Quiet The Clock

In the 29th episode of "Quiet the Clock," we sit down with Nicole, an Intuitive Eating Dietitian, about her egg freezing journey, her hesitation to initially share publicly, how a breakup in her 30's changed her timeline and how tuning into what you actually want is so important.

Nicole candidly delves into these initial reservations about egg freezing and her ultimate decision to share her experiences on social media, aiming to break the stigma surrounding this topic.

The episode goes beyond personal narratives to explore the broader landscape of sharing experiences and normalizing discussions about egg freezing. It sheds light on the challenges faced by single women in the realm of dating while undergoing the egg-freezing process. Nicole also shares how she has shifted to date more intentionally and how that has changed her experience with dating in amazing ways! Additionally, this episode addresses the profound fears and uncertainties surrounding relationships and motherhood. Join the conversation as "Quiet the Clock" continues to reshape societal norms and foster a supportive community for women facing similar choices in this eye-opening episode.

We Also Talk About:

• The decision to freeze eggs [00:06:31] Nicole shares her decision process and the reasons behind her choice to freeze her eggs.
• Receiving recommendations from gynecologists [00:07:07] Nicole discusses how she felt when her gynecologist and friend recommended egg freezing and reflects on the different reactions women may have to such suggestions.
• Lack of information and discussions surrounding egg freezing [00:08:07] Nicole expresses her desire for more information and discussions about the biological and physiological aspects of egg freezing when she initially considered the option.
• The fear of injections [00:09:30] Discussion about the fear of injections during the egg freezing process and the personal experiences of the speakers.
• Not being ready for egg freezing [00:11:15] The guest shares her reasons for not rushing to freeze her eggs, including not being ready for marriage and children.
• Lack of information and urgency [00:12:38] The speakers discuss the lack of information given to them about egg freezing and the need for more informative conversations about fertility options.
• The shift from clinical to personal connection [00:17:39] Nicole discusses how her perspective on the egg freezing process shifted from being clinical and detached to having a personal connection and understanding the potential future implications.
• Financial considerations and promotional offer [00:18:34] Nicole mentions the financial aspect of egg freezing and shares information about a promotional offer at Extend, where participants can receive $1000 off a cycle if they sign up before September 29th.
• The decision to freeze eggs at 37 [00:20:23] Nicole reflects on her decision to freeze her eggs at the age of 37 and the significance of her grandmother having her mother at the same age. She also mentions the financial responsibility of her growing business as a factor in her decision-making process.
• The shift to hyper independence [00:26:16] Beth discusses her transition into a hyper-independent mindset after ending a five-year relationship.
• Daydreaming about singlehood [00:27:01] Moments of daydreaming and idealizing singlehood, and the grief that can come from missing the single version of oneself.
• Challenging societal narratives about timing [00:29:27] Discussion around the societal pressure to be in a relationship or married at a certain point in life, and the importance of challenging these narratives and embracing one's own timing.
• The fear of kids ruining the relationship [00:35:43] Beth expresses her fear of kids ruining the relationship and the uncertainty she feels about marriage and children.
• The uncertainty of committing to a lifelong partnership [00:37:37] Beth discusses her doubts about being 100% sure about committing to spending the rest of her life with someone.
• Dating with intention and expressing needs [00:38:27] Beth talks about how she has shifted her dating approach to be more intentional and vulnerable, expressing her needs and deal breakers.

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In episode 28 of Quiet the Clock, Siobhan joins Beth to talk about her journey through her 30s and her decision to freeze her eggs. Siobhan shares what a transformative time it was in her life as she navigated other health issues and freezing her eggs at the same time. Siobhan shares that her decision to freeze was influenced by a very clear desire to be a mother and wanting to preserve her option to do that as she continues to date and meet a partner.

They examine the pressure to settle down, and the ticking clock of fertility on women, as well as the imbalance of the burden placed on women versus men. She shares her experiences with fertility testing, the emotional and financial aspects of egg freezing, and dating. Siobhan also shares her clarity on what is important to her and realizing a goal of buying a house in Florida and being closer to her family.

