me for a conversation about embodiment or as she defines it, “Our experience of being a body as it’s shaped by culture.” She provides tools to help us untangle the cultural scripts we have taken in, along with gentle guidance for how we can reframe and choose a healthier way to be in our body. You’ll hear how you can learn to listen to your body, embrace your sensuality and give yourself more permission for pleasure. 

Dr. Hillary McBride is a registered psychologist, a researcher, and podcaster. She is the author of: Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image: Learning to Love Ourselves as We Are  and The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding wholeness, healing and connection through embodied living.  She was the senior editor of the textbook Embodiment and Eating Disorders: Theory, Research, Prevention, and Treatment.   www.Hillarylmcbride.com 

Learn more about these topics:

Mothers, Daughters and Body Image
Dating Your Body 
The Body is Not an Apology
My Letter to Young Women

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Learn four techniques women use to increase pleasure during vaginal penetration. OMGyes, in partnership with Indiana University School of Medicine, conducted a nationally representative study of over 3000 women, and I share their results in this episode. Hear about shallowing, pairing, rocking, and angling - along with practical tips for each one. I also discuss how faking orgasm can undermine your pleasure and give conversation starters to open a discussion about it with a partner.

Visit our episode sponsor Uberlube and use code CINDY

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OMGyes
Pairing demo
Shallowing demo
Rocking demo
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Maude use code CINDY10
Dame
Communication, Couples & Sex
Talking with a partner about sex
Talking About Sex (When Things Aren't Great)

ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
VISIT my website and blog