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In episode 27 of Quiet the Clock Beth interviews Jennifer Morilla, Digital marketing Consultant, business owner, and travel blogger, who shares her journey of breaking free from societal expectations and finding fulfillment in her own unique path. She discusses her experiences as a travel blogger, her transition to owning a marketing education platform, and the transformative power of solo travel. Jennifer also opens up about her personal struggles with grief, loss and mental health. She shares her experiences with dating and relationships, and her decision to freeze her eggs. Throughout the episode, Jen emphasizes the importance of challenging societal timelines and finding happiness in your own journey.

We Also Talk About:

• Jennifer's Journey [00:02:21] Jennifer talks about her journey from being a travel blogger to owning a marketing education platform.
• Breaking Societal Expectations [00:05:19] Jennifer and Beth discuss the pressure to conform to societal timelines and the importance of redefining success.
• The Pivotal Moment [00:09:25] Jennifer shares the pivotal moment when her father's friend convinced him to let her study abroad, changing the course of her life.
• The journey of self-discovery and loss [00:09:47] Jennifer discusses her personal journey of self-discovery and the loss of her younger brother during her senior year of college.
• Finding solace in Spain [00:10:49] Jennifer shares her experience of spending a month in Spain after graduation, where she struggled with depression but found solace in the kindness of the people she met.
• The struggle between societal expectations and personal happiness [00:13:28] Jennifer reflects on her return to a corporate job after grad school and the unhappiness she felt, highlighting the conflict between societal expectations and finding true happiness.
• The struggle of being an independent woman [00:18:54] Jennifer Marilla talks about her experiences with men who find her intimidating and struggle with her independence.
• The issue of intimidation and insecurity in relationships [00:19:35] Beth Galata discusses the recurring themes of intimidation and insecurity in relationships and wonders why men are behaving this way.
• Timing and readiness in relationships [00:24:00] Jennifer Marilla and Beth Galata emphasize the importance of timing and readiness when it comes to finding a compatible partner.
• The journey of self-discovery [00:27:39] The speakers discuss the importance of not getting stuck in comparison, shifting narratives, and honoring one's own timing and value.
• Recognizing patterns in relationships [00:28:17] They talk about how the speaker had the realization that she had been dating the same type of person and how this new awareness has already brought about positive changes.
• The experience of egg freezing [00:29:41] They discuss the impersonal nature of the egg freezing process and the speaker shares her own experience, including the emotional and physical toll it took on her.
• The Come to Jesus Moment [00:36:32] Jennifer Marilla reflects on a pivotal moment in her life and the realization that there is no turning back.
• Do It Younger [00:36:54] Jennifer Marilla encourages the audience to pursue their goals at a younger age.
• Questioning Your Why [00:37:06] Jennifer Marilla advises the audience to question their motives and make sure their actions align with their true desires.

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In episode 26 of Quiet the Clock, Ariana White returns to share with us her journey of egg freezing. She candidly talks about the challenges and surprises she experienced as she navigated this process. Ari shares how she balanced her day-to-day emotions while going through egg freezing, which included a baby shower on her retrieval day and sonogram pictures from a friend on the same day she got less-than-ideal news from the clinic. Ari expressed her strong desire for motherhood, despite her journey's challenges. As well as the significance of discussing fertility more often while seeking information beyond doctor visits. Ari emphasizes the support she received from her family and friends, as well as her positive experience with the medical team at NYU Langone. In the conversation, Ari shares more about her decision to postpone before undergoing another round of egg retrieval and her unwavering determination to realize her dream of motherhood regardless of the challenges this process presents, emotionally, financially, and physically.

Quotes:

• 00:06:53 "All these narratives come up and a lot of the guests from season one that had been through the egg-freezing process before where they didn't get like an ideal amount of numbers. It's this self-blame piece that comes in like, What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? My body failed me, my body is broken and it's so it's so real."

• 00:29:39 - "I have a lot of friends in my 30s. And so now I kind of have like started the charge of like everyone wanting to go and like look into these things and figure it out, you know, and figure out how they want to become a parent. What path if it's adoption, fostering, having a donor like a single parent, whatever it is? Like we're all having this conversation now because time waits for no one."

• 00:22:40 - "It speaks to who you are as a friend to just show up and be there and still want to be there (at that baby shower), even though, you know, you didn't get great news with what you were going through."

Key Points:

• The journey begins [00:02:18]

• Ari shares her expectations and challenges of the egg-freezing process, including timing issues and anxiety.

• Disappointing results [00:04:46]

• Ari learns only five follicles are developing instead of the expected ten, leading to disappointment and questions about her body.

• Self-blame and support [00:06:53]

• Discussion about self-blame following unsatisfactory egg results and the importance of a support system throughout the process.

• The ultrasound experience [00:09:29]

• Ari describes her reassuring interactions with the ultrasound technician during her egg-freezing journey.

• Taking a break and doing research [00:12:04]

• Ari explains her choice to pause after the first round, resetting and researching before proceeding.

• Confronting the duality of emotions [00:15:37]

• Ari shares dealing with a friend's pregnancy news while navigating her fertility struggles and differing timelines.

• The baby shower and retrieval conflict [00:18:45]

• Discussion of balancing life and the challenge of her baby shower coinciding with her egg retrieval.

• The determination to attend the baby shower [00:19:21]

• Ari's determination to attend the baby shower after the retrieval, not wanting to miss the important moment.

• The decision to add embryo freezing [00:23:16]

• Ari's choice, after consultation with her partner, to incorporate embryo freezing, providing additional peace of mind and conception options.

• Ari's determination to become a mother [00:28:05]

• Ari's expression of her strong desire for embryos and motherhood, despite her journey's challenges.

• Importance of having conversations about fertility [00:28:43]

• Beth emphasizes the significance of discussing fertility and seeking information beyond doctor visits.

• Paying it forward and supporting other women [00:29:54]

• Discussion between Beth and Ari about sharing experiences and knowledge to support women in their fertility journeys.

In episode 25 of "Quiet the Clock," Lindsey Metselaar, host of "We Met at Acme," talks about the challenges of modern dating, especially for women in their mid-30s to early 40s who are considering freezing their eggs.

Beth and Lindsey discuss the pressure women feel from societal timelines, the idea of being curious while dating, and the struggle to find the right balance between being bold and not being too forward in making the first move.

They tackle the idea that strong successful women can't meet anyone because men are intimidated by a woman's success. Lindsey has a mic drop moment when she boldly states that, "boys are intimidated not men."

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CHAPTERS:

00:04:27 - The Pressure on Women to Find a Partner

00:06:43 - The Man Deficit and Men's Confusion

00:08:52 - Fragility and Optionality in Modern Dating

00:10:56 - The Importance of Being Open-Minded

00:12:50 - The Problem with Having a Type

00:16:03 - Approaching Dating with Curiosity

00:21:23 - The Assumption of Marriage and Kids

00:23:24 - Women Sharing Their Egg Freezing Age

00:24:12 - Women Making the First Move in Dating

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In episode 24 of Quiet The Clock, Jon Birger, a former senior writer at Fortune and Money Magazine and author of two popular dating books, "Datonomics" and Make Your Move." explains the drawbacks of online dating apps. He discusses how these apps prioritize advertising and membership fees over long-term relationships and suggests reading and analyzing the annual reports of these companies to understand their true intentions. The conversation emphasizes the importance of in-person social connection in dating, highlighting that meeting people in person allows for a better understanding of who they are and if you would be compatible as a couple. Beth and Jon encourage listeners to consider alternative approaches to dating and prioritize meaningful connections over superficial criteria when meeting new people. They also explore topics like mixed-color dating and the misconception about education and perceived worth in a dating context.

Quotes:

• John Berger, 00:04:26, "Read the annual reports from these dating apps, read what they're telling their own shareholders, and then decide for yourself if you think that this is right for you."

• John Berger, 00:17:05, "We as humans need to believe, and think, and know that maybe there was something magical involved, maybe there was fate, maybe it was meant to be, and there's no fate or not meant to be if you're sorting through 30 dating profiles on Hinge."

• John Berger, 00:23:31, "I just think about it, it's crass. Because we now view who we're supposed to end up with as a shopping experience, and as we know from Amazon, if you don't like what you buy, you can probably return it within 30 days. It's become a very transactional experience. I don't think online dating is helpful because it turns dating into shopping."

Key Points:

• [00:02:04] There are negative aspects of online dating apps, including the financial interests of the companies behind them.

• [00:07:50] There is such significance of having a social connection with someone before going on a date, as it leads to greater accountability and a different dating experience.

• [00:08:24] Meeting people in person allows you to learn more through body language and conversation.

• [00:10:36] Online dating apps are hindering genuine connections and preventing people from truly getting to know each other.

• [00:10:59] Meeting people in person, without the pressure of dating, allows for a more authentic connection and a better understanding of who they are as individuals.

• [00:15:55] Origin stories, such as how couples met, play a crucial role in creating a sense of destiny and belief in the relationship's potential.

• [00:20:55] There are many limitations of online dating, including the inability to see someone's true character and the curated nature of dating app profiles.

• [00:21:43] Explore being open to dating people from different racial backgrounds and don't make assumptions based on societal expectations.

• [00:25:00] A college degree does not determine someone's worth, we need to also share the value of individuals in blue-collar professions.

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In episode 23 of Quiet The Clock, Jon Birger, a former senior writer at Fortune and Money Magazine, discusses his book "Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game," which explores the dating challenges faced by women in major cities today.

Jon reveals that the dating imbalance in these cities is caused by higher percentages of women graduating from college than men. Jon also shares other demographic trends that lead to many women who are eligible and ready for long-term partnerships, struggling to find anyone to settle down with.

Beth and Jon also discuss societal changes, like the #MeToo movement, and how that has impacted the way that current dating occurs and women's role in the process of beginning courtship. They explore the advantage women have when they are willing to make the first move in dating and discuss the inspiration that led him to write, "Make Your Move," which empowers women to be assertive in their dating lives. Jon shares that research shows a large percentage of men want women to make the first move!

Quotes:

• "Because of the #MeToo movement, rightfully, men are more cautious now about making the first move."

• "I think if you look at the dating books that have been most popular over the past 20 years, books like "The Rules and All of its Followers", the message of those books was telling women that the message they want to send to men is that "not interested" means keep trying." - Jon

• "I use that line on the on the lecture circuit, men like women who like them there's like men nodding in unison, women looking at me like I'm crazy because they women have been socialized to think that the way you get a guy to like you is by playing hard to get" - Jon

• "Guys can be oblivious. If you've already identified a guy who you think might be right for you, you should go for it. Because if you're waiting for him to notice, he might not." - Jon

Key Points:

• [00:05:49] The lopsided sex ratios in the post-college dating markets are influenced by the dating culture.

• [00:07:07] Discussion of how the author's second book "Make Your Move" was prompted by the many questions he received asking for solutions after reading "Date-onomics."

• [00:08:16] Women need to be more assertive and proactive in dating, considering the imbalance in sex ratios and the impact of the #MeToo movement.

• [00:14:26] Discussing the advantage women have when they are willing to make the first move in dating.

• [00:24:31] Research shows that both men and women struggle to recognize when they are being flirted with.

• [00:24:31] There are many reasons women often hesitate to make the first move, including societal narratives and fear of rejection.

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In episode 22 of Quiet the Clock, LaToya Olson shares her journey of being diagnosed with stage four rectal colon cancer at a young age, and taking on the role of guardian for her younger siblings after the loss of her mother. Almost overnight everything changes for LaToya as she is uprooted from her life in NYC.

She candidly discusses her challenges and the shock of receiving the cancer diagnosis. LaToya also shares her frustrations with the lack of information about preserving fertility options and her struggles with fertility after cancer.

Join Beth and LaToya as they emphasize the importance of being in a good place physically, mentally, and emotionally before pursuing fertility treatments. They discuss the need for advocacy and healing and tuning into who knows yourself the best, you. LaToya's journey took some unexpected turns but she is stronger than ever and has found a passion for dance and movement therapy and plans to start her own business to help others heal.

Quotes:

• "So when you're already scared when you've already been told that you have stage four cancer and they're like, well, if you want to freeze your eggs, you're going to die. Well, what are you going to do?" - LaToya

• "There's no right rhythm. It's just like said, when we move, we improve. And I think it's important that we connect with our body and our mind."

• "Moving is connecting with the body and it's also releasing trauma. And I think more people need to realize that. There's no right or wrong way when you move." - LaToya

• "You need to be healthy to have your body support you. You have to be sleeping well. You have to be doing all these things to get you for this fertility to work." - LaToya

Key Points:

• [00:00:00] LaToya shares her experience of waking up to multiple doctors informing her about her diagnosis of stage four rectal colon cancer.

• [00:02:45] LaToya discusses her transformation from living a carefree life in New York City to taking on the role of a guardian for her younger siblings after her mother's passing.

• [00:08:32] LaToya reveals that she was not informed by doctors about the option of freezing her eggs before undergoing cancer treatment, leading to regrets and frustration.

• [00:10:53] Discussion about the lack of information and resources regarding fertility health for women in their late 30s and the impact it can have on their choices.

• [00:11:51] The need to seek out multiple doctors and specialists for guidance and support after receiving a diagnosis of early menopause.

• [00:12:51] The challenges and experiences of trying to become a mother after going through cancer treatment, including seeking fertility treatments and the importance of being in a healthy place physically and emotionally.

• [00:21:17] The Importance of movement and dance for connecting with the body and releasing trauma.

• [00:22:08] Expressing pride and admiration for LaToya's journey and growth.

• [00:23:27] Emphasizing the need for support, awareness, and resources for women going through similar experiences.

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In episode 21 of Quiet The Clock, Marcia Inhorn, a Professor at Yale and author of the book "Motherhood on Ice: The Mating Gap and Why Women Freeze Their Eggs," discusses the findings from her research in which she interviewed 150 women regarding their experiences with egg-freezing.

Her research revealed that over 82% of women freeze their eggs because they cannot find an equal partner. Many women in her study were single and desired partnership, pregnancy, and parenthood, but struggled to find men who were eligible, educated, and equal.

Marcia even added the word eager which highlighted the fact that even when women found a partner they were not eager to marry or have children. The gender dynamics and socialization of men and women were explored, with women expressing frustration at men's lack of readiness for commitment and their intimidation of successful women. Marcia and Beth both discuss the importance of talking to men to understand their perspectives and experiences with dating and partnering up.

Inhorn shares that the mating gap is partly a result of more women than men excelling and completing higher education. The numbers are just not in women's favor as they navigate the dating world looking for an equal partner. Women then turn to egg freezing as a way to preserve their fertility while they continue to find partnership, without feeling like they have to settle or lower their standards.

She emphasizes that egg freezing is not a perfect solution and should be considered as a tool for reproductive choice for women in their 30s who have not found suitable partners. While it gives women the option to preserve their fertility it is not a foolproof insurance plan.

Quotes:

• "Women want the three P's: partnership, pregnancy, and parenthood, but they lack the three E's: men who are eligible, educated, and equal." - Marcia Inhorn

• "Women believe they have been socialized to want something, to want to be with men, and that men are not socialized in the same way." - Marcia Inhorn

• "Women shouldn't be blaming themselves for not having a partner. It's not their fault." - Marcia Inhorn

• "Women really talked about this, that it was really I don't know what happened. I'm mystified. I think I'm a dateable person. I am mystified but I'm in the situation where I don't have a partner and I really want to be a mom."

• "I think there is this great need and desire for women to understand what's happening on the other side here. What's going on with these men?"

• "Egg freezing does give a new option to women in this country and beyond."

• "While there was so much relief in doing it and having that "insurance policy" and a little bit more time, there was also this feeling of 'I wish I had done it sooner.'"

Key Points:

• [0:00:00] Women want partnership, pregnancy, and parenthood

• [0:03:13] 82% of women freeze their eggs due to partnership problems

• [0:05:05]Women struggle to find men who are eligible, educated, and equal

• [0:08:42]Men are often intimidated by successful, educated women

• [0:11:50]Men's readiness for commitment and fatherhood is a big concern

• [0:14:18]The "man deficit" - more educated women than men in society

• [0:17:34]The need for men's perspective and understanding in this issue

• [0:20:14]Considering alternative paths, such as single motherhood by choice

• [0:22:08]Egg freezing as a technological tool for reproductive choice

• [0:25:43]Women should not blame themselves and be compassionate towards themselves

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In episode 20 of Quiet The Clock, Beth interviews Marcia Inhorn, a Professor of Anthropology and International Affairs at Yale University, about her new book "Motherhood on Ice: The Mating Gap and Why Women Freeze Their Eggs. They discuss egg freezing and its impact on women's reproductive choices and timelines. Marcia shares insights from her study, where she interviewed over 150 women who had frozen their eggs.

They discuss the financial and emotional aspects of egg freezing, the need for insurance coverage,more education about fertility health, and the importance of sharing personal stories to normalize, empower, and inform others. They also touch on the lack of transparency in celebrity stories and how misleading these stories can be as they offer false hope and the need for more fertility education.

Quotes:

• I just feel compassion for anybody who struggles with their reproduction, no matter what it is." - Marcia Inhorn

• "I consider it brave to be doing this by yourself. Women had to work out the logistics of all this, how they were going to get to the clinic every day for monitoring, who was going to take them on the day when the eggs are retrieved, it's a small surgery, all of that stuff, it required a lot of logistical complications and preparation, and you know it's not something for the faint of heart, right?" - Marcia Inhorn

• "So I really felt like these women. They're brave. They are badasses." - Marcia Inhorn

• "I think that lack of transparency is a little dangerous and that people look at celebrities having a baby at 50 or 45 with no transparency on how." - Marcia Inhorn

• "It didn't work this is not an insurance policy, clinics shouldn't be using this type of language. " - Marcia Inhorn

• "There were some very successful stories, including from women who really didn't get many eggs and didn't have sort of a great outcome from the egg freezing and still they got their frozen egg baby."

• "It's it's another economic cost there and with an unknown and insecure outcome"

• "And then they were in kind of a fertility emergency. So that was an issue for women and feeling, you know, frustrated, angry that no one had ever discussed this with them. Glad when a gynecologist had said, we need to talk about this now." - Marcia

Key Points:

• Egg freezing and its impact on Women's reproductive choices and timelines

• Marcia's study and interviews with women who have frozen their eggs

• The financial aspect of egg freezing and the need for insurance coverage or reduced costs

• The emotional roller coaster experienced by women who have frozen their eggs

• Variables and uncertainties in egg freezing, including the number of eggs needed for success and additional costs

• Lack of transparency in celebrity stories of having babies at an older age

• Negative media coverage and misrepresentations surrounding egg freezing

• Importance of finding a clinic or doctor that provides a person-centered experience

• Need for more fertility education, particularly in schools, to inform women about fertility decline.

Keep up with Marcia:

• https://anthropology.yale.edu/people/marcia-c-inhorn

• https://marciainhorn.com/

Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:

Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here

Resources:

